Fuck it, switching carriers and keeping the phone.
I've got a brand new iPhone 5 (black, 16GB) for Cricket that I'd rather turn into a gun. I bought it thinking I could activate it on my Boost prepaid account, but no dice - it's still got the plastic stuff stuck to it and has not been setup or anything, just had to open it to get the ESN on the back while talking to the agent. 100% brand new and complete. The Cricket model has an unlocked SIM tray for use with AT&T/T-Mobile or any international SIM cards, but the CDMA radio will only work with Cricket's service - no Verizon, Sprint, Boost, Virgin, or other CDMA carriers.
Would like to trade for a used pistol, open to most anything valued around $500-700. Will happily take trades for multiple lower-value items, like a gun and ammo or magazines or what have you. As far as preferential treatment goes, a Beretta 92A1 is at the tippy-top of my wishlist right now, followed by a Glock 30 without the rail or an HK P9S. No Hi-Points or other shoddy guns, looking for decent stuff that I could trust for carry - Beretta, Sig, HK, Glock, CZ, FN, good names like that.
I will also consider non-pistol trades, could definitely use rifles to fill up my mostly-empty cabinet and ammo is always in short supply.