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Posted: 8/10/2018 7:27:49 PM EST
[Last Edit: 8/10/2018 7:29:22 PM EST by USMC2111]
I had lunch today with some former coworkers today, and this legendary tale from our old employer came up:

"John" was a very successful money manager at our firm. He generated roughly $100 million in revenue a year, and his annual bonus alone was $10 million+. He was also a nice guy, treated everyone from the receptionist to traders well.

So the firm hires a new Director to run the group he is in. She is a bitch on wheels and decides to assert her dominance, starting with questioning just about everything he does. This went on for a few weeks, and one day she calls him into her corner office and starts in on him again.  He sat there for a minute, then started looking around the room, and finally interrupts her to say "I like this office, I think I'll take it", gets up and walks out.  He went back to his office, calls the Managing Director and said "If you don't get "Meg" off my back, I'm leaving. And I want her office too".

A couple of days later, corporate properties is moving her stuff to a plebian office down the hall and his stuff into the corner office.  From then on, he barely acknowledged her presence in the office.  Needless to say, we all were delighted watching this all play out.....He went full Honey Badger in a corporate world way.

What are your tales of someone getting their come-uppance?
Link Posted: 8/10/2018 7:31:19 PM EST
I took a shit in my principal's office after hours one time.
Link Posted: 8/10/2018 7:37:32 PM EST
I throughly enjoyed when they walked out our plant manager who had previously laid off 5 good engineers 2 years before because he held a grudge against them. He was a worthless piece of shit who weasled his way in on others coat tails. There is a thread here about how well an Engineer makes a good boss, this guy didn’t, but at the same time I can name 2 replacement engineers who did. They treated everyone fair but was a boss when needed. BTW...we’ve hired 2 of those back that were laid off and the other 3 found better jobs.
Link Posted: 8/10/2018 7:49:46 PM EST
I sat on a fork lift and watched the whole department I worked in shut down once. The new supervisor had some bug up his ass towards me because I didn't kiss up to him because his brother was section manager. I had written job duties every morning from him. Now mind you I was the only person in the department who could run and fix all the machines. That morning my job was just to drive the fork lift. Once the entire line shut down here came the plant manager to see what was going on. He asked me what was going on and I said "you'll have to ask my supervisor" and the girls at the end of the line lost it laughing. He went up through there and we watched the flailing of arms and he came back. He asked me if I'd go try to get shit going. I handed him my Job Duties for the Day list. He fucking lost it and the girls couldn't breath they were laughing so hard. He said I'll fix this and would you please fix all this shit.

The supervisor never spoke to me again for the rest of the week and then he was moved to another department. I thought it was pretty damn funny and the plant manager's brother was our old boss and he came and "helped" me get stuff going. Basically he just laughed with me over the whole thing.
Link Posted: 8/10/2018 7:59:35 PM EST
That's going to be really hard to top OP, but I'll try.

We were doing prostitution stings after complaints of lot lizards. We had a borrowed tractor trailer. Of the 7 of us, I was the only one able to drive it.

So I was to be the trucker. I can do a flawless southern accent, which in this part of the country would have been out of place enough to assist greatly in keeping cover.

The truck is bugged with audio so everyone can hear the conversation.

I flash the lights, they come in, they make the offer, the pick up car rolls in and grabs them.

We're knocking the skanky lot lizards down like crazy.

My DSG at the time was "Super Detective." Had to be the best at every single thing. He wanted to go in the truck with his dick haircut and his little scrubbrush mustache. Super Detective absolutely hated me, and I hated him.

First one gets in.  A sister.  He doesn't say a fucking word and the first thing out of her mouth:

lizard: "YOU A COP."

In his NNJ/NYC "obvious cop" accent:  "NO I'M NOT...."

lizard:  "YES YOU ARE."

SuperDet: "I ... I JUST WANNA HAVE A GOOD TIME!"

lizard:  "OKAY, SO YOU AINT A COP AND YOU WANT YO DICK SUCKED.  SHOW ME YO DICK THEN."

SuperDet: "BUT... WAIT A MINUTE...  "

lizard:  "NO, YOU WANT IT SUCKED, SO FUCKIN TAKE IT OUT.  AIN'T GETTING IT SUCKED IN YO PANTS...."

(We hear him unzip)

lizard:  "BWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

BUUUWHAA­AAAHAHAHAHA!!!! I AINT NEVER SEEN NO LITTLE ASS DICK LIKE THAT!!!"

SuperDet:  "YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!"

lizard:  "BWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!    YO SHIT LOOK LIKE A INCHWORM!"

(We are fucking roaring)

She spent the entire processing time describing his dick and balls, and was happy to entertain questions.

Years later, I made sure to call Super Detective and congratulate him on his promotion to Lieutenant.

A year after I became a Lieutenant.
Link Posted: 8/10/2018 7:59:51 PM EST
Yeah. About a year ago my department said that the hospital better get its shot together. We formed an informal group to help assess problems, did a salary survey, charted our entire dept out, showed we are paid about $15,000 less then comparable hospitals. We told them to bring us up to 90% of comparable wages. Heard nothing. Then he's and has. Then nothing. Big wings decide to take away our emergency privileges, play dumb, and put in our job description that we were going to help anaesthesia who make about 4x our salary. Then they get all up our asses because our review board was coming in and not picked stupid shit as we were working short and had a 120% census.

People lost their shit. 20% of the dept quit in a week.

Hospital decided they were going to give us our raises after all, then abruptly pulled that promise back. Our boss basically said she harbors no ill will and if we find better jobs she understands. About half the staff, basically everyone over 5 years seniority, has resumes ready.
Link Posted: 8/10/2018 8:17:42 PM EST
Originally Posted By USMC2111:
I had lunch today with some former coworkers today, and this legendary tale from our old employer came up:

"John" was a very successful money manager at our firm. He generated roughly $100 million in revenue a year, and his annual bonus alone was $10 million+. He was also a nice guy, treated everyone from the receptionist to traders well.

