Try calling any of them. Life goes by and you mean to stay in touch and before long it's been awhile.  I know easier said than done

I tried to sign up for the Mindbloom info packet. Not sure if it went through or not.

....

It went through- check your spam folder, that’s where mine went!

Looks like it's not available in my state.

I've researched several of the 'at-home' systems, and looked at the in-office IV centers, as there are several in town. Mindbloom seems to be the best in-home system out there and 2/3 the price of others...the in-office sessions are very expensive. After looking at everything, I've ordered the Mindbloom and I am actually excited!  I got a $100 off promo code emailed to me, which made the decision easier.

My only complaint is that the first virtual session with the medical professional that will asses you and prescribe the meds takes too long to get scheduled; at least in my state. I ordered the system and the PA session first available was next monday. Then they have to get the kit meds ordered and shipped out, so my first Ketamine session wont be until the Monday after that. Today has been a great day because I actually got a full night's sleep. This past week has seen some pretty bad lows, so I cannot wait to get this going!

I’ve been a shitshow all weekend. Reached out to a couple therapists tonight. Sent an inquiry to 1, then About 2 minutes later found one that their “specialty” description sounded like they were in my brain. Optimistic. I will gladly give them money to fix me.
I’ll keep you posted on whether they fix me or just tell me I’m a piece of shit and to quit wasting their time.
Oddly? I find myself more comfortable with the idea of a female therapist. A guy might understand ME better, but I think given my track record with females, I’m more comfortable (or is it familiar) with having a woman break me down into psychological mush.
Bring the pain!

Good luck to you.

That's an awesome first step.  Just remember be patient with the treatment and give it time.  Set up a plan for yourself and follow through.  I am on my 6th session and really just started to notice the effects about session 4 or 5.  The muddy windshield of life has finally got some windshield wipers on and it's getting clearer.  The anxiety evoking thoughts no longer haunt me as much, but I still have work to do.  I think I am going to continue with their All Access 18 pack  maintenance sessions.

Good luck! I agree with having a female therapist… easier to open up to, I think.

Good deal- the PA that I did my consult with Monday said that given my background/issues/symptoms, I will probably see a big change after the first session. I hope so.

For all my overthinking bros out there this weekend… Not my quote, stumbled across it. Properly applied would save about 90% of the misery I create for myself.

“Seeing things for what they are instead of what they could be or imagined them to be, will change your life.”

I kind of want to try another therapist, but I wonder if it is just mind-fuckery? Talking is not going to fix my problem. Pills aren't going to fix my problem (no, this is not a rant towards Big pharma).

My goal is to fix my mindset so I can move forward and not cause myself more problems. The problems I’ve got, I’ve got. I own them. A better mindset might help me work through them, but primary goal is to change course so I stop hitting rocks.

Been there, done that. All talked out. Meds had zero effect - any of them.
This is why I’m doing the K with Mindbloom; an actual, proven ‘fix’ for your brain.

Best of luck man.  Take care.

Meetup Group activities can take the edge off loneliness. Kind of. It's better than nothing.

And on the drive home afterwards, the same old questions creep into your mind. That silent voice that is wise and clear, and loves to remind you of what you really are.

every fucking day, i hold onto small things tho. my dog wants food. i smashed my phone Saturday and have the week off, spent the entire weekend trying to let the only 2  people who might care and send a welfare check that i was ok. then realized noone would care

kppp

@chicken_rider Hang in there bud. They care. Sometimes life gets in the way and it's hard to connect but they still care. And you know who cares even more? Your Creator.  He is rooting for you and has placed everthing you need to overcome this in your path.  Seek him and he will come near to you.

Resist the lies of the devil. You will get through this.

