Sherry and I were out and about the other day, visiting some friends and aquaintances and a lady we were talking to was telling us about her new "beau."
She said, "The only thing that bothers me about him is, He puts me up on a pedestal."
Sherry nodded and said, Dave does that to me too. (I feel like I should make "my woman" feel like she is the only woman in the world!)
I said, "Ladies, you're acting like this is a bad thing! Consider the alternative!" and we all laughed.

Being the contemplative person that I am, I was a little puzzled by our friends comment.  Could it be a self esteem issue?

I'm just modeling behavior towards others that I would like to be modeled toward me.(The old "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." thing. So I'm not that noble! )

What do you ladies think? If I care about someone, I want to do things for them. I "put them on a pedestal." I think this is normal, loving behavior.  

Hessian-1

Maybe she's afraid of not being able to live up to the "expectations?"
I've never been put on one, so I have no idea.
But that'd be my guess.

My husband definitely has me 'up on a pedestal'. And I wouldn't change a thing about that.

I honestly can't think of any reason why I wouldn't like it. Unless it made me uncomfortable as in if I wasn't sure of my feelings about the man in question, or maybe felt undeserving of it for some reason.

It's definitely not something to complain about.

Having never been placed upon on (being the type to be pretty straightforward and generally discouraging of that), I must say that I fear that because I think of it like that person is projecting some personality on me that I do not possess, meaning that they aren't really in love with me at all, but some imaginary person.  

Sometimes, though, it's nice if your other half would at least PRETEND not to notice ALL your imperfections.  There is some amount of grace to that.

I guess I never looked at it from that perspective.

It's not terribly realistic to think that someone can do no wrong, we're only human. Our imperfections are what makes us interesting.

Quoted: I guess I never looked at it from that perspective. It's not terribly realistic to think that someone can do no wrong, we're only human. Our imperfections are what makes us interesting.

Now THAT I can live up to!!!!!!!!

Quoted: If I care about someone, I want to do things for them. I "put them on a pedestal." I think this is normal, loving behavior.

I would like to introduce you to my husband so you can impart some of your wisdom on him.

Perhaps the answer lies in our definition of "putting someone on a pedestal."
I put the woman I love "on a pedestal." I choose to elevate her to a "higher status." I choose to treat her better than I treat any other woman. Does this mean that I mistreat other women? Of course not. I just choose to treat "my woman" like she is the "only woman in the world." I know that she has inperfections (as we all do). I just choose to concentrate on those attributes of my mate that made me fall in love with her in the first place. She is "perfect to me," even if there were something wrong with her. I can see a difference in our relationship since I started "acting" instead of "re-acting."

When I saw the movie "Shallow Hal," I thought to myself; What an interesting concept. Wouldn't be neat if that could really happen. I know now that it does happen, everyday, between people in love. I see evidence of it all the time.

I believe women should be held in high regard(I'm old fashioned that way)
I also believe that men should be respected(same reasoning)
However, both men and women don't rate one iota of respect simply because of their gender. Respect is an earned thing. In the dance of life, we both lead, just at different times.
(I'm through pontificating(as my "baby" calls it), now.)
Hessian-1

Quoted: Quoted: I guess I never looked at it from that perspective. It's not terribly realistic to think that someone can do no wrong, we're only human. Our imperfections are what makes us interesting. Now THAT I can live up to!!!!!!!!

LOL Not only is perfection boring, it's annoying too.




Hessian, I think you're right, it's all depends on one's definition of the act. I think my husband would agree with you on this.

I put the woman I love "on a pedestal." I choose to elevate her to a "higher status." I choose to treat her better than I treat any other woman. Does this mean that I mistreat other women? Of course not. I just choose to treat "my woman" like she is the "only woman in the world." I know that she has inperfections (as we all do). I just choose to concentrate on those attributes of my mate that made me fall in love with her in the first place. She is "perfect to me," even if there were something wrong with her.

I dunno, but I've always felt that my wife comes before anyone else.  I will go farther, do more and take more abuse from her than I will from anyone else.  That's a marriage (I don't really have a choice, lol).  It's not about saying that she can do no wrong, it's about saying that her wrongs are worth dealing with and overlooking moreso than anyone elses.  This maybe why some marriages do not work.  They didn't recognize their partiner's wrongs, eithor by their own ineptness or their partiner's ability to hide them, and after they were married, all of their "wrongs" grated on their partner so bad that they could not take it anymore.

Coming out of lurking:

fla5565guy comes closest to my take on this; My ex said he put me 'on a pedestal' (after 3 years of m. counseling he revealed this). His explaination was that he couldn't 'compete' with me, I always did everything right, had a better education and always knew what to do with the kids... so it was easier for him to put distance between us (put me on a pedestal!?) than deal with the issues between us. He wouldn't  deal with any problems, any struggles, anything I did wrong.

One more year of counseling and it was over, the last counselor we had said he couldn't believe we'd stayed together as long as we had (20 years).

New hubby and I laugh at each other's shortcomings and face them head on. No more wondering, stress, mind games. And he takes me shooting!

Shair

A hijack for the sake of levity is in order....

From Saturday Night Live, May 17th, 1980: Steve Martin: Do I look okay? I know what you're saying. You're saying, "Hey. Where has Steve been? Haven't seen him on 'Saturday Night Live' in a while.." [ chuckles ] They want me. They call me every week to do the show. But I have been holding out for a little bit of this.. [ rubs his fingers together ] And so the calls fly back and forth, and I made a deal, and I'm very happy to be here tonight. I wish I'd asked for money instead of a little bit of this.. [ rubs his fingers together again ] You probably heard I was into the comedy thing. Kind of getting out of that now.. into a little more serious deal. And so that's why right now I'd like to talk about "What.. I.. Believe.." [ heavy music starts to play ] "What I Believe." I believe in rainbows and puppy dogs and fairy tales. And I believe in the family - Mom and Dad and Grandma.. and Uncle Tom, who waves his p***s. And I believe 8 of the 10 Commandments. And I believe in going to church every Sunday, unless there's a game on. And I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, wholesome and natural things.. that money can buy. And I believe it's derogatory to refer to a woman's breasts as "boobs", "jugs", "winnebagos" or "golden bozos".. and that you should only refer to them as "hooters". And I believe you should put a woman on a pedestal.. high enough so you can look up her dress. And I believe in equality, equality for everyone.. no matter how stupid they are, or how much better I am than they are. And, people say I'm crazy for believing this, but I believe that robots are stealing my luggage. And I believe I made a mistake when I bought a 30-story 1-bedroom apartment. And I believe the Battle of the Network Stars should be fought with guns. And I believe that Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was - an arctic region covered with ice. And, lastly, I believe that of all the evils on this earth, there is nothing worse than the music you're listening to right now. That's what I believe. We'll be right back.

And, seriously,.....

....both men and women don't rate one iota of respect simply because of their gender. Respect is an earned thing.

Well said, Hessian. You nailed it!