Suggestions for the ex-sailor who misses the "good old days")
1.Sleep on the shelf in your closet.

2.Replace the closet door with a curtain.

3.Six hours after you go to sleep, have your wife whip open the curtain,
shine a flashlight in your eyes, and mumble "Sorry, wrong rack."

4.Renovate your bathroom. Build a wall across the middle of your bathtub
and move the shower head down to chest level.

5.When you take showers, make sure you shut off the water while soaping.

6.Every time there is a thunderstorm, go sit in a wobbly rocking chair and
rock as hard as you can until you're nauseous.

7.Put lube oil in your humidifier instead of water and set it to "High."
(for that shipboard smell)

8.Don't watch TV except movies in the middle of the night. Have your family
vote on which movie to watch, then show a different one.

9.(Mandatory for ex-engineering types) Leave lawnmower running in your
living room 24 hours a day for proper noise level.

10.Have the paper boy give you a haircut.

11.Once a week blow compressed air up through your chimney making sure the
wind carries the soot across and on to your neighbor's house. Laugh at him
when he curses you.

12.Buy a trash compactor and only use it once a week. Store up garbage in
the other side of your bathtub.

13.Wake up every night at midnight and have a peanut butter and jelly
sandwich on stale bread, if anything. (Optional: Canned ravioli or cold
soup)

14.Make up your family menu a week ahead of time without looking in your
food cabinets or refrigerator.

15.Set your alarm clock to go off at random times during the night. When it
goes off, jump out of bed and get dressed as fast as you can, then run out
into your yard and break out the garden hose.

16.Once a month take every major appliance completely apart and then put
them back together.

17.Use 18 scoops of coffee per pot and allow it to sit for 5 or 6 hours
before drinking (note: a Department of Defense, not Naval, specialty RM.)

18.Invite at least 85 people you don't really like to come and visit for a
couple of months.

19.Have a fluorescent lamp installed on the bottom of your coffee table and
lie under it to read books.

20.Raise the thresholds and lower the top sills on your front and back
doors to that you either trip of the threshold or hit your head on the sill
every time you pass though one of them.

21.Lockwire the lug nuts on your car.

22.When making cakes, prop up one side of the pan while it is baking. Then
spread icing really thick on one side to level off the top.

23.Every so often, throw your cat into the swimming pool, shout "Man
Overboard, ship recovery!" , run into the kitchen and sweep all the
pots/pans/dishes off the counter onto the floor, then yell at your wife for
not having the place "stowed for sea."

24.Put on the headphone from your stereo (don't plug them in). Go and stand
in front of your stove. Say (to nobody in particular) "Stove manned and
ready." Stand there for 3 or 4 hours. Say (once again to nobody in
particular) "Stove secured." Roll up the headphone cord and put them away.

Very good [;)]  What, nothing about grey paint?

haha  funny,  this one would secure your death:

You forgot to have your wife/kids/whatever blare out over a PA system "(your name here) ARRIVING/DEPARTING" every day as you leave and return from work.

Oh yeah, give your wife/kids/whatever a needle gun and during their off time (especially summer months) have them chip and paint your house, whether it needs it or not.

Have a flag pole erected so that you can have morning and evening colors.

Have a quarterdeck watch set up at your front door.

Get an SP armband and walk around your block every night until 2:00 A.M.

Have your kids go on parking lot watch......in your driveway.

Make the kids have morning clamp down before school.

Have your wife/kids/whatever give eight o'clock reports before they hit their racks every evening..... at 1800.

You forgot the bell!

Ding, Ding...."insert name here" arriving/departing...

Din, ding...

