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Posted: 11/29/2023 10:52:07 PM EDT
Separated from there evil bitch but still married because the kids and custody have become a continuous issue.
I refuse to pay her anything so it's a standoff.
I know I'll probably be the loser if it comes to court over custody, regardless of the infidelity on her part. I'm not leaving my kids and my future in the hands of some fucking judge on a crapshoot hope I "win"

I recently found out she was taking my kids to see the guy she was fucking calling him "Uncle" and then coming back and saying I need this that and the other (money) "for the kids"

I'm so fucking livid right now and can do nothing about it. I can't throw her off a fucking building can't go kick the guy's ass (fed employee can't jeopardize my clearance and job..
So I sit here stewing in impotent rage and can do nothing about it.
What am I going to do, "cheat" on her while she's moved on? Fuck hookers for revenge? Not really an option and wouldn't matter anyway.

So I get up and go to fucking work and pay the bills but I'm fucking boiling inside. And still hurt by the betrayal and the fact that my kids never thought to tell me anything about any of this shit.
They're old enough to know better yet let their mother lie to them and believed it and "didn't want to upset me"

Part of me wants to get in my truck and just start driving, fuck this house and job and all the rest, but the rational part says no.

What the fuck do I do? I don't have the time, energy or inclination to even try to get into another relationship, and really don't want one anyway.

Those who have been here, what did/do you do?
VP
Link Posted: 11/29/2023 10:53:33 PM EDT
[#1]
Nevermind
Link Posted: 11/29/2023 10:54:39 PM EDT
[#2]
Don't be mad at your kids.  They had the tough option of definitely betray their mother and maybe kind of help you, or shut the hell up and not make waves for anyone.
Link Posted: 11/29/2023 10:57:26 PM EDT
[#3]
Fuck her mom!
Link Posted: 11/29/2023 10:57:30 PM EDT
[#4]
I don't have direct experience.

I would imagine you should initiate the divorce citing the infidelity-- the court should be weighted to your benefit then (?)

you and kids are what matter, whatever you do, think of them
Link Posted: 11/29/2023 10:58:00 PM EDT
[#5]
Link Posted: 11/29/2023 10:59:54 PM EDT
[#6]
Never been there but I can say you've got to focus on something else. Like you said you are stewing and boiling inside. So find ways to distract yourself for a even a few minutes, like going to the gym, seeing a friend. Hell go to counseling.
Whatever it takes to survive and not detroy yourself.
Link Posted: 11/29/2023 11:00:37 PM EDT
[#7]
Hookers and cocaine time!
Link Posted: 11/29/2023 11:02:32 PM EDT
[#8]
Sorry man, that really sucks
Link Posted: 11/29/2023 11:02:37 PM EDT
[#9]
The best revenge is living well. And karma is a thing. Just be patient.
Link Posted: 11/29/2023 11:02:49 PM EDT
[#10]
My best advice is to keep your anger in check. She fucked you, no doubt. Don't let that anger work in her favor. The best revenge is to lead a happy and successful life without her.
Link Posted: 11/29/2023 11:04:39 PM EDT
[#11]
Heartbreaks are a part of life, you become tougher and wiser through each.  Being angry accomplishes nothing.
Link Posted: 11/29/2023 11:04:46 PM EDT
[#12]
I'm sorry , brother

the betrayal is a pain that never truly goes away

she put the kids in a really tough position - don't be upset with them

protect yourself and your assets  , but stay classy whatever happens - someday they'll realize how selfish and deceitful she really was



Link Posted: 11/29/2023 11:05:18 PM EDT
[#13]
I was in a similar situation, although not married. I thought the same about a drive, let it all go start anew kind of thing. I stayed, it was a bigger fuck you to her and a better situation for me. It sucked in the beginning but it became a pretty laughable thing. Everything got better for me, worse for her.
Oh yeah, rub one one out instead of hookers and get the shit settled. Then turn into the "this guy fucks" dude.
Link Posted: 11/29/2023 11:06:16 PM EDT
[#14]
Work through the rage and anger. Have a good lawyer. Document and get video/pics/texts.
No fights in front of kids.
Get a hot girlfriend but keep her away from kids.
It gets better.
Link Posted: 11/29/2023 11:06:32 PM EDT
[#15]
Link Posted: 11/29/2023 11:07:08 PM EDT
[#16]
Semi familiar with the situation.

