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Posted: 1/15/2003 10:59:24 AM EDT
I told you guys earlier that I was going to try get the SEC and I past the old bag 'people greeter' at Wally World. Mission accomplished.

It's also going to be my last SEC trip out because the little guy had been diagnosed with a heart condition some time ago, and with the excitement of this last trip, I feel that any more excitement would be pushing things. The little guy's health comes first.


OK, I needed a hand with this one, so I grabbed Neighbor Bob and his kid. Bob drove, we arrived and he took my arm and led Kitty and I to the door and in we went. The old bag was there.

You guys all know the type, she was probably pretty about 55 years ago, and as her beauty faded, she replaced it with makeup and cheap perfume. She's also the type that comes totally unglued easily. I think the Wallyworld people won't let her wear any cheap perfume, which is a relief for everyone.

When we got near the old bag, she came toward us and offered me one of those dopey little go-carts in a VERY loud voice.

Any of you guys out there that are genuinely handicapped can tell the rest of us that people often do this to them. It is really annoying to them and it was annoying to me.(Just because your legs may not work doesn't mean you're deaf, dammit!)

I politely asked her how she expected me to steer one of those dopey carts. She got a bit embarrassed.


Anyway, she fawned over me a bit and asked me if the little guy was a real live seeing-eye cat.

"Absolutely," I replied.

Bob squeezed my arm and off we went to sporting goods. I hit an end counter with my knee, another with my foot, and plowed into a support post and chewed Bob out for not paying attention.We got to sporting goods.

I wanted to buy a box of .223 ammo any watch the clerk get weirded out.

What I DIDN'T know is that Bob and darling daughter had already rehearsed their act.

The sporting goods guy came out. He asked me what I wanted, and I told him I wanted a box of .223FMJ 55 grainers.

"A gift for a friend?," he asked.

"Nope. For my Mini-14," I replied. "Anyone tried to break in and they're toast."

"How do you shoot, are you just legally blind, or what?"

"Blind as a bat," I replied.

Bob's kid spoke up: "He shoots for a living. He's a trickshot."

He gave the kid a dirty look.

"We all work for Barnum and Bailey," said Bob."He's a trickshot, I'm an accountant and my wife's a lion tamer."

The guy gave Bob's kid an apologetic look.

"Do you work in the Circus?" he asked the kid.

"Yeah, I work with him," said the kid, looking at me. "He shoots the pinwheel I hold."

"You hold up a pinwheel and he shoots it?"

"Yes, I hold it in my teeth and give it a spin. When he hears the whir it makes, he shoots."

"How long is the stick?" he asked.

"About four inches", said the kid, casually.

The guy went straight into shock when he heard that.

The clerk recovered and looked at Bob.You raise your family on the road in the circus,Huh? how many kids do you have?"

"Had 4, got 3 now.We lost one some time back."

He didn't ask how. But the dubious look he gave me made me think that he thought I'd shot one of my buddy's kids under the Big Top.

Then he asked me about the little guy and said that he was the first seeing eye cat he'd ever seen. I explained that Bob's wife, the lion tamer, had trained the little guy in her spare time, and went on a while about the advantages of seeing eye cats over dogs.

He asked me what defensive measures I take if a dog tried to attack the little guy.

I explained to him that there was a little known Federal Law that permitted blind people with seeing eye cats to carry concealed handguns to defend their cats from vicious dogs.

"Gee, who da ever guessed?"

It was the kid that saw her first, and gave me the high sign. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the 'People Greeter'. She'd left her post and was  nearby picking up the phone. The kid sidled near her, and listened.

"Cops," said the kid.

The jig was up!( Leonard Skinner music here: Give me 3 steps)

The old bag looked up at us. "I've seen you in here before, and you're not blind. It's against the law to bring an animal in here!" she nearly shouted.

Had she threatened me first with the cops, I probably could have 'brassed it out' with threats of a huge lawsuit, but she had gotten uppity and called the bulls first.

I scooped up the little guy, and Bob tossed his truck keys to the kid who took off like a shot. It's common knowledge that the township out here has EXCELLENT police response time.

Bob and I  walked pretty quickly to the door, as not to stir up too much attention and when we hit the pavement, the little guy went up under my sweat shirt and promptly got really pissed off and started scratching the hell out of me. Ny new asshole is now about three inches above my naval.Bob was heading straight for the truck. I headed toward the exit. Nobody followed us into the lot, but the old bag stood in the door, trying to keep her eye on me.

