So a good bits happened since the 8th, to include I think God whispered to me? I'm still wrestling with this as it's pretty hard to believe but at the same time why? As a child of God should I be surprised He would speak to me? At that same time I'm like, nah no way, I'm so insignificant...but, as a child of God, I'm not..... so I will go into this, haven't told my pastor yet, I look forward to hearing his thoughts. About 2 weeks ago now I guess I was kneeling at my bed side while my wife was in the kitchen, I think she had just said something harsh recently and I was on my way to bed.

So there I am praying to The Father in heaven, that he would soften her heart to him and cause her to lower her arms and accept him, when and this is hard to explain as I'm not sure it makes sense myself but the only way I can describe it is in the upper left of my mind, I hear (not physical hearing) in my mind ear? "I can not" but in the context of will not, I paused and thought...Duh! It would go against free will if He did, she must choose for herself....so then I'm like wait...that was different, was that...no......was that my thoughts? Or? No...maybe?  I have wrestled with it for days trying to do a better job of describing it but when I try to add more substance to the description than this it feels wrong like I'm embellishing it. So, I'll just leave it at that.

Oh and this a few moments later lead me to think what then should I pray for? Then it hit me, how could I be so blind...And I prayed that he would make me a strong leader in my house. That though steadfast uncompromising, loving obedience to Him... well it doesn't mean she will accept Him, but it does mean the best chance. It also means He will and is tearing down every obstacle in his way, including this forum.

I realized recently I had made this forum into an idol, so I cast it off. For days I didn't even visit the forum or do much of anything on my computer, unless it relates to family time.

I am visiting the site very sparsely for short periods now, I figure I'll continue to post in this thread, MAAAYBE post in the thread in general discussion "God is still good" and tech. And that's it. I will not allow the computer or this forum to have a hold on me like it did again.

My wife at times seems to be actively undermining my attempts to teach my son... please pray for me to be a loving deliverer of His word and strong immovable leader in my house. I'm trying very hard to balance firmness and kindness. Man, it is NOT easy!!! I find myself internally throwing my arms up at times and just wanting to scream in frustration. I bite my tongue though and stay calm... boy has He helped me there... but it isn't easy... sometimes this seems like a battle that I'm just taking blow after blow in. But I can't quit or give up, not even if I wanted too, I don't but even if I did, how could I? It's enough to make me almost want to cry, but what good would that do.

*sigh*

I did at least get all the kids in church the other day., pretty good sermon as usual. Afterwards we played soccer behind the church with some of the kids from the church, my son seemed to somewhat enjoy that. Boy I found out how out of shape I am after about a decade of no PT too! Half way though the game I was completely out of gas lol. Just wish my wife would come... we went to a BBQ one of the church members invited us too and despite some of them trying to get to know her she's still...I don't know. I made the mistake of thinking everything was going really well so I went to chat with the man that invited us while the women folk talked....apparently that was a mistake

This weeks going to be busy as all get out, stress is high on us all... oh well, all I can do is get after it and keep on reading the Bible with my son and trying. Sorry, this is more of a venting post I guess...

That's tough, man.  I'm obviously happy to join you in prayer for your family.  I'm sure years from now you will look back and be thankful for this trying period of suffering*.  Easier said than done, but if it helps, remember that St. Paul teaches us to rejoice in suffering.

No need to answer any of this to me, but how often do you and your wife go on dates?  Just the two of you.  If you don't do it very often, take her on a date once a week.  No exceptions, no excuses.  Don't even bring up faith discussions during these dates.  That's not bribing her; it's just showing genuine love.  It might take time, but with God's grace, she'll come around.

*Fr. Schmitz does a good job explaining the value of suffering here:

So maybe I will go into it later, but to the point I have been wrestling with on if that thought was my own or not. After discussing it with my pastor briefly, it was my own.

Great, now my wife's talking divorce because I'm choosing to attend the required meeting with the pastor and church elders to join the church and miss my daughters soccer practice and part of my son's. She's ranting about how I'm choosing the church over our own kids and how she wont be with anyone who puts anything over their own kids like this. Try as I might she doesn't want to hear any of it, being mean and spiteful saying hateful things and speaking of planning things so the divorce gets finalized right around tax time etc. etc. I have said little except in defense of my love for our family and to point out how hateful and mean she's being for such a self righteous woman. (since she rejects the idea that she or anyone in this world isn't good)

Copy and paste from "God is still good" thread.

Nothing, it's not required that I be at THIS meeting THIS time to join the pastor has made that clear. However, the appointment was made before our kids were even signed up for soccer, and to me, a person who wants to join this church badly, it feels like I'm putting His commandment about being in a church 2nd to my family.

