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Posted: 5/14/2004 12:24:50 AM EST
[misogynist]Women are stupid, they deserve no happiness![/misogynist]

I hope this story isn't too racy...I'll try to describe it in generic terms.

So, I'm talking with a female coworker, young in her mid-20's, good looking, outgoing, you know the type. She's been coming to me for "guy advice". I don't really enjoy teaching her common sense, but I'm bored and on the clock so why not?

Anyway, tonight she's telling me about a guy she really really really likes (her words), but in bed he was a total "loser" and she's thinking of dumping him. "How is he a loser?" I ask.

"Well, he was really good up until we got to the actual sex part, then he just stopped!"
"Stopped how? Quit altogether? Did he say something was wrong?"
"Well, he started to, but then he didn't and I could tell he was just limp"

25 years old, still doesn't understand sex.

"This was your first time together?"
"Yeah"
"So, is it possible he could have been nervous??"
"Well, I asked him if he wanted to stop, but he said "no" and he kept kissing me and stuff but he never did get to it"

Ugh.

"Uhhh, did you help him along at all?"
"How?"
"Like, and I know I'm talking crazy here, by touching him??"
"Not really, he was kinda doing everything so I just went with it cause I figured he would do it if he wanted to"

Losing patience.

"I think that's about the most callous, selfish sexual story I've heard."
"Why, he was the one that stopped!"

Really losing patience.

"You don't deserve his affection, it's a good thing he failed"
"Why?"
"He's obviously torqued up, nervous and had some performance anxiety"
"I figured that"
"Well, why do you think he was having this anxiety?"
"I don't honestly know, must be a guy thing."
"Because he's into you, he cares about pleasing you, he wants to be good. And, when his mind gets the best of him and his body fails, you lay there like a dead fish and expect him to will his manhood back into shape."
"What was I supposed to do?"
"Grab IT!!! KISS IT!!! TALK DIRTY TO IT!!!! DO SOMETHING FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!"

Girl looks astonished. Complete reveleation.

"I didn't want to embarass him"
"Well, I'd say you did a great job then, I'm sure he feels better now having lost his erection and displeased the date he was so hoping to please. Good job."
"Why doesn't this happen with all guys, then?"
"Some guys don't worry about your pretty ass, and have no problem performing. This poor schlub worried too much."
"I didn't see it like that, I thought I was turning him off or he was just terrible in bed."

Bangs head on desk.

"So, what should I do? Go out with him again?"
"I don't know, are you prepared to actually participate in the lovemaking??"
"I guess."

Thank god, at this point in the conversation we are cut off by business and I retreat to my desk.
I went home, hugged my wife and asked her to help me out if I ever got too nervous to perform. She said she'd be glad to.

Isn't there a class in high school to cover this crap??
Link Posted: 5/14/2004 12:49:17 AM EST
So, you can't get it up huh?
Link Posted: 5/14/2004 12:51:05 AM EST

Originally Posted By swingset:

<snip>

"What was I supposed to do?"
"Grab IT!!! KISS IT!!! TALK DIRTY TO IT!!!! DO SOMETHING FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!"


<snip>




Thanks for the laugh!

Oh, and some girls really don't get sex, especially some of the really pretty ones... they seem to think thats all they have to do (actually that's quite often true )
Link Posted: 5/14/2004 1:44:39 AM EST

Originally Posted By norman74:
So, you can't get it up huh?



Unfortunately, I get it up all the time. I've been married for 13 years, it's getting it to go down that's become my problem but that's another thread.

In all seriousness, I've suffered the same as her date. Most guys have if they have a soul. First time I really had a serious girlfriend it happened to me, but luckily she was smarter than my coworker and put her mouth where my money was, and whala the plumbing is running.

Girls that believe men are erectile automatons are as pathetic as men who believe they are. Everyone has a case of the soft-serve in their lives, sooner or later, I'm not above it.
Link Posted: 5/14/2004 8:02:25 AM EST
What is her phone number ?
Link Posted: 5/14/2004 8:34:15 AM EST

Originally Posted By Gunbert:

Originally Posted By swingset:

<snip>

"What was I supposed to do?"
"Grab IT!!! KISS IT!!! TALK DIRTY TO IT!!!! DO SOMETHING FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!"


<snip>




Thanks for the laugh!

Oh, and some girls really don't get sex, especially some of the really pretty ones... they seem to think thats all they have to do (actually that's quite often true )



i think this is nearly 100% true. most good looking broads don't have to be good in bed. they will always have a constant supply of men waiting to f**k them.

even if they heard from friends that she was bad in bed, most guys would still want to see for themselves.


Link Posted: 5/14/2004 8:58:44 AM EST

Originally Posted By swingset:


Isn't there a class in high school to cover this crap??



Doesn't cover standard heterosexual activity. THe state approved sex ed program only covers the normalization of homosexual and deviant sexual practice rather than the sexual practices of 90% of the world's population.

