I'll start
About 30 years ago Chad, Chris, and I went to hawlover canal on the mosquito lagoon to go fishin one morning, early.
Chris was about 25 and a notorious drunk. We were about 21.  
Chris would drink a 12 pack of Busch every day after work and a case on Saturday and Sunday.
Anyhoo we fished all morning whilst drinking vodka and caught not one dammed fish.
So about ready to leave about 2 or so, kinda toasted too, Chris catches a foot long sailcat.
They have a stinger on thier dorsal fin with venom that will hurt like hell.
So Chris won't take the hook out cause he's skeered.
So I tell him to step on it.
He does and the damned fish flips straight up and shishkabob's him right through the sole of his shoe.
Right in the soft part like the middle of your palm, dig?
Chad and I lost it right there.
He's jumping around on his good foot, screaming to high heaven, with a catfish stuck to the other, and we were on the dirt, dying laughing.
Not a good laugh, we were on the ground holding our ribs thinking we were gonna die.
So Chris screaming and hopping finally shakes the catfish off, and goes to kick it out of anger.....
And grazes it, the hook pops out and the fish lands in the water and swims away laughing too, if fish laugh.
Icing on the cake.....
Chris pours vodka on his bleeding foot and screams again.
Chad and me hit the ground again dying.
Good times (:

30 some years later and nothing has topped this yet

Eletion night 2016.

Wtf
Everyone too drunk to type?

Oh hell yes
The night of 10 zillion tears

2 trannys blowing each other on a sidewalk

Coming out thread?

It's hard to be the spider monkey dressed like a little cowboy riding a dog.

Night of the King Riots.

2 cops escorting a looter into the station.  Looter does a football j-turn (or fishhook or whatever you call it) and gets away.   Runs in front of a parked bus at the station.  Then a patrol car leaving the station accidentally nails him and he tumbles onto the ground.  He's on the ground crying in pain.  We're all standing around laughing at him.

A woman running to catch a bus while wearing high heels and carrying two big Dunkin Donuts coffees. She went down face first on the sidewalk and the coffees exploded all over her.

via Imgflip Meme Generator

When I was young, 6 or 7, we went to the circus.

It was pretty neat, although it smelled weird.

During the big blowoff at the end of the performance, a clown got too close to a torch and caught his wig on fire.

Watching him run around screaming and flailing that burning wig all over was the funniest thing I'd ever seen...hell, I thought it was part of the act.

Bahahahaha

Ex-wife was taking ballet lessons.  The city took the best students from all the area schools and put on a ballet recital/show/whatever it is called.  Ex wanted to go see her buddies dancing, so I went.   It was boring as hell, and after about 20 minutes one of the women in her tu-tu was going to do some maneuver where she would jump up in the air with her legs as close to horizontal as she could get them, do a little toe/foot wiggle/flourish, then the plan was to get her feet back under herself in time to look graceful.  Something happened to her maneuver though and she made it to a pretty horizontal position but stayed there, did her flourish, and fell the 4-4.5 feet onto the stage flat on her side.

The sound of her hitting the stage was akin to a side of beef being dropped from that height...a really meaty slap/smack sound.  I couldn't get the sound out of my mind, and I got the giggles, started laughing, and the harder I tried to stop, the worse it got.  I left the auditorium as soon as I realized I had lost it.    I waited out in the lobby area until it was over and w ife was royally pissed.

OR

My then 45 year old mother and college room mate got into a yearly "gotcha" contest every April fools day.  Everyone waited to see who did what to whom.

My parents got the nickname "fat cats" because at one of our halloween costume parties they came as fat cats from the suburbs.  Parents are typical conservative christian types.

One year, room mate said he was in the area, and asked my folks if he could bring by some Chinese take out and some VCR movies to watch that evening.  Folks said sure.  So, they eat take out, and watch a movie, and Albert (room mate) says he has to leave.  Albert says he will put the rest of the take out food in the refrigerator, and asks my Mom if she will take the movies back to the local movie rental place the next day.  (back then VCR tapes were the rage). Mom says "sure".

The next morning my Mom puts last nights movie in the bag, and sees another movie titled "Fat Cats".  Mom figures she will pop the movie into the VCR and let it go through the intro while she gets her morning coffee.   Mom comes back into the living room just in time to see that "Fat Cats" is in fact a porn movie with people weighing about 350-450 pounds each, and she is just in time to catch a "money shot".

