I have a dan wesson valkyrie, 4.25" 45 acp.   I just passed 5k rounds and the gun has almost, almost, run 100% perfect.   I am afraid of messing with the reliability of the gun, how do i pick a replacement recoil spring weight or should i just go with the factory recommended?

Go with factory recommendations + make sure you replace the firing pin spring as well

Keith at DW states that their commander length .45 would take a 20lb Wolff spring,
Bobtail a 23lb.
I use the 23 in my Guardian and it runs like a champ

Maybe some one could make this link work

https://forums.1911forum.com/showthread.php?t=209416

Different makers spec out different weight recoil springs for the various 4.25” guns.   Conventional weight for a colt is 18 lbs, my Baer calls for 21, but I run 20 with no issues.

A lot depends on the ammo too.

https://www.midwayusa.com/product/3415160533/wolff-recoil-spring-1911-commander

Order the 20lb from Midway. It comes with a fresh firing pin spring.

Remember the closed end of the recoil spring goes to the rear of the gun and open end goes towards the muzzle.

On the firing pin spring the smaller end goes on the firing pin first or the smaller end goes to the rear of the gun.

This is also a good time to pull your Extractor and clean the gunk out of the Extractor and firing pin channels with Gunscrubber and Q tips.
clean the Extractor and firing pin. Put the new springs on and put a drop of oil on the outside of the firing pin and spring ( Just a drop rubbed on with your fingers, that's all).

On the Commander this should be done every 1500 rounds.