So the firm hires a new Director to run the group he is in. She is a bitch on wheels and decides to assert her dominance, starting with questioning just about everything he does. This went on for a few weeks, and one day she calls him into her corner office and starts in on him again.  He sat there for a minute, then started looking around the room, and finally interrupts her to say "I like this office, I think I'll take it", gets up and walks out.  He went back to his office, calls the Managing Director and said "If you don't get "Meg" off my back, I'm leaving. And I want her office too".

A couple of days later, corporate properties is moving her stuff to a plebian office down the hall and his stuff into the corner office.  From then on, he barely acknowledged her presence in the office.  Needless to say, we all were delighted watching this all play out.....He went full Honey Badger in a corporate world way.

What are your tales of someone getting their come-uppance?
View Quote

Yeah I ain't gonna come close to one-upping that! Well played
Link Posted: 8/10/2018 8:17:53 PM EST
[Last Edit: 8/10/2018 8:18:25 PM EST by goalieMN]
I got carjacked going to work in about 2000-2001.

I got lucky and stopped the carjacked with my own firearm.

The cops came to the hospital.  Rumor Mill goes epic.  The brass wants to fire me for having a gun in my truck (in a lock box chained to the seat, and legally carried). Hell, half the staff thought I shot the kid.

I end up in a huge meeting about my fate.

Oh, did I mention that I biked weekly with the CEO of the corporation (not the hospital) and had taken him shooting several times?

He showed up unannounced.  The employee manual was changed to clarify legally owned firearms in vehicles was ok despite the hospital being posted.

And, I know it's not nearly as cool as the OP story, but it felt fucking awesome.
Link Posted: 8/10/2018 8:25:19 PM EST
[Last Edit: 8/10/2018 8:29:22 PM EST by zegermanznew]
I spent about 8 years with a company building some great crews in a few different states.

My boss left and a new complete tool was hired to take his place. On his first day in position he called a phone meeting with all operations managers across the country and announced, to save costs, he was laying off 50% of the crews (for no apparent reason, literally just to assert some form of dominance and some of us think maybe to make room for some crews from his prior company he literally had just run out of business). I was vocally against it in the phone meeting, which ultimately put a target on my back (no big deal) and he stood his ground. According to him we were to lay them off at the end of the day.

After the meeting I called HR and asked the process for laying off a few of my crews. I knew the procedure and that it was impossible to follow through with his order. We literally needed last checks in hand to give to the employee. So I called HR to ask where the checks were.

HR not any of the brass had any idea. Hahahaha Needless to say, nobody got laid off, not one guy.

The next day he showed up at my office and confronted me in front of 12 or so co workers, including his boss. He told me I was out of line objecting to his decision and for calling HR. I told him he was ridiculous and literally laughed in his face. He then told me “You’re either for the company or you’re for the guys, and if you’re for the guys then you’re out”. I simply replied “What is the difference between the guys and the company?”  It escalated pretty wildly, he was literally trying to fight me.

Anyways, after nothing at all goes his way, he gets frustrated and just says “I’ve had enough, you’re fired”. I laughed and looked at his boss who immediately jumps from his chair and starts apologizing to me and telling me I’m not fired hahaha.

I was a thorn in his side for the next couple weeks while I found a new job. In those weeks he “fired me” two more times. Lolol

I’m not a person of power but I was very well respected both above and below me.

I refused to work for the douche and left shortly after. I was the first domino, a whole slew of operations managers left behind me, many assisted by me, and we pillaged their crews. All said and done, the exodus removed some 150 years of experience from the medium sized company. Their stock had been on a great solid climb for the previous five years and now its worth about 20 cents. They’re just dying slowly now, turnover is rampant, reviews are horrible, operations sporadically halt when they hit speed bumps etc. Its bitter sweet to watch.
Link Posted: 8/10/2018 8:38:02 PM EST
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By Spiffums:
I sat on a fork lift and watched the whole department I worked in shut down once...
View Quote
I interned at the Fram Oil Filter plant while I was working on my MBA.

I saw that scene play-out right before my eyes.

You are right. It was funny. A middle-manager with an ego shut down the assembly line because of his incompetence in dealing with people who actually fully-understood their jobs...

Upper-managment had to straighten-it out.

Simple solution... Demote the manager.
Link Posted: 8/10/2018 8:40:54 PM EST
[Last Edit: 8/10/2018 8:53:47 PM EST by IceStationZebra]
Let me tell you about the time I managed to get two senior managers fired with a question.  Guess I had more power than I thought! ??

I was new in a property and casualty insurer’s IT department.  I was so new that I didn’t have any responsibilities in the meeting I was in.  Therefore, I was able to mentally work through a spreadsheet my two senior managers prepared.  It was a spreadsheet showing our y2k compliant software.  The meeting was adjourned and I said “wait a minute, if I read this right on y2k day one we will be on excel x which isn’t y2k compliant.”  The tech support manager goes “wait he’s right, what’s going on here?”.

Turns out my two senior managers were setting the Tech support manager and the company up so that we couldn’t rate and sell insurance on y2k day one to get him fired.  I exposed their plot with a question.

Two days later they were both fired.  The email said “pursuing other options” nonsense but I was so young I believed they resigned instead of being fired.

So when my boss came in a few days later to clear her office out I was like “do you have a new role lined up yet?  No?  Wow that’s pretty gutsy to take that leap of faith in this job market, it’s bad out there!”.  She must have thought I was the most cold hearted sob ever.

Screw you samantha and Valerie!
Link Posted: 8/10/2018 9:51:44 PM EST
[Last Edit: 8/10/2018 10:03:01 PM EST by ssgsnake]
A long time ago, I was a buck sergeant in the Army. I was in communications/signal.
At that time, we used SB-22 portable switchboards, switching vans and VHF radio vans
to set up communication systems in the field. The end users were given TA-312 phones
and BA30 D cell batteries. To make a call, the end users cranked their phones and
connected to the local switchboard. The switchboard either rang the other phone/user
or connected thru other switchboards to the other phone/user. It was a simple time.

For local site security if available, I always set up a direct line to the MP's thru
a signal converter. I press a button and they come gang busters up the hill.

One hot sunny afternoon during a training exercise, I am operating the radio van. I
had sent my team to get some chow. I was sitting on my ass doing nothing. Suddenly,
the van starts shaking. I open the shelter door and a Lt. Colonel O-5 is rooting thru
the wiring in my exterier patch panel.

