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9/22/2017 12:11:25 AM
Posted: 1/23/2002 3:45:31 AM EDT
Suggestions for the ex-sailor who misses the "good old days") 1.Sleep on the shelf in your closet. 2.Replace the closet door with a curtain. 3.Six hours after you go to sleep, have your wife whip open the curtain, shine a flashlight in your eyes, and mumble "Sorry, wrong rack." 4.Renovate your bathroom. Build a wall across the middle of your bathtub and move the shower head down to chest level. 5.When you take showers, make sure you shut off the water while soaping. 6.Every time there is a thunderstorm, go sit in a wobbly rocking chair and rock as hard as you can until you're nauseous. 7.Put lube oil in your humidifier instead of water and set it to "High." (for that shipboard smell) 8.Don't watch TV except movies in the middle of the night. Have your family vote on which movie to watch, then show a different one. 9.(Mandatory for ex-engineering types) Leave lawnmower running in your living room 24 hours a day for proper noise level. 10.Have the paper boy give you a haircut. 11.Once a week blow compressed air up through your chimney making sure the wind carries the soot across and on to your neighbor's house. Laugh at him when he curses you. 12.Buy a trash compactor and only use it once a week. Store up garbage in the other side of your bathtub. 13.Wake up every night at midnight and have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on stale bread, if anything. (Optional: Canned ravioli or cold soup) 14.Make up your family menu a week ahead of time without looking in your food cabinets or refrigerator. 15.Set your alarm clock to go off at random times during the night. When it goes off, jump out of bed and get dressed as fast as you can, then run out into your yard and break out the garden hose. 16.Once a month take every major appliance completely apart and then put them back together. 17.Use 18 scoops of coffee per pot and allow it to sit for 5 or 6 hours before drinking (note: a Department of Defense, not Naval, specialty RM.) 18.Invite at least 85 people you don't really like to come and visit for a couple of months. 19.Have a fluorescent lamp installed on the bottom of your coffee table and lie under it to read books. 20.Raise the thresholds and lower the top sills on your front and back doors to that you either trip of the threshold or hit your head on the sill every time you pass though one of them. 21.Lockwire the lug nuts on your car. 22.When making cakes, prop up one side of the pan while it is baking. Then spread icing really thick on one side to level off the top. 23.Every so often, throw your cat into the swimming pool, shout "Man Overboard, ship recovery!" , run into the kitchen and sweep all the pots/pans/dishes off the counter onto the floor, then yell at your wife for not having the place "stowed for sea." 24.Put on the headphone from your stereo (don't plug them in). Go and stand in front of your stove. Say (to nobody in particular) "Stove manned and ready." Stand there for 3 or 4 hours. Say (once again to nobody in particular) "Stove secured." Roll up the headphone cord and put them away.
Link Posted: 1/23/2002 4:46:37 AM EDT
Very good [;)] What, nothing about grey paint?
Link Posted: 1/23/2002 5:11:48 AM EDT
haha funny, this one would secure your death:
23.Every so often, throw your cat into the swimming pool, shout "Man Overboard, ship recovery!" , run into the kitchen and sweep all the pots/pans/dishes off the counter onto the floor, then yell at your wife for not having the place "stowed for sea."
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Link Posted: 1/23/2002 5:25:39 AM EDT
You forgot to have your wife/kids/whatever blare out over a PA system "(your name here) ARRIVING/DEPARTING" every day as you leave and return from work.
Link Posted: 1/23/2002 5:33:30 AM EDT
Oh yeah, give your wife/kids/whatever a needle gun and during their off time (especially summer months) have them chip and paint your house, whether it needs it or not. Have a flag pole erected so that you can have morning and evening colors. Have a quarterdeck watch set up at your front door. Get an SP armband and walk around your block every night until 2:00 A.M. Have your kids go on parking lot watch......in your driveway. Make the kids have morning clamp down before school. Have your wife/kids/whatever give eight o'clock reports before they hit their racks every evening..... at 1800.
