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Posted: 4/2/2024 4:56:30 PM EDT
[Last Edit: Leo31]
Long story short a year ago I discovered find my iPhone on my phone. It had my wife’s location and I could see where she is on a satellite map. I started to use it for knowing when to make dinner or when my kids asked when she gets home. I never told her about this app. One day I looked at lunch time and she was just leaving a restaurant and was about 5 minutes from work. I tried calling her numerous times with no answer. She almost always picked her phone up or texted immediately. I watched her on the app get dropped off at the front door, not the parking lot where she parks. She then calls me back acting funny. I could tell she was nervous. Long story short she told me she was in the bathroom and left her phone at her work desk upstairs. I called her out on it that night and she denied it. I told her I could see you, didn’t say how at the time. She finally confessed and said she went out with 3 friends from work and listed them off. Knowing she was dropped off I called her out for still lying. She finally admitted a day later she wasn’t with one of the girl work friend she listed. I was even more pissed she kept lying to my face. I finally let it go because I was over it .  Fast forward a year later which was a month ago she went out of state for 4-5 days for work. She came back from the trip and I couldn’t sleep one night because I was frustrated about our relationship in bed because she says she’s so tired all the time. So I grabbed her phone and looked at her daily activity logs and noticed and bunch of texting one evening. So I googled how to find deleted texts on an iPhone and her phone had the upgrade to look at deleted texts. I found some deleted texts between her and an older coworker. Guessing 8-10 years older so hes maybe around 50. She sent him a picture of a life size trump cut out photo and her smiling. Which I never saw got from her. She also sent a photo with her two bosses and a couple other people at the event. Then she texted him and said I wish you were here. My mind just effing erupted. I held my composure till the next evening and asked if she had ever hid anything from me or had feelings towards anyone and she denied it. Denied phone calls or texting or erasing any. Said she’s never cheated on me. After 5 hours and 3 am in the morning of her swearing to god on our kids lives she’s never done any of that and getting nasty with me. I told her the texts word for word and it was effing silent for what seemed about a minute. After dropping the bomb she said she had no meaning behind it besides work wise and that she erased it so I wouldn’t see it and get pissed. She is the boss of this guy and a couple weeks before this she was telling me how the owner and president want to fire him but she is fighting to keep him there. She even told me how this guy reminds her of her dad! So it’s been a couple weeks and I’m still not getting hardly anything in bed from her which I told her needs to change. I’m starting to get more pissed about it. I just had to get on here to vent bc it’s all I think now and it’s pissing me off.
VP
Link Posted: 4/2/2024 5:00:54 PM EDT
[#1]
Where there's smoke there's fire.
Link Posted: 4/2/2024 5:00:59 PM EDT
[#2]
Pics of wife
Link Posted: 4/2/2024 5:03:48 PM EDT
[#3]
Originally Posted By Leo31:
Long story short a year ago I discovered find my iPhone on my phone. It had my wife’s location and I could see where she is on a satellite map. I started to use it for knowing when to make dinner or when my kids asked when she gets home. I never told her about this app. One day I looked at lunch time and she was just leaving a restaurant and was about 5 minutes from work. I tried calling her numerous times with no answer. She almost always picked her phone up or texted immediately. I watched her on the app get dropped off at the front door, not the parking lot where she parks. She then calls me back acting funny. I could tell she was nervous. Long story short she told me she was in the bathroom and left her phone at her work desk upstairs. I called her out on it that night and she denied it. I told her I could see you, didn’t say how at the time. She finally confessed and said she went out with 3 friends from work and listed them off. Knowing she was dropped off I called her out for still lying. She finally admitted a day later she wasn’t with one of the girl work friend she listed. I was even more pissed she kept lying to my face. I finally let it go because I was over it .  Fast forward a year later which was a month ago she went out of state for 4-5 days for work. She came back from the trip and I couldn’t sleep one night because I was frustrated about our relationship in bed because she says she’s so tired all the time. So I grabbed her phone and looked at her daily activity logs and noticed and bunch of texting one evening. So I googled how to find deleted texts on an iPhone and her phone had the upgrade to look at deleted texts. I found some deleted texts between her and an older coworker. Guessing 8-10 years older so hes maybe around 50. She sent him a picture of a life size trump board and her smiling. Mind you I didn’t get this text. Then she texted him and said I wish you were here. My mind just effing erupted. I held my composure till the next evening and asked if she had ever hid anything from me or had feelings towards anyone and she denied it. Denied phone calls or texting or erasing any. Said she’s never cheated on me. After 5 hours and 3 am in the morning of her swearing to god on our kids lives she’s never done any of that and getting nasty with me. I told her the texts word for word and it was effing silent for what seemed about a minute. After dropping the bomb she said she had no meaning behind it besides work wise and that she erased it so I wouldn’t see it and get pissed. She is the boss of this guy and a couple weeks before this she was telling me how the owner and president want to fire him but she is fighting to keep him there. She even told me how this guy reminds her of her dad! So it’s been a couple weeks and I’m still not getting hardly anything in bed from her which I told her needs to change. I’m starting to get more pissed about it. I just had to get on here to vent bc it’s all I think now and it’s pissing me off.
View Quote

