My best friend for the last 25 years.

Found out he had prostrate cancer several years ago. His heart was too weak to operate or chemo, so they did radiation and hoped for the best.

He went to the doctor for back pain last week, they sent him directly to the hospital. 2 of his vertebrae are gone. He has spots on his throat and kidney that will be going for a biopsy this coming week. He hasn’t told me some of this, but his daughter called me. She said he is in denial and figured he hadn’t told me.

Anyway, he is stage 4 and will be going declining quickly according to the doctors.

He and I were drinking buddies for 20 years. I run a bar, he was there 5 days a week for years, as was I. We also worked together at my other business for about 6 years. We’ve basically talked everyday though that time.

I’ve been walking with the Lord for about 2 years. We’ve never really had a conversation about it, but I know he has seen the changes and what has happened to my behavior. I’ve made enough comments that he knows. I wish now I had been more direct.

Like I said, we lived a pretty sinful lifestyle together for a lot of years. I’m not sure if that helps in talking about Jesus to him or hurts. But now I need to have an effective testimony.

I think he has a belief in a “higher power”, but I’m not sure where he is as far as beliefs.

He has been part of my daily prayers for quite awhile.

Any advice would be appreciated.

I knew someone in my parents neighborhood, a retired executive who was now a Jehovahs Witness.  He made an effort to witness to the elderly, infirm, shut-ins, etc and was told to stop by the JW hierarchy.  He was told to only attempt to convert young people.  He was to ignore the elderly as they would not be able to go out and recruit others (and do fund raising).  THAT was when he began to reconsider what the Jehovahs Witnesses really were about.

Sinful history together or not, I'd say keep doing what you're doing for your friend. As someone with little to no 'official' religious beliefs but plenty of people in my life with them, I appreciate the fact that they're thinking of me, even if our beliefs don't align. You'll feel better in the long run knowing you've asked for help from your higher power, and if he's asking for some of the same, great. If he's not, or he's asking for it from somewhere else, well, you've done your part. Ask, but don't push it, if he'd like to join in whatever practice you participate, even if its a simple prayer.

Don't know if that helps much, but my ex's family is all VERY religious, as are some of my family members, and they all know I'm quite the opposite. The worst thing was either of us pushing our stance on the other, and at this point it sounds like your friend just needs someone to be available to talk to more than anything. Basketball, bar stories, religion, any of it just to chat seems to do well for the soul!

I would emphasize that no sin is too great for God to forgive a truly repentant sinner, even at the end of life. Look at the example of the thief on the cross next to Christ who was saved when he acknowledged his sins and professed his belief. Not sure where your friend is at, but a lot of people think that they are beyond hope and it's too late for them when that simply isn't the case.

ETA: and pray for him.

Consider he may have been your friend all these years b/c you didn't try to shove your religion down his throat.  If he wanted to join you at church, he would've.  Don't ruin your friendship on his deathbed.

At this point I’m more concerned with obeying Christ than my friendship with him.

I gotta wonder why you are posting on a religion forum if these are your feelings on the situation.

No kidding. I think some hurt feelings about you sharing your faith with him are going to be the least of his worries if he dies unsaved.

I'll pray for your friend and you. Just talk to him and be there. God will give you the words to say when it is time.

I think you should tell him that you would like to start a simple five minute or less daily prayer for his health. If he is interested, fine, if not that is that.

Regardless of the outcome you will feel better if you at least tried. The rest will be up to him. Prayers for your friend and his family as They go through this difficult period.

I will too.

Perhaps b/c this is supposed to be a religion forum and not the Christianity forum?  Plenty of those around.

If you're more concerned about your religion than your friendship, then leave the poor guy alone and let him die in peace rather than harangue him about hell.  Do you want all your Muslim acquaintances to show up at your deathbed and try to get you to say the shahadah?  Don't be the guy no one wants to spend eternity with.

Your post doesn't make sense. Shouldn't it be that if you are more concerned about your religion than your friendship, you should share the Gospel with him? And besides, sharing the Gospel is by far the most loving, caring, and honest act of friendship he can engage in at this point. The unloving thing to do would be to stay silent and risk what even agnostics acknowledge is the possibility that he will spend eternity in Hell.

I’m not going to argue. Thanks for your advice.  But I can’t follow it and let my friend go to hell without trying to help him.

My point is that if one values religion more than friendship, then you are no friend a'tall, and may a pack of Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses fight on your doorstep to witness to you on your last day on the planet.

You got saved, you need to take your best friend with you, you would want him to do the same for you, wouldn't you? You need to tell him about Jesus while you still have a chance. I believe this is a calling from God that you shouldn't ignore. This is literally God giving you the chance, one day you'll see the Lord and he'll remember if you tried to save your friend or not. The rest is your friend's choice if he chooses to believe.