Oh, good lord...in all my life I have never heard her so angry she was sputtering and swearing.  I couldn't help but laugh my ass off when she was cussing out roommate on the phone telling me how disgusting, awful, humiliating, etc etc she was.  Albert won, and that ended the April fools pranks.  It took damned year a year before she would even talk to him again.  I still think it was funny.  Mom is now 94 years old and is still pissed about it.

When i was car shopping with my parents at age 15.

We were at some place that specialized in the first time buyers and the credit challenged.  Place was closed because it was sunday.  We're walkin around and they have one of the newest iterations of the vw bug. 1999 or something.  Well this fat lady is all excited and just jibber jabbering her fat husbands ear off about how its soo cute, perfect color, price, etc.  Just falling in love with it.  Waddling around the car just absolutely sweating gravy over it.  Well she opens the door and tries to get in.  Mistake.

Stuggles for a good 3 minutes or so to get back out and is just plain fat woman angry.  Face is as red as the devil's ass because she is so pissed off her fat ass cant get out.  I swear i thought she was gonna pop like a zit.

My dad and I were laughing so hard, and my mom was dying from embarassment.

My son and I are driving I-40 through Memphis. An S-10 Bazer gets on the interstate with a mattress and box springs on top with what looks like one wrap of clothesline through the open windows. I sped up to get away from behind it and told my son "mayhem" is driving. We are pulling even when the S-10 reaches traffic speed and both flip up and off. Hilarity ensued behind us.

I was driving behind an Alabama Power utility truck in Birmingham one day while I was in college. The truck had a few loose pieces of equipment in the bed, including a small lunchbox sized cooler.

The cooler ended up bouncing out after the truck went over a pothole. Since it wasn’t during very heavy traffic I decided to pull over, grab the cooler, and try to catch up to flag him down.

Well, I go to pick up the cooler but it has opened up. I see a bunch of ice everywhere and a human toe laying on the black top.

So I called the tow truck.

It's been probably 25 years ago that this happened. I used to operate heavy equipment doing land clearing/logging. I was working behind a bunch of homes clearing for the next subdivision and found the most realistic rubber snake I had ever seen. So I got out of the machine and rolled it up for later shenanigans.
There was a young guy that had "hurt" himself somehow the week before and was filing a workers comp claim. His dad was on workers comp, his brother,etc. Runs in the family I guess. So around lunch he shows up to get his check from last week. I watched him hobble across the field to where the Forman was. You would have thought he was about 90 years old instead of early twenties. So I walk over to where they are and without him seeing drop the fake snake  at his feet.
HOLY SHIT !!!! I have never in my life seen anyone move that fast. He was screaming like a girl and high stepping like the drum major for the OSU marching band. He made 100 yards in about 4 seconds. Myself and the Forman are on the ground rolling laughing . If someone would had filmed it they would have won $100,000 from AFV.
The Forman yells " I guess your back is feeling better? " He yells "F U guys" and that is the last we ever saw or heard from him.
His workers comp claim was denied.

I'll type out the long version later but the TL;DR version is that my buddy busted his two front teeth out and broke his wrist trying to jump a 12" fence while drunk.

Oh hell yes win

A guy who had a broken collar bone had his arm in a sling.  He runs into the path of an RC airplane and it hits him square between the shoulder blades.  It knocked him face first into a mud puddle. He couldn't  put his hands out to stop the fall.

i got revenge on someone that i thought at the time deserved it, in the most humiliating and amusing way possible.

now, 12 or so years latter i have regret most everything that i did back then.

im now 26.

Guy I worked with last year got a fidget spinner as a joke and would play with it all the time. One day, he got the bright idea to take a shop air blower and spin the thing with the air pressure. He was across the shop, and I hear a high pitch whistle getting higher and higher, then BANG BANG OWWWW SHIT!!! The spinner had grenaded and the metal parts flew across the shop hitting the garage doors. One of them hit his palm so hard he had to go to urgent care and get 9 stitches. Luckily he didn't break any shop windows or hit any customer vehicles.