By the time Bob got to the pickup, the engine was running, and all the doors were unlocked. He unparked and headed toward me at the exit. The kid popped open the door, and we made a pretty good 'Bonnie and Clyde'exit. Out to the highway, we hooked a right and not an eighth of a mile down the road, we saw the local LEOs coming with lights flashing.

I let Kitty out of his hiding place inside my sweat shirt, and he looked pretty upset, but got over it. Three miles down the road, we got on the Interstate and we were home-free.

I wonder what had happened if we hadn't unassed the area fast enough and had gotten caught.

BTW These SEC forays have sure taught me a lot about how many people percieve the handicapped. There sure are a lot of ignoramusses out there.

Link Posted: 1/15/2003 11:07:52 AM EDT
Picc, don't ever stop the SEC episodes!!!  Damn!!!
Link Posted: 1/15/2003 11:11:07 AM EDT
Another excellent adventure. Sorry to hear kitty isn't up to more adventure. Love these stories.
Link Posted: 1/15/2003 11:20:15 AM EDT
People got to learn to lighten up and have some fun.  Party Poopers.
Link Posted: 1/15/2003 11:21:46 AM EDT
You just made my afternoon w/that story.  The "I had 4 but lost 1" was priceless...
Link Posted: 1/15/2003 11:31:28 AM EDT
SEC = Seeing Eye Cat

That's too funny Picc   [:D]
Link Posted: 1/15/2003 11:44:09 AM EDT
You have got to get a new SEC.

The adventure must continue!
Link Posted: 1/15/2003 11:48:45 AM EDT
Darn, hope that's not the last SEC trip.
FUNNY stuff
Link Posted: 1/15/2003 11:57:28 AM EDT
Link Posted: 1/15/2003 11:57:42 AM EDT
damn that is some funny shit.you need to come up with some new places to try the SEC trick on
Link Posted: 1/15/2003 12:09:41 PM EDT
Kudos to you piccolo.  That was great![hail2]
Link Posted: 1/15/2003 12:12:20 PM EDT
Link Posted: 1/15/2003 12:16:34 PM EDT
Link Posted: 1/15/2003 12:31:23 PM EDT
DUDE!!! That was superb!!! How the hell did you ever come up with somehting like that????
Link Posted: 1/15/2003 12:38:48 PM EDT
Funny as a rubber crutch, piccolo- thanks- funniest thing I've read all day....[:D]
Link Posted: 1/15/2003 12:48:19 PM EDT
That was the funniest story I've heard on the internet in a looooong time.

Damn, that was hilarious. My wife thinks I'm a lunatic for laughing so hard...

For your next trick, Piccolo, you really need to capture an SEC mission with a digital camera and then post pics...
Link Posted: 1/15/2003 12:51:47 PM EDT
Just curious, is there actually a state or local law that prohibits cats in Wal-Mart, or is that just store policy?  If the latter the cops wouldn't have much of an issue unless you had been asked to leave and balked.
Link Posted: 1/15/2003 12:54:18 PM EDT
Hey picc;

I will never read a 10K or a Proxy Statement the same way again.

SEC used to equal Securities and Exchange Commission.

Now SEC = "Seeing Eye Cat"


Link Posted: 1/15/2003 12:54:29 PM EDT
Dammit these SEC threads are a riot!  I would NEVER be able to keep a straight face during ANY portion of that episode!  Jeezuz that shit is funny!
Link Posted: 1/15/2003 12:55:39 PM EDT

I love these things!!!!

Link Posted: 1/15/2003 12:57:52 PM EDT
That was great!!!!!!


Link Posted: 1/15/2003 1:47:15 PM EDT
Dont stop.
Link Posted: 1/15/2003 1:53:12 PM EDT
Ok I have put together the list... did I miss any?






Link Posted: 1/15/2003 2:08:07 PM EDT
Damn, Piccolo!

I could hear the banjos a' playin as you were making your getaway!!

Link Posted: 1/15/2003 2:10:31 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/15/2003 2:11:09 PM EDT by Backstop]
Thanks for making my day!!  
I'm not worthy! [hail2]

edit: icon repair
Link Posted: 1/15/2003 2:29:14 PM EDT
Originally Posted By 1GUNRUNNER:
Ok I have put together the list... did I miss any?






View Quote

making urls hot for those to lazy to cut and paste.
Link Posted: 1/15/2003 2:34:46 PM EDT
I knew someone would [;)] thanks.
Link Posted: 1/15/2003 2:38:55 PM EDT
Link Posted: 1/15/2003 2:43:04 PM EDT
the seeing eye cat will live in infamy along wtih treetops flaming backback.
Link Posted: 1/15/2003 2:46:20 PM EDT
That's funny as hell!  But your cops run blue lights to calls like that?
Link Posted: 1/15/2003 3:31:55 PM EDT
Well ...

