Divorce/MGTOW thread, probably fill more in later.

Has anyone ever experienced a good divorce? Like the ex actually be civil and not screw you over? Mine says she doesn't want to get nasty. I would have to back up all the way to pre-thanksgiving to go back to the beginning. But it was hell on me all the way through to New Years. I keep tossing around the nuclear football and want to try diplomacy first before Nuking the bitch.


TLDR: she cheated on me for over 2 months before I found out, waitied till i was at work and watched my every move before she acted and committed it. Sought out a biopic dude she knew when we first was together (18yrs ago) that she worked with, probably did him during that time too. Seems like i read that in GD one time that the behaviors of a cheater, and she fit it to a Tee. She wasnt going to ask for a divorce till now this year, and let me go through the first stages of it, while she was already prepped for battle. I let go all resentment to try to keep family intact or resembling respect for each other, regardless of what she did/does and not turn kids against anybody. I cant wait till she moves out and i feel the need to be fucking pissed while she fucks around online and physically with someone else while living under the same roof. However there isnt much recourse i can do, except domestic disturbance on the MF'r and that would put me a a huge disadvantage. Im just biding my time to keep the home and kids. Where does my rights end and hers begin as far as proving she is doing this? Is online affairs the same as a physical one in TX? Like phone sex? Yeah, go ask a lawyer, but wondering if anyone has experienced this before.

am i being too soft or am I playing it cool and too try letting her destroy herself? Not sure if this is the appropriate place, but GD may be not the best place to vent so much yet. I have mentioned it there, but not this detailed.

I’ve been divorced twice but didn’t have any kids with them. It sucks to find out that the spouse has and is screwing someone else and texting and talking to that person all the time while you are trying to do something to save your marriage. The best thing you can do is to not threaten or lay a finger on the soon to be ex. The second thing is to get an attorney and listen to what the attorney says even if your “mind” is telling you that you still love your “soon to be ex spouse so you have to provide for the spouse’s financial security” after your divorce is finalized. You need to look out for yourself and for your kids. If your spouse wants to leave let the worthless mother fucker leave. Your emotional toll on yourself from the divorce will weigh on you for a while and maybe even years. Later on though, you are going to find someone nice that will love you and will want to spend the rest of their life with you.

Thats is where i am at, i am lucky to found out and went through the grieving process already and not now. I have talked to a lawyer, haven't signed him yet, but im laying patiently. If she moves out, it will save me alot and i want have to go the route of needing hard proof. I will have more reasons to keep home and "setting the address" of the kids even if its a 50/50 split on custody. That is pretty much the basic minimum to fight for in that. The next step is closing the joint account, which i have gotten her to agree to. So staying calm and "understanding" is what i am doing.

Repost in GD and you'll get a bunch of responses from guys who have been through the same situation.

But what I see in all of those threads is almost always that the guy tried to be civil while the woman had already been talking to a lawyer who advises her to destroy the man. The lawyer doesn't make money from yall figuring it out yourselves.

You may still love her, but she clearly hasn't loved you in a while. Act accordingly for yourself and your kids, and don't get married again.

I wish you luck

Wish you best of luck with your divorce. It sucks brother, but better to end things. My main suggestion is to remain super civil and don't give her any leverage.

I've been divorced for just over a year. Didn't take me long to find someone much better. I waited until my divorce was finalized before I started dating again, actually a month after my divorce.

With my exwife, she found someone while I was stationed in Germany. Being Army Guard, my "deployment" didn't have a command sponsored spouse clause, so she could visit, but not stay. She had a good paying medical job anyway. While I was gone, she resented me for traveling and seeing Europe, at the same time she was paying off the debts of her boyfriend. Got back and told her to make a choice. She chose him, so I dropped the divorce packet. Took a week to compile everything and file. Hardest part was getting her to sign. We were fortunate we didn't have any kids. I kept my vacant parcel and truck and she kept her car.

What sucks is the timeline in Texas is 90 days from filing before the earliest hearing. I wanted to cut her off my Tricare sooner than later. Felt like riding a burning airplane to a safe height to jump from.

What I wish I had done was change my phone number and email after the divorce. My security clearance review resulted in my ex trying to reach out to me again. I didn't want to deal with her anymore. Not fair to my new girlfriend.

A buddy of mine in Warrant Officer training had a nasty divorce about the same time, with kids. Unfortunately Colorado gave the kids to her, even during her stroke her family kept the kids. Big drama. Felt bad for him as we were in the middle of our capstone. Fortunately he found a strong supportive girlfriend who genuinely cared for him.