You are right to be pissed off.

I unfortunately do not have anything positive to share. But I've been through this before. You know what's going on. The extent of it is irrelevant, and you will not get the truth from this woman (she isn't your wife any more). Make peace with that. It's worse than you know, I'm sure.

I'm sorry. I really am. I know the feeling.
Link Posted: 4/2/2024 5:04:03 PM EDT
[#4]
How many more times you going to let her lie to you?
Link Posted: 4/2/2024 5:04:06 PM EDT
[#5]
Dude.. you know what the truth is. She’ll deny it to no end, even in the face of undeniable evidence.

Where there’s any doubt, there is no doubt.

Been there done that. You do you
Link Posted: 4/2/2024 5:05:16 PM EDT
[#6]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By makaveli:
Where there's smoke there's fire.
View Quote

Sad but true.
Sorry man, it sucks
Link Posted: 4/2/2024 5:05:35 PM EDT
[#7]
It’s bad she didn’t tell the truth. It’s worse she made excuses about the truth. I think this is about to go down hill quick
Link Posted: 4/2/2024 5:05:52 PM EDT
[#8]
Damn, not looking good.  Maybe it’s time you started planning for future contingencies.
Link Posted: 4/2/2024 5:06:00 PM EDT
[#9]
That sucks. One of the reason I don't want to ever marry.
Link Posted: 4/2/2024 5:06:33 PM EDT
[Last Edit: NorCalRT] [#10]
You know the truth, how far she has gone might matter in your mind but the trust is already gone, you just haven't admitted it yet.

You have two choices, both of you get help and work hard at saving your marriage, or accept this current trajectory and know where it leads.
Link Posted: 4/2/2024 5:07:18 PM EDT
[Last Edit: jerrwhy01] [#11]
Bro!

We should talk. You already know what she’s doing, you just have to admit it to yourself. Go here, you’ll get better information and recommendations than you probably would here.
Link Posted: 4/2/2024 5:07:25 PM EDT
[Last Edit: killstick_engaged] [#12]
You've come to the right place
Link Posted: 4/2/2024 5:07:58 PM EDT
[#13]
I dunno what to say, except I hope your are wrong...been on the receiving end.....it changes you
Link Posted: 4/2/2024 5:08:15 PM EDT
[#14]
She will learn to hide it better now.
Link Posted: 4/2/2024 5:08:15 PM EDT
[#15]
She’s cheating on you.

I went through the same bullshit.