The year is probably 1980 or so. I'm 11 and we just had some major excavation work done on our backyard of the apartment we we living in because of a new parking lot being put in. We had a huge, like 10 foot high pile of dirt next to the apartment. For fun my buddy and I would throw dirt balls onto the road in front of the apartment and whoever hit the yellow dividing lines got a point. The toss was roughly 50 feet from the dirt pile. One day we were playing the game and with all my might I lobbed a boulder of a dirt ball as hard as I could but forgot to see if any traffic was coming. All of a sudden a rather shabby late 60's Cadillac or Lincoln convertible came out of nowhere. The dirt boulder landed on the rag top (top was up), ripped through the top and exploded into a dust storm. The car locked up and almost slammed into a telephone pole. Mind you this is 1980..........4 guys got out of the car, all were wearing bell bottoms, denim jackets and had large perms. They immediately started shaking the dust out of their perms and one guy said loud as heck and I quote, "What the fuck his the car man............a fucking meteor?" Now almost 40 years later I realize these were a bunch of stoners who were probably freshly baked and it freaked the fuck out of them.  My buddy and I while hiding behind the berm of dirt started laughing our asses off but once the stoners snapped out of it they started looking around. We high tailed it out of there, got into my parents apartment and marveled at the almost one foot diameter hole in the roof of the car. Obviously.......the rag top was already compromised but my "meteor" of a dirt bomb fucked those hippies up.

The Gecko_45 Mall Cop thread on GlockTalk.com had me laughing so hard and on the floor, literally.

Young dude post fail

Eight or so years ago I had a call of parents wanting to send their 25 year old adult son to the hospital for some sort of mental health evaluation. Still lives at home mooching off mom and dad. I believe they thought he was smoking too much weed or popping prescription pills or something. I arrive before the ambulance and am talking to him and he seems cool/relaxed, smoking a cigarette in the front yard. It’s summer, he has on shorts, flip flops and no shirt.

I’m talking to his parents when the ambulance show up and they talk to him and he agrees to go get checked out.

They tell him he can’t smoke in the ambulance. At this point he must have decided he didn’t want to go.

In the act of tossing down his cigarette he makes a break for it. Takes off running. Step 3 left flip flop comes off, step 4 the right. Step 5 his sorts fall down, all while running directly AT a fire hydrant. With his shorts now nearly at his ankles he attempted to hurtle the fire hydrant. He was wirey, got a little more air than I figured he would, and managed to clip his right foot on the very top of the hydrant.

This propelled him I shit you not an additional 5 or 6 feet higher into the air, where he proned out flat before loosing forward momentum, coming crashing down flat onto the street with a meaty thud.

The ambulance guys walked the 20 feet over to him and asked him if he still wanted to go. He moaned a yes and the picked him up and carried him into the ambulance.

Unfortunately I got the giggles while still talking to the parents and was laughing uncontrollably for the next hour.

I've seen a lot of things that were funny so it would be hard to pick just one. A guy I grew up with came home for leave after Desert Storm. He stopped by and drove us to the local watering hole for some refreshments. We got shit faced and had a great time. Just before closing he wants to leave. I tried to talk him out of driving but he wouldn't have any of that. We get in the car, he fires it up, punches it and we drive right through the wall into the bar. He rolls down the window and says,"Hey barmaid, give me 2 shots of turkey and a 12 pack to go."

He thought he put the car in reverse but put it in drive. The wall we drove through was an open space, dance floor when there's a band so no one got hurt.
We got out of the car and drank a couple shots and beers waiting for the police to show up.

Key word is walked
Lmao

I usually hate these kind of answers. But this might be up there. The wife and I laughed so hard the kids got out of bed to watch with us. It still makes me giddy to think about it.

Crazy guy at work thought it would be funny to take a shit in the middle of the floor.

He drives off and not 2 minutes later another guy drives right through the pile of poop with a piece of equipment and got stuck in the poop.

Still makes me laugh 25 years later

"Firefight" between ANP and taliban in Afghanistan.

Taliban were dropping mortars with miraculous levels of accuracy (for Afghans) on the ANP.  ANP would run/roll down the hill they were on until the mortars would stop.  They would then run up the hill, hop on their trucks, and dump an entire belt from their belt feds in the general direction they thought the mortars were coming from.  This would spark a new series of mortars coming their way. They repeated this cycle about 4-5 times.  Pretty sure nobody was ever hit or injured by anything.

That's Afghans for you.

Last week I’m sitting at a stoplight, cross traffic is a late model C Class, light turns yellow and C Class guns it to make the light. Unfortunately the guy doesn’t notice the road work signs posted EVERYWHERE indicating the 4” lip where they’re replacing the road at the intersection, speed limit is 40mph, safe speed for the bump is about 5mph, the guy hits it at about 55mph and goes FLYING. Whole car is shot 8-12” into the air, I was amazed he didn’t blow out the tires, nose of the car slams back down leaving bits of broken bumper all over the road. Guy keeps driving as if nothing happened.

Funniest thing I’ve seen in a while.