I grab the unaccompanied access roster. I see immediately the the O-5 is not on the
roster. I politely asked for his military ID. He becomes very uncooperative. While
he was bitching, yup....I pressed the MP button. I had never seen this officer before
and he was not in my chain of command.

The MP's arrived and apparently recognized him. I had them remove the O-5 from my
site. They may have enjoyed it. I stated the O-5 was not on the roster and had no
business being on my site. They all left quickly.

About an hour later, my LT rolls up the hill. He was walking funny. I believe his ass
hurt from the reaming. He was unhappy with the situation and me, but it was all his
fault. He signed and distributed the roster. I was doing my job and I very much enjoyed
it that particular day. His punishment was to send me to the O-5's tent to troubleshoot
and repair his phone.

I reported to the O-5 as ordered. I tried his phone. Humm, no side tone....wires look
clean....I already checked the switchboard....Humm....bad phone?.......

The look on the O-5's face as I opened the battery compartment was priceless. I
somehow kept a staight face as I asked him if he was issued batteries with his phone.
He reached into his cargo pocket and handed them to me. I put them in the phone and
cranked the switchboard. The connection was 5 by 5 perfect. All of the other officers
were trying not to laugh. I asked if he need any other assistance and I was quickly
dismissed.

It was a glorious day. I felt as good as the guy in the OP.
Link Posted: 8/10/2018 9:58:24 PM EST
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By STX:
I took a shit in my principal's office after hours one time.
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That escalated quickly.
Link Posted: 8/10/2018 10:06:37 PM EST
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By Spiffums:
I sat on a fork lift and watched the whole department I worked in shut down once. The new supervisor had some bug up his ass towards me because I didn't kiss up to him because his brother was section manager. I had written job duties every morning from him. Now mind you I was the only person in the department who could run and fix all the machines. That morning my job was just to drive the fork lift. Once the entire line shut down here came the plant manager to see what was going on. He asked me what was going on and I said "you'll have to ask my supervisor" and the girls at the end of the line lost it laughing. He went up through there and we watched the flailing of arms and he came back. He asked me if I'd go try to get shit going. I handed him my Job Duties for the Day list. He fucking lost it and the girls couldn't breath they were laughing so hard. He said I'll fix this and would you please fix all this shit.

The supervisor never spoke to me again for the rest of the week and then he was moved to another department. I thought it was pretty damn funny and the plant manager's brother was our old boss and he came and "helped" me get stuff going. Basically he just laughed with me over the whole thing.
View Quote
You sound union.
Link Posted: 8/10/2018 10:07:22 PM EST
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By blinded:
You sound union.
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Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By blinded:
Originally Posted By Spiffums:
I sat on a fork lift and watched the whole department I worked in shut down once. The new supervisor had some bug up his ass towards me because I didn't kiss up to him because his brother was section manager. I had written job duties every morning from him. Now mind you I was the only person in the department who could run and fix all the machines. That morning my job was just to drive the fork lift. Once the entire line shut down here came the plant manager to see what was going on. He asked me what was going on and I said "you'll have to ask my supervisor" and the girls at the end of the line lost it laughing. He went up through there and we watched the flailing of arms and he came back. He asked me if I'd go try to get shit going. I handed him my Job Duties for the Day list. He fucking lost it and the girls couldn't breath they were laughing so hard. He said I'll fix this and would you please fix all this shit.

The supervisor never spoke to me again for the rest of the week and then he was moved to another department. I thought it was pretty damn funny and the plant manager's brother was our old boss and he came and "helped" me get stuff going. Basically he just laughed with me over the whole thing.
You sound union.
Nah, "malicious compliance" is a time-honored technique in many shops.
Link Posted: 8/10/2018 10:22:50 PM EST
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By ken_mays:

Nah, "malicious compliance" is a time-honored technique in many shops.
View Quote
Easiest way to get your boss in trouble....do exactly what they tell you to do.
Link Posted: 8/10/2018 10:38:43 PM EST
My second real job I worked at a sit down Pizza Hut. Sometimes a restaurant will just get slammed unexpectedly.
There were 4 people on shift.  2 waitresses, myself, and a new assistant manager.
The restaurant was packed. Every table full, the waitresses split the dinning area. I was able to keep orders under 20 minutes working like a fiend, making pizza, and cutting them. The ovens were both fired up and full.
Where was the assistant manager? Doing “manager” things at the back, while we desperately needed her to run the cash register.
I kept yelling to the back we needed her help, her only response was to tell me the dishes were piling up.

I clocked out and left.

Next day my manager told me if I ever pulled that again, I was fired. The assistant manager was fired.
Link Posted: 8/10/2018 11:58:29 PM EST
[Last Edit: 8/11/2018 12:05:55 AM EST by R2point0]
I worked for a division of a Very Large Nonprofit in the Facilities and Construction department. We had a number of facilities in various stages of construction, and many more smaller projects. Another division also had a similar department, but was running out of work. The Director of that division was a slimeball of epic proportions, and had an "audit" performed showing us to be incompetent and wasting money. He used that to get the CEO to order that all construction work be transferred to slimeball's department.

The day of the transfer comes, and Slimeball marches into our department and says "Why are you all still here? You work for me now." Our Director responds "You took new project construction - that's about half of what we do. I need everyone. Find your own staff.". Again, to CEO to bitch. CEO askes who Slimeball needs, and Slimeball actually looks at the projects. He decides that, out of 3 projects, only one is "clean enough" to take, so 1 engineer will go to his department. Oh, and Slimeball says he's not taking other stuff we do, like refrigeration and HVAC system, etc. CEO is getting irritated, says "Write a memorandum of understanding giving Slimeball what he wants, sign it, and get out of my hair." Almost everyone in my Division starts updating their resume; I volunteered to write the MOU. I do, Slimebag and my boss sign it, we send an engineer off to work for him.

Fast forward a few months. Poached engineer has quit and followed her husband to England, and I get assigned to represent our Division's interest in the building. I meet with Slimeball's project manager weekly, a middle aged divorced woman whose only qualification is an AS in construction management from a community college and 3 years being Slimeball's flunky. Everyone is on their best behavior and cooperative - until the bids come in.

