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Posted: 7/10/2024 2:01:17 PM EDT
[Last Edit: Drsalee]
My two daughters have been squabbling for the past week and I not sure what advice to give.

Here is the story.

These girls have always been tight.  Best friends.  Both are accomplished physicians, ages 24 and 26.  Both in their residencies, anesthesiology.  Very close relationship.

24YO has been dating Bob for 3 years.  Bob introduced Ted, his best friend, to 26YO and they dated for 2.5 years.  Ted is a good guy.  26YO gave Ted an ultimatum a few months back that she was done with their current status and wanted more commitment.  Basically a shit or get off the pot situation.  Ted got off the pot.  They broke up.  I was disappointed when they broke up, as I like the guy a lot, however I believe my daughter made the correct choice.  I believe he would have strung her along for years.  I was very impressed that she would lay down the law with Ted, most women wouldn’t do it.  He is a very eligible young guy, most women would put up with his lack of commitment just to land a guy with his attributes.  The breakup was, more or less amicable, but my daughter was hurt and pissed that Ted bailed.  They have not spoken since the breakup.

26YO is convinced that Bob was not supportive with her relationship with Ted and that he even may have encouraged Ted to breakup. I doubt Bob did this.  

24YO and Bob were visiting last week.  Ted, coincidentally happened to be in SD.  Bob and Ted met at a bar and 24YO accompanied them.  That was the flashpoint.  26YO wants 24YO to hate Ted…….because she does.  In solidarity, because Ted hurt her.  26YO could not believe that her sister would have drinks with someone who hurt her.  24YO doesn’t give a shit about Ted, she has limited time with Bob, as they are in a long distance relationship.  She just wants to spend as much time as possible with her BF.  Ted and Bob do not get to see each other very often because they are stationed on opposite sides of the country.  

26YO is very eligible.  She is very pretty and very fit and well educated.  She has always had high quality BFs.  There is little doubt in my mind that she will find another guy.  But for now, she is still hung up in this guy and pissed at her sister.  

Any suggestions on parental advice I can offer would be greatly appreciated.  I hate to see my baby girls squabbling.  
Link Posted: 7/10/2024 2:06:05 PM EDT
[#1]
Stay out of it.
Link Posted: 7/10/2024 2:07:06 PM EDT
[#2]
Sounds like women doing women things.
They'll get over it.
Link Posted: 7/10/2024 2:08:05 PM EDT
[#3]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By cinco1:
Stay out of it.
View Quote
FPNI
Link Posted: 7/10/2024 2:08:40 PM EDT
[#4]
Originally Posted By cinco1:
Stay out of it.
View Quote

Damn, that 1st reply thang.

Link Posted: 7/10/2024 2:09:19 PM EDT
[#5]
Look in the mirror and repeat:
Attachment Attached File
Link Posted: 7/10/2024 2:09:21 PM EDT
[#6]
Get her a cat
Link Posted: 7/10/2024 2:09:29 PM EDT
[#7]
How are they "accomplished physicians" if they are still in their mid 20s and in residency?
Link Posted: 7/10/2024 2:10:25 PM EDT
[#8]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By cinco1:
Stay out of it.
View Quote


This. Once they come of age, it is their life to live. For better or worse.
Link Posted: 7/10/2024 2:10:48 PM EDT
[#9]
Where does the 26yo live?  I have a 26 yo son that lives in the SF East Bay Area. 😇
Link Posted: 7/10/2024 2:11:21 PM EDT
[#10]
My daughters are 7 and 4. I feel like this situation is inevitable for me
Link Posted: 7/10/2024 2:12:20 PM EDT
[#11]
Nothing good can come out of getting involved beyond reminding them that they are family but men can come and go.
Link Posted: 7/10/2024 2:12:40 PM EDT
[#12]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By mcantu:
How are they "accomplished physicians" if they are still in their mid 20s and in residency?
View Quote
Have you not seen Doogie Howser?  They're obviously going back for additional residencies.

OP: FPNI, stay out of it.  Maybe in a few months if you think they've really hardened to each other it would be worth bringing up.

Link Posted: 7/10/2024 2:13:49 PM EDT
[#13]
BOB and CAROL and TED and ALICE (1969) Trailer NATALIE WOOD
Link Posted: 7/10/2024 2:14:25 PM EDT
[#14]
Stay out of OP, and remember, you've already raised them, and that time has passed. No need to interfere.
Link Posted: 7/10/2024 2:14:30 PM EDT
[Last Edit: Vegitan] [#15]
26YO is hurt and being jealous of her ex and is trying to control his relationships.  If the 24YO came for advice I'd probably tell her to understand her sister is angry and hurting but I wouldn't facilitate trying manipulate her BFs friends.
Link Posted: 7/10/2024 2:15:13 PM EDT
[#16]
Cage match, pay-per-view...profit.
Link Posted: 7/10/2024 2:15:28 PM EDT
[#17]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By cinco1:
Stay out of it.
View Quote
FPNI
Link Posted: 7/10/2024 2:16:31 PM EDT
[#18]
26YO is acting like a 6th grader.  "He's not my friend and if you like him then you can't be my friend either."

