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7/8/2020 3:01:36 PM
Posted: 8/31/2015 10:55:29 PM EDT
One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to
take my nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old
burned-out warehouse. "Oh no," I said, "Disneyland burned down." He
cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a
pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland,
but it was getting pretty late.

I don't know about you, but I enjoy watching paint dry. I imagine that the wet paint is a big freshwater lake that is the only source of water for some tiny cities by the lake. As the lake gets drier, the population gets more desperate, and sometimes there are water riots. Once there was a big fire and everyone died.

If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.

It would be terrible if the Red Cross Bloodmobile got into an accident. No, wait. That would be good because if anyone needed it, the blood would be right there.

We all used to laugh when grandpa would head down to the ole fishing hole, but then we wouldn't laugh when he would come back from town with some ole whore.

Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the persons house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of it's head with a note that says "You." After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.

I think a good gift for the President would be a chocolate revolver. and since he is so busy, you'd probably have to run up to him real quick and give it to him.

It take a big man to cry but it takes even a bigger man to laugh at the man who's crying.

If you ever accidentally drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let 'em go, because man, they're gone.

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell
him is, "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another
cute thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did."

What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing
and the wind rustling through the leaves, that makes you want to get
drunk? And after you're real drunk, maybe go down to the public park
and stagger around and ask people for money, and then lay down and
go to sleep.

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate.
And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never
expect it.

To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kinda scary. I've
wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I
went to the circus and a clown killed my dad.
Link Posted: 8/31/2015 11:16:06 PM EDT
Link Posted: 8/31/2015 11:16:11 PM EDT
Meds run out ?
Link Posted: 8/31/2015 11:26:05 PM EDT
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By OTTOSEAR:
Meds run out ?
View Quote

Not yet
Link Posted: 8/31/2015 11:27:23 PM EDT
Link Posted: 8/31/2015 11:32:37 PM EDT
Nice.      Good stuff.
Link Posted: 8/31/2015 11:36:55 PM EDT
Link Posted: 8/31/2015 11:37:26 PM EDT
Dude.. Lay off the emo music for a bit.
Link Posted: 8/31/2015 11:40:01 PM EDT
Good read
Link Posted: 8/31/2015 11:42:40 PM EDT
Doctrinally, the Soviets believed that war was a natural state of humanity, and peace wasn't.  It doesn't matter whether the USSR collapsed or not;  the majority of the world that doesn't enjoy a high standard of living believes this.

Train and prepare to win the next war as if the lives of your family depended on it, and only then will there be "peace".

Link Posted: 8/31/2015 11:45:27 PM EDT
Let me get some of that shit doc.
Link Posted: 8/31/2015 11:50:24 PM EDT
Link Posted: 8/31/2015 11:53:03 PM EDT
Some made me chuckle, but some I just didn't understand.
Link Posted: 9/1/2015 12:05:44 AM EDT
The early bird gets the worm, but the early worm gets eaten first.

Link Posted: 9/1/2015 12:26:33 AM EDT
You ever notice how someone will bend over in front of you to pick up a quarter, but if you offer them a quarter to do it, all of a sudden you're  "weird"?
Link Posted: 9/1/2015 5:44:35 PM EDT
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By Elvis121:
You ever notice how someone will bend over in front of you to pick up a quarter, but if you offer them a quarter to do it, all of a sudden you're  "weird"?
View Quote

That is pretty good
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