Thanks to: Kenneth Peters Sgt., USMCR


Cover: Hat
Boonie Cover: The soft floppy hat
Geedunk: Shop supported snack bar.
Shop: Where you work. S-1, S2, S-3, G-1 etc.  "I work in the G-5 shop."
Squid: Navy personnel
Wingnut: Air Force
Morale Officer: Cute Air Force chick
Deck: Floor ("I live on second deck."Officer on deck!")
Butterbars: First Lieutenant
Loot: Lieutenant
Devil Dork: Friendly term for a fellow Marine.
Dog, Devil Dog: Marine
Skipper: Commanding Officer
Duty: Temporary guard assignment (usually) - i.e. Barracks Duty (sit at the
barracks making sure nothing majorly bad happens)
NUG: New Useless Guy. Usually used at A-School.
A-School: Primary MOS school (some MOSs have multiple schools, seconary
MOS's etc).
Purple: Joint operations
MOS: Military Occupational Speciality (your jobs number)
Zoomie: AF personnel
Fast Mover: Jet
Slow Mover: Slow craft
QTF IMI K: Morse code jargon for "What the fuck, Over!"
WM: Woman Marine
Backseater: WSO (Weapon and sensor operator)
BCG: Birth Control Glasses - term applied to the old military glasses (as in
they were so ugly you would never get any).
Blotter: Daily incident report. "Hitting the blotter" meant you got busted
by the MPs.
Office Hours: Non-judicial punishment (NJP). Getting screwed by your own CO.
Court Martial: Getting screwed by a panel of officers.
Green Weenie: Getting screwed by the Corps ("I got the green weenie on that
one!")
Reacharound: What you don't get when you get the green weenie.
Barracks Ho': Guess.
Gift that Keeps on Giving: An STD.
Corpsman: Navy paramedic. They get WAY more respect then the average squid
since they usually have to go out on humps along with the rest of the unit.
Hump: Hike/Forced March
Sickbay Commando: Someone who is constantly being treeated for real or
imagined injuries. Very derogitory.
Cammies: What we call "BDUs"
Salty: Experienced, been in the Corps a long time. Also applied to anything
old or worn ("DAMN those are salty-ass cammies!") - meaning they have been
washed until they are practically white.
Sarge: What Army dorks call Sergeants of any type. NOT something you call a
Marine Sergeant.
Shitbag: Useless mofo. VERY derogitory.
Blanket Party: Something you only see on TV.
Hollywood Marine: Any Marine stationed in Cali or those who went to boot
camp at San Diego. Supposedly derogitory usage by the weenies who went to
boot camp at Parris Island.
1366: Nonexistent MOS code for "Unlucky cocksucker" - ie someone with a
really crappy billet.
Billet: The specific job you fill, usually assigned a Line Number ( I wont
get into that).
UA: Unauthorized Absence - ie you are what the Army calls AWOL. See you in
the brig sucker.
Gunny: Common term for Gunnery Sergeants.
Master Guns: Common term for Master Gunnery Sergeants
Brass: Officers
Leeches: All the various aides that hang out with the big brass.
B&G: Barracks and Grounds. Usually means you're out there picking up
cigarette butts.
S-1: Personnel (S at Squadron Level, G at Group)
S-2: Intelligence
S-3: Training
S-4: Supply
S-5: Plans
S-6: Information Systems
Chow Hall: The "messhall" as the Army says. Or "Food Distribution
Recreational Center" or whatever the hell the AF calls it these days.
Acid Lemonade: Whatever the hell that instant drink stuff is. Bleck.
MRE: Meal, Ready to Eat. Quite tasty unless you get the Scalloped
Potatoes.

FOR THE LAST TIME:

A RATING IS YOUR JOB SPECIALTY (like an MOS)

A RATE IS YOUR PAY GRADE

FOR EXAMPLE, MY RATING WAS MACHINIST'S MATE, BUT MY RATE WAS SECOND CLASS.

ARE THERE ANY QUESTIONS?

[b]USNA91[/b]-
What's the statute of limitations on theft? You wardroom guys fed us good, you just didn't know it. Shrimp steamed in a bucket in the engine room, steaks cooked on a sheet metal grill (steam heated). Ahhhh, it's always nice to have an engineering mess crank in the wardroom.

Hell if I know I was a lowly DK.

Gather up all your dirty, sweaty clothes for a month and then sleep with them...should smell like the berthing quarters in the morning.  Put a fan in the oven and then turn the oven on high...blast in the face should be just like going into the engine room.  Stand in the sauna for 4 hours, work in the hot sun for 8 hours and then stand in the sauna for 4 hours more hours and when you go to take a shower have your wife tell you there's no water for you. Invite the jerk from next door over to yell "Locker Search" while he dumps everything you own on the floor. Bust your ass for 20 hours a day for 30 days straight and when you ask your wife for a day off to party have her ask what makes you think you deserve any liberty?  After doing an outstanding job, have your wife refuse to let you leave the house because you're the only one that can do the needed repairs; and the worthless brother-in-law that never has done any work drives off to enjoy his weekend. What a life...FTN was our moto.  God, I hated it back then!