If he was a part of her daily work drama she would have been talking about it like a normal person… not hiding it like a cheater.
Link Posted: 4/2/2024 5:08:43 PM EDT
[#16]
You should have peed on her leg early in the relationship.
Link Posted: 4/2/2024 5:08:52 PM EDT
[#17]
Sounds like you are having other troubles in your relationship and this is a symptom of it.

Are you overweight/out of shape?
Link Posted: 4/2/2024 5:09:14 PM EDT
[#18]
I was overseas on business when my wife packed up her shit and left with her boyfriend. I actually found out at the company dinner.

It fucking sucks, and it's something you won't heal from overnight. But know this my friend. There is life after divorce, and it is good. Take the time you need to heal knowing it will be better.... And one day, it will be better
Link Posted: 4/2/2024 5:09:31 PM EDT
[#19]
That’s bad, friend.

Link Posted: 4/2/2024 5:09:53 PM EDT
[#20]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By nottooslow:
How many more times you going to let her lie to you?
View Quote

Link Posted: 4/2/2024 5:10:06 PM EDT
[#21]
Hey man I don’t mean to be a dick, and I am sympathetic to your cause, but next time use paragraphs.
Link Posted: 4/2/2024 5:10:08 PM EDT
[#22]
Do you love your wife?  Do you value your marriage?

If so, get in to counseling right now.

If she is unwilling, then you know she does not love you or value your marriage.

Proceed accordingly.
Link Posted: 4/2/2024 5:10:09 PM EDT
[#23]

Can I be first?

EJECT!
Link Posted: 4/2/2024 5:10:14 PM EDT
[#24]
tl;dr

I’ll go with FPNI
Link Posted: 4/2/2024 5:10:15 PM EDT
[#25]
Good luck man.

Do what is best for you and your kids.
Link Posted: 4/2/2024 5:10:50 PM EDT
[Last Edit: IT_Cowboy] [#26]
If she hasn't cheated already then she might be headed there and will say you pushed her into doing it since you already accused her of it. Cover your ass and assets as it will probably get worse before it could get better. If in your mind you think they are cheating then they are cheating. Keep your cool and don't bring the kids into it or make them pick sides.
Link Posted: 4/2/2024 5:11:17 PM EDT
[#27]
Link Posted: 4/2/2024 5:11:26 PM EDT
[#28]
Just unload her, not worth the trouble.
Link Posted: 4/2/2024 5:11:31 PM EDT
[#29]
How can you accept those explanations? You know they’re lies…
Link Posted: 4/2/2024 5:11:31 PM EDT
[#30]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By makaveli:
Where there's smoke there's fire.
View Quote

100%
Link Posted: 4/2/2024 5:11:38 PM EDT
[#31]
Pics of wife ?
Link Posted: 4/2/2024 5:11:40 PM EDT
[#32]
Bald-faced lying is tantamount to cheating in terms of faithfulness to the marriage. I see no difference between persistent lying and hidden, inappropriate relations with someone else. Sucks.
Link Posted: 4/2/2024 5:11:57 PM EDT
[#33]
Link Posted: 4/2/2024 5:12:09 PM EDT
[Last Edit: TheWhiteHorse] [#34]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By Seydou:
Do you love your wife?  Do you value your marriage?

If so, get in to counseling right now.

If she is unwilling, then you know she does not love you or value your marriage.

Proceed accordingly.
View Quote



Fuck all that… she clearly doesn’t value it.

Eject.

Once a cheater always a cheater. Ask me how I know… I’ve been on both sides.
Link Posted: 4/2/2024 5:13:01 PM EDT
[#35]
You shit the bed.



Link Posted: 4/2/2024 5:13:28 PM EDT
[#36]
Ehh something’s definitely up. I’m shocked how women can cheat with little to no guilt or care.

How did you find her deleted texts?
Link Posted: 4/2/2024 5:14:11 PM EDT
[Last Edit: Earl_Basset] [#37]
Losing trust?