I ask to see the bids, and am told that they aren't ready for publication yet. Respond that I understand that, I'm not publishing them, but I want to see them. "Well, they aren't scoped out yet and they aren't apples to apples." I say "I understand, I've been a construction PM for 10 years, I know how to analyze bids, I still want to see them." Still no.

So I change my approach. "As the Project Manager I am *directing* you to send me copies of the bid package." She freaks out - "I'm the project manager! You are treating us like a Construction Manager!" (referring to Slimeballs department.) I reply "That's because you ARE the construction managers. I am the project manager. I direct your departments scope, I authorize expenditures." "No you don't!" I respond "Go read the MOU that your boss signed." She scampers away to do so, and I tell my boss what's up.

2 days later Slimeball calls the CEO to demand that the MOU be declared void because it was obviously not what he had in mind. CEO tells him not to bother  - the Chief of Operations for my division (which also happened to be the main source of revenue for the whole organization) had already met with the CEO and said that if Slimeball was going to continue to be involved in construction of HER buildings, she would cancel them all. My department got all of our scope back, and Slimeball left the organization and went to...USPS Facilities.

TLDR: winner of an interdepartmental power struggle didn't bother to consolidate his victory, let his "defeated" foes write their own surrender terms, and lost it all (and more) a few months later.
Link Posted: 8/11/2018 12:30:49 AM EST
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By R2point0:
I worked for a division of a Very Large Nonprofit in the Facilities and

TLDR: winner of an interdepartmental power struggle didn't bother to consolidate his victory, let his "defeated" foes write their own surrender terms, and lost it all (and more) a few months later.
View Quote
That's beautiful man
Link Posted: 8/11/2018 12:37:56 AM EST
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By ken_mays:
Nah, "malicious compliance" is a time-honored technique in many shops.
View Quote View All Quotes
View All Quotes
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By ken_mays:
Originally Posted By blinded:
Originally Posted By Spiffums:
I sat on a fork lift and watched the whole department I worked in shut down once. The new supervisor had some bug up his ass towards me because I didn't kiss up to him because his brother was section manager. I had written job duties every morning from him. Now mind you I was the only person in the department who could run and fix all the machines. That morning my job was just to drive the fork lift. Once the entire line shut down here came the plant manager to see what was going on. He asked me what was going on and I said "you'll have to ask my supervisor" and the girls at the end of the line lost it laughing. He went up through there and we watched the flailing of arms and he came back. He asked me if I'd go try to get shit going. I handed him my Job Duties for the Day list. He fucking lost it and the girls couldn't breath they were laughing so hard. He said I'll fix this and would you please fix all this shit.

The supervisor never spoke to me again for the rest of the week and then he was moved to another department. I thought it was pretty damn funny and the plant manager's brother was our old boss and he came and "helped" me get stuff going. Basically he just laughed with me over the whole thing.
You sound union.
Nah, "malicious compliance" is a time-honored technique in many shops.
I wasn't aware it had a name, but I'm very familiar with the concept and execution.
Link Posted: 8/11/2018 1:45:36 AM EST
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By MMGUT:

That's beautiful man
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I privately consider that memo one of my highlights of my career. At first glance it really did look like he got control of the projects. But the details and attachments (flowcharts, org charts) detailed how hollow the control was.
Link Posted: 8/11/2018 2:20:32 AM EST
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By goalieMN:
I got carjacked going to work in about 2000-2001.

I got lucky and stopped the carjacked with my own firearm.

The cops came to the hospital.  Rumor Mill goes epic.  The brass wants to fire me for having a gun in my truck (in a lock box chained to the seat, and legally carried). Hell, half the staff thought I shot the kid.

I end up in a huge meeting about my fate.

Oh, did I mention that I biked weekly with the CEO of the corporation (not the hospital) and had taken him shooting several times?

He showed up unannounced.  The employee manual was changed to clarify legally owned firearms in vehicles was ok despite the hospital being posted.

And, I know it's not nearly as cool as the OP story, but it felt fucking awesome.
View Quote
Not nearly as entertaining, but after a workplace shooting In halstead we had a big uproar at our plant about security, the line from HR previously was that we were not able to have firearms in our cars on company property which was a violation of state law.  They had one of the HR security big wigs in for a talk about security and she let everyone know that according to state law, which preempts company policy, that we could not only have firearms in our cars and CC up to the point we walked through the gate, but that she would encourage it.  Local management shit a brick....
Link Posted: 8/11/2018 2:38:44 AM EST
[Last Edit: 8/11/2018 2:41:25 AM EST by AcidGambit]
Not as good as y’alls, but the best I have. When I bought my BMW M3 the dealership was totally incompetent from me test driving the used one thay had on the lot, to ordering, to setting up picking that car up at the BMW Performance Center in SC. Hell, it was two hours before I left before I got my temp tag.

So, I get up there and have a great time. The professional driver is showing me all the shit my car does and the damn BMW concierge button/sos doesn’t work, thendealer is supposed enter the info in the system, everyone else’s worked. Pro Driver runs off to email them, I go out in the parking lot and call the dealership. Now, I have a real low tolerance for incompetence and an even lower tolerance for BS (ie: I have a really bad temper), my girlfriend tells everyone “watch this.”

I’m hot, but being nice, then I start getting the “ don’t kow,” I lose my fuckng shit... Everyone, staff, customers, is glued to the glass windows, I’m yelling at the GM of the dealership now, according to my gf you could hear me inside, people were lauging at my one-liners and insults. Finish the call and walk in, instantly calm. Gizmo has been turned on, it’s all good. We go to lunch, you eat in the employee dining room.

The employess are really great, love their jobs, love the product, true interest in their customers, we have employees sitting with us. Guy joins us and asks about our buying experience, we go around the table, they get to me, I hear my gf mutter an “oh, shit.” I give every detail of how horrible my experience was, very politely, and end with the service not being turned on. The guy apologizes, tells us to enjoy the est of our visit and excuses himself.

