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Posted: 11/18/2008 7:17:08 AM EDT
Go ahead, what are they..........
Link Posted: 11/18/2008 7:18:06 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 11/18/2008 7:18:27 AM EDT by Fearlessleader01]
"Fuck you."

They never seem to appreciate this one.

"I'VE GOT A GUN!"

That one usually gets you dead quick.
Link Posted: 11/18/2008 7:18:07 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 11/18/2008 7:19:02 AM EDT by trdvet]
Am I being detained......

ala Alex Jones



I pay your salary.....
Link Posted: 11/18/2008 7:18:40 AM EDT
DON'T TAZ ME BRO!!
Link Posted: 11/18/2008 7:19:29 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 11/18/2008 7:19:44 AM EDT by Mountain_Snipe]
Sure, you can search my truck.
Link Posted: 11/18/2008 7:19:41 AM EDT
"Do you know who i am"
Link Posted: 11/18/2008 7:20:09 AM EDT
Your laws don't apply to me, I'm a sovereign citizen.
Link Posted: 11/18/2008 7:20:25 AM EDT
"MMMMmmmmm, Bacon..."
Link Posted: 11/18/2008 7:20:48 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 11/18/2008 7:21:04 AM EDT by Special-K]
Oh, this thread has potential.  





-K
Link Posted: 11/18/2008 7:21:08 AM EDT
I'm traveling, and my business is my own.
Link Posted: 11/18/2008 7:23:44 AM EDT
I know what you are thinking… But there’s not a dead hooker in my trunk. Can I go now?
Link Posted: 11/18/2008 7:24:30 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 11/18/2008 7:25:51 AM EDT by BlackOp]
Why yes, these are from Dunkin. Would you like one?

ETA:

Only a few beers.
Link Posted: 11/18/2008 7:25:09 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Barcephus:
DON'T TAZ ME BRO!!

Beat me to it!
Link Posted: 11/18/2008 7:25:32 AM EDT
Originally Posted By BlackOp:
Why yes, these are from Dunkin. Would you like one?


Link Posted: 11/18/2008 7:25:58 AM EDT
"What the hell is your problem?"
Link Posted: 11/18/2008 7:28:55 AM EDT
"But ociffer, there's no blood in my alcohol."
Link Posted: 11/18/2008 7:30:49 AM EDT
"I'm not as think as you drunk I am, occifer!"


"You know, the aviators and porn mustache really aren't a substitute for being cool."


"Holy shit, I bet Krispy Kreme closes the store when they see you pull into the parking lot!"


"Meow."


"Did you find that badge in a Cracker Jack box?"


"Did you SEE how fast I took that curve?!"


"Your shoelace is untied."


"Hey there, cutie- oh, nevermind."


"Are you a man or a woman?"


"I'll let you play with my gun if you let me off the ticket."


"Wanna drag?"


"Hold my beer while I take a piss. Uh, sorry about your boots."


"Betcha can't catch me a second time."


"I don't want a pickle. I just wanna ride my motor-sickle. And I don't wanna die. I just wanna ride my motorcy. Cull."


"Are you Andy or Barney?"


"Just don't look in my trunk."


"Can you really look up my entire record on that computer of yours in the car?"


"Officer, I swear I'm just borrowing this car from a friend."


"Hey, didn't your little sister blow me in the bar men's room last week?"


"Your mother says 'hi'."


"You and what army?"


"Pull my finger."
Link Posted: 11/18/2008 7:31:04 AM EDT
Surprised no one has posted this yet:

Chris Rock: How NOT to get Your Ass Kicked by the Police!!

Link Posted: 11/18/2008 7:32:58 AM EDT
I'm a Free Stater.
Link Posted: 11/18/2008 7:33:07 AM EDT
I was not running from you, i saw your lights and was trying to get out of your way so you could pass, i thought you were after someone else
Link Posted: 11/18/2008 7:34:32 AM EDT
If you're going to write me a ticket, get on with it and quit lecturing me.
Link Posted: 11/18/2008 7:35:15 AM EDT
My favorite!

Officer: Ma'am  your eyes look bloodshot. Have you been smoking anything?

Lady: Sir, your eyes look glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?
Link Posted: 11/18/2008 7:36:30 AM EDT
Tubal cane
Link Posted: 11/18/2008 7:36:37 AM EDT
I'm packin' 2 guns and 43 rounds of ammo.  
Wa'choo got?
Link Posted: 11/18/2008 7:37:04 AM EDT

"People would like you too; if you could have only passed the Firefighter test..."

They never liked to hear that one on scene.
Link Posted: 11/18/2008 7:37:57 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 11/18/2008 7:38:42 AM EDT by avenj]
"You asshole in a hat! You're holding me up jack! I'm trying to get to a party, I got people waiting for me, I got a trunk full of heroin, get the fuck outta my way willya! Outta my way!"

