ok, have bunch of tension in the house with my 3 yo son... wife is recently on this "spanking is bad cause it messes kids heads up forever" per some study she read.  i believe the bible wouldnt lie so i guess that means those studies

are bunk?  anyone know of the studies and have a well reasoned, maybe even a study refuting the (anti spanking) other studies?  3 yo son at nap time is yelling and screaming hitting mom and pushing limits, (has a 6 wk old baby

sister and moms at home on maternity leave)  i believe like folks say that spankings just push your brains back where they are supposed to be , ha!

Kids need to learn how to behave from their parents.  This means setting boundaries, and limits.  There's nothing wrong with spanking as long as it's not done in anger.  My father spanked all five of us, and we all turned out to be successful, productive members of society.  There most definently is an element out there today that believes it's wrong; however, a lot of the same folks are lousy parents with kids that are awful.

Kids need to learn how to behave from their parents.  This means setting boundaries, and limits.  There's nothing wrong with spanking as long as it's not done in anger.  My father spanked all five of us, and we all turned out to be successful, productive members of society.  There most definently is an element out there today that believes it's wrong; however, a lot of the same folks are lousy parents with kids that are awful.

My wife and I have had the same discussion. You may know John Piper has very strong thoughts on this issue.

In my world, I realized that if one parent is pro spanking and one parent is anti spanking, there is simply no way the pro spanker will win the argument and doing it different each way would be confusing for the child and not helpful.

Therefore we settled on timeouts. This starts at 1 year of age. I have a 5 and 2 year old. I have so far been pleasantly surprised at how effective the timeout process has been.

We do one minute per year of age, with an explanation of why they are in TO before and after the TO and an apology required to get out of TO. Sometimes two consecutive are required to obtain behavior modification in the 2 year old but generally I find the process actually does work.

A lot of the people who think it doesn’t work either don’t apply it consistently in their home or the people they see doing it don’t apply it consistently.

I believe most anti spankers may fall into a common venn diagram with people who are anti discipline in general. My wife and I don’t spank but we are very pro discipline. I absolutely believes this makes a difference in how and why a method is good at behavior modification.

No Study from me, but I raised 8 children in a chrisitan homeschool home.  The ocassional swat on the fanny to correct behaviour was needed, and when applied immediately and with a heart of love helped us raise 8 awesome adults.

Spanking  - like bend them over my knee spanking and plastering their ass would be going to far.  After 4 or 5 they almost never needed a swat for correction.

If your 3 year old has that kind of anger, then exclusion (time out or let them rage it out in an empty bedroom until he gives up) works if you can outlast him consistantly.  Once he finds out he doesn't get the reaction he wants, and if you can show him that by using good behaviour and manners there is positive reinforcements, he'll quickly disconver that there are nicer things to do with his time besides rage.

Kids need structure.
Boundries, set them, and don't move the goalposts.
Reinforce the good right away, ignore most of the rest or use them as 5 second mini teachable moments, and punish the bad right away.

It's not that spanking is bad, it's that you have to use it correctly.

Pain is a deterrent, right?  As in, if it hurts, you stop doing it.

You can't spank to motivate behavior.   "Do this, or I'll spank you!" doesn't work.

"Stop doing that, or I'll spank you" works better, since the behavior is associated with pain.

My wife is peds,  pretty anti spanking, but even she understands it's in order at times.  If you're having discipline problems, check out the book "1,2,3 Magic."  Delves into the  "why" discipline works so you can better employ it.  I also agree with the above posters, especially with 1min/yrs time outside.  They get up, it starts over.  We use a count down time on the phone and leave it with the kid, so they see it and can anticipate it ending.

My family had a saying "you can spank a child at 3 or beat them with a fist when they are 13, the choice is yours". It worked for my 2 kids and my brothers 2 kids.

I don't take spanking off the table. I do try and avoid using it when angry. Kids are different and what works for one child may not be the best for another. I try to use a combination of negative and positive reinforcement to achieve the desired results. We use timeouts quite a bit, but fit throwing gets an immediate spanking. We also try to explain why the corrective action is needed and let them know we love them and we are trying to shape them into a better person.

I don't have a study, per se' to point you too. Just reasoning you might try.

People have been disciplining their children for millennia, all the way back to the days of the Bible. "Spare the rod, spoil the child" - Proverbs 13:24 So, given that. Who do we think we are as American's that we think we can turn away from thousands of years of child rearing and have a "Better idea"? Sounds pretty arrogant to me.

I spank my kids. I have a 2-1/2 y/o boy and a one year old girl. They both get spanked. They are both very well behaved, say "Please and thank you." , "May I be excused" when they want to leave the table. They say "Excuse me" when they fart, etc. Out of all of this though, they also say "I love you" and give kisses and hugs to show their affection. Well, at least my son does. My daughter isn't speaking yet. We spank the crap out of my son when he is bad. He gets it. He understands why he is being spanked and knows that it isn't personal. It's just the consequences of doing bad things.