You could get the SEC a little friend to break in for further adventures.  Only this time you hunt the pounds for the scroungiest looking Tom you can find, preferably with half an ear missing and a kink in his tail.
Link Posted: 1/15/2003 3:44:55 PM EDT
Closest I ever got to pissing myself.
Link Posted: 1/15/2003 4:02:57 PM EDT
Thank you Pic for posting the SEC stories.
They are great.
Link Posted: 1/15/2003 4:05:48 PM EDT
On animals in stores:

At least where I live, it's a 'public health violation', which can get you escorted from the associated store and a possible ticket depending on the cop-in-question.

Probably the same where you are: local ordinance, prohibiting commercial establishments (ex pet stores, SEDs, et al) from allowing animals inside...
Link Posted: 1/15/2003 4:14:56 PM EDT
I find it rather disturbing that anyone finds amusement in posing as someone with disabilities and/or making light of it.

How do you think the affected employees with view and treat truly disabled people in the future? Are you happy and proud that they may now look at people with disabilities at with suspiscion, no matter how small of a degree?
Link Posted: 1/15/2003 4:36:20 PM EDT

You again have made my day!  Thanks for the laugh.
Link Posted: 1/15/2003 9:29:54 PM EDT
Senor Piccolo, you get my vote as the "most looked forward to" poster in our little electronic township.  Funny shit man!!

If you ever find yourself headed for Albuquerque let me know, I'll have a bottle waiting with your name on it.

Link Posted: 1/15/2003 9:46:44 PM EDT
I think we should have a new forum expressly for Piccolos SEC adventures!

...Or at least TACK THEM!

Link Posted: 1/15/2003 10:19:26 PM EDT

Oh Boomer....and I thought we were gonna be friends.
Link Posted: 1/15/2003 10:48:22 PM EDT
Every time I read one of these, I can't believe it's real.....

Friggin hillarious!
Link Posted: 1/15/2003 11:48:19 PM EDT
I think you should do a gun show with the SEC.
Link Posted: 1/15/2003 11:54:49 PM EDT
Way cool Piccolo!!!
Link Posted: 1/16/2003 4:49:15 AM EDT
What a riot!  Thanks for another classic, Piccolo.  I've got one question, though.  When the greeter said "having an animal in the store is illegal"  did you hit her with a "if you knew it was illegal and that I wasn't blind, why did you let us in?" on the way out? [;D]

Hick [:E]
Link Posted: 1/16/2003 5:16:14 AM EDT
Originally Posted By 1GUNRUNNER:

Oh Boomer....and I thought we were gonna be friends.
View Quote

Sorry. A couple of years ago I probably would have been either indifferent or laughing right along with you guys. But since a nephew to whom I am quite close was paralyzed from the chest down in an ATV accident a year and a half ago, I've become quite enlightened to needs and plights of the disabled. In that light, pranks such as this lose their charm and humor.
Link Posted: 1/16/2003 10:43:26 AM EDT
My kitten is sitting here, ears back, with a panicy look wondering what is wrong with me. [LOL]

This is another great story Picc. Thanks much.

And yes, daughter is trying to train our cat to be a SEC. She loves these stories as well.

Link Posted: 1/16/2003 10:52:47 AM EDT
when you said "insert skynard here" i put on that song!

this SEC stuff is hilarious. [size=4]we need more episodes!!!! :)[/size=4]

Link Posted: 1/16/2003 3:40:06 PM EDT
Originally Posted By GAcop:
.....But your cops run blue lights to calls like that?
View Quote

Exactly what I was thinking.  What would they do for a shoplifter?...call in the SWAT team?

C'mon now...
Link Posted: 1/16/2003 8:56:06 PM EDT
Link Posted: 1/24/2003 7:51:56 PM EDT
Originally Posted By cyrax777:
the seeing eye cat will live in infamy along wtih treetops flaming backback.
View Quote

I didn't think anything would be in the same league as Treetop's flaming backpack, but the SEC is definitely one of them!

Link Posted: 1/24/2003 8:06:46 PM EDT
Man...that was great!...I'm still laughing and I've read every post in this thread.

Thanks Picc!

Link Posted: 4/22/2003 1:05:33 AM EDT
I'm way behind on the SEC thing (I somehow miss *every* thread, so I had to do a search today) so I'm putting this in my active for the links
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