"Hey... you're a public servant. Get me a glass of water!"

"I own this car, I do as I please! I also own the road, my taxes paid for that! I own the car and I own the road! I OWN EVERYTHING GODDAMMIT!"

George Carlin, RIP
Link Posted: 11/18/2008 7:38:06 AM EDT
Wanna see some naked pictures of your wife?
Link Posted: 11/18/2008 7:43:41 AM EDT
"I pay your salary"

and of course the comeback is, "So your the cheap bastard"
Link Posted: 11/18/2008 7:46:42 AM EDT
But officer, I thought you said you didn't want to come out here again tonight...
Link Posted: 11/18/2008 7:46:57 AM EDT
"Get a real job."  

Link Posted: 11/18/2008 7:49:09 AM EDT
Link Posted: 11/18/2008 7:49:51 AM EDT
"Excuse me Centurion, can you direct me to the nearest vomitorium?
Link Posted: 11/18/2008 7:51:26 AM EDT
"Is there any way we can settle this with sex?"
Link Posted: 11/18/2008 7:52:11 AM EDT
Originally Posted By delemorte:
"Do you know who i am"


"Do you know who my father is?"
Link Posted: 11/18/2008 7:52:17 AM EDT
"ATTICA, ATTICA!"

"Nice mustache.  Have you ever done any gay porn?"

Link Posted: 11/18/2008 7:52:28 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 11/18/2008 7:56:14 AM EDT by trdvet]
Originally Posted By andrew:
"People would like you too; if you could have only passed the Firefighter test..."

They never liked to hear that one on scene.


Haha

Who wouldn't want to drive like fools to every call, BBQ, sleep, and watch the history channel while on duty? Watch houses burn to the ground and they still sing your praises AND bring you lemonade.


ETA: Cool, post #1000.

Link Posted: 11/18/2008 7:52:29 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 11/18/2008 7:55:20 AM EDT by John_Wayne777]
Link Posted: 11/18/2008 7:52:42 AM EDT
These arn't my pants.

I just barely got here.

Two beers.
Link Posted: 11/18/2008 7:53:13 AM EDT
Link Posted: 11/18/2008 7:54:17 AM EDT
Originally Posted By mcnizzle:
"I pay your salary"

and of course the comeback is, "So your the cheap bastard"


Woman: I thought you guys didn't give pretty girls tickets?

Cops: You're right we don't.....press hard there are 5 copies.

Woman:

Link Posted: 11/18/2008 7:55:01 AM EDT
"why don't you just walk back to your blueberry top, bacon cruising, dirtbag mobile, you pig"

That usually won't end too well.
Link Posted: 11/18/2008 7:55:07 AM EDT
Hey Roscoe, how's flash?

- AG
Link Posted: 11/18/2008 7:55:31 AM EDT
Man you're so fat I bet you couldn't get in a foot pursuit if you wanted to.
Link Posted: 11/18/2008 7:56:50 AM EDT
"Bet you can't put those cuffs on me......pussy."
Link Posted: 11/18/2008 7:57:23 AM EDT
Do you know why I pulled you over?

Depends on how long you've been following me......
Link Posted: 11/18/2008 7:58:06 AM EDT
Originally Posted By trdvet:
Originally Posted By andrew:
"People would like you too; if you could have only passed the Firefighter test..."

They never liked to hear that one on scene.


Haha

Who wouldn't want to drive like fools to every call, BBQ, sleep, and watch the history channel while on duty? Watch houses burn to the ground and they still sing your praises AND bring you lemonade.


ETA: Cool, post #1000.



WooooT!
Link Posted: 11/18/2008 7:58:22 AM EDT
Cop:  You were speeding.  Where are you going in such a hurry?

Me:  I'm going to your house.  Your wife is giving freebies, and I want to be in the front of the line.


Link Posted: 11/18/2008 8:01:28 AM EDT
Greet them as they approach your stopped vehicle by turning to face each one and addressing them by their first names..

"G'morning, Andy, Barney..."
Link Posted: 11/18/2008 8:05:25 AM EDT
Originally Posted By mudder:
Do you know why I pulled you over?

Depends on how long you've been following me......




If they have any sense of humor that one just might be good for a laugh.
Link Posted: 11/18/2008 8:09:42 AM EDT
"Get off your high horse.  I remember you being a druggie dirtbag in high school.  So what if I still am at my age??"
Link Posted: 11/18/2008 8:10:10 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 11/18/2008 8:11:37 AM EDT by Jeff_1]
"thats not mine,  your dog must have coughed that up"


Cop:  "GIVE ME YOUR GUN NOW!"

Me:   "NO"
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