Written in the back of the Engine Room Log Book off 'Nam: "We are the unwilling, led by the unqualified to do the unneccessary for the ungrateful."

Try setting up a hammock, 16" above your bed.
Then invite a smelly homeless person to sleep in it, for the night.
A FAT smelly homeless person.
A fat smelly homeless person who snores and farts.

Ahhh the memories... hated the Navy while I was in, except the times in port on a west-pac [}:D].  

If only you guys could have instituted that policy in the "Brown Water Navy"....
...would have made things much more pleasant.
[:)]

The only question I can think of is for the balance (non-Navy) of the world maybe you take could take a minute to answer "how a Petty Officer First Class can be a Captain, a Commander can be a Captain and a Captain an be a Captain?"

[:D]

Bravo Zulu to all,
You are a Captain when you command a vessel, whatever the size may be.

Oh.
[:D]

Appendix 1 to #5 on the original post.  When you turn the water back on there is no water, or if there is water, there is only cold water.

That type of berthing went out with powdered wigs (or at least Elmo Zumwalt). Coffin racks now. However, as wussyfied as the Navy's become with females aboard ship (except subs) and no yelling at recruits in boot camp (WTF?!!), I wouldn't be surprised if they all had Sealys for sleeping.

That's because you pissed off someone in engineering. We used to shut off flushing main to the rest of the ship (including O-country) and alter the steam pressure to the galley (either lift the safeties or cut it off all together).

I heard the Navy redesigned all the new racks to be too small for even the POSSIBILITY of humping one of the ladies when they started allowing women on sea duty.  [:)]

Of course, the racks are already so small you have to step outside to change your mind, anyway...

CJ

That apparently didn't deter any of the shitbirds on the last piece of crap on which I had the EXTREME displeasure of serving.

Paul, is this the 'U.S. NAVY' you're talking about ??

[:D]

"Blanket Party: Something you only see on TV."


Wrongo...BCT, 1987.  PVT Karrel (sp?).  Kool-smoking mofo med school drop-out who was on a US Army Scholarship....you figger it out why he was in basic training.

Anyhow, this character was addicted to Kools when smoking had just been banned in BCT.  He sneaks out DURING FREAKING FIRE GUARD and buys a pack.  He get caught smoking, gets his hands slapped and then does it again, only this time he gets caught with them in his wall locker, while the company was away.

We return to our barracks in shambles.  Nuck fugget.  That night, its blanket party.  

Like the drill said, he was no Puerto Rican, he was a freaking Cuban.

Are you infiltrating this thread, [b]Keith_J[/b]? No army pukes in the NAV. The smoking lamp is now out for you.

I miss it a lot.  I miss being 19 and on liberty in Ibiza, or Taromina...I miss the wild drinking and partying.  Limping back to the last ride back to our ship....the girls we met in Norway on my first north atlantic cruise....Plymouth, England....we were young...

I don't miss inspections, securing and cleaning and trying to maintain a clean passageway for inspections which sometimes never came, shining the brass....paydays, because I was a DK and we paid in cash back then....

Now that my ship was decommissioned, I feel old.  Hell I am old.

How's this for coincidence? Here's [b]satcong[/b]'s ship:
[img]http://www.ticon.net/~stitch/Uss_Nitro/ae-21.jpg[/img]

And here's my first, the USS Mauna Kea:
[img]http://www.ticon.net/~stitch/Uss_Nitro/MK1a.jpg[/img]

Here're the two ship's crests:
[img]http://www.ticon.net/~stitch/Uss_Nitro/cresta.jpg[/img][img]http://www.ticon.net/~stitch/Uss_Nitro/MKcrest2.jpg[/img]

Holy shit!

JimDandy, that is amazing!
UNREP!

IT'S A KNOWN FACT....... "AE" MEN ARE THE HARDEST WORKING MEN IN THE NAVY....


We have been replaced by the RAINIER (AOE 7)  

[img]http://www.the-jacobsens.com/suribachi/images/h70143kt.jpg[/img]

Suribachi, Next Round's on us!

Needle gunning begins 20 minutes after you hit the rack, and is on the bulkhead just opposite you.