Second place for me, the OP
Wayne my stuttering friend...
Was working for me a few years ago.
Went to my rental house to collect the rent after work.
Drank a couple of beers with the renters, Never ever rent to friends, btw
Anyhoo, I built this summer kitchen with a wooden deck next to it.
And they installed these tiki torches all around it.
So Wayne gulps the last of his bottle of piss, bud light ,
And leans back and catches his hair on firepit a tiki torch.
So he starts putting it out, like curly from the 3 stooges...
Me and Michelle lost it and hit the deck, laughing
And her husband who was fetching beers saw it coming Back.
And hit the ground too.
He said..... That's, that's that's not not F F F Funny...
We lost it again.
I said, that's the best Michael Jackson impersonation I've ever seen.
Lost it again
Then  he bitched
And I said
No need to get hot headed...
We lost it again...
Bahahahahaha

This

same thing happened to me.  the folks took me and a friend to go fishing and dropped us off. I didn't catch a damn thing, he caught 30 crappies and a catfish. he put them in a plastic bag. so when they picked us up and we were driving home, dad asked if we caught anything. I wasn't happy. I said "he caught 30 crappies and a catfish, and I didn't catch a damn thing" and whacked the plastic bag of fish with the back of my hand.

as luck would have it, the catfish spine skewered my hand, between the bones, and the barbs stuck so when I hollered and pulled my hand away the catfish got pulled out through the hole. I was yelling "AAAAAH!!! AAAAHHHH!!!" trying to frantically shake the damn thing off my hand and it was just stuck there. my friend started laughing, I was still yelling, and my dad asked the stupidest question I ever heard from him. "Does that hurt?" so I stopped thrashing my hand, stopped screaming, calmly looked at him while I had a goddamn catfish stuck on my hand, and said "no, it feels good!" then resumed thrashing and screaming. he got pissed off at me for being smart and my friend laughed even harder.

I couldn't use my hand for 3 weeks. wasn't the funniest thing I saw, but must have been the funniest thing my friend saw.

I saw a car slide through an intersection and hit a streetlight pole.  Then after about 5 seconds, the light fell off the pole and landed on the roof.  Just like Wile E Coyote.

Absolutely this. I've literally never laughed so hard in my life. I can't help but laugh to this day when I think about it.

Have you ever seen a midget walking a wiener dog ? I have, and I damn near peed myself laughing.

One day walking back from class, I encountered a clown standing in the middle of the road producing exceptionally phallic balloon "animals" for any attractive college girl that passed him in the crosswalk.  This amused me greatly at the time.

Years ago we had a Rottweiler who hated cats. He mostly belonged to my 5 year old and when my sister gave her a kitten he wasn't happy but eventually we got him calmed to the cat and let him get up close so he would calm down around it.
With the kitty all balled up in fear he began sniffing and nudging it over with his nose. After getting whatever smell he got out of it he took a step forward, hiked his leg, pissed on it and walked off. Guess he took possession of it.

Gotcha beat
In 1986 or so, I owned a 71 Amc hornet. Wagon, with surf racks, and boards on it most of the time, so shut up
Anyhoo, this asshole in a brand new bmw I'm guessing
Yuppie scum
Is tailgating me so bad, and I'm doing 10 over in a 45 zone
So at the bottom of a hill there's a steel bob's barricade in the middle of the road because of a pothole
Last minute I swerve left and miss by an inch,
Asshole hits it square and takes out his grille, bounces off and smashes his windshield
And somehow doesn't crash.
A mile later I was hoping he would get out at the light
Never showed up

Around 1980, a buddy and I did a necropsy on a 40' gray whale on the beach. It involved my 3/4 ton 4WD pickup, a 20' chain and an axe.
Yes, I know we broke 87 federal and state laws but it seemed like the thing to do at the time.
We both took a 5' long lower jaw bone for a souvenir.
My jawbone bounced around the back yard of my house that summer, which set next to a small creek. The creek flowed into the Chehalis river about 2000' away.
Little kids played in the creek by my house and they launched the jawbone one time, but I fished it out of the creek.
That winter a flood eroded the creek bank and the fence washed away, along with my jawbone apparently. It was gone.
The next spring I opened the daily paper and there was a guy posing with my jawbone. A surveyor had spotted it a couple blocks from my house sticking out of the mud along the creek.
He contacted the local community college and a professor came to look. He then contacted the Univ. of WA and a zoologist came and retrieved it. The article explained that the "experts" were stymied.
Their best guess was that it was 1000-1200 years old. Since whales don't swim up river, they guessed Native Americans had brought it inland, possibly for "ceremonial" reasons as I recall.