Link Posted: 1/23/2002 5:38:36 AM EDT
You forgot the bell! Ding, Ding...."insert name here" arriving/departing... Din, ding...
Link Posted: 1/23/2002 5:47:24 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/23/2002 5:48:19 AM EDT by satcong]
Thanks to: Kenneth Peters Sgt., USMCR Cover: Hat Boonie Cover: The soft floppy hat Geedunk: Shop supported snack bar. Shop: Where you work. S-1, S2, S-3, G-1 etc. "I work in the G-5 shop." Squid: Navy personnel Wingnut: Air Force Morale Officer: Cute Air Force chick Deck: Floor ("I live on second deck."Officer on deck!") Butterbars: First Lieutenant Loot: Lieutenant Devil Dork: Friendly term for a fellow Marine. Dog, Devil Dog: Marine Skipper: Commanding Officer Duty: Temporary guard assignment (usually) - i.e. Barracks Duty (sit at the barracks making sure nothing majorly bad happens) NUG: New Useless Guy. Usually used at A-School. A-School: Primary MOS school (some MOSs have multiple schools, seconary MOS's etc). Purple: Joint operations MOS: Military Occupational Speciality (your jobs number) Zoomie: AF personnel Fast Mover: Jet Slow Mover: Slow craft QTF IMI K: Morse code jargon for "What the fuck, Over!" WM: Woman Marine Backseater: WSO (Weapon and sensor operator) BCG: Birth Control Glasses - term applied to the old military glasses (as in they were so ugly you would never get any). Blotter: Daily incident report. "Hitting the blotter" meant you got busted by the MPs. Office Hours: Non-judicial punishment (NJP). Getting screwed by your own CO. Court Martial: Getting screwed by a panel of officers. Green Weenie: Getting screwed by the Corps ("I got the green weenie on that one!") Reacharound: What you don't get when you get the green weenie. Barracks Ho': Guess. Gift that Keeps on Giving: An STD. Corpsman: Navy paramedic. They get WAY more respect then the average squid since they usually have to go out on humps along with the rest of the unit. Hump: Hike/Forced March Sickbay Commando: Someone who is constantly being treeated for real or imagined injuries. Very derogitory. Cammies: What we call "BDUs" Salty: Experienced, been in the Corps a long time. Also applied to anything old or worn ("DAMN those are salty-ass cammies!") - meaning they have been washed until they are practically white. Sarge: What Army dorks call Sergeants of any type. NOT something you call a Marine Sergeant. Shitbag: Useless mofo. VERY derogitory. Blanket Party: Something you only see on TV. Hollywood Marine: Any Marine stationed in Cali or those who went to boot camp at San Diego. Supposedly derogitory usage by the weenies who went to boot camp at Parris Island. 1366: Nonexistent MOS code for "Unlucky cocksucker" - ie someone with a really crappy billet. Billet: The specific job you fill, usually assigned a Line Number ( I wont get into that). UA: Unauthorized Absence - ie you are what the Army calls AWOL. See you in the brig sucker. Gunny: Common term for Gunnery Sergeants. Master Guns: Common term for Master Gunnery Sergeants Brass: Officers Leeches: All the various aides that hang out with the big brass. B&G: Barracks and Grounds. Usually means you're out there picking up cigarette butts. S-1: Personnel (S at Squadron Level, G at Group) S-2: Intelligence S-3: Training S-4: Supply S-5: Plans S-6: Information Systems Chow Hall: The "messhall" as the Army says. Or "Food Distribution Recreational Center" or whatever the hell the AF calls it these days. Acid Lemonade: Whatever the hell that instant drink stuff is. Bleck. MRE: Meal, Ready to Eat. Quite tasty unless you get the Scalloped Potatoes.