Anyone who says "Kids don't understand right from wrong" either aren't parents at all. Or, are too busy playing with their phones, ignoring their kids to observe them for ten seconds, watch their body language and SEE that they sure as hell understand. They're just being disobedient. If spanking my kids is screwing them up and damaging them, then I would have to believe one of the first things to suffer would be emotional connection. My son has no problems expressing love and affection. He's the sweetest little dude I know.

This, well put. Same here essentially. Kids are different. I didn't add that in my earlier post.

weve been doing the timeout per age thing, and yes, older daughter just laughed at me last time i spanked her (she was 4?) she didnt get it, so timeouts and revokation of privelegaes work great for her.... son on the other hand is

definitely more receptive to the physical correction.  where this fight really got kicked off was on a 2.5 hr high stress car ride.  wife playin on phone, ignoring kids.  kids scream for attention.  she halfheartedly is "correcting them".  i

say stop screaming or i pull over and spank you.  she threatens divorce. obviously we neeed some marriage counseleing etc, but thats (kinda) another story...  i pull over and spank him, he cries, shes angry, he falls asleep, (like he

needed to do) and all was well in my world.

I spanked all 4 of my kids.  2 boys 2 girls.  They all turned out fine and I have great relationships with each of them.

Corporal punishment can easily devolve into abuse, so it must be administered thoughtfully.

For my kids, it was like shock therapy.  Or rebooting them.......snapping them back to reality when timeouts and talking or other types of persuasion failed.

https://scholar.google.com/scholar?hl=en&as_sdt=0%2C36&q=spanking&btnG=

Google scholar allows you to search for studies without having to filter through non-studies.

I was a hard headed brat. The only thing I feared was a whupping. I shudder to think where I would be without proper corporal punishment. It also worked quite well on my three boys as they have turned out to be fine men.

That being said, every child is different and if you get the desired results without spanking, great.

https://thetransformedwife.com/the-damage-done-by-dr-spock/

I have no doubt that there is a correlation between habitually, physically abusing your child and them turning out to be messed up.

I have no doubt that the studies that show this make no effort to distinguish between responsible, corporal punishment and abuse.

Spanking can be a very useful, helpful, healthy tool for raising kids.  It is often abused by bad parents.

I have three kids and we spank.

Typically, it is for abusive raging or disrespectful or dismissive behavior towards me or my wife. I do not tolerate disrespect, period.

So, kid acts up, I tell them "If you don't fix your attitude, you are going to get a spanking". Then if they act up again, I take them to their room, tell them why they are getting spanked and remind them I told them this would happen if they didn't correct their behavior. They get spanked, and if possible I hug them and hold them until they stop crying and we leave their room together. This usually produces night and day differences in their attitude for the rest of the day. Problem solved. Sometimes, however, they are still so mad they won't want to be loved on after the spanking, so I don't force it -- I'll just tell them to come out when they are ready to behave. It's not a timeout, but it gives them time if they want it.

This usually works. Some days are harder than others. Our kids are VERY stubborn and strong willed. My wife is one of 7 kids, and her father told me when our first kid was about two or so that she was going to be a tough one and we were in for a wild ride. He said it with a laugh, but he wasn't wrong, LOL...

I used to spank and early on it was effective.  Not beating, just swats.  I think really it's more psychological punishment than physical.  Having to come in and be forced to accept it knock her down a peg.  For immediate correction its the shock value that's useful.  However soon it was no longer really having much effect.  I found by accident what she really HATED.  She took off and ran away from her daycare lady one day who was older and couldn't catch her.  She just kept running away every time she got close to avoid punishment.  I got told about the event and when we got home I said that if she had so much energy to run then we'd put that to some use.  She had to run the stairs.  Up and down for 10 minutes.  No stopping, running the whole time.  Time spent crying or whining didn't count.  5 minutes in she was a sobbing blubbering mess and it took her 12 minutes to finally get it done.  She never gave the lady a minute of trouble after.

From there on, I tried to reserve that for big stuff.  I recall once after talking to her about what she did and why she was in trouble I left and she asked my wife if I would just spank her instead of 'stairs'.  My wife hated the stairs thing, but at that point she knew it was effective.  By late elementary school we pretty much had very little problem with her.  Now she plays Varsity Volleyball so stairs would just be 'training'

You have to adapt to the child.  Spanking has a place for immediate correction and I have no issue with it, but it's not a magic wand.  Got to be creative.  Another good one was after she drew on our couch with a marker (her 2nd time doing a similar thing) we sat her down, got out her absolute favorite dress from the closet and we proceeded to draw all over it.  She hated pictures with marks outside the lines so we made sure to color everything as sloppy as possible.  She was scream-crying so hard you'd have thought an exorcism was going on.  No more drawing on furniture issues after that.

Find the pain point and push on it.  It changes with time.

I've got 8 kids and I whipped everyone of them with a rod like Proverbs says. God is a bit smarter than any psychologist or whoever is against spanking.