It will sort out.  Leave it alone.  Just because she's educated does not mean she is mature.  
Link Posted: 7/10/2024 2:17:02 PM EDT
[#19]
FPNI

And if either of them come to you with it, repeat after me: "You are adults. Deal with each other."
Link Posted: 7/10/2024 2:17:07 PM EDT
[#20]
They both want the same dick.
Link Posted: 7/10/2024 2:18:31 PM EDT
[#21]
Tell 26yo that you are going to the range with Ted and then burgers and beers.  See what happens next.
Link Posted: 7/10/2024 2:18:45 PM EDT
[#22]
Link Posted: 7/10/2024 2:18:48 PM EDT
[#23]
Link Posted: 7/10/2024 2:18:58 PM EDT
[#24]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By mcantu:
How are they "accomplished physicians" if they are still in their mid 20s and in residency?
View Quote


Drsalee has posted about his kids before. The girls went to USLES (?), the military med school at Walter Reed which is a good school and are also Navy officers, so they are accomplished in many ways and probably much more than their peers
Link Posted: 7/10/2024 2:19:05 PM EDT
[#25]
Stay out of it and let mom handle it.

If asked for your opinion, your only response is that you’re proud of her for making decisions that were in her best interests and you’re there to listen if she needs to talk or vent.
Link Posted: 7/10/2024 2:20:02 PM EDT
[#26]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By mcantu:
How are they "accomplished physicians" if they are still in their mid 20s and in residency?
View Quote


Probably describes the residency that they were accepted into.
Link Posted: 7/10/2024 2:20:25 PM EDT
[#27]
Opinion worth what you paid:

26 is WAY too young to be issuing ultimatums for marriage. People (women in particular) don't even know themselves by that age. He was right to not want that kind of commitment in 20s.

Her subsequent attitude toward him and her sister reinforce this observation. She laid out her expectations. He felt those expectations did not align with what he wanted and didn't string her along, or worse yet, begrudgingly agree to them.

That should have been the end of her affiliation or attachment to him. Go separate ways and wish the other one a good life. Holding a grudge because the other party didn't do what you wished is not healthy.

To expect or demand her sister to be hate filled toward her boyfriend's friend is also not healthy or fair.

But, you, as a father, are in a precarious position. IF asked or opportunity presents in a very obvious way, I'd express your opinions, concerns, observations ONLY in a manner that is positive, helpful, full of perspective and not personally critical. She can't help how she feels but she could use some wise words of perspective and reason to help see things from a different angle.
Link Posted: 7/10/2024 2:20:54 PM EDT
[#28]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By cinco1:
Stay out of it.
View Quote



This. No good can come from inserting yourself into a argument between women, even your daughters
Link Posted: 7/10/2024 2:21:14 PM EDT
[#29]
We have 3 adult children + spouses, so that means 3 women who are 30 something plus my wife.


STAY OUT OF ALL WOMAN DISPUTES. Clean the garage, go fishing, whatever. Woman gossip/argument stuff is the worst.
Link Posted: 7/10/2024 2:21:35 PM EDT
[#30]
Three married daughters here.

Yours are adults and have a good relationship (congrats, Dad).  They'll work it out.  Radiate that attitude and leave it alone.
Link Posted: 7/10/2024 2:22:28 PM EDT
[#31]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By mrmissem:


This. Once they come of age, it is their life to live. For better or worse.
View Quote View All Quotes
View All Quotes
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By mrmissem:
Originally Posted By cinco1:
Stay out of it.


This. Once they come of age, it is their life to live. For better or worse.

To a certain point. 26 year old humans don't know it all. Where good advice would help, and is asked for or welcomed, it should be granted in calm, metered, well thought out manner.
Link Posted: 7/10/2024 2:22:58 PM EDT
[Last Edit: tsg68] [#32]
My sisters started fighting as kids and they’re both in their sixties and still do nothing but fight with each other.

Women hold grudges forever.
Link Posted: 7/10/2024 2:23:04 PM EDT
[#33]
Doesn’t like the bed she made, eh?

I could *almost* see being pissed if dude ended it with her.