I'll put it to you this way, I had a best friend just like yours as you described. We used to hang out and drink and sin. He died from terminal stomach cancer at 25 years old and he never knew Christ and I never had a chance to tell him. I hope you can understand how serious this matter is, and your friend has literally everything to lose. For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Jesus Christ our Lord.

I will be praying healing for your friend in the name of Christ.

I could go into a pretty lengthy discourse into why this is pretty terrible life advice,  but I don’t want to derail the thread. OP, I’m glad you’re going to reach out to him with the Gospel. We will be praying for you.

I’d call him and talk to him about his prognosis.  Mention in the conversation “I don’t know if you’re the praying type, but I will be praying for you.  It certainly can’t hurt even if you’re not.”

That puts the ball in his court.

Hard thing to do. Been there, done that.

I would suggest just bringing it up in conversation and see where he stands but dont push it.

Pray on it and pray for him, then ask him if he wants to talk about it. We tend to think on things like God when confronted with our own mortality and how it can mean connection or separation from those and the world we love.

The worst is he could say no. He won’t throw you out. If he says no, pray for him and be there for him. If he says yes, then God has opened a door.

God bless you both. Go forth and do great things in His name!

Prayers for you OP, and your friend.  Do what God leads you to do.  If it were me, I would share.

Pray on it and trust your gut my friend.

Find a Catholic priest and ask him what to do.  Confession would be a good start.  

OP, sounds like you're being a selfish ass. Just be there for your friend. He knows you found Jesus, and isn't interested.

FYI, the cancer will be or is affecting his brain. At this stage it tends to go there. It can happen really fast...within days.

He may seem confused and scared, and forget what he's saying, or say weird stuff. Just be there for him. God takes care of

all his children without regards to belief. Best wishes to you, and condolences.

What God does with unbelievers is the problem

No disrespect, but I think that's only a problem for those that have those beliefs. If I was on my deathbed,

someone telling me I was going to burn in hell unless I accepted Jesus is the shitiest thing someone could do.

That's coming from your own selfishness on what you think is right. This isn't coming from love, but from violence.

Pushing your beliefs on someone who probably can't even think normally is taking advantage.

Saying “no disrespect “ and then insulting me by putting words in my mouth and attacking strawmen you set up isn’t the dunk you think it is.

I thank everyone for prayers offered.

For those that are suggesting not sharing the gospel with him, that isn’t an option for me.  I believe the only route to Heaven is through our savior Jesus Christ. I will not let my friend go to Hell without trying to stop it.

This. Prayers for your buddy OP, as well as you

I think you are on the right track OP

You're absolutely right.
Tell him about what Jesus has done in your life and how you are different now than from the person he used to know. Tell him that it's so important, you felt you needed to share with him.

Pray on it. Ask the Lord to open his heart  

Even if he doesn't give his life to Jesus that moment you're with him, he still Could even upon his death bed.

I'm sorry to hear about your friend.

My recommendation is to go see him and talk to him, take your Bible with you, read the scriptures to him about salvation.

Offer to pray with him.  If he has questions, do your best to answer. Pray some more with him before you leave. Lead him to the Lord if you can.

Leave the rest up to God.

I will pray for you and your friend right now.

Don't push it, let him do his own thing. I don't want anybody preaching to me. Be his friend first and foremost.

This

If he says no he means No! Stop immediately.

As a member of one of these two groups, I chuckled at this response

And OP comes off as pretty arrogant with his certainty and conviction that his friend is going to hell.

Quite the friend indeed.

Welp, the Bible explicitly says exactly that.  That’s not arrogance, that’s Christianity.   Are Mormons a type of a universalist? Or is that one of those alleged mistranslations/corruptions you guys believe in? “No one comes to the Father except through Me unless they’re dying and inconvenienced by a friend, then y’all get a free pass.”

I’m genuinely impressed at the mind reading ability of some you guys who are just so confident of the OP’s motives.  And not just the OP, but other members as well.

No disrespect, of course.

*click*

And as a inactive member one of those two groups as well, I don't see the problem.  I'm 99.9% sure your group is the same as mine, and we spend years and $$$ traveling the world telling people their way is, essentially, taking them to hell.  

(My Bona Fides: RM, BYU grad, temple married, active for years, but my kids were married with me outside and I was left out of key parts of my dad"s funeral. Not mad, those were the consequences of my choices, just putting that put there.)

This is about a man worried about the eternal welfare of his friend.  I, personally, as a current agnostic/atheist, but formerly very religious person, don't see an issue.  When people come to me sincerely concerned about my eternal well being, I can't help but be moved.  

OP-- get advice from someone in real life.  I will say, as an athiest, and one who has suffered for it, I would be touched someone cared for me on the final stages of my turn on this planet.  