Be there for the kids as best you can.

Use a mediator if possible and save some money not spent on lawyers.

As everyone always says, hit the gym and get in shape.

I would strongly suggest taking at least a year off before getting in the dating game. But no one does and you won’t either.  For sure sure don’t look for anything serious right away and avoid it if possible.  But no one does and you won’t either. You will end up hurting the girls you date after you realize it was too soon.

When you are ready you will take the time you need time to actually recalibrate. When you are ready you will be sitting alone on Friday night watching something on the tube, maybe drinking a little bourbon, and you will think to yourself, “OMG, this is so fucking nice and I’m perfectly ok all by self.”

After that take another little while and enjoy your time.

Then get back in the game and find a girl who is better than you could possibly imagine….they do exist.

Good luck man.

It will be so much better in the end.
Link Posted: 11/29/2023 11:09:22 PM EDT
[#17]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
The best revenge is living well. And karma is a thing. Just be patient.
View Quote

This.
Link Posted: 11/29/2023 11:09:22 PM EDT
[#18]
Work on yourself and focus on the kids. Get in the gym and find some women to bang. In ten years she wont even be an after thought and you'll be happy. IME.
Link Posted: 11/29/2023 11:10:48 PM EDT
[#19]
Agreed. Stay classy and in control.
Go pump iron. Get in your best shape and live your best life.

It does get better after divorce. Chances are you'll have grown and gotten happier while she'll grow more bitter.
Don't take it out on the kids, and dont talk bad of her to them.

They either know, or will figure it out.

You will win in the end.
Link Posted: 11/29/2023 11:11:08 PM EDT
[#20]
Find a good lawyer and divorce her. You need to move on to the rest of your life. The kids will have understand.
Link Posted: 11/29/2023 11:11:13 PM EDT
[#21]
Lawyer up as in yesterday.

And do not go cheap. Find the best, most ruthless one you can.

Revenge is a dish served cold.

Ice cold.

It will be worth it in the end.
Link Posted: 11/29/2023 11:11:21 PM EDT
[#22]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
The best revenge is living well. And karma is a thing. Just be patient.
View Quote


This ^^

Right now you cannot see the end of the tunnel, but this shall pass and you will move past it.

God doesn't bring us something if He doesn't expect us to get through it.
Link Posted: 11/29/2023 11:11:48 PM EDT
[#23]
I called in a favor from a human pitbull, and had him deliver a message.

The message was received.

And that's all I got to say about that.
Link Posted: 11/29/2023 11:12:01 PM EDT
[#24]
Link Posted: 11/29/2023 11:12:06 PM EDT
[#25]
Don't get her pregnant.............

FWIW, she checked out long before she cheated. Now it's time to CYA and your assets.

Link Posted: 11/29/2023 11:15:19 PM EDT
[#26]
You get a good lawyer, go to court and accept nothing less than 50/50 custody with no child support, it’s what I did, and I had to fire the first attorney and lose that money but no matter what I demanded full custody and ended up with 50/50 with no child support
Link Posted: 11/29/2023 11:16:03 PM EDT
[#27]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
This. I still yet have to see a spouse break vows, end up with a better life.

take care of your health, fitness and kids. You will see a payoff. Not today, most likely not even tomorrow. But in time  you'll see.