Link Posted: 1/23/2002 5:52:48 AM EDT
FOR THE LAST TIME: A RATING IS YOUR JOB SPECIALTY (like an MOS) A RATE IS YOUR PAY GRADE FOR EXAMPLE, MY RATING WAS MACHINIST'S MATE, BUT MY RATE WAS SECOND CLASS. ARE THERE ANY QUESTIONS?
Link Posted: 1/23/2002 5:59:54 AM EDT
[b]USNA91[/b]- What's the statute of limitations on theft? You wardroom guys fed us good, you just didn't know it. Shrimp steamed in a bucket in the engine room, steaks cooked on a sheet metal grill (steam heated). Ahhhh, it's always nice to have an engineering mess crank in the wardroom.
Link Posted: 1/23/2002 6:13:11 AM EDT
Hell if I know I was a lowly DK.
Link Posted: 1/23/2002 1:02:19 PM EDT
Gather up all your dirty, sweaty clothes for a month and then sleep with them...should smell like the berthing quarters in the morning. Put a fan in the oven and then turn the oven on high...blast in the face should be just like going into the engine room. Stand in the sauna for 4 hours, work in the hot sun for 8 hours and then stand in the sauna for 4 hours more hours and when you go to take a shower have your wife tell you there's no water for you. Invite the jerk from next door over to yell "Locker Search" while he dumps everything you own on the floor. Bust your ass for 20 hours a day for 30 days straight and when you ask your wife for a day off to party have her ask what makes you think you deserve any liberty? After doing an outstanding job, have your wife refuse to let you leave the house because you're the only one that can do the needed repairs; and the worthless brother-in-law that never has done any work drives off to enjoy his weekend. What a life...FTN was our moto. God, I hated it back then! Written in the back of the Engine Room Log Book off 'Nam: "We are the unwilling, led by the unqualified to do the unneccessary for the ungrateful."
Link Posted: 1/23/2002 1:18:41 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/23/2002 1:32:02 PM EDT by Major-Murphy]
Try setting up a hammock, 16" above your bed. Then invite a smelly homeless person to sleep in it, for the night. A FAT smelly homeless person. A fat smelly homeless person who snores and farts.
Originally Posted By satcong: Thanks to: Kenneth Peters Sgt., USMCR [red]Minor corrections...[/red] S-1: Personnel (S at Squadron[red]/Battalion[/red] Level, G at Group[red]/Regiment or higher[/red] ) S-2: Intelligence [red]correct![/red] S-3: Training[red]/Operations[/red] S-4: Supply[red] -No, Logistics (which includes supply).[/red] S-5: Plans[red]-No, Public Relations. Plans is in the 3-shop.[/red] S-6: Information Systems[red]/+Comm[/red]
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Link Posted: 1/23/2002 1:27:21 PM EDT
Ahhh the memories... hated the Navy while I was in, except the times in port on a west-pac [}:D].
Link Posted: 1/23/2002 1:46:35 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/23/2002 1:47:21 PM EDT by 5subslr5]
Originally Posted By Major-Murphy: Try setting up a hammock, 16" above your bed. Then invite a smelly homeless person to sleep in it, for the night. A FAT smelly homeless person. A fat smelly homeless person who snores and farts.
Originally Posted By satcong: Thanks to: Kenneth Peters Sgt., USMCR [red]Minor corrections...[/red] "In the submarine service snoring and farts (other than silent) were prohibited. Something to do with noise signatures...." [:D] S-1: Personnel (S at Squadron[red]/Battalion[/red] Level, G at Group[red]/Regiment or higher[/red] ) S-2: Intelligence [red]correct![/red] S-3: Training[red]/Operations[/red] S-4: Supply[red] -No, Logistics (which includes supply).[/red] S-5: Plans[red]-No, Public Relations. Plans is in the 3-shop.[/red] S-6: Information Systems[red]/+Comm[/red]
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Link Posted: 1/23/2002 1:52:54 PM EDT
If only you guys could have instituted that policy in the "Brown Water Navy".... ...would have made things much more pleasant. [:)]
Link Posted: 1/23/2002 1:56:27 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/23/2002 1:56:50 PM EDT by 5subslr5]
Originally Posted By Jim_Dandy: FOR THE LAST TIME: A RATING IS YOUR JOB SPECIALTY (like an MOS) A RATE IS YOUR PAY GRADE FOR EXAMPLE, MY RATING WAS MACHINIST'S MATE, BUT MY RATE WAS SECOND CLASS. ARE THERE ANY QUESTIONS?