Water is cut off during your shower, while your hair is soaped up... so they can change the membrane in the water maker.

Mount a PA horn just outside of your bedroom, and have your family shout things over the PA every few minutes all night long.

The exact same weekly menus are used, week after week... so you know exactly what is going to be served Thursday at 12:00. (and next Thursday, and the Thursday after that)

I've had dreams about going to sea several times in the past ten years.

I can clearly recall the vivid dreams, the sea and anchor detail, the whole thing...funny huh?

UNREP with USS Wabash (AOR-5):
[img]http://communities.msn.com/_Secure/0VgAAACocUBHZsou6nBmM!X7npMj1D4Cl7GTRdyJQRaXHkb16JC5Yv1z2LjlTgkyimR8AoXtZzbgQCO0VTaDIy1*PiTfbGZBZnhjPxOJVQbjbRG5tfvOoTLNRNvg*D1ED/Alongside-Wabash.jpg[/img]
VERTREP with USS Tripoli (LPH-7):
[img]http://communities.msn.com/_Secure/0YgAAALkdmseyNKrnzbiPywPZMAULcNBXiQK3*Peos79KiklWMBj4bwqikO4rgthaWG5MgZOZtUXzEhubeoDuwsFlv8A*MUbFKkPsdz4Q8f*BZE3rd47ajl49KNsKSMRfzOSLL*ULc!QnL9gC8zVfxw/Mauna-Kea-VERTREP-11-89B.jpg[/img]

Uh, yeahhhhhhhh. Glad you believed that. Don't go looking for any sound-powered phone batteries.

Thats funny.  I remember the term "shipmate" was a fighting word, like calling a guy a no-load light lunch buddy f**ker or a cheif an E-7.  At least on the boats.

Bravo Zulu:  Another code word.  Shouting approval to naked black men running around in the jungle.  We couldn't understand that one, but they said it meant a good job.  Well, OK.

After reading things like this whole topic, people ask why you got out of the Navy before you put in 20.  I barely made it through six.  I counted down days, 1320 down to zero.  Those last 100 were tough.  Yes, that is almost four years.    

Install fluorescent lights in your computer room, cover them with red filters, cover all windows with black trash bags so no light gets in turn off all the colors on your monitor except for green and black and stare at the screen for 6 hours with headphones on playing inane chatter in one ear and static in the other, sleep for 5, repeat for 3 months.


Cover the back yard with metal grates, paint them black and cover with sharp gravel, stretch a net across it, Have a volley ball game with a ball tied to the net.

Watch the most romantic sunset ever with a bunch of guys while drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes


OS3 Story
USS Valdez FF 1096
USS Kauffman FFG 59
RPTM


Edited to add after reading pogo’s post

Get a brass chain with one link for each day till you retire, are leaving your current job, or vacation, cut one link each day when you wake up. When you get to 10 links, throw it out in front of your coworkers and say “f*ck it! I’m to short to care.”

Ok, you guys can cut it out now. You are scaring me.[shock] I'm 1 yr into my 6yr enlistment, all I have seen is Great Mistakes and Nuke School. You're gonna have me worried all the way till I hit the fleet in October!

[left]Talk about love/hate! I've been able to locate a lot of old friends on the net. Anybody remember this one? "Fightin Hannah"
USS Hancock (CVA-19[/left]



[img]www.ar15.com/members/albums/liberty86%2FHancockcolor%25201%2Ejpg[/img]

Mauna Kea (AE-22)  Holy dog shit!  I thought I was OLD!  Some of the crew is setting up reunions for the tuna boat.  The first one was in Concord, CA., a couple of years ago. Someone had some fantastic home movies of unreps. They had a reunion recently on the East coast and the next one is planned for Gulf of Mexico.

The Tripoli had open squadbay type bearthing for marines. The "racks" were a tube steel frame with a canvas hammock.

I think that POS is finally in dry dock now.

Thre Rushmore had very nice bearthing areas, but has a Female Capt now (shudder).

We offer only the finest accomodations for jarheads. A regular pleasure cruise.

Most of the guys doing the reunion stuff on the Tuna Boat are in the plank owner category. They even pre-date the Vietnam vets. Their coordinator, Dick States, is a little younger- he served aboard her 1966-1969.

Jim Dandy... of COURSE I believe that.