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Posted: 12/10/2011 5:49:34 AM EDT
I just remembered a funny guy I used to work with.
he was kind of like the guy on the old FedEx commercials, you know. "French Benefits"


this guy was telling the whole workplace one Friday about how he was going to cook his steaks for dinner that night.

"I really like serenading my steaks in Winchester Sauce for an hour or two before grilling"

that and I have a buddy who keeps referring to his companie's "Physical Year" no fiscal year


what are some jewels of wordsmiths you would like to share?

Link Posted: 12/10/2011 5:55:05 AM EDT
Worked with a guy who put papers into "vanilla folders"
Link Posted: 12/10/2011 5:56:25 AM EDT
"well, for all intensive purposes...."
"I could of gone to the store this morning"
Link Posted: 12/10/2011 5:57:19 AM EDT
My dad has All Timers disease
Link Posted: 12/10/2011 5:57:52 AM EDT
irregardless

orientate
Link Posted: 12/10/2011 5:58:01 AM EDT
My brother in law "caulks" the tires on his trailer/camper before unhitching it.
Link Posted: 12/10/2011 5:59:14 AM EDT
Originally Posted By skunk-ape:
My dad has All Timers disease


At least he didnt catch ammonia. I knew a guy who had rigoramoral in his shoulders.
Link Posted: 12/10/2011 5:59:40 AM EDT
I have a buddy that says "this year I'm going to set a gold for myself"

or "he is a devil in the skys"
Link Posted: 12/10/2011 6:01:00 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/10/2011 6:01:47 AM EDT by swingset]

mal·a·prop·ism

[mal-uh-prop-iz-uhm]
noun
1.
an act or habit of misusing words ridiculously, especially by the confusion of words that are similar in sound.
2.
an instance of this, as in "Lead the way and we'll precede.”


Link Posted: 12/10/2011 6:01:43 AM EDT
I use to date a girl who had "soup latrines"
Link Posted: 12/10/2011 6:01:48 AM EDT
My dad has an iphone and "can't ever get any goddamn interception"
Link Posted: 12/10/2011 6:03:06 AM EDT
Worked with a guy who sang every song that came on the radio loudly, usually incorrectly. One of his gems:

"We go back to Carolina"...translation: "Big 'ol Jet Airliner"

Co-workers sandwich maker once asked him "Why would Elton John write a song about Tony Danza? I know he's gay but still it's odd."

Co-worker: "What the fuck are you talking about?

his old lady: "You know, "Hold me closer Tony Danza"
Link Posted: 12/10/2011 6:03:42 AM EDT
i resemble that remark.
Link Posted: 12/10/2011 6:07:02 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/10/2011 6:07:51 AM EDT by injun-ear]
The words are "no", "want" and "right", but in the Redneck kotex, they might appear as something like: "Gnaw, I mean the mousy kind of rat, like 'I won't it rat now!'"

Link Posted: 12/10/2011 6:08:19 AM EDT
Apartment manager years ago: "You're complaint fell on dead ears."
Link Posted: 12/10/2011 6:10:07 AM EDT
My mother-in-law calls the orthodontist the orthodentist
Link Posted: 12/10/2011 6:12:07 AM EDT
After scolding my wife for spellin' it wrong, she complains: "'But, 'many-gun' seemed to be such an appropriate spelling though! What's so 'mini' about that thing?"





Link Posted: 12/10/2011 6:12:07 AM EDT
Link Posted: 12/10/2011 6:14:30 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Drsalee:
My mother-in-law calls the orthodontist the orthodentist


My daddy's side of the family calls that office––I swear to god––the "toof dennis".

No, they're white.

Link Posted: 12/10/2011 6:33:19 AM EDT
Co-worker got picked up on a DUI charge, and he asked my help in writing a letter to his lawyer. (I have no idea why)

He needed help on how to spell soveriety.

I told him I thought it was s-o-b-e-r-i-e-t-y

He told me I was wrong because there must be a "V" in there somewhere....


He is the same guy that got mad at people making comments about his personal life, so he put up a sign:

If you has opinon keep it to your shelf
Link Posted: 12/10/2011 6:36:34 AM EDT
Malaprops smack me up.
Link Posted: 12/10/2011 6:37:20 AM EDT
I hear "Manila wafers" all the time from older people
Link Posted: 12/10/2011 6:38:39 AM EDT
I'm on the phone all day with customers, so I get to hear some interesting ones. Yesterday's gems:

"I don't have Internet Explorer, I have Mozzarella Firefox."

"I was supposed to have someone here between 1 and 3. I know it wasn't cancelled because I listened to the animated message."
Link Posted: 12/10/2011 6:39:21 AM EDT
The Specific Ocean.

And the Screen TV. He thought the big screen TV at his house was called a Screen TV.

RIP buddy
Link Posted: 12/10/2011 6:39:51 AM EDT
Originally Posted By skunk-ape:
I just remembered a funny guy I used to work with.
he was kind of like the guy on the old FedEx commercials, you know. "French Benefits"


this guy was telling the whole workplace one Friday about how he was going to cook his steaks for dinner that night.

"I really like serenading my steaks in Winchester Sauce for an hour or two before grilling"

that and I have a buddy who keeps referring to his companie's "Physical Year" no fiscal year


what are some jewels of wordsmiths you would like to share?



Tomato sirens
Link Posted: 12/10/2011 6:40:38 AM EDT
"For" as a substitute for "So that"

"I need to go to work for I can pay the rent"
Link Posted: 12/10/2011 6:43:33 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/10/2011 7:20:09 AM EDT by runcible]
An older gentlman was talking with the cashier at the supermarket yesterday. Said his doctor was sending him for a prostrate exam.

Ricky: I don't know anything about investaments.
Bubbles:[frustrated] Now Ricky, what did we talk about? Think about each word before you say it? One of those words isn't real.
Link Posted: 12/10/2011 6:44:00 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Joe731:
"For" as a substitute for "So that"

"I need to go to work for I can pay the rent"


You know my B-I-L?
Link Posted: 12/10/2011 6:51:43 AM EDT
I wanna strangle the next bitch I hear saying she wants to "conversate wit" somebody.
One Christmas, knowing I wanted some "Hippo Hands", my wife went to a motorcycle supply store and asked for Moose Gloves.
Link Posted: 12/10/2011 7:04:16 AM EDT
Originally Posted By bobbitybobbity:
I wanna strangle the next bitch I hear saying she wants to "conversate wit" somebody.
One Christmas, knowing I wanted some "Hippo Hands", my wife went to a motorcycle supply store and asked for Moose Gloves.


"I remembered you wanted the sexy phone!"




Link Posted: 12/10/2011 7:05:19 AM EDT
One saying that bothers me is " Do you want I should....
Link Posted: 12/10/2011 7:07:51 AM EDT
my Step Father would say "pisstures" instead of "pictures".
I chuckled, my mom would nag the ever lovin' shit out of him about it.
Link Posted: 12/10/2011 7:08:02 AM EDT
The point is mute.
Link Posted: 12/10/2011 7:10:08 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/10/2011 7:10:20 AM EDT by Redarts]
I might strangle someone if I hear "Doggy dog world" again.
Link Posted: 12/10/2011 7:10:26 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Traderjac:
One saying that bothers me is " Do you want I should....

That only works if you're an old Jewish man.
Link Posted: 12/10/2011 7:10:49 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/10/2011 7:13:17 AM EDT by Strider47]
Originally Posted By MichiganMafia:
The point is mute.


My boss does this. Drives me fucking nuts.

I know someone that says,"I'm going to eat him out" instead of "chew".

And why do black people say "mine's" all the time, like, "I got mine's XBOX back from Microsoft and it still has a RROD?".
Link Posted: 12/10/2011 7:10:50 AM EDT
a guy I work with wants a "comenorative" 1911
Link Posted: 12/10/2011 7:11:32 AM EDT
I could care less about word misuse. For all intensive purposes, it's a mute point.
Link Posted: 12/10/2011 7:12:19 AM EDT
I could care less about this thread.
Link Posted: 12/10/2011 7:12:33 AM EDT
I knew a girl with a bad case of Corporal Tunnel once.
She went to the choir-practor for it.
Link Posted: 12/10/2011 7:12:51 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Redarts:
I might strangle someone if I hear "Doggy dog world" again.

I knew a guy that said that. He also said "six and one half dozen" instead of "six of one, half dozen of the other."


Link Posted: 12/10/2011 7:13:31 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Palm:
I use to date a girl who had "soup latrines"


I'm not hearing it...
What did she mean?
Link Posted: 12/10/2011 7:14:26 AM EDT
You need to be a little more pacific.
Link Posted: 12/10/2011 7:14:38 AM EDT
To be fair, I used to think 10th Ave. Freeze Out was "de-devil in a freezer".
Link Posted: 12/10/2011 7:15:35 AM EDT
From some guys at work:

A buddy wanted to buy his mom a ticket vulture so she could fly anywhere she wanted. (Translation: voucher)

Same guy was going to build a wall out of cylinder blocks. (cinder block)

He also wanted to buy an Al Pacino machine so he could make "real good" coffee. (cappuccino machine)

A different guy wanted tuna sandwiches for lunch made with Albuquerque tuna. (albacore tuna)
Link Posted: 12/10/2011 7:15:56 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Ohio:
I knew a girl with a bad case of Corporal Tunnel once.
She went to the choir-practor for it.

My mom knows an elderly woman who said she had to go to the doctor for a Cadillac in her eye.
Link Posted: 12/10/2011 7:16:22 AM EDT
My cousin is NYPD...many moons ago he was stationed somewhere not pleasant and had many fun and interesting calls.

One of the stories he told me was he and his partner were stuffing a guy with warrants on him (i think, it was something like that) into the back of their cruiser and the guy shouted at them

"I been indicated by da Grand Union!"

Translation: I was indicted by the grand jury


(Grand Union is/was a supermarket chain there)

Link Posted: 12/10/2011 7:16:30 AM EDT
Originally Posted By substandard:
Co-worker got picked up on a DUI charge, and he asked my help in writing a letter to his lawyer. (I have no idea why)

He needed help on how to spell soveriety.

I told him I thought it was s-o-b-e-r-i-e-t-y

He told me I was wrong because there must be a "V" in there somewhere....


He is the same guy that got mad at people making comments about his personal life, so he put up a sign:

If you has opinon keep it to your shelf


If he's messican, tell him to watch the bideo firss.
Link Posted: 12/10/2011 7:20:39 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/10/2011 7:26:51 AM EDT by XMM]
I always smile inside when people come into my office and tell me that they think there's something wrong with their "rotar cup."

(Rotator cuff)
Link Posted: 12/10/2011 7:21:54 AM EDT
it may be coc... but the sounds of a water sprinkler
Link Posted: 12/10/2011 7:22:00 AM EDT
Originally Posted By RIO-lover:
You need to be a little more pacific.


My wife is famous for this one . Drives me fucking crazy. She cannot say "specifically" at all. She says "pacifically" and my 13 & 14 YO kids are like " geez mom, i cant believe you own a pre-school but cant speak english" . I lol, she gets pissed....

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