I'm only half joking here.
Link Posted: 5/14/2004 9:00:00 AM EST
Roger THAT newar15guy. The best of all possible worlds is a girl who you think is hotter than a playboy bunny, but who doesn't really realize it herself (but without serious self esteem problems). She's just as happy to be in the sack as you are, and she's going to want you to come back for more.

Of the few women I bedded before I found my fiancee', the only ones I was disappointed in were the ones with great bodies. They look at it as if its such a big privilege for you to finally get to third base because they are oh so hot, and aren't you such a lucky boy. I finally got the point that I told one cock-tease, "look, I've bent over 4 other girls just like you and they all pretty much feel the same, so quit trying to sell me something that I've already seen before." I could have made it alot wittier than that if I had thought about it first, but you know how those things go...
Link Posted: 5/14/2004 9:02:38 AM EST

Originally Posted By icemanat95:

Originally Posted By swingset:


Isn't there a class in high school to cover this crap??



Doesn't cover standard heterosexual activity. THe state approved sex ed program only covers the normalization of homosexual and deviant sexual practice rather than the sexual practices of 90% of the world's population.

I'm only half joking here.



if you were in CA, I'd bet that you weren't really joking.... my kids (when I get around to getting married and having them) are NOT going to public school here...
Link Posted: 5/14/2004 9:20:48 AM EST
Has your company heard of this new concept?

Sexual harassment.

All she has to do is get upset with you over something stupid, drop the dime on you, & you're SOL. Whenever women accuse a man of sexual harassment, the man is assumed to be guilty. End of story. Never mind that she brought it up, or what terms she used, what terms you used, blah, blah, blah. You're fucked.

The next time that she brings up something like this, diplomatically change the subject or remember that you have a meeting or that you have to make an important phone call or SOMETHING. If she wants to talk to you about it tell her that you are not comfortable talking about that & you would like to talk about something else. Don't even talk to her about it away from work. You could still be accepting a lot of liability.

Good luck, buddy. You just posted your conversation on a public board & a smart lawyer could still hang you out to dry for your recent conversation.
Link Posted: 5/14/2004 10:06:22 AM EST

Originally Posted By hardcase:
Good luck, buddy. You just posted your conversation on a public board & a smart lawyer could still hang you out to dry for your recent conversation.



Not worried at all. She initiated a conversation during a break, off the clock, and I simply answered her questions. No harrassment, no sweat on my brow.

I didn't fall off the turnip truck yesterday.
Link Posted: 5/14/2004 11:37:20 PM EST

Originally Posted By hardcase:
Has your company heard of this new concept?

Sexual harassment.

All she has to do is get upset with you over something stupid, drop the dime on you, & you're SOL. Whenever women accuse a man of sexual harassment, the man is assumed to be guilty. End of story. Never mind that she brought it up, or what terms she used, what terms you used, blah, blah, blah. You're fucked.

The next time that she brings up something like this, diplomatically change the subject or remember that you have a meeting or that you have to make an important phone call or SOMETHING. If she wants to talk to you about it tell her that you are not comfortable talking about that & you would like to talk about something else. Don't even talk to her about it away from work. You could still be accepting a lot of liability.

Good luck, buddy. You just posted your conversation on a public board & a smart lawyer could still hang you out to dry for your recent conversation.



If she really wanted to nail him for sexual harrasment they wouldnt have had to have a conversation at all. All she has to do is say that they did. In reality it doesnt really matter how careful you are. If some girl wants you busted your gonna get busted regardless.

In other words, go ahead and have a good time
Link Posted: 5/14/2004 11:49:04 PM EST
I don't waste my time talking about other people's sex lives. If she approached me, I would have said, it's none of my business, go away.
Link Posted: 5/15/2004 12:33:36 AM EST

Originally Posted By -Duke-Nukem-:
"look, I've bent over 4 other girls just like you and they all pretty much feel the same, so quit trying to sell me something that I've already seen before."

Now I've never had any that was "bad so to say" but I've definitely had some that was a hellof a lot better than others. No flame intended but I've heard a lot of guys say this. I can honestly say that I could tell the difference even if I couldn't see them or feel them other than you know. I'd like to hear more comments on this without getting explicit. Do you know what's worse than a good looking ho not knowing that it is AS MUCH if not more her job to make things great in bed (I mean a guy can only do so much by himself) Is a so-so looking chick that just lays in same position, never wants to change places and dose the same boring ass foreplay every single time? And wont even polish the monkey. Now that will make Big Willie a might uninterested. Think about it. Needless to say this dead fruk dint last very long. The thing that got me is that she knew she wasn't all that. She wasn't that shy ether.
Link Posted: 5/15/2004 2:58:59 AM EST

Originally Posted By swingset:
[misogynist]Women are stupid, they deserve no happiness![/misogynist]

I hope this story isn't too racy...I'll try to describe it in generic terms.


Isn't there a class in high school to cover this crap??




You wish!
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