Take my word.
View Quote View All Quotes
View All Quotes
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Quoted:
The best revenge is living well. And karma is a thing. Just be patient.
This. I still yet have to see a spouse break vows, end up with a better life.

take care of your health, fitness and kids. You will see a payoff. Not today, most likely not even tomorrow. But in time  you'll see.

Take my word.

This 100%, I am living proof
Link Posted: 11/29/2023 11:16:36 PM EDT
[#28]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Find a good lawyer and divorce her. You need to move on to the rest of your life. The kids will have understand.
View Quote


This and keep your cool. Read this repeatedly.
Link Posted: 11/29/2023 11:17:18 PM EDT
[#29]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History



That doesn't work....

Just went upstairs and gave her a piece a cheese. She said she doesn't want it and to turn off the light...
Link Posted: 11/29/2023 11:18:17 PM EDT
[#30]
I took my cheating ex back a couple times.  Big mistake.

Sever things now, and find the best attorney you can.  References from people that have been through a divorce.  

Finish it, and deal with the FIXED problem at the time.  You will probably get fucked, but at least you are only dealing with the monetary issue, IF you can let go of everything else.  You must.  

Get rid of her as soon as you can, and deal with the payments.  At least they will be a known issue.  She will be a variable that will keep fucking you in ways that you will not even predict.
Link Posted: 11/29/2023 11:19:31 PM EDT
[#31]
BTDT...for the same reason. My best advice is to move on and get past it as quickly as possible. Then go replace the cheater with a younger, prettier, model and be happy. That alone will burn her ass up.
Link Posted: 11/29/2023 11:19:42 PM EDT
[#32]
First wife cheated on me. She got everything she wanted.
It is what it is. You can either accept it and move on. Or commit multiple felonies
I opted to accept and move on. Not going to lie and say it’s going to be easy. It will be a constant in your life moving forward that you will have to accept and deal with.
I wish you the best.
Link Posted: 11/29/2023 11:20:56 PM EDT
[#33]
How old are the kids?
Link Posted: 11/29/2023 11:24:31 PM EDT
[#34]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
The best revenge is living well. And karma is a thing. Just be patient.
View Quote

This minus Karma.    Karma is bullshit. If true then it means he deserves what he is getting
Link Posted: 11/29/2023 11:24:33 PM EDT
[#35]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
The best revenge is living well. And karma is a thing. Just be patient.
View Quote

This.  Unfortunately your situation can’t be handled in quicker, more satisfying way without you getting jammed up, but usually this takes time for the cheater to get justice.
Link Posted: 11/29/2023 11:24:36 PM EDT
[#36]
I am in a similar situation. After I found out what she was doing, I mistakenly tried to fix everything. I should have divorced her years ago but now I am waiting for the court date.

She gets our kids, I cannot ask since I am still on AD. I might be able to get full custody once I retire in a few years.

Her current hookup is some guy from Jamaica, yes Jamaica. My oldest kid skipped dinner because she did not want to walk past the living room where is was sitting. I feel so bad for her.

I wish I could meet a good women but I know that they are few and far between. For now, I am trying to get my house in order (she cant get the house, its on post).
Link Posted: 11/29/2023 11:26:23 PM EDT
[#37]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Lawyer up as in yesterday.

And do not go cheap. Find the best, most ruthless one you can.

Revenge is a dish served cold.

Ice cold.

It will be worth it in the end.
View Quote


Part of the problem is, I make 130k a year and she's made nothing over the last 6.
I can't take the kids to school or pick them up because of work    and there's 3 of them I'd get ass raped in child support and probably alimony because she'd have to have them during the week

I know cold and rational is the best thing, but I resent her and all the lies and deceit and want her and him to suffer tremendously
Link Posted: 11/29/2023 11:26:34 PM EDT
[#38]
Focus on your kids and grind through the process of finalizing your divorce. It will get better.

It’s a business that is breaking up at this point. It’s just money. You can make it back.

I gave my ex a house, a car, the expensive guns from the collection, $1.2 million and $4,000 a month for the rest of her life after she cheated and filed for divorce. I’m better off for it.