Im starting to wonder if therapist are worth it in my case or if it'll always be spinning my wheels. Ive tried two different therapist plus my clinician and Ive never progressed outside of some minor CBT help. Im super anxious in a few different areas of my life and the beginner exposure therapy I talk about in a session with them never translates to me doing it in the real world. Just back down when the sharp pain in my stomach kicks into overdrive. Therapy just turns into getting feelings off my chest (from the shit that builds up in my life because Im not facing those situations) and they never have pushed me. I know they can't follow me around day to day and force me and ultimately this comes down to me, myself, and I doing it. Theyve seen content to revert to talk therapy and not push me if I tell them it's too uncomfortable. Feels like a unbreakable cycle. Meds theyve had me try have done jack shit and Ive phased off of everything but Trazadone for sleep. They hold onto Benzos like it's gold or something (theyll give me like four pills a year to deal with job interviews and such). Not that I really want to fuck around with them but they are something you can feel working that completely stop that stomach churning pit. I think I might ask about beta blockers. I asked about ketamine therapy but they denied it saying it's more for depression.

If that’s what you want, did you try asking them to push you even if you say it’s too uncomfortable? If you’re ok with them pushing you, let them know that. They’re not mind readers, they only know what you tell them.

I’m a couple sessions into therapy, so I’m no expert. Thought I was having my third this week, but miscommunication about going every other week started with skipping this week even though we skipped last week. Oh well.

I’ve been going down a philosophical rabbit hole of whether putting the brakes on intrusive thoughts and daydreams is just another form of burying emotions. I’ll probably bring it up. I want to get to the source of my shit (if possible) and shut it down. I feel like some of this is band-aids. Ok, so I throw up the proverbial stop sign and divert my mind when I start having the anxiety-inducing thoughts. Cool. Where are those coming from? It’s all well and good to shut them down, but wouldn’t it be nice to not have them to shut down?
Maybe that’s advanced level shit, who knows.

There’s been a thread in GD I started earlier this week. I have minimal contact with my ex, only communicate for picking up or dropping off the kids. No casual conversations or anything like that. Anyway, everyone in ARF-land told me to forget her and have nothing to do with her, and to sell my house and move on.

I’m tired. I’m empty inside, and insomnia still plagues me. Been awake since three am. I have to go get brake pads and change them out on my jeep, the house is a mess and I didn’t even want to get up to make coffee. I just feel empty, alone and overwhelmed. I know I should just make a list and start banging out chores. I’ve got the girls here with me, their brother is working his first teen job so he’s not here this weekend. It’s just welling up in me, this feeling that life is always gonna be this empty.

I'm also tired and empty inside, and often struggle to just keep putting one foot in front of the other one. I got that way without experiencing the kind of betrayal that you did. You might have multiple parallel problems going on.

Do you actually want to get better?

I got drunk like normal, and texted my dad, who I've been ghosting for months, and a coworker that I need help. I have vacation time, so it is possible I can go to detox, and start some treatment.

Tomorrow morning will be interesting.

Follow up to my post from a couple days back. Work is fully supportive, and I have an appointment with detox tomorrow, to assess treatment options, and proceed forward with sobriety.

For the first time in a long time, I feel optimistic, and hopeful.

That's great!

People like us, we don't die of old age.  Oh no, we die from disease, accidents, or suicide.  In my case, I'm thinking in all likelihood I'll be a 3) then 1), followed by 2).  Sometimes you see the road you are on, and you just wish it would come to a conclusion, one way or the other.  I can't speak for anyone but myself, but I think a lot of us are truly one really bad day away from putting a lid on it all, and that's ok.  The world is way too full of assholes and bad things, and it's only going to get worse all around.

I guess, the best thing to do is keep on chugging along, for whatever it's worth.  Trying to find hope in this world is like trying to find a black cat, in the dark, while blind folded.