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The only question I can think of is for the balance (non-Navy) of the world maybe you take could take a minute to answer "how a Petty Officer First Class can be a Captain, a Commander can be a Captain and a Captain an be a Captain?" [:D]
Link Posted: 1/23/2002 2:02:49 PM EDT
Bravo Zulu to all, You are a Captain when you command a vessel, whatever the size may be.
Link Posted: 1/23/2002 2:07:03 PM EDT
Originally Posted By seb127: Bravo Zulu to all, You are a Captain when you command a vessel, whatever the size may be.
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Oh. [:D]
Link Posted: 1/23/2002 2:16:59 PM EDT
Appendix 1 to #5 on the original post. When you turn the water back on there is no water, or if there is water, there is only cold water.
Link Posted: 1/23/2002 2:27:12 PM EDT
Try setting up a hammock, 16" above your bed. Then invite a smelly homeless person to sleep in it, for the night.
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That type of berthing went out with powdered wigs (or at least Elmo Zumwalt). Coffin racks now. However, as wussyfied as the Navy's become with females aboard ship (except subs) and no yelling at recruits in boot camp (WTF?!!), I wouldn't be surprised if they all had Sealys for sleeping.
Link Posted: 1/23/2002 2:29:26 PM EDT
Appendix 1 to #5 on the original post. When you turn the water back on there is no water, or if there is water, there is only cold water.
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That's because you pissed off someone in engineering. We used to shut off flushing main to the rest of the ship (including O-country) and alter the steam pressure to the galley (either lift the safeties or cut it off all together).
Link Posted: 1/23/2002 2:57:51 PM EDT
I heard the Navy redesigned all the new racks to be too small for even the POSSIBILITY of humping one of the ladies when they started allowing women on sea duty. [:)] Of course, the racks are already so small you have to step outside to change your mind, anyway... CJ
Link Posted: 1/23/2002 3:01:55 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/23/2002 3:05:21 PM EDT by Jim_Dandy]
I heard the Navy redesigned all the new racks to be too small for even the POSSIBILITY of humping one of the ladies when they started allowing women on sea duty.
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That apparently didn't deter any of the shitbirds on the last piece of crap on which I had the EXTREME displeasure of serving.
Link Posted: 1/23/2002 3:15:40 PM EDT
Link Posted: 1/23/2002 3:23:12 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Paul: I always like the mail, telephone and television items. Have your phone rate changed to a .... For those in recently you've come to enjoy live DTS (Direct to Sailor) television and know the quality. ..... have the television system get cut off until the chaplain is done addressing "the crew".
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Paul, is this the 'U.S. NAVY' you're talking about ?? [:D]
Link Posted: 1/23/2002 3:23:53 PM EDT
"Blanket Party: Something you only see on TV." Wrongo...BCT, 1987. PVT Karrel (sp?). Kool-smoking mofo med school drop-out who was on a US Army Scholarship....you figger it out why he was in basic training. Anyhow, this character was addicted to Kools when smoking had just been banned in BCT. He sneaks out DURING FREAKING FIRE GUARD and buys a pack. He get caught smoking, gets his hands slapped and then does it again, only this time he gets caught with them in his wall locker, while the company was away. We return to our barracks in shambles. Nuck fugget. That night, its blanket party. Like the drill said, he was no Puerto Rican, he was a freaking Cuban.
Link Posted: 1/23/2002 3:39:52 PM EDT
Are you infiltrating this thread, [b]Keith_J[/b]? No army pukes in the NAV. The smoking lamp is now out for you.