It will get better.
Link Posted: 11/29/2023 11:27:16 PM EDT
[#39]
Is it too late to just "Go out for a pack of cigarettes?"

Link Posted: 11/29/2023 11:28:46 PM EDT
[#40]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:



That doesn't work....

Just went upstairs and gave her a piece a cheese. She said she doesn't want it and to turn off the light...
View Quote View All Quotes
View All Quotes
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:



That doesn't work....

Just went upstairs and gave her a piece a cheese. She said she doesn't want it and to turn off the light...

You know what, I believe you actually did.  

Best of luck OP.  F'ing women!
Link Posted: 11/29/2023 11:31:35 PM EDT
[#41]
Get a good powerlifting plan and hit the gym hard. Like really hard. Eat good and grow. It will do wonders for your mental health plus you might score some gym bunnies as a bonus
Link Posted: 11/29/2023 11:33:11 PM EDT
[#42]
Ukraine needs conscripts.
Link Posted: 11/29/2023 11:33:16 PM EDT
[#43]
never badmouth her to the kids,  love your kids and tell them how much you miss them.  spend every minute of time you can with them because they grow fast and they are really good at knowing who is good/bad/happy/angry.  BTDT,  it works out in the end OP.
Link Posted: 11/29/2023 11:33:54 PM EDT
[#44]
Get the absolute best lawyer.  Not the best one you can afford.  Make payments.  Go ruthless.  I watched two different stories play out with one of my best friends as he changed lawyers.  His second lawyer cost him a lot of money, he got sole custody of his kid.
Link Posted: 11/29/2023 11:34:16 PM EDT
[#45]
Quoted:
And still hurt by the betrayal and the fact that my kids never thought to tell me anything about any of this shit.
They're old enough to know better yet let their mother lie to them and believed it and "didn't want to upset me"

Part of me wants to get in my truck and just start driving, fuck this house and job and all the rest

What the fuck do I do?
View Quote


I feel bad for them. Either they got to witness their mother fuck their "uncle" and think about how she's fucking their lives too because of what Dad will do if he finds out.
Or, you've made such an impression on them that they don't give a fuck.

So, figure that out and go from there is my suggestion.
Link Posted: 11/29/2023 11:35:10 PM EDT
[#46]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
never badmouth her to the kids,  love your kids and tell them how much you miss them.  spend every minute of time you can with them because they grow fast and they are really good at knowing who is good/bad/happy/angry.  BTDT,  it works out in the end OP.
View Quote


Link Posted: 11/29/2023 11:35:15 PM EDT
[#47]
He's a federal employee, let his supervisor know.
Link Posted: 11/29/2023 11:35:29 PM EDT
[#48]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:


Part of the problem is, I make 130k a year and she's made nothing over the last 6.
I can't take the kids to school or pick them up because of work    and there's 3 of them I'd get ass raped in child support and probably alimony because she'd have to have them during the week

I know cold and rational is the best thing, but I resent her and all the lies and deceit and want her and him to suffer tremendously
View Quote


Fuck
Link Posted: 11/29/2023 11:37:27 PM EDT
[#49]
Get a pair of running shoes, and some free weights.

Run until you're not angry any more then run home. Lift weights until the burn in your muscles makes you forget why you were mad.
Link Posted: 11/29/2023 11:42:05 PM EDT
[#50]
Realistically, get a therapist who works with people in similar situations. Regardless of your views on therapy, it’s a chance to get the betrayal processed and if you seek custody, it will be a positive mark for you.

It may be an internet trope at this point but make sure you’re also working in the gym. Along with your mind, working on your health and strength are important. It’s good for your mood.

If you’re religious, go to services and look for a way to improve the world for another person. Instead of falling into more anger, be better than that.

Also, most guys are not cold and rational. You can’t simply silence your mind like this.
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