The second to last paragraph is what bugs the hell out me! Supporting her while she does this, but if I completely cut her off, it could be construed as a type of abandonment. Luckily she just got a job, so no alimony risk hopefully, but I mentioned her taking out her own healthcare insurance, and she paused. She hadnt even considered it. I was like it would be cheaper this way, and i will keep the kids on mine. I have ways of fighting this, even if i don't get her on adultery. The next hurdle would be cutting off the cellphone, which is in my name and her connection to these bastards. Yes plural bastards, to what extent i dont know. Her dad and me are very close, but i see that evaporating pretty quickly if this goes south.

as far as 90 days, i have heard because of covid,  it could take much longer.

Two divorces, both with only one lawyer to do the paperwork.  Only represented me but just passed on the agreements with the ex wives.  No kids either way.  Maintained a friendship with both.  First has passed, second still a friend.

We used one lawyer for the initial divorce. Custody was 50/50, no child support, she kept the house and most of the debt.

It was cool. Then she went to court with the lawyer to finalize the agreement and the judge flat out asked her if she was sure she didn't want to hit me up for child support.

I made $37k at the time. She made $115k and we had a 50/50 agreement. There's a guy who should be doing criminal cases, not civil.

Everything was fine until a few years later she wanted the kids and wanted to change everything. Then it was scorched earth.

Your ex has this all planned out already, she just hasn't told you because she's waiting for the right opportunity or she's hesitating to give up her security blanket. Get a lawyer, force the issue.

I mean even if she walked back in today, stripped naked and gave you a blowjob, and said she was wrong and wanted to make it work, you wouldn't take her back right?

Rip the bandaid off before she corners you in some compromising position. You don't have to be mean, but you need to know where you stand.

I did my divorce in the middle of COVID, fall of 2020. Didn't have any issues with COVID. Actually worked out better as the divorce hearing was done via Zoom and I was able to do it in another city.

My biggest headache was she was in a mental hospital for part of the 90 days. I know I should like the bad guy, but I wanted out. Fortunately she got out and signed everything.

As the others mentioned, getting a lawyer is a good idea. Not to be mean, but can't trust her anymore.

Yeah, i keep going back and forth on this. I dont want to create a situation, but avoid one. She seems currently genuine, but you never know what outside influences will do, once she is on her own.

Yes

11:00pm? Yep, I'm in bed well before that

Mine finalized Oct of 2021, exactly 60 days from the filing date, didn't even have a court date, her lawyer just filed and it was a done deal at the 60 day mark.  I was sent an envelope with a single sheet of paper in it from the county saying it was done.  That was a weird return trip from the mailbox.  

We hashed everything out together leading up to her lawyer filing.  There were a number of unspoken tradeoffs.  I kept the house and all assets in it minus her personal things, paid her a little less than half of what she could have gotten if sold and split, she only went after 25% vs the 50% of my retirement she could have, she kept horses, trailer, newer vehicle, I only get one weekend a month with kid, but she doesn't want to see me anyway, I pay the full amount the state would require in child support, little way to get out of that, along with insurance for the kid.  Her original ask in the petition was full custody with no regards to geographical location (ie, she could have moved 1300mi to the guy, an old bf of hers, me and him know each in college, him recently divorce... she waited till his was finalized to tell me her intentions.  He was her secret emotional support for months leading up to it. I had been no prince leading up to it so, I understand.  It usually take two to succeed or fail.)

We get along pretty good now, at bare minimum you could call it cordial.  Biggest mistake I've seen people make is the inability to separate business from emotion when going through divorce.  Being vindictive does nobody except the lawyers any good.  Being cool with each other works out for everyone.  Split movie accounts, she still cuts my hair, has bought me cloths for dating, I've fixed her car, we talk on the phone for short periods.  She tried to tell me my most recent gf was a loon, told her she didn't know what she was talking about, she did a background search on her and shared the results, I still ignored.. turns out ex was exactly correct, gf was a loon and likely dangerous.

In dating, I have heard some horror stories, nightmares.  Biggest advice, keep the business and emotional part of divorce separate. You have the rest of your life to be happy or not with someone else, about one chance of making the court orders more favorable to you, then you have to live with that.

I had an agreed to divorce from my first wife. No kids.  Her lawyer tried to stir things up.  You know enhancing his billable hours. Remember billable hours.  So if you can sit down with her, lay things out and get a lawyer to file, you can save a bundle.  I know it sucks but she has moved on, you should too.  I've been with my second wife for 30 years now.  That first divorce was the best thing that happened to me.  Best of luck to you.