Link Posted: 1/23/2002 3:43:01 PM EDT
Link Posted: 1/23/2002 4:19:00 PM EDT
I miss it a lot. I miss being 19 and on liberty in Ibiza, or Taromina...I miss the wild drinking and partying. Limping back to the last ride back to our ship....the girls we met in Norway on my first north atlantic cruise....Plymouth, England....we were young... I don't miss inspections, securing and cleaning and trying to maintain a clean passageway for inspections which sometimes never came, shining the brass....paydays, because I was a DK and we paid in cash back then.... Now that my ship was decommissioned, I feel old. Hell I am old.
Link Posted: 1/23/2002 5:19:05 PM EDT
How's this for coincidence? Here's [b]satcong[/b]'s ship: [img]http://www.ticon.net/~stitch/Uss_Nitro/ae-21.jpg[/img] And here's my first, the USS Mauna Kea: [img]http://www.ticon.net/~stitch/Uss_Nitro/MK1a.jpg[/img]
Link Posted: 1/23/2002 5:27:04 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/23/2002 5:28:17 PM EDT by Jim_Dandy]
Here're the two ship's crests: [img]http://www.ticon.net/~stitch/Uss_Nitro/cresta.jpg[/img][img]http://www.ticon.net/~stitch/Uss_Nitro/MKcrest2.jpg[/img]
Link Posted: 1/23/2002 5:40:42 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/23/2002 5:42:01 PM EDT by satcong]
Holy shit! JimDandy, that is amazing! UNREP! IT'S A KNOWN FACT....... "AE" MEN ARE THE HARDEST WORKING MEN IN THE NAVY.... We have been replaced by the RAINIER (AOE 7) [img]http://www.the-jacobsens.com/suribachi/images/h70143kt.jpg[/img] Suribachi, Next Round's on us!
Link Posted: 1/23/2002 5:46:20 PM EDT
Needle gunning begins 20 minutes after you hit the rack, and is on the bulkhead just opposite you. Water is cut off during your shower, while your hair is soaped up... so they can change the membrane in the water maker. Mount a PA horn just outside of your bedroom, and have your family shout things over the PA every few minutes all night long. The exact same weekly menus are used, week after week... so you know exactly what is going to be served Thursday at 12:00. (and next Thursday, and the Thursday after that)
Link Posted: 1/23/2002 6:00:37 PM EDT
Link Posted: 1/23/2002 6:06:32 PM EDT
I've had dreams about going to sea several times in the past ten years. I can clearly recall the vivid dreams, the sea and anchor detail, the whole thing...funny huh?
Link Posted: 1/23/2002 6:06:41 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/23/2002 6:15:03 PM EDT by Jim_Dandy]
UNREP with USS Wabash (AOR-5): [img]http://communities.msn.com/_Secure/0VgAAACocUBHZsou6nBmM!X7npMj1D4Cl7GTRdyJQRaXH­kb16JC5Yv1z2LjlTgkyimR8AoXtZzbgQCO0VTaDIy1*Pi­TfbGZBZnhjPxOJVQbjbRG5tfvOoTLNRNvg*D1ED/Alongside-Wabash.jpg[/img] VERTREP with USS Tripoli (LPH-7): [img]http://communities.msn.com/_Secure/0YgAAALkdmseyNKrnzbiPywPZMAULcNBXiQK3*Peos79K­iklWMBj4bwqikO4rgthaWG5MgZOZtUXzEhubeoDuwsFlv­8A*MUbFKkPsdz4Q8f*BZE3rd47ajl49KNsKSMRfzOSLL*­ULc!QnL9gC8zVfxw/Mauna-Kea-VERTREP-11-89B.jpg[/img]
Link Posted: 1/23/2002 6:10:14 PM EDT
Water is cut off during your shower, while your hair is soaped up... so they can change the membrane in the water maker.
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Uh, yeahhhhhhhh. Glad you believed that. Don't go looking for any sound-powered phone batteries.