Just as I am when members of my family, local congregation, and friends at work talk to me about the "errors" of my ways.  

Of course I would want my Muslim friends to show up on my deathbed. Might be my last chance to share the Gospel with them.

That’s awfully presumptuous of you. Why don’t you let OP, who actually knows his friend, make a decision about what is best. It sounds like he’s going to reach out to him.

Pointing out that someone pondering whether they should do an action uses first person singular pronouns is hardly proof of self centered motives.

OP, you're doing a great thing for your friend, no matter how the situation turns out. The gospel message is one of absolute hope and salvation, and regardless of what some people here are posting you are being a very, very good friend to the end. Cancer may be taking his life, but it gave you a heads up opportunity before it's too late. I hope you can reach him.

I enjoy your posts as well and we do have quite a bit in common.

I think some here think that I’m here asking for opinions on if I should let him be or begin a daily ritual of preaching to him. I’m not considering either of those options.

I’m going to share my experience and God’s word with him. If he declines to engage and asks for me to stop, I will and I’ll continue to pray for him. I was originally asking for suggestions on HOW to do it, not if I should.

He is in the beginning stages.  He is still capable of doing most everything that he could do a year ago and he has lost no cognitive skills. I was told his decline would be sharp.

Thanks to everyone offering advice.

Nobody's right if everybody's wrong. On the other side of that coin is: Nobody's wrong if everybody's right.

Everyone posting in here is making good points, but no one is acknowledging such. Might the correct course of action lie somewhere in the middle?

OP wants to do the right thing for his dying friend. He's a friend, first and foremost, not a brother in Christ. Treat him as such. Be there to comfort him as a friend. Reminisce about the good old days, etc. At some point, casually and calmly ask if he's thought about repenting, and confessing his sins before leaving this life. If he says: "No", drop it right then and there. Get back to comforting him as your friend. Absolutely stay away from talk about Heaven and Hell; he already knows. Everyone knows. The same goes for talk about wanting to see him in heaven. Stay away from it.

In summary, calmly ask him if he's thought about it. Drop it for good if he says no, and get back to being his friend. He'll let you know if things change.

It'll be harder because he's your friend but it's too important to not do.

We are messed up and wrong with God (and as your buddy for years, he knows it), we can't make it right, and God can't accept what's not good as good.  You can't clean yourself up to present yourself to God and you can't be too bad for him to save, because nobody deserves it or can earn it.


“For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.

For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world might be saved through Him.

He who believes in Him is not judged; he who does not believe has been judged already, because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.

This is the judgment, that the Light has come into the world, and men loved the darkness rather than the Light, for their deeds were evil.

For everyone who does evil hates the Light, and does not come to the Light for fear that his deeds will be exposed.

But he who practices the truth comes to the Light, so that his deeds may be manifested as having been wrought in God.”

(John 3:16-21 [NASB])

Believe on his name means that you believe what that name means and that he is what that name says - messiah - savior - for you, you individually.

To crib notes from elsewhere (I did not write this):

------------------------





What must I do to be saved?

“What must I do to be saved?” is the question the Philippian jailer asked Paul and Silas. Paul and Silas answered with the Gospel: “Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and you will be saved, you and your household” (Acts 16:30, 31). The Gospel is all of God’s grace and simple, but many stumble on it, for it goes against our desire to do something ourselves to save ourselves. Rather it is Good News, because Jesus has done it all – it is His person and work a person must look to and believe. Jesus is the Son of God, perfect and without sin, who suffered the punishment due to his people on the cross and the wrath of God due to them that they might enter into direct communion with God once again. This substitutionary sacrifice for his people’s sin, foreshadowed in the Old Testament, sealed eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord for those who believe. What follows gives the Biblical content of what we believe about ourselves, Jesus, and what He did:

What is it a person needs to be saved from?

(1) The wrath of God due to us because of the guilt of our sin  

For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who suppress the truth in unrighteousness. (Romans 1:18)

And he who does not believe the Son shall not see life, but the wrath of God abides on him. (John 3:36)

And to wait for His Son from heaven, whom He raised from the dead, even Jesus who delivers us from the wrath to come. (1 Thessalonians 1:10)

(2) The consequences of our sin:

(A) Death  

And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, “Of every tree of the garden you may freely eat; but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.” (Genesis 2:16, 17)

Therefore, just as through one man sin entered the world, and death through sin, and thus death spread through all men, because all sinned…so that as sin reigned in death, even so grace might reign through righteousness to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord…. For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Jesus Christ our Lord. (Romans 5:12, 21; 6:23)

Therefore I said to you that you will die in your sins; for if you do not believe that I am He, you will die in your sins. (John 8:24)