Turns out he is like the VP of BMW North America, or pretty high up there. My gf knew someone who worked at that dealership (ordered it before we were dating). Apparently the important guy sitting next to me excused himself and proceeded to call the dealership and chew everyfuckingbody out. Salesman was fired that day. The GM called me twice kissing my ass.

That dealership was in sheer terror when I would bring it in for service.

P.S. So years later the novelty wears off, I prefer my truck, I’m not driving it much and Imfigure why let it depreciate (little did I know about the V8 M3 would hold its value), I sell it to a automotive buyer/middleman. I’m driving by the dealership and there is my fucking car (I had OEM German black chrome grills and gills installed, ordered them from Germany). These fuckers are asking more than I paid for it and ot’s 2.5yrs old. It sits and sits for months. They send it to auction (remember gf knows a guy who works there), it sold for less than the dealership had bought it for, like thousands less. Fuck you local BMW dealership, ya pricks.
Link Posted: 8/11/2018 8:36:19 AM EST
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By AcidGambit:
Not as good as y’alls, but the best I have. When I bought my BMW M3 the dealership was totally incompetent from me test driving the used one thay had on the lot, to ordering, to setting up picking that car up at the BMW Performance Center in SC. Hell, it was two hours before I left before I got my temp tag.

So, I get up there and have a great time. The professional driver is showing me all the shit my car does and the damn BMW concierge button/sos doesn’t work, thendealer is supposed enter the info in the system, everyone else’s worked. Pro Driver runs off to email them, I go out in the parking lot and call the dealership. Now, I have a real low tolerance for incompetence and an even lower tolerance for BS (ie: I have a really bad temper), my girlfriend tells everyone “watch this.”

I’m hot, but being nice, then I start getting the “ don’t kow,” I lose my fuckng shit... Everyone, staff, customers, is glued to the glass windows, I’m yelling at the GM of the dealership now, according to my gf you could hear me inside, people were lauging at my one-liners and insults. Finish the call and walk in, instantly calm. Gizmo has been turned on, it’s all good. We go to lunch, you eat in the employee dining room.

The employess are really great, love their jobs, love the product, true interest in their customers, we have employees sitting with us. Guy joins us and asks about our buying experience, we go around the table, they get to me, I hear my gf mutter an “oh, shit.” I give every detail of how horrible my experience was, very politely, and end with the service not being turned on. The guy apologizes, tells us to enjoy the est of our visit and excuses himself.

Turns out he is like the VP of BMW North America, or pretty high up there. My gf knew someone who worked at that dealership (ordered it before we were dating). Apparently the important guy sitting next to me excused himself and proceeded to call the dealership and chew everyfuckingbody out. Salesman was fired that day. The GM called me twice kissing my ass.

That dealership was in sheer terror when I would bring it in for service.

P.S. So years later the novelty wears off, I prefer my truck, I’m not driving it much and Imfigure why let it depreciate (little did I know about the V8 M3 would hold its value), I sell it to a automotive buyer/middleman. I’m driving by the dealership and there is my fucking car (I had OEM German black chrome grills and gills installed, ordered them from Germany). These fuckers are asking more than I paid for it and ot’s 2.5yrs old. It sits and sits for months. They send it to auction (remember gf knows a guy who works there), it sold for less than the dealership had bought it for, like thousands less. Fuck you local BMW dealership, ya pricks.
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You sound like you need anger management, seriously.

Is your name Nate and are you a sixer’s fan?

Anger Management (2/8) Movie CLIP - Goosfraba (2003) HD
Link Posted: 8/11/2018 8:48:05 AM EST
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Originally Posted By STX:
I took a shit in my principal's office after hours one time.
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One of our asst principals in high school was a black man who hated white kids. I wished we had camera phones back then because it was so obvious it was pathetic. He’d walk right by 5 or more ghetto gobblins dry humping in the courtyard at lunch to bust a white couple holding hands. Well he had it in for me and got me for hugging a girl at lunch one day and off to his office we went. He chewed my ass and was about to suspend me for 2 days.

LUCKILY, a good buddy had recently been in trouble and had been in his office. My buddy was left there alone for about 5 minutes and seized the opportunity to check his desk for a few blank hall passes. What he found was a 3/4 full bottle of Jack. He had told me about it. I knew I was already about to get 2 days off so I decided to play bluff. He chewed my ass for a bit and was just starting in about suspending me and I interrupted him politely, by saying something along the lines of you can suspend me but the first thing I’m going to do is call the local paper and show them the picture I have of the bottle of jack in your drawer.

Now he looked just like Cooke on Commando. I thought for a minute I was fucking dead. He looked me right in the eye and told me to get my ass back to class and don’t be doing no more public displays of affection.

Never said a word to me again.
Link Posted: 8/11/2018 9:18:17 AM EST
Worked in business development for a national ambulance company. Division I worked at had an office manager who was smoking hot mid-40 year old who looked like a fitness competition chick with nice bolt-ons but acted like she was everyone's boss even though she had no authority over operations, communications, business development, training, etc.

Office people's work hours were 8a-5p, with a one-hour lunch break. Her typical day was coming in around 9:30a-10a, working for a few hours, then going to "lunch" for a few hours (where she went to the gym, showered, and would come back wearing different clothing), work for a few more hours, then go home around 3p-4p. All in all she maybe worked a few hours per day. And to top it all off, she had an assistant office manager who did all the real work.

Since 90% of the people working there were mostly young(er) men they gave her a pass on her schedule and work ethic and would do whatever she asked because she was so hot. The few women working there hated her. Eventually the divisional manager was moved to another state and a new guy was brought in.

The new divisional manager was a young guy fresh out of getting his MBA who had the whole JFK junior look going on. Since he had a super-model hot girlfriend he wasn't swayed by the flirty eyelashes of the office manager. He fired her within a few months and promoted the assistant to office manager. Turned out the old Division Manager's wife was best friends with the hot 40 something office manager, which is why she was protected and allowed to work like she did.
Link Posted: 8/11/2018 10:28:30 AM EST
I used to manage a Blockbuster Video store back in the 1990’s. My store was about 1/2 mile south of the world headquarters in Ft Lauderdale, and was the ‘focus’ store that would test new marketing, promotions, new items and the like. Around 1994 Blockbuster bought a franchise chain of about 50 stores in the Carolinas and the franchise upper echelon were given jobs working for Blockbuster. As such, franchise employees replaced my district manager, zone (aflorida) manager, and the East coast VP. My new district manager was a southern princess, a hefty ex-beauty pageant runner up type in her mid forties, a no-longer hot bitch who was used to getting her way with EVERYTHING.