Link Posted: 1/23/2002 6:25:58 PM EDT
Link Posted: 1/23/2002 6:27:40 PM EDT
Thats funny. I remember the term "shipmate" was a fighting word, like calling a guy a no-load light lunch buddy f**ker or a cheif an E-7. At least on the boats. Bravo Zulu: Another code word. Shouting approval to naked black men running around in the jungle. We couldn't understand that one, but they said it meant a good job. Well, OK. After reading things like this whole topic, people ask why you got out of the Navy before you put in 20. I barely made it through six. I counted down days, 1320 down to zero. Those last 100 were tough. Yes, that is almost four years.
Link Posted: 1/23/2002 6:32:57 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/23/2002 6:39:16 PM EDT by SDavid]
Install fluorescent lights in your computer room, cover them with red filters, cover all windows with black trash bags so no light gets in turn off all the colors on your monitor except for green and black and stare at the screen for 6 hours with headphones on playing inane chatter in one ear and static in the other, sleep for 5, repeat for 3 months. Cover the back yard with metal grates, paint them black and cover with sharp gravel, stretch a net across it, Have a volley ball game with a ball tied to the net. Watch the most romantic sunset ever with a bunch of guys while drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes OS3 Story USS Valdez FF 1096 USS Kauffman FFG 59 RPTM Edited to add after reading pogo’s post Get a brass chain with one link for each day till you retire, are leaving your current job, or vacation, cut one link each day when you wake up. When you get to 10 links, throw it out in front of your coworkers and say “f*ck it! I’m to short to care.”
Link Posted: 1/23/2002 7:23:43 PM EDT
Ok, you guys can cut it out now. You are scaring me.[shock] I'm 1 yr into my 6yr enlistment, all I have seen is Great Mistakes and Nuke School. You're gonna have me worried all the way till I hit the fleet in October!
Link Posted: 1/23/2002 7:26:04 PM EDT
[left]Talk about love/hate! I've been able to locate a lot of old friends on the net. Anybody remember this one? "Fightin Hannah" USS Hancock (CVA-19[/left] [img]www.ar15.com/members/albums/liberty86%2FHancockcolor%25201%2Ejpg[/img]
Link Posted: 1/23/2002 9:09:29 PM EDT
Mauna Kea (AE-22) Holy dog shit! I thought I was OLD! Some of the crew is setting up reunions for the tuna boat. The first one was in Concord, CA., a couple of years ago. Someone had some fantastic home movies of unreps. They had a reunion recently on the East coast and the next one is planned for Gulf of Mexico.
Link Posted: 1/23/2002 9:28:12 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Jim_Dandy:
Try setting up a hammock, 16" above your bed. Then invite a smelly homeless person to sleep in it, for the night.
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That type of berthing went out with powdered wigs
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The Tripoli had open squadbay type bearthing for marines. The "racks" were a tube steel frame with a canvas hammock. I think that POS is finally in dry dock now. Thre Rushmore had very nice bearthing areas, but has a Female Capt now (shudder).
Link Posted: 1/24/2002 3:44:09 AM EDT
The Tripoli had open squadbay type bearthing for marines. The "racks" were a tube steel frame with a canvas hammock.
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We offer only the finest accomodations for jarheads. A regular pleasure cruise.
Link Posted: 1/24/2002 3:51:40 AM EDT
Mauna Kea (AE-22) Holy dog shit! I thought I was OLD! Some of the crew is setting up reunions for the tuna boat. The first one was in Concord, CA., a couple of years ago. Someone had some fantastic home movies of unreps. They had a reunion recently on the East coast and the next one is planned for Gulf of Mexico.
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Most of the guys doing the reunion stuff on the Tuna Boat are in the plank owner category. They even pre-date the Vietnam vets. Their coordinator, Dick States, is a little younger- he served aboard her 1966-1969.
Link Posted: 1/24/2002 4:05:17 AM EDT
Jim Dandy... of COURSE I believe that.
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