FPNI
Link Posted: 7/10/2024 2:23:50 PM EDT
[#34]
Link Posted: 7/10/2024 2:24:18 PM EDT
[#35]
Originally Posted By cinco1:
Stay out of it.
View Quote
This.....
Originally Posted By mancat:
Nothing good can come out of getting involved beyond reminding them that they are family but men can come and go.
View Quote
and this.  But only if asked.
Link Posted: 7/10/2024 2:25:16 PM EDT
[Last Edit: sentionaut] [#36]
FPNI.

Also 1st world problems

Edit: go fishing or something.
Link Posted: 7/10/2024 2:25:21 PM EDT
[#37]
2 and nearly 5 year old girls here.

Not looking forward to this. Current suggestion would be to give them both a pair of boxing gloves and not bother me until they're done.

This is why I'll have a soundproof garage with an old car that needs work and a beer fridge. Don't even need a bathroom, live rural enough I can just piss out the garage door.
Link Posted: 7/10/2024 2:25:40 PM EDT
[#38]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By cinco1:
Stay out of it.
View Quote

FPNI strikes again.
Link Posted: 7/10/2024 2:26:14 PM EDT
[#39]
Link Posted: 7/10/2024 2:29:29 PM EDT
[#40]
Link Posted: 7/10/2024 2:30:53 PM EDT
[#41]
Sadly, you can do nothing but observe.

This is something you want no part of, because you would be seen as taking sides.

Good luck!
Link Posted: 7/10/2024 2:30:57 PM EDT
[#42]
Link Posted: 7/10/2024 2:31:35 PM EDT
[#43]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By joker581:
Stay out of it. If you can’t, tell Ted’s ex that she has every right to be mad at him but that she can’t interfere with her sister’s relationship because hers went wrong. That’s just a hazard that comes with double-dating friends and she’s the one that issued an ultimatum and triggered this situation.

Best to treat this one like a tire fire. Grab a beer and watch it burn.
View Quote


Why does she have every right to be mad at him. Honestly curious and not a purse swinging question.

IMHO, (and only going from what OP posted) he was sailing along in a fun relationship. She decided she wanted more commitment than he was comfortable with so he left her to pursue a man who better aligned with her wishes. He did the only honorable/healthy thing.

You can't make someone behave how you wish. You can't mold someone into whom you'd like to marry. These paths have proven millions of times to be horrible.

You are best to find someone who already is, the person you would want. Simple as that.
Link Posted: 7/10/2024 2:34:50 PM EDT
[#44]
Stay out of it and be thankful that boyfriend drama that doesn't involve fists, knives, guns or babies is the worse thing you have to worry about.
Link Posted: 7/10/2024 2:35:31 PM EDT
[#45]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By cinco1:
Stay out of it.
View Quote

This gets my vote
Link Posted: 7/10/2024 2:37:55 PM EDT
[#46]
As usual....FPNI.

I wouldn't get into it.  Give it time abd 24YO will move on.  Plus....she's 24.  She still has alottle more growing up to do.
Link Posted: 7/10/2024 2:40:49 PM EDT
[#47]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By Drsalee:
My two daughters have been squabbling for the past week and I not sure what advice to give.

Here is the story.
26YO gave Ted an ultimatum a few months back that she was done with their current status and wanted more commitment.  Basically a shit or get off the pot situation.  Ted got off the pot.  They broke up.  

 26YO wants 24YO to hate Ted…….because she does.  
View Quote View All Quotes
View All Quotes
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By Drsalee:
My two daughters have been squabbling for the past week and I not sure what advice to give.

Here is the story.
26YO gave Ted an ultimatum a few months back that she was done with their current status and wanted more commitment.  Basically a shit or get off the pot situation.  Ted got off the pot.  They broke up.  

 26YO wants 24YO to hate Ted…….because she does.  


Originally Posted By Ridgerunner9876:
Opinion worth what you paid:

To expect or demand her sister to be hate filled toward her boyfriend's friend is also not healthy or fair.




Your daughter has control issues that she will need to resolve in order to have a healthy and happy relationship with friends or lovers.
Encourage her to talk to a therapist or certified counselor about this.
They will guide her on how to process issues that are out of her control.

She has no control over other peoples relationships or friendships.
She needs help. Bottom line.

This type of behavior can snowball and become unhinged if catered toward. It will destroy her life.
Link Posted: 7/10/2024 2:41:25 PM EDT
[#48]
The 24YO doesn't need to give the 26YO every detail of what happens in her life.  I hope she understands that now.  

The 26YO just needs to grow up and move on.

Now if the 24YO ends up bumping uglies with Ted, you gotta film the aftermath.
Link Posted: 7/10/2024 2:41:32 PM EDT
[#49]
you know the answer --  MYOB -- they are adults

do you still tie their shoes for them ?  

Link Posted: 7/10/2024 2:41:42 PM EDT
[Last Edit: anesvick] [#50]
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