Around the time Disney’s ‘Aladdin’ came out on video, she came to our store and announced that there was a sales ‘competition’ with all the stores in her district. She told the zone manager and east coast VP that her stores would pre-sell more copies of Aladdin than any other district on the East Coast.

Her plan, she explained, was for every employee to go door-to-door in neighborhoods around the store, knock on doors, and ask if the homeowner would like to pre-order a VHS copy of ‘Aladdin’ for $25.95(!). The employee would write up an order form, tasks cash or check, then give the customer a receipt. A month later, when the movie was released on video, the customer could come to the store and pick up their copy of the movie. Each employee would have to do at least eight hours a week of door to door ‘sales’.

I told my boss that one, I didn’t think I had enough hours on the schedule to send my employees out going door-to-door eight hours a week, and two, this was south Florida, hot as hell outside, plus our immediate neighborhood was , while mostly nice upscale businesses (Mercedes dealership next door), the residential neighborhoods were kind of urban and not somewhere you’d want to send employees on foot carrying cash.

My district manager responded that the employees wouldn’t be getting paid, they’d be ‘off the clock’, so it wouldn’t affect my schedule.

I told her I was pretty sure it was illegal to make employees work off the clock, and she said any employee who didn’t want to do it could ‘choose to quit’. I asked her if I could get this in writing to give to all my employees when I explained the ‘sales contest’ to them, and surprisingly she agreed and sent me a signed memo stating the ‘work off the clock or choose to quit’ policy.

I called HR up at the corporate office, and said I had an insurance coverage question. The insurance VP for HR came on the line and asked if she could help me. I explained that my district manager was requiring every employee to work eight hours a week, off the clock, going door to door selling VHS tapes, and I needed to know if they were covered by workman’s comp since they’d be off the clock and working off of the property.

The insurance VP was flabbergasted. She brought the HR VP onto the line and had me repeat what I’d said, then had me fax them the signed document from the district manager with the ‘work off the clock or choose to quit’ statement. Within an hour, I get a call from my district manager telling me I’d been fired, she was coming to the store to get my keys.

I call back the HR Vice President, and tell her the DM just called me and fired me. She pauses for a moment, puts me on hold, and speaks to the VP of branch operations, and (I later learned) the company president, Steve Berrard, the number two guy at the company. She comes back on the line and tells me not to worry. I’m not fired.

My DM came into the store, spitting mad, tells me the contest is cancelled. She lamented that if this had been a franchise store and not a corporate store, I would have been fired ‘for disobeying her’. I gave her a smile and went about my day.

About a month later, on a late Saturday night, my employees heard screams coming from the closed Mercedes dealership next door. We went to investigate and found a woman being sexually assaulted in the shadows between two parked cars. Two employees and I tackled the rapist and held him until the cops arrived, another employee rode with the female victim to the hospital, we all gave statements and I wrote up an incident report and sent it to corporate to the risk management VP.

I few weeks later my crazy district manager calls me up, a complaint call was logged into the 1-800 customer service number by a customer who says he’s cancelling his account for ‘bad customer service’ and she wants me to call the guy, find out what the issue is, and fix it with it 24 hours. She says if there are any employee complaints from the customer, she wants the offending employees fired immediately. I take the name and contact information for the complaining customer. The name sounds familiar but I can’t remember where or how I know the guy’s name. I got to the store computer and bring up his blockbust account but there isn’t anything on it that jogs my memory. I call his phone # but get no answer, so I leave a message. I’m sitting there in the office, mulling over his account info, then I start leaving through my log book of incident reports. I find what I’m looking for. The complaining customer is the rapist. I call our customer service center and have them pull his complaint log. Yep, it’s the same guy. Same date as the rape. He says we called the police on him, so he’s cancelling his membership and never going to rent from us again.

I call my district manager and tell her the complaint customer is the rapist. She tells me a customer is ‘always right’ and keeping customers happy is our number one concern. She wants the two employees who held him until the police came to be fired ‘immediately’.  For about ten minutes we argue back and forth, and I finally get off the phone. I call the HR VP again, and explain that I’ve been ordered terminate two employees for stopping a rapist, and I’m wondering if I have to give them their accumulated sick hours and vacation days as part of the severance package. She’s flabbergasted and asks me to explain what the hell im talking about. In short order I’m on a conference call with risk management, branch ops, and a bunch of other VP’s and higher ups. Within an hour, my District Manager was gone. No longer employed.
Link Posted: 8/11/2018 10:50:29 AM EST
Originally Posted By USMC2111:
I had lunch today with some former coworkers today, and this legendary tale from our old employer came up:

"John" was a very successful money manager at our firm. He generated roughly $100 million in revenue a year, and his annual bonus alone was $10 million+. He was also a nice guy, treated everyone from the receptionist to traders well.

So the firm hires a new Director to run the group he is in. She is a bitch on wheels and decides to assert her dominance, starting with questioning just about everything he does. This went on for a few weeks, and one day she calls him into her corner office and starts in on him again.  He sat there for a minute, then started looking around the room, and finally interrupts her to say "I like this office, I think I'll take it", gets up and walks out.  He went back to his office, calls the Managing Director and said "If you don't get "Meg" off my back, I'm leaving. And I want her office too".

A couple of days later, corporate properties is moving her stuff to a plebian office down the hall and his stuff into the corner office.  From then on, he barely acknowledged her presence in the office.  Needless to say, we all were delighted watching this all play out.....He went full Honey Badger in a corporate world way.

