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Posted: 1/27/2021 9:58:47 AM EDT
[#1]
Hated my old man until I was in my mid 20's. Now he is more important than anyone else other than my wife.
He did not change, I only understood why he did the things he did as I grew up. Like Mark Twain said "When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years". ETA: I do not have kids, but I figure a perspective from the other side may help. |
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Posted: 1/27/2021 10:00:50 AM EDT
[#2]
Not sure what to offer.
My little girl is four and we're best friends. |
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Posted: 1/27/2021 10:02:14 AM EDT
[#3]
My daughter was the same way. She'll grow out of it... eventually.
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Posted: 1/27/2021 10:02:19 AM EDT
[#4]
Two daughters, one hated me between 10 and 15, one hated her mother. They each love us both now and they’re 23 and 25. It’s a rough time to go through but it’s worth it. Hang in there.
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Posted: 1/27/2021 10:02:56 AM EDT
[#5]
Is your wife able to provide any insight?
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Posted: 1/27/2021 10:03:13 AM EDT
[#6]
FWIW I have 3 teenage daughters (13,16,19). Other than the occasional teenage attitude, we get along very well. I'm not the most sensitive person, but I do my best to hear them. Have you sat her down and had a talk? Has your wife tried to get to the heart of the issue? I would start there... Also, mix in an expectation of respect for you and your wife.
In the end all you can do is love her. Good luck man! |
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Posted: 1/27/2021 10:04:55 AM EDT
[#7]
Mine is only 2, but from what I hear, some teenagers are like that.
Good luck op, my kids are little, and I love them so much, I don't wish what you are going through on anyone. It sounds so heart breaking. |
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Posted: 1/27/2021 10:06:14 AM EDT
[#8]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Is your wife able to provide any insight? 100% this. She has the "in". Use it. Otherwise, like others have said...hang on...stay on discipline, firm but fair, and it should pay off at 20+. |
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Posted: 1/27/2021 10:06:16 AM EDT
[#9]
My girls are still in elementary school years. Not looking forward to teen years. OP I wish you luck and send prayers. If she knows you love her and you are doing the best you can hopefully she will come around eventually.
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Posted: 1/27/2021 10:06:51 AM EDT
[#10]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Is your wife able to provide any insight? 100% this. She has the "in". Use it. Otherwise, like others have said...hang on...stay on discipline, firm but fair, and it should pay off at 20+. In the meantime...hang on!!! |
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Posted: 1/27/2021 10:08:45 AM EDT
[#11]
How was your relationship before this point in her life? Were you close? Did you favor you son and she felt that?
A lot of possible causes , but being a father of two daughters they go through a point around that time that parents kind of suck. My relationship with youngest daughter has always been great though even in trying times of growing up. My oldest can be a little out there sometimes , but I know she loves me in her own way. Good luck OP. |
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Posted: 1/27/2021 10:10:56 AM EDT
[#12]
Estrogen, it's a bitch.
OP, do you do anything personal with her? Take her out to lunch? Go shopping? My daughter is 18 and I coached her in little league softball, conducted catching lessons with her, took her to her travel ball workouts etc. At 13 she quit being a tom boy and got all girlie. Now she gives shit to her mom and loves hanging out with me and staying at my apartment. Spend some dad daughter time with her. |
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Posted: 1/27/2021 10:14:55 AM EDT
[#13]
Dad of daughters here. Its amazing how different each one can be. 12 - 20 is pretty trying times for girls. Try to do things with her that she likes. She will grow out of this OP hang in there.
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Posted: 1/27/2021 10:15:04 AM EDT
[#14]
Spanking isn’t an issue as long as you adequately DISCIPLINE in an effective way (we spank for specific things). As long as fair and consist at discipline was observed you shouldn’t worry about spanking.
Who is she hanging out with (friends, friends parents, others)? They effect a young girl the most....the people around her I mean. If they are telling her you are a POS/Trump lover/CIS white male or other propaganda (its heavy among young girls). She will start accepting that as truth. |
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Posted: 1/27/2021 10:16:28 AM EDT
[#15]
Oldest is 13 about to be 14.
The teenage years are rough OP. |
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Posted: 1/27/2021 10:17:38 AM EDT
[#16]
Are your politics the same as hers? If not she may have trouble separating the two. Ensure you let her know it’s ok to think differently.