I haven't had a good marriage in a few years. We have a 2 year old daughter that is my best friend. Me and her spent literally every second together reading, teaching her languages she can sign, English and Spanish spoken, painting, all that. She's my entire world.  Came home last Friday and her and my baby were moved out. She left. I killed a six pack, and was gonna door dash more. Decided not to. For the first time in my 43 years I was NOT in control. By 3 a.m. I was millimeters between two choices. I have one friend in this world, and she picked up the phone. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. Over the next 4 days her, and my boys (I also have 2 grown children in their 20s) rotated staying with me. Thank God for all of them. The only thing that stopped me was I know it doesn't  stop the pain. You just transfer it to the ones you love the most. And my kids are my entire existence. This was a week ago tomorrow. I found something that genuinely helped me. No idea how to link. If you believe or not, it gave me hope. It's a sermon from Levi lusko called "how to worship when it hurts like hell". What caught my brain while I was looking for a reason not to was something he said. "When you feel like you're in a hole so dark and deep it feels like God himself put you in there and abandoned you, I'll show you how to get out". I've watched it a dozen times this week.  Don't quit brothers, no matter what.

A brother long gone said something similar.
"Sometimes, you gotta take the blinders off and see reality for what it is, not what you wished it was"

I like that quote. Gonna try to remember that.

3 days no drinking so far. Still detoxing at my dads, but it is going fairly smooth.

Still no real appetite to speak of, but that's been normal for a while.

I've been on the local AA site, and have found a few places in the area of where I live or work that I can start to check out.

Monday, I'll also be contacting some of the outpatient counseling rehab programs and figure out which one I want to get started with.

One day at a time, I'm making baby steps, and planning for success the next day instead of winging it.



It's amazing how much of a support group I had around me of people who care about me this whole time. I should have reached out for help a long time ago.

Be careful with that. Alcohol withdrawal can be dangerous. I hope this continues to go well.

100%. He went with me to the detox meeting. I hd a bag packed ready to get checked in. Doc prescribed a handful of things to aid with it, with very explicit directions to head to the ER for many warning signs of it could be going wrong.

Doc advised try at home first, and if I'd said I was gonna try at home, I think he'd have checked me in. Having a sober house to do it at, that will throw me out if I fuck up is a good thing.

Unfortunately addiction isn't new in my family. Me seeking the treatment, versus family or courts forcing it, is a first for someone in our family.

Never thought I would be one to reach out for help. Usually I'm always upbeat, and telling others to face life's challenges head on, or at least make one positive step at a time to get ahead, but I'm starting to doubt those words because they just aren't working anymore.

Every time I start getting ahead myself, something happens that sets me further and further behind.

Job pays decent, or at least did before inflation started. Second shift was cut, and overtime picked up, but that barely makes up for the increasing COL. I hardly have time between work and upkeep around the house to get out, and money has been getting tighter.

I've lost touch with all my friends when they went off the deep end politically. Band mates were a good substitute when we could play, but otherwise they are all alcoholics and pot heads, which I can't stand being around if music isn't involved. Haven't been able to even jam in over a year. My prized possession, the guitars and drums I worked for years to get, just collect dust. I no longer have the motivation to pick up and play anything, even on the rare chance I have time.

My wife suffers from bipolar and anxiety disorders. Things have been worse for her lately, and trying to pick up the extra responsibilities we share has been putting extra strain and stress on me. She is unable to work full-time currently.

Things got worse for her after she rolled her car. Weeks of sobbing and breaking down. Getting her a replacement car took most of what I saved for a down on a house. Though just her being able to get out of the house and work at least a little gives her some structure to keep her mind focused, so that's at least worth the cost, but yet again puts us further behind in life.

Similar things kept happening the last few years, this is just the most recent stuff wearing me down.

I feel defeated. Like everything in the world is working against me every step of the way. I'm at the point I just want to give up trying. Whatever worth I thought may have had seems to be slipping away. I keep trying to get back ahead, trying to stay determined and motivated, but it seems more and more pointless.

Right now, the only thing that has kept me going is trying to stay strong for my wife. I think I'm most afraid of failing her.