What are your tales of someone getting their come-uppance?
View Quote
Expert power, in business that really is the only type that matters....
Link Posted: 8/11/2018 10:51:55 AM EST
I don't have any nice stories.  Just my imaginings of what it will look like when I finally get pissed off enough to quit and there's no one left pulling the weight.
Link Posted: 8/11/2018 10:54:26 AM EST
Cool story. Okay screen name.
Link Posted: 8/11/2018 10:57:49 AM EST
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By fargo007:
That's going to be really hard to top OP, but I'll try.

We were doing prostitution stings after complaints of lot lizards. We had a borrowed tractor trailer. Of the 7 of us, I was the only one able to drive it.

So I was to be the trucker. I can do a flawless southern accent, which in this part of the country would have been out of place enough to assist greatly in keeping cover.

The truck is bugged with audio so everyone can hear the conversation.

I flash the lights, they come in, they make the offer, the pick up car rolls in and grabs them.

We're knocking the skanky lot lizards down like crazy.

My DSG at the time was "Super Detective." Had to be the best at every single thing. He wanted to go in the truck with his dick haircut and his little scrubbrush mustache. Super Detective absolutely hated me, and I hated him.

First one gets in.  A sister.  He doesn't say a fucking word and the first thing out of her mouth:

lizard: "YOU A COP."

In his NNJ/NYC "obvious cop" accent:  "NO I'M NOT...."

lizard:  "YES YOU ARE."

SuperDet: "I ... I JUST WANNA HAVE A GOOD TIME!"

lizard:  "OKAY, SO YOU AINT A COP AND YOU WANT YO DICK SUCKED.  SHOW ME YO DICK THEN."

SuperDet: "BUT... WAIT A MINUTE...  "

lizard:  "NO, YOU WANT IT SUCKED, SO FUCKIN TAKE IT OUT.  AIN'T GETTING IT SUCKED IN YO PANTS...."

(We hear him unzip)

lizard:  "BWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

BUUUWHAA­AAAHAHAHAHA!!!! I AINT NEVER SEEN NO LITTLE ASS DICK LIKE THAT!!!"

SuperDet:  "YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!"

lizard:  "BWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!    YO SHIT LOOK LIKE A INCHWORM!"

(We are fucking roaring)

She spent the entire processing time describing his dick and balls, and was happy to entertain questions.

Years later, I made sure to call Super Detective and congratulate him on his promotion to Lieutenant.

A year after I became a Lieutenant.  
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Nice!
Link Posted: 8/11/2018 11:05:53 AM EST


Lord Evelyn de Rothschild poking Prince Charles in the chest
Link Posted: 8/11/2018 11:23:52 AM EST
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By STX:
I took a shit in my principal's office after hours one time.
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That is the first good laugh of the day.
Link Posted: 8/11/2018 11:24:57 AM EST
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Originally Posted By speedbuggy16v:
Not nearly as entertaining, but after a workplace shooting In halstead we had a big uproar at our plant about security, the line from HR previously was that we were not able to have firearms in our cars on company property which was a violation of state law.  They had one of the HR security big wigs in for a talk about security and she let everyone know that according to state law, which preempts company policy, that we could not only have firearms in our cars and CC up to the point we walked through the gate, but that she would encourage it.  Local management shit a brick....
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The guns in vehicles here made a company lose tens of millions of dollars. Companies stupid policy doesn’t trump state law.
Link Posted: 8/11/2018 12:09:06 PM EST
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Originally Posted By Huskercoop:
The guns in vehicles here made a company lose tens of millions of dollars. Companies stupid policy doesn't trump state law.
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Originally Posted By Huskercoop:
Originally Posted By speedbuggy16v:
Not nearly as entertaining, but after a workplace shooting In halstead we had a big uproar at our plant about security, the line from HR previously was that we were not able to have firearms in our cars on company property which was a violation of state law.  They had one of the HR security big wigs in for a talk about security and she let everyone know that according to state law, which preempts company policy, that we could not only have firearms in our cars and CC up to the point we walked through the gate, but that she would encourage it.  Local management shit a brick....
The guns in vehicles here made a company lose tens of millions of dollars. Companies stupid policy doesn't trump state law.
I work in a government building with lots of public coming and going. We have those stupid "no guns/weapons allowed" signs plastered in huge font all over the entrances. But at the bottom of each placard, in tiny, tiny font, it states that it does not apply to people with a valid permit to carry etc. etc. Unless you get really close and read that tiny line at the bottom you would never notice the caveat. I find it stupid that as employees were are forbidden from carrying in the building due to company policy, but the public isn't.
Link Posted: 8/11/2018 12:14:37 PM EST
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Originally Posted By STX:
I took a shit in my principal's office after hours one time.
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Wow, you're almost as powerful as those guys throwing poop at correctional officers. I didn't expect OP's story to be one upped on the first post!
Link Posted: 8/11/2018 2:31:37 PM EST
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Originally Posted By carlos87:
Wow, you're almost as powerful as those guys throwing poop at correctional officers. I didn't expect OP's story to be one upped on the first post!
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Originally Posted By carlos87:
Originally Posted By STX:
I took a shit in my principal's office after hours one time.
Wow, you're almost as powerful as those guys throwing poop at correctional officers. I didn't expect OP's story to be one upped on the first post!
"Fearless it is, that you are."
Link Posted: 8/11/2018 2:42:06 PM EST
Originally Posted By USMC2111:
I had lunch today with some former coworkers today, and this legendary tale from our old employer came up:

"John" was a very successful money manager at our firm. He generated roughly $100 million in revenue a year, and his annual bonus alone was $10 million+. He was also a nice guy, treated everyone from the receptionist to traders well.

So the firm hires a new Director to run the group he is in. She is a bitch on wheels and decides to assert her dominance, starting with questioning just about everything he does. This went on for a few weeks, and one day she calls him into her corner office and starts in on him again.  He sat there for a minute, then started looking around the room, and finally interrupts her to say "I like this office, I think I'll take it", gets up and walks out.  He went back to his office, calls the Managing Director and said "If you don't get "Meg" off my back, I'm leaving. And I want her office too".

A couple of days later, corporate properties is moving her stuff to a plebian office down the hall and his stuff into the corner office.  From then on, he barely acknowledged her presence in the office.  Needless to say, we all were delighted watching this all play out.....He went full Honey Badger in a corporate world way.

What are your tales of someone getting their come-uppance?
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That's some Harvey from "Suits" shit right there!
Link Posted: 8/12/2018 9:50:36 AM EST
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Originally Posted By Huskercoop:

The guns in vehicles here made a company lose tens of millions of dollars. Companies stupid policy doesn't trump state law.
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exactly!
Link Posted: 8/12/2018 11:06:14 AM EST
[Last Edit: 8/12/2018 11:07:55 AM EST by hushpuppy]
Meh ... never mind
Link Posted: 8/12/2018 11:17:48 AM EST
little girl comes in the building lobby announces she is selling girl scout cookies. senior manager of one department comes out and starts bitching at her has her in tears. the little girl was the daughter of the CEO...

hilarity ensued and justice was done
Link Posted: 8/12/2018 11:18:10 AM EST
[Last Edit: 8/12/2018 11:18:56 AM EST by heron163]
double tap...
Link Posted: 8/12/2018 11:24:12 AM EST
I love that OP, I like that guy
Link Posted: 8/12/2018 11:31:17 AM EST
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By heron163:
little girl comes in the building lobby announces she is selling girl scout cookies. senior manager of one department comes out and starts bitching at her has her in tears. the little girl was the daughter of the CEO...

hilarity ensued and justice was done
View Quote
Wtf, what an asshole .
Link Posted: 8/12/2018 11:43:23 AM EST
[Last Edit: 8/12/2018 11:44:09 AM EST by ShermiesRule]
I interned for a company that hosts a rather large party at a country club every year and invites all of their clients and families to a private event. Their kitchen does not have the ability make a large quantity of pizzas so they about 100 are ordered from a local, rather famous pizza restaurant chain nearby.

So around 10:30am I send one of the club employees to the pizza restaurant. He comes back empty handed. I call the restaurant and the manger says that they are busy and that we should have put in our order in advance. I told him that the order was placed weeks ago and confirmed only two days ago. Plus this is an annual event. The manager still goes off on how he wasn't informed and insists that there is no order and he's not calling in the extra staff to make this.

It was about this time one of the members comes into the office and asks why the food isn't being set up at the pizza station. I tell him I'm on the phone with the manager. The member wants the phone.

"Hello? Who is this? Well the order was placed weeks ago and confirmed. What do you mean you don't have it?  You better call in your people and get that food ready or you're fired. Do you always treat customers like this? Do you know who I am? I'm XXX. Yes that one. I placed the order myself. OK."

Turns out the member was President and CEO of the entire chain.
Link Posted: 8/12/2018 11:45:03 AM EST
.
Link Posted: 8/12/2018 11:52:36 AM EST
I have the privilege of working with some excellent people, and not one asshole manager. This thread is a nice reminder. Thanks all.
Link Posted: 8/12/2018 11:58:40 AM EST
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Originally Posted By Phocks:
Easiest way to get your boss in trouble....do exactly what they tell you to do.
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Works very well in IT too.
Link Posted: 8/12/2018 12:34:30 PM EST
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Originally Posted By CouncilOfDave:
I wasn't aware it had a name, but I'm very familiar with the concept and execution.
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Originally Posted By CouncilOfDave:
Originally Posted By ken_mays:
Originally Posted By blinded:
Originally Posted By Spiffums:
I sat on a fork lift and watched the whole department I worked in shut down once. The new supervisor had some bug up his ass towards me because I didn't kiss up to him because his brother was section manager. I had written job duties every morning from him. Now mind you I was the only person in the department who could run and fix all the machines. That morning my job was just to drive the fork lift. Once the entire line shut down here came the plant manager to see what was going on. He asked me what was going on and I said "you'll have to ask my supervisor" and the girls at the end of the line lost it laughing. He went up through there and we watched the flailing of arms and he came back. He asked me if I'd go try to get shit going. I handed him my Job Duties for the Day list. He fucking lost it and the girls couldn't breath they were laughing so hard. He said I'll fix this and would you please fix all this shit.

The supervisor never spoke to me again for the rest of the week and then he was moved to another department. I thought it was pretty damn funny and the plant manager's brother was our old boss and he came and "helped" me get stuff going. Basically he just laughed with me over the whole thing.
You sound union.
Nah, "malicious compliance" is a time-honored technique in many shops.
I wasn't aware it had a name, but I'm very familiar with the concept and execution.
Me neither, but I love it.
Link Posted: 8/12/2018 12:34:56 PM EST
I don't have a cool corp story.

Mine is from boot camp.

Week 5 in Navy boot camp is a work week, where you take on jobs around the base.
We stood watch where the new recruits came in and then we worked the galley.
My job was to manage where people put their silverware and trays at the end of the meal.

If you graduate from boot camp or a school and your next school isn't starting yet, you get assigned to do jobs around the base too.
Sometimes a boot is put in charge of you.
This is my story.

So in boot, you really don't have a rank. But under the program I joined under, I was to be an e-3 when I got out of boot camp.
They assgin a po3 to work in the other scullary. or one rank higher e-4.

Now there are two groups working on doing this cleaning. My group and another.
We finish early and we are getting ready to take a break, when they tell me the other cleaning crew is backed up and need a hand.

I go in and they are busting ass but this po3 is sitting there reading a book.

Now I will be dammed if my guys are going to bust ass while one of thiers is reading a book.
So I take it on myself to start chewing this moron a new one.

HE decides he isn't having any of it and starts yelling back about how he out ranks me and he doesn't have to do what I say.
of course I happen to know the rules and that I have position of authority over him regardless of rank.
He storms off to find the po1 in charge and tell him how I am disrespecting him, while my guys and I help get the stuff cleaned up.

next thing I know he is back throwing his book in a corner, grabbing a srub brush to help just like I told him to.
The po1 comes in and takes me asside and says you did ok but next time to get him instead.

That jackass apparently remembered me months later and tried to get me in trouble again when he was turning over a watch to me. I had no idea who he was but he reminded me in front of witnesses which got him kicked out of the program. lol.
Link Posted: 8/12/2018 12:43:58 PM EST
ITT-  a reply's humor is inversely proportional to its length.
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