What is her exposure to social media? TIK TOK IS THE DEVIL. Well not really but close. Kids are being programmed to accept new realities based on repeated exposure to videos. How is your relationship with your wife, good or bad? You don’t know what is being said/ observed there. Try a father daughter lunch, take her and one of her friends to lunch. Observe behaviors, phone use, what they say to each other. Sign up for volunteer work, habitat for humanity or something like it. She may need perspective on life. Take her hunting or shooting, or something she likes, painting pottery or a cooking class if that’s her thing. Not every girl will be daddy’s little girl. In the end you may not be as close with her as you are your son. That’s ok you just need to be there without judgement when she needs your help. |
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Posted: 1/27/2021 10:21:04 AM EDT
[#17]
Completely ignore her behavior, don't let it get to you, and continue engage and interact with her as a loving father would do. That way you are trying to fulfil your role and her attitude is really her problem to deal with. That way at the end of the day at least you know you made a solid effort to be there for her, which is really all you can do.
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Posted: 1/27/2021 10:23:28 AM EDT
[#18]
All you can do is keep loving her and supporting her, one day the light will come on and she will realize how important you are to her.
You need to stay with the discipline as long as it is not over bearing. |
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Posted: 1/27/2021 10:24:07 AM EDT
[#19]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Not sure what to offer. My little girl is four and we're best friends. Same here with my 15yo. |
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Posted: 1/27/2021 10:29:13 AM EDT
[#20]
I got nothing. Mine is turning 4 in a couple months. I'm generally her hero.
My sister was a royal bitch to both parents in her teen years, it passed though and now she's very close with both. A teen girl in the late 90s/early 2000s is dramatically different than being a kid now though. Social media, youtube, and other media blasting apps like tik tok are poisoning their minds. Hell I had to repeatedly remind my wife that the perception people put on social media is not reality. They're not always on vacation, they likely have parents massively helping with bills and expenses, probably huge debt, and that their lives aren't as perfect as Instagram/Facebook presents. |
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Posted: 1/27/2021 10:32:40 AM EDT
[#21]
She is a teen, and a girl, unholy creatures they are.
She'll come around. My oldest daughter is turning 24 this may. She was the same at that age, mom was everything and I didn't exist. Now she's grown up and sees why I am hard on them. She tells the younger ones to listen up and take notes as they will laugh at how stupid they are now. She'll ask me for help before going to her mother now, makes my heart swell with pride. I have one that just turned 15, and again, mom for all, dad doesn't exist. And then there is my heart, my 6yo girl that is my ride or die. Goes everywhere with me no matter what, leaves mom behind for me. I dread the day that changes. |
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Posted: 1/27/2021 10:34:00 AM EDT
[#22]
Remember you are the PARENT not her FRIEND.
Continue to guide, reward and DISCIPLINE her. Ignore her as well, she's like a cat, plan stuff she likes to do without telling her, let her come to you asking what you are doing then say oh nothing really, bye, see what she does. When you're talking to your wife and she walks in stop talking, if she asks what you were talking about tell her it's a secret, they HATE that. Don't give in to her attitude or BS. Be the alpha, not the cuck. 
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Posted: 1/27/2021 10:37:03 AM EDT
[#23]
I have a 19 year old daughter and we get along better and better as she matures. I struggle to find things of common interest to share time together but we keep working. At 13, girls are pretty mean! Stepping in her room to say hello was like going on patrol in a hostile war zone. You never knew what you were going to encounter. Eventually, those days happened less and less. My daughter was a straight A national honor society student that participated in varsity level sports her entire high school career. She put tons of pressure on herself to succeed and carried that over into her college career. That pressure she put on herself she convinced herself came from my expectations. She is at the point in college where she is taking weed out classes. The classes where the top kids get Bs and Cs and the bottom kids are required to change majors. During one of her struggles last semester, I asked her why she was panicking and her response was that the bar was higher for her than her older brother. After a conversation with her about weed out classes and just finding ways to pass classes like organic chemistry is acceptable. Heck, even if she failed I wouldn’t care. Her older brother is a cross between Van Wilder and Otter from Animal House. Do you have any other children? My two kids are close to one another and I believe my son has been quietly instrumental in helping me and my daughter bond. You have to keep trying. I finally have both children and a proper trajectory, which required a lot of reaching in and reorienting their direction. Don’t lose faith they come back around!!
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Posted: 1/27/2021 10:38:35 AM EDT
[#24]
It's a tough time for a lot of kids, and they don't know how to deal with it. It was a tough time for me. My daughter was very difficult from 13 to about 17. She was very cold towards me, and she could be downright awful to her mother. We have gotten along great since her senior year in HS, and she grew up a lot when she went to college. She is now 27 and is one of the happiest, most responsible, competent people I know. I think this happens a lot. Just continue to raise her properly, and she will most likely come around as she gets older.