Trust is gone. You know the answer, you just wish you didn't.  I truly feel for you, it's a shitty spot to be in.
Link Posted: 4/2/2024 5:14:18 PM EDT
[#38]
Plenty of broads out there that put out, nothing special about this one.
Link Posted: 4/2/2024 5:14:28 PM EDT
[#39]
She's only admitted to the lies you caught her in. She hasn't admitted to other ones.

The 'wish you were here' text is the death blow.

You have irreconcilable problem, I'm sad to say. I'm my younger days, had a girlfriend similar. It sucks.
Link Posted: 4/2/2024 5:14:44 PM EDT
[#40]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By rbutcher:
How can you accept those explanations? You know they’re lies…
View Quote


The amount of cope in that post is unreal

Bro you caught her !! Lawyer up before she does!!!  

Link Posted: 4/2/2024 5:14:54 PM EDT
[#41]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By killstick_engaged:
You've come to the right place
View Quote

Attachment Attached File
Link Posted: 4/2/2024 5:15:13 PM EDT
[#42]
I have been down that road and it ended in divorce.  I don't know yours will end but trust was a hard thing to regain once it was gone.  Never trusted my ex in the 20 years we were married.  I am in a much better place now after 4 years divorced.
Link Posted: 4/2/2024 5:15:18 PM EDT
[#43]
While I agree that doesn't look them best try and reframe from going to crazy with it.    Talking to another man she works with or even going to lunch doesn't mean she was screwing him.   At the end of the day we are all human and make mistakes.  

BTW.   This is the WORST place to ask for marriage advice.   Half the guys will say eject because they are miserable themselves.
Link Posted: 4/2/2024 5:15:25 PM EDT
[#44]
Older guy, fighting to keep him there.


I don't know why but gut tells me she's not sleeping with him, but is probably some sort of weird fraternal buddy.

Maybe.

She need to come clean with you though. Something's going on
Link Posted: 4/2/2024 5:15:48 PM EDT
[#45]
It won't get better. You have to deal with it. You have to force her to come clean.

Completely clean.

Basically, you have to tell her the marriage cannot survive with lies, secrets, and intruders.
Link Posted: 4/2/2024 5:15:49 PM EDT
[Last Edit: HighPlains1911] [#46]
She’s broken the covenant my brother.

I would propose ejection.

Only way out is a full repentance on her part as a prerequisite to any form of forgiveness.
Link Posted: 4/2/2024 5:16:02 PM EDT
[Last Edit: Cacinok] [#47]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By Zak406:
It’s bad she didn’t tell the truth. It’s worse she made excuses about the truth. I think this is about to go down hill quick
View Quote

Pretty sure things went downhill a while ago.  Sadly, OP is just no realizing it.  

Emotional infidelity is almost as damaging as physical.  

ETA:  No offense, OP, not trying to sound like a jerk.
Link Posted: 4/2/2024 5:16:14 PM EDT
[#48]
Sorry,  nothing positive here.  If she wasn't cheating she was planning on it.  Her lying about everything is enough cause to ditch her, since is demonstrably and objectively untrustworthy.  Additionally "why" she was lying seems pretty obvious.

If you stay with her she will first lose respect for you then grow to resent you,... finally blaming you for all the issues and leaving herself.  These last steps can happen extremely quickly, if you have joint accounts I will take a look at them immediately.
Link Posted: 4/2/2024 5:16:23 PM EDT
[#49]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By slowkota1:
Pics of wife
View Quote

Attachment Attached File
Link Posted: 4/2/2024 5:16:26 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 77Bronc] [#50]
I worked with a young couple, married less than a year and she was fucking a guy on one of the refinery units…he was 25 years older than her and from what we heard she started messing around with him about 9 months before her marriage.  

He found out by looking at deleted text on her phone, some forensics analysis of her laptop and the sex faucet was turned off.

He confronted her one evening and she did not say a word and just started packing her shit and left.

Once there is smoke, a fire is already burning
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