User Panel
Posted: 8/27/2005 11:47:02 AM EDT
A sign in the Bank Lobby reads: "Please note that this Bank is
installing new Drive-through teller machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender" MALE PROCEDURE: 1. Drive up to the cash machine. 2. Put down your car window. 3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN. 4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw. 5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt. 6. Put window up. 7. Drive off. *********************************************************** FEMALE PROCEDURE: 1. Drive up to cash machine.2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine. 3. Set parking brake, put the window down. 4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card. 5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up 6. Attempt to insert card into machine. 7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car 8. Insert card. 9. Re-insert card the right way. 10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page. 11. Enter PIN. 12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN. 13. Enter amount of cash required. 14. Check makeup in rear view mirror. 15. Retrieve cash and receipt. 16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside. 17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook. 18. Re-check makeup. 19. Drive forward 2 feet. 20. Reverse back to cash machine. 21. Retrieve card. 22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided. 23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you. 24. Restart stalled engine and pull off. 25. Redial person on cell phone. 26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles. 27. Release Parking Brake. |
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Oh come on now for chrisakes........what woman even knows what the parking brake is
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when she gets home she'll leave the car in the rain, then blame her husband. |
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What do women need an ATM for? They write checks for everything.
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..or count out exact change. |
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Won't that mess her hair up GM |
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+1 |
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17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of
checkbook. This one is inaccurate. We toss the receipt, and tell ourselves that we'll write the debit amount down later... |
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I am SO GLAD that "ATM" in this post stood for "Automated Teller Machine."
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I guess I'm not the only dirty minded (and perverted) bastard here! |
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Any other term would be a new one for me. |
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Great post.
While slightly exagerrated, this shit really does happen. Nothing pisses me off more when I'm in an ATM line than the person getting their money and card back, then fumbling around trying to put the stuff away and get organized, the WHOLE TIME SITTING AT THE ATM! MOVE your ass and organize LATER, when you're not in my way, dammit. |
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Thank God my wife's not like that....but my girlfriend before her was almost exactly like that.
HH |
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"ass to mouth". I'll let you figure out what exactly it means. |
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I'm sure Bama could have gone through the rest of his life without knowing that which haunts us. |
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Well, that term can be interpreted two ways...... |
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I have a friend who loves to give rimjobs to his wife (lick her asshole), but he thinks that shitdick-to-her-mouth is disgusting. Go figure. I suppose this is tame compared to related and much more disgusting fetishes that involve a dark substance... |
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Ya left a part out. |
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You're right. |
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Now you're going to think of that every time you pass a convenience store with the sign "ATM INSIDE!"
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23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you. |
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I had to reread your confession. I kept missing the "befor her" |
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Couldn't find it, could you? *running away* |
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Say, I wonder what the ARFCOMMER instructions are...
1. Park your camo'ed bug-out vehicle half a mile away 2. Deploy your tactical carbine 3. Strap on 10 extra mags 4. Low crawl to the ATM area, taking advantage of cover along the way 5. Perform a tactical recon of the area to asses the threat level 6. Set up a sniping position on the ATM while someone else finishes 7. Low crawl up to the ATM 8. Sling your rifle and draw your tactical pistol in your strong hand 9. Retrieve your ATM card from the second pouch from the right in your tactical vest 10. Insert ATM card 11. Turn and check the area for potential threats 12. Enter PIN number 13. Repeat check for threats 14. Enter withdrawal amount 15. Wait for the money to come out. Get ready to shoot the ATM if it doesn't 16. Retrieve the money, and store in the correct vest pocket 17. Perform rapid tactical retreat 18. Spot a bum waiting by the bug-out vehicle 19. Dump a 30-round mag over his head, then reload 20. Arrive at the vehicle 21. Drive away. Tactically, of course. |
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Porn term. Ass To Mouth. Quite nasty. |
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Yeah I could have lived the entire rest of my life without knowing that and died perfectly happy... |
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Better run... Be nice, snoo...uh ohhhhh, almost said it. |
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Too funny. |
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"Is the Parking Brake on?"
Usually when they begin to smell it. |
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