Good luck. |
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Posted: 1/27/2021 10:43:48 AM EDT
[#25]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Remember you are the PARENT not her FRIEND. Continue to guide, reward and DISCIPLINE her. Ignore her as well, she's like a cat, plan stuff she likes to do without telling her, let her come to you asking what you are doing then say oh nothing really, bye, see what she does. When you're talking to your wife and she walks in stop talking, if she asks what you were talking about tell her it's a secret, they HATE that. Don't give in to her attitude or BS. Be the alpha, not the cuck. Don't do this. Being a passive aggressive father and playing mind games with your children leads to them developing the same behaviors. Later, if they do some introspection and recognize it, might be pissing on your grave. |
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Posted: 1/27/2021 10:44:09 AM EDT
[#26]
How does your wife treat you in front of her? I’ve known some situations where the kids feed off the wife treating the husband like shit and thinking it’s ok.
Otherwise, teens can be Dick’s and will likely grow out of it as long as you continue to put in the effort |
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Posted: 1/27/2021 10:44:21 AM EDT
[#27]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Hated my old man until I was in my mid 20's. Now he is more important than anyone else other than my wife. He did not change, I only understood why he did the things he did as I grew up. Like Mark Twain said "When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years". ETA: I do not have kids, but I figure a perspective from the other side may help. I love it man, thanks for posting that. OP- has she been like this for years or can it be attributed to hormonal changes? |
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Posted: 1/27/2021 10:44:25 AM EDT
[#28]
Social media is communist propaganda. Parents that allow such exposure are asking for trouble.
Sincerely, A millennial father |
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Posted: 1/27/2021 10:45:41 AM EDT
[#29]
Your team membership will give you insight from this thread in Team...
https://www.ar15.com/forums/General/Teen-daughter-HOLLY-_-_-_-_-what-did-I-get-myself-into/75-2418141/ |
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Posted: 1/27/2021 10:45:57 AM EDT
[#30]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Not sure what to offer. My little girl is four and we're best friends. I'm in this boat and I pray I don't end up on your side - I have nothing, I'm sorry. That's rough |
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Posted: 1/27/2021 10:50:20 AM EDT
[#31]
Sorry can't help but I'm all ears.
My girl is 2, tried to beat my head in during supper, was kissing me right before sleep. ¯\_(?)_/¯ |
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Posted: 1/27/2021 10:54:41 AM EDT
[#32]
There is nothing worse, in terms of self centered obnoxious behavior, than a 13 yo girl. Things will probably get better eventually.
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Posted: 1/27/2021 10:54:57 AM EDT
[#33]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Hated my old man until I was in my mid 20's. Now he is more important than anyone else other than my wife. He did not change, I only understood why he did the things he did as I grew up. Like Mark Twain said "When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years". ETA: I do not have kids, but I figure a perspective from the other side may help. Yep...I've told my dad before it was amazing how much smarter he got when I got into my 20's. |
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Posted: 1/27/2021 10:55:52 AM EDT
[#34]
It's biologically normal for teenage females to despise their fathers. It's probably why they used to be married off at that age.
Stop giving her money and gifts. Women don't respect men who cater to their bullshit. Be cool. Be calm. Think of a lion chilling in the shade while his bitches and offspring run wild around him in their juvenile chaos. He don't give a fuck. Be that lion. She'll come around. Edit: When she asks your wife if she wants tea and a bagel, tell her that you would also like her to make you tea and a bagel. If she makes you tea and a bagel, thank her. If she refuses or ignores you, ask her why she's being rude; asking one parent and not the other. Have standards and set boundaries. |
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Posted: 1/27/2021 10:55:56 AM EDT
[#35]
Same boat. My daughter is a spoiled shit, but doesnt appreciate anything I do for her. We were best friends till like 13-14, now her BF and mom are her best friends. She has her moments where she is a daddys girl, but few and far between. Hoping she grows out of it. No real difference of opinion, shes the female version of me.
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Posted: 1/27/2021 11:04:12 AM EDT
[#36]
Quoted: Is this how girls are? You'll never get to the bottom of it though unless she's willing to talk and explain what her deal is with you. Don't recommend often but sometimes a counselor is a 3rd party and easier for them to express what's going on. Mine has OCD and until we got her to a counselor we were blind to what was going on. Just what seemed non-sensical fights over silly stuff. In retrospect it's completely clear why. She's handling it much better now that she knows what's going on and why it's causing her so much anxiety. We also found out about some things that really bothering her through that and made adjustments to get what we wanted without mashing her buttons too. I don't have anything for you specifically though. Mine is a daddy's girl, so it's my wife that gets the occasional burst of attitude but nothing like what you describe. |
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Posted: 1/27/2021 11:11:48 AM EDT
[#37]
Don’t worry about it! Tell her you lover her often and how proud you are of her regardless. Now is not the time to tune out or try any less. Continue to make efforts to spend quality time with her. Regardless of how she is acting, it is likely she needs you more now than ever.
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Posted: 1/27/2021 12:37:47 PM EDT
[#38]
If she has professed her love for her mother regularly, the root of the problem may be related to your relationship with her mother. Might even be something as simple as she is disgusted by you and her mother having sex.