I'm really at a loss and struggling here, I don't know what's the right thing to do here. The implications on either direction are pretty major. The meeting is at 6:45pm tonight. *sigh*

I even went to my pastors house last night and talked with him for an hour, neither one of us feel like my wife should be putting me in this position, however I'm under no obligation to come to the session tonight, I really can reschedule. But what does that show/teach to my son if I back down now? How does not backing down effect my wife? She was warming up to the church before I poorly administered to her some answers to some questions she has. Everything I have been saying and doing since in my attempts to tell to her not to keep rowing towards the water fall drive her to paddle harder...away from God away from this church and ahhhhhh I don't know what to do. I fear if I go I will be sear her disdain....I don't want that.

Edit: It came to light last night though that in her attempt to manipulate me with the threat of divorce she wouldn't do it now because she didn't want to put out son in the position of having to choose a parent. As of right now in willing to yield on this BUT only in the context of my desire not to drive her or my son further away from the desire to know Him and join the church. If she is willing to give me some reason to believe at some point she will at least attend a few services and speak with the pastor I'll yield here. Otherwise, she and my son are my spiritual enemies, enemies I will still love and attempt to be a loving husband and father to. I think this is the correct response as it seems to balance several points of scripture even some that seem almost in conflict with one another (but aren't).

Well, I'm now a member of the church. The turmoil I have been in over what's going on in my house the last couple of days felt like to much at times. My wife tried to use fear to manipulate me, but fear is a liar! I understand why she did what she did, and I don't blame her, and I still love her.

I am praying for you.  Are you at a PCA church?

OPC.

Sweet!  I wish they would plant a church here...closest OPC is 100 miles away...

Yeah it is sweet, the congregation are some of the most warm welcoming people I have ever met.

So sadly I'll be the only one of my family joining at this time. But He's working in my house and I believe He's not done.

I have shown my son how to pray but last night took it a little further and prayed with all my kids (4 & 5yr old daughters included) I have let them see me pray nightly but haven't prayed with them yet, that was a bone headed mistake I'm correcting, going to start praying with them all nightly in addition to my own private prayer.

They started participating in giving thanks when we eat dinner as well and my youngest two can now answer some simple basic questions like who made them, what else did he make, and my 5yr old daughter of you asked in how many persons does God exists and what are they could probably answer that as well. And my son though he's not there yet despite my wife's undermining seems to be warming up to the word and church.

Praise to Him! I'm hopeful and eager to find ways I can be a good witness to them, I want to be a undeniable sign they can't ignore pointing to Him.

Well, this thread has taken an unfortunate turn.

Sorry to hear everything OA - we've been praying for you guys.

Well, please don't stop! That said, I have hope, and I have Him with me through this, and I believe He is by no means done working in my family.

Why you hate Presbyterians???

Seriously, praying for your family tonight.

We appreciate your prayers but OA could probably use them more.

Small update but victories I'm enjoying.

Friday night on our way back from shopping for a few things my wife held my hand for the first time since all this divorce talk started. And just this afternoon gave me a kiss for the first time since all this started! Also the other day at church my eye's watered and I seriously almost started crying in the middle of singing a hymn when while my son who had stayed silent for the first one or two songs going into service for whatever reason joined in, and not in a halfhearted way but really joining in! I can't tell you how happy that made me. At the end of it I did tell him that it made me very happy to hear him sing with us all.

Over all, I'm pretty happy right now. No where near done or "there" yet but victories are victories and I'm thanking Him for them!

Side note: 30yr old lawn mower broke again.... oh well LOL

Well, I'm now officially a member of the local OPC.

My girls came with, I asked my wife too but she didn't want to. Later on the way out to eat she figured out why I had asked (I thought she knew) and she told me she would have come had she known... also she's considering some other church in the area. She lost a close friend the other day and has been pretty down, been trying to comfort her the best I can. This apparently prompted her to consider going with me this morning but "I thought it seemed like a bad reason to go". I told her I'd say any reason that compels you to go to church, is probably a good one. I wish I had said it a little differently now but oh well.

Baby steps. Her friend passed in his sleep for unknown reasons at the moment, he was a year younger than us.

Home life is improving a lot.

Last night was a bit of a breakthrough. My wife and I are connecting in ways we never have our whole marriage (12 years) we sat and talked about an hour last night after everyone went to bed. Our parents broke us in different ways but we both underwent a lot of emotional abuse from selfish manipulative parents, and her some physical as well. I know I have had the emotional depth of a kiddie pool my whole life until this year. In my following of God and learning how to really love, as I have never really loved anyone previously He is healing my family.

For any and all that have prayed for myself and my family, thank you.

My friend's back. He left for a few months for work. Things changed and the job he took didn't work out, nothing of his fault though so it ended on a mellow note. He's back in church too! I'm really hoping he gets baptized soon.

My testimony of God and the people he puts in my path changed my life.

The best church experience I ever had was when the Pastor publicly stepped down.
His Mom was there.
His Wife was there.
I don't know the backstory of this.
But, he Honestly stepped down.

Shock doesn't even describe the moment.
Yet everyone in the congregation gathered to be near and pray for him and their family.
He had the courage to do what he felt was right.

I pray to find a church where the Pastor openly says,
"Welcome, fellow sinners...'
And the congregation understands that.