I laughed so hard, I had tears coming out of my eyes. I could hardly breathe.

Later, I took a pic I had of my motorcycle with the jawbone leaning against the fence in the background to the community college professor. He had the damnedest look on his face when I explained it was only a year old. I knew it was no use, but I asked for my jawbone back anyway. He said it was at the U of W and I couldn't posses whale parts.
I suppose it's still there and studied by Native Americans.

Probably not the funniest, but pretty funny.

Lots of alcohol + coed mix of college kids + jet skis.  What could go wrong?

One of the guys got stung by a jelly fish all over his leg.  So being the good friends that we are, we suggested he pee on it.  He for whatever reason (probably just pissed in the water) couldnt muster some urine.  So we convinced his girlfriend she had to pee on it for him.

I can still remember him sitting on the jetski with his hammered girlfriend standing over him showering piss everywhere while we all watched and laughed.

Turns out it didnt do anything but entertain a bunch of drunk college kids, he was still in pain for a long while... and covered in his girlfriends piss

To this day if he complains about any pain someone asks him "need me to piss on it?"

A little back story for this, one of my friends at work is a little awkward with the ladies (he's getting a little better I think), and I mean awkward as in he had a friend that was a stripper and she invited him to spend the night and he slept on the couch. And one of my wife's friend is always stuck at home because she doesn't have a way to get a driver's licence or a car or anything, and the other one (call her Y) is black, kinda loud and quite possibly the whitest black person I've ever met, and if I remember right when this happened they were both single. And I was fairly drunk throughout the whole thing.

So after my kid's birthday party, a couple of my wife's friends came over and we were drinking and I figured hook a brother up, baby steps and all that, might help him and my wife's friend get a little more confidence, you know good intentions and all that. Well drunk me figured the best way to accomplish this was, well, texting him off one of their phones saying I was a girl that got his number from our boss. He called me not very happy that our boss was giving his phone number out, so I told him I was just messing with him, just come have a drink with us to make up, might see what I can do to hook you up.

He finally shows up and has a beer or 2 and is still being awkward, so I make him a whiskey drink. That was were I fucked up. We were just hanging out drinking and he was talking to Y and tells her she's really smart, so she reminds of monkey from George of the Jungle. But she's kinda loud like the monkey from the Jungle Book. I heard him say monkey and started to tell him shut the fuck up, but it was like watching a train wreck in slow motion. I'm sure he said something else stupid too, but I was laughing so damn hard I fell out of my chair. After everyone made sure I wasn't fixing to die, Y said she would forgive him if he gave her a lap dance. He figured it was probably if he just left.

The thing is, I know he didn't mean anything bad by it, he's just that goddamn awkward. But later that year, we went to the renaissance festival and my wife's friends met us there. I said he was going to meet us there, just to mess with Y, all she said was he still owes me a damn lap dance.

Winnipeg, late 90's. Bunch of us MN high school kids thought it'd be cool to drive 8hrs to another country and look around. So we're walking around downtown and we pass by this chubby Native kid about our age. One of us says "Hey man, you know where we can get some weed?" The kid sorta looks over his shoulder and says "How much you guys want?". So my dumbass friend pulls out his wallet, flips it open and screams "FBI MOTHERFUCKER!!" and the fat Indian kid takes off running. We all busted out laughing, especially when we realized that there is no FBI in Canada.

.
I see some weird shit on ranges now and then.  This is relatively tame.  But it was a relatively uncommon rifle.

The Model 1940 Johnson 30-06 semiautomatic rifle has a little barrel retaining lever under the barrel that when turned 90 degrees releases the barrel so it can be removed for cleaning

I saw a gentleman on the range firing one such rifle where the detent wasn't fully engaged and on his 2nd or 3rd round the lever rotated down allowing the barrel to exit the front of the rifle.

Nobody hurt and the barrel didn't suffer much damage hitting the dirt.

Two guys running at each other full speed. Guy A is supposed to stop guy B. Guy A kicks guy B is the balls mid stride just like the kickoff at a NFL football game.  Guy B is lifted of the ground by the kick and face plants into a rock.  I still get the giggles thinking about it.

My friend used to have weird seizures after smoking a lot of marijuana. It was always a good laugh. I was horrified at the same time, tho.

.
this is mildly amusing

https://imgur.com/gallery/GwGIx1r