In any case, always take the high road and do not try to force a resolution to the issue. Treat her exactly as you would your son. Show her that you love her even when you know you may not receive a response. Once she has matured enough to understand what is involved in raising a family, she will come to remember how poorly she treated you when she didn't know better, and she will know in her heart that you must love her dearly to have put up with that. It will require patience, but it will pay off later. Father of 3 daughters here. |
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Posted: 1/27/2021 12:47:50 PM EDT
[#39]
I have 2 daughters both of which were a handful to say the least. They get over it in their 20's.
Grin and bear it pops, it will get better. |
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Posted: 1/27/2021 12:50:22 PM EDT
[#40]
If she's almost 14, she's going through puberty.
She probably doesn't know how to handle the changes her body is experiencing, let alone talk about them with her father. Perhaps that's why she's much more partial to her mother right now? I mean, if she had questions about said changes, how would you react? You'd probably tell her to go talk to her mom.  It'll pass. Don't sweat her. The embarrassment she will feel will only strain your relationship further... |
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Posted: 1/27/2021 12:52:44 PM EDT
[#41]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Remember you are the PARENT not her FRIEND. Continue to guide, reward and DISCIPLINE her. Ignore her as well, she's like a cat, plan stuff she likes to do without telling her, let her come to you asking what you are doing then say oh nothing really, bye, see what she does. When you're talking to your wife and she walks in stop talking, if she asks what you were talking about tell her it's a secret, they HATE that. Don't give in to her attitude or BS. Be the alpha, not the cuck. Don't do any of this^. Seriously, you will NOT like the results/her reaction. |
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Posted: 1/27/2021 12:55:23 PM EDT
[#42]
I have 2 girls... now 10 and 12.
My oldest is a daddies girl... My youngest not. While she doesn't hate me, I can tell that she is annoyed by me mostly. Mostly ignores me, does her own thing. I know what you mean, I wouldn't call it hate though... It could be some kind of sibling rivalry. My youngest knows that her sister has daddy wrapped around her finger. Maybe it bothers her. I have room for both to wrap me around their fingers though. I love them both the same. |
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Posted: 1/27/2021 1:00:39 PM EDT
[#43]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Oldest is 13 about to be 14. The teenage years are rough OP. Very True 
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Posted: 1/27/2021 1:03:56 PM EDT
[#44]
When my daughter turned 15, it became pure hell. She is 19 now, and is coming around. They will never be the sweet little girls we once knew. Its a shame.
My son is 16 and is an ass. I am hoping its just more of the same. We will see in a few years. |
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Posted: 1/27/2021 1:07:58 PM EDT
[#45]
My middle girl is like that at times.
She will be 15 very soon. Most of the time it is from something I said or did with out knowing and she took offense to. Have your wife find out what is going on. |
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Posted: 1/27/2021 1:09:06 PM EDT
[#46]
Mine turns 15 in a month.
Only time she acts that way is if she pouting lol. Like at Christmas.... Here's your own AR ( 22lr) ..mags,red dot, pink ammo can with 3k rnds..... She was pissed because she didn't get a skateboard.... 24 hours later she was back to normal. Honestly if mine acted like yours. I'd call her out on it and talk it out |
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Posted: 1/27/2021 1:14:23 PM EDT
[#47]
I'm a dude, but irrationally disliked my parents for a few years.
My sister did the same. I'm not looking forward to it with my girls. |
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Posted: 1/27/2021 1:15:32 PM EDT
[#48]
for about 4 yrs she "lost her voice"
I don't think I heard 10 words a week from her. She's 19 now and in college and we converse regular and things are good. My wife assured me, this was normal. |
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Posted: 1/27/2021 1:16:26 PM EDT
[#49]
I have 3 daughters. It is normal for one of them to think I'm a Cretin at any point in time. When I sense they're getting edgy I just ask them if they're going to put me in a good home or a bad home when I'm in my dotage.
They are generally thoughtful and tell me honestly that it is the bad home for me. I counter with, "I'm cutting you out of the will! I want the good home with pretty nurses!" They generally laugh and walk away around this point. Be loving, but don't be a doormat. She might be a wife someday, think of that poor schmuck. Label her behavior, tell her to fix it. |
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Posted: 1/27/2021 1:18:44 PM EDT
[#50]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Remember you are the PARENT not her FRIEND. Continue to guide, reward and DISCIPLINE her. Ignore her as well, she's like a cat, plan stuff she likes to do without telling her, let her come to you asking what you are doing then say oh nothing really, bye, see what she does. When you're talking to your wife and she walks in stop talking, if she asks what you were talking about tell her it's a secret, they HATE that. Don't give in to her attitude or BS. Be the alpha, not the cuck. Been watching a little too much South Park, have we? |
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