I've kept everything bottled up, so as to not worry her, though it seems she is catching on. We've found a treatment for her that has been working better than the current meds she been on, but I don't want to bring her into a downward spiral by telling her what's going on in my head. That needs to wait until we have leveled out her BPD.

I don't know what it is that I need to hear at this time, but just typing the "short" of it has been therapeutic.

Tired of spending every weekend alone. Sending out text messages trying to get anyone to interact with me. I can't leave while my parents are still living.

I have 2 quick thoughts: 1) to do something in public, even by yourself. Go for a drive. Stop and get gas a few times. Just be in public around people.
2) Instagram reels. It’s kinda cheesy, but there are a good amount of “motivational” type clips out there, and they eat up time like nobody’s business to distract and get you through down spots.

I do that every weekend. It makes me feel worse. It's incredibly awkward. I still do it though, because I can't sit at home in nice weather.

I wish the best for anyone reading this thread.  Everyone matters.

I think “leave” means a early departure from life in this context.
Doesn’t seem so strange..
Maybe I’m wrong.
Just carry on and focus on good things.

Sorry man. Just wanted you to know that people are listening to what you're saying. Life really sucks sometimes, but as long as you're here, there's always a tomorrow with the possibility of change and more hope. You sound like a fighter, so keep fighting, even if it's just out of pure rage. At least you're still trying. I understand what you mean though, sometimes we just can't get a break. I feel like my entire life has been a struggle while I watch other people fall ass-backwards into great things. It doesn't make sense, or even feel "fair," but we're still better off keeping on.

Maybe a club or something? Your name makes me think you're into cars, there are tons of car clubs out there. Just a thought.

BTDT. Not all the same details, but I lived my life to keep my wife happy. I thought I was happy, but I can tell you now that the dust has cleared and I'm on the other side, that I absolutely was not.

You need to worry about your own well being first. If you're in a shitty place, how can you be of any help to your wife? It's kind of like the oxygen masks on an airplane; you need to look out for yourself first, then do your best to help others. It may sound selfish, but it's really not. How can a drowning person help save someone else from drowning?

I'm not the greatest with words, but that is a genuine attempt at encouragement. And as you said, talking absolutely helps. Even if it's strangers online, friends, family, or a therapist; talk to someone. I would avoid spilling your fears and anxieties to your wife as it sounds like it'd probably do more harm.

This too shall pass :-)

Hobbies absolutely can help. Two quotes come to mind:

"Idle hands are the devil’s workshop; idle lips are his mouthpiece." Proverbs 16:27

“For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side-effect of one's personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the by-product of one's surrender to a person other than oneself. Happiness must happen, and the same holds for success: you have to let it happen by not caring about it.” -Viktor Frankl

...

It helps having somewhere to vent a bit, or air out ones troubles. Especially when you don't have anyone to talk with in person. Sometimes I hate being antisocial, but other times I'm thankful for it.

I'm am thankful ARF has plenty that share similar interests, and the support offered here is wonderful.
I'm doing my best. Trying to focus on me a bit, and funnily enough you recommended that as well. Spent the last weekend only doing what I wanted, even if it was nothing, and not a thing more. It was a nice break from the stress. Took last Monday off work as well for a day to just unwind

Non-necessary wrenching on the Jeep for once to update lighting, drink a beer while just standing in the yard, catch up on shows. It did help out the mood to just not give a fuck for a couple days.

I'm going to try reworking when I do the around the house chores to give me at least a half day every weekend to do similar things. Many hobbies have gone by the wayside.

Just venting

My life definitely went into a spiral after my wife died. ( She passed from cancer in 2019 after battling a few years ) There's a bunch of different things plaguing me. My health, my relationship with my kids, my In-laws.

I don't want medication, I have a therapist but not sure how much it helps. As the above poster said, I have a lot going for me and sometimes this doesn't make sense.

I'm get tired of life sometimes, not sure what sense it all makes.

Prayers out to everyone in this thread.

God loