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11/24/2017 4:44:23 PM
11/22/2017 10:05:29 PM
Posted: 10/5/2004 7:18:11 PM EST
Gather 'round, kiddies, it's story time. This is what happens when you buy a ticket to an Angel playoff game from Ticketmasturbator....

First, I sit in traffic for two hours to get to the game. It takes me 45 minutes to go 1/2 a fucking mile to get to my stadium exit. No exaggeration

So then I say, hey - I'll park across the street from the stadium like always - the most they charge across the street (during reg. season) is five bucks. Some asshole in a hat wants to charge me $20!!!! Here's my actual response: "Are you fucking kidding me? $20 fucking bucks? You are outta you're fucking mind." So I drive back around to the regular stadium parking so I can get raped for only $10.

I am walking from BumFuckEgypt in the goddamn parking lot when I hear the national anthem, etc. With my electronic ticket in hand, I walk up to the gate. Beep beep - sorry sir, this ticket isn't valid, you'll have to go to the main ticket window with 90,000 other sweaty shlubs whose fucking tickets don't work.

As I am standing in line, I look carefully at the ticket. In very small print, it says, HOME GAME 3. WHAT THE FUCKING HELL?? I ORDERED A GODDAMN GAME 1 TICKET!!

The fat zitty bitch at the ticket counter says, "Oh, sometimes Ticketmasturbator will look for other available tickets and change them if it can't find what you want. You can call them and try to get your money back."

The scene from "Falling Down" with Michael Douglas begins to play in my head - you know, where he wants breakfast at the fast food joint but it's 10:32? Fat zitty chick, sensing my impending postal-dom, suggests that I try the outside ticket window to see if there are any seats left. I leave, dreaming of blowing holes in the ceiling with a cheapass TEC-9.

At the outside window, some wrinkly old fucker tells me, "Yes sir, there are single tickets left (I went alone - wifey had to watch the littleuns). Here's one for $100." I laugh and spit in his wrinkly-ass face. Finally, I find one for $35. Upper view, but right near the rail and almost directly behind home plate. That was the only good part of the whole fucking experience.

So I get inside and see the Halos are down 1-0. Not bad, we can make that up. Then Chone - myparentswannagivemeafuckedupfirstname -Figgins throws the ball away to the fucking cameraman and the wheels come off the trolley. When the smoke clears, it's 8-0 and the shit has officially hit the fan.

Final score - Angels 3, Sux 9. Saw several Suck fans get ejected for general stupidity and drunken asshole-ishness.

As I leave the parking lot at the end of the game (yes, I am the rare breed of Kalifornistan sports fan who stays the whole game) some Suck fans are celebrating by their car, listening to...Neil Diamond? What the fuck? What is the matter with you fags? I yell out "1918!!!" as I drive by. They give me the finger as I smile.

In conclusion - here's what I have to say for the Suck fans:

Babe

Bucky

Buckner

Boone

1918

Nuff said.

I guess you know where I'll be this upcoming Sunday - after all, I have a fucking ticket already.
Link Posted: 10/5/2004 7:36:40 PM EST
DUDE i know what you mean. Remember 2002 playoffs??? i buy 2 tickets to see game 3 (yes game 3 which meant home game 1) at edison feild against the Yankees. they send me homegame 3 tickets. me and my gf sat in traffic for 6 HOURS on the I-5 and the 91 Freeways just to get there only to be told that they sent me the wrong tickets. ASSBAGS!
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