(B) Condemnation  

For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved. He who believes in the Him is not condemned; but he who does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God. And this is the condemnation, that the light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. For everyone practicing evil hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed. (John 3:17-20)

And the gift is not like that which came through the one who sinned. For the judgment which came from one offense resulted in condemnation, but the free gift which came from many offenses resulted in justification…. Therefore, as through one man’s offense judgment came to all men, resulting in condemnation, even so through one Man’s righteous act the free gift came to all men, resulting in justification of life. (Romans 5:16, 18)

Hear this from the books of Romans and Ephesians:

First the truth about all of us in our lost, sinful condition:

As it is written:

“There is none righteous, no, not one;

There is none who understands;

There is none who seeks after God.

They have all turned aside;

They have together become unprofitable;

There is none who does good, no, not one.”

“Their throat is an open tomb;

With their tongues they have practiced deceit”;

“The poison of asps is under their lips”;

“Whose mouth is full of cursing and bitterness.”

“Their feet are swift to shed blood;

Destruction and misery are in their ways;

And the way of peace they have not known.”

“There is no fear of God before their eyes.”



Now we know that whatever the law says, it says to those who are under the law, that every mouth may be stopped, and all the world may become guilty before God. Therefore by the deeds of the law no flesh will be justified in His sight, for by the law is the knowledge of sin. (Romans 3:10-20)



And you He made alive, who were dead in trespasses and sins, in which you once walked according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit who now works in the sons of disobedience, among whom also we all once conducted ourselves in the lust of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, just as the others. (Ephesians 2:1-3)

And now the good news – the Gospel – showing us what God has done in Christ for his people:

But now the righteousness of God apart from the law is revealed, being witnessed by the Law and the Prophets, even the righteousness of God, through faith in Jesus Christ, to all and on all who believe. For there is no difference; for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, being justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God set forth as a propitiation by His blood, through faith, to demonstrate His righteousness, because in His forbearance God had passed over the sins that were previously committed, to demonstrate at the present time His righteousness, that He might be just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus. Where is boasting then? It is excluded. By what law? Of works? No, but by the law of faith. Therefore we conclude that a man is justified by faith apart from the works of the law. Or is He the God of the Jews only? Is He not also the God of the Gentiles? Yes, of the Gentiles also, since there is one God who will justify the circumcised by faith and the uncircumcised through faith. Do we then make void the law through faith? Certainly not! On the contrary, we establish the law. (Romans 3:21-31)

But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace have you been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works lest anyone should boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them. (Ephesians 2:4-10)

This same God-man conquered death for his people as he rose from the dead the third day, and after teaching and comforting the believers, he ascended into Heaven to sit at the right hand of the Father.

What are you to do? Believe what the Bible says about you – you are a sinner who deserves death and the wrath of God because of your sin. Believe what the Bible says about Jesus and what He did – He is the only begotten Son of God, the eternal Word who became flesh and was sinless and perfect; He was crucified on a cross and died bearing the sins of His people and rose again on the third day.

For He made Him [Christ] who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him. (2 Corinthians 5:21)

Moreover, brethren, I declare to you the gospel which I preached to you, which also you received and in which you stand, by which also you are saved, if you hold fast that word which I preached to you—unless you believed in vain. For I delivered to you first of all that which I also received; that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, and that He was buried, and that He rose again the third day according to the Scriptures.  (1 Corinthians 15:1-4)

But these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that believing you may have life in His name. (John 20:31)

---------------------------

Your friend has to understand his situation and the truth that he can't make himself right with God. After that, that Jesus is the savior of all who believe he died for their sins to save them, not because of anything they could do or for anything in them. It is a free gift.

I'll be praying for you. It can be hard to share the gospel proper with friends, especially when imminent death is involved.

For the Scripture says, “Whoever believes in Him will not be disappointed.”
For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek; for the same Lord is Lord of all, abounding in riches for all who call on Him;
for “Whoever will call on the name of the Lord will be saved.”
How then will they call on Him in whom they have not believed? How will they believe in Him whom they have not heard? And how will they hear without a preacher?
How will they preach unless they are sent? Just as it is written, “How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news of good things!”

(Romans 10:11-15 [NASB])

That's old news. Today, EVERYBODY has heard.

How is your buddy doing? @Ohiogators

Well played indeed, sir.

Is OP's buddy a hell bound sinner or just Catholic?  

Just spoke with him. He’s doing well as can be expected. His only real symptom at this point is back pain. He still seems to be fairly good spirits.

He had a biopsy today on tissue taken from near his lymph nodes. It is my understanding that the results will tell us quite a bit on how much time he has left.

I’ll see him in person later this week. That is when I plan to question him about where he stands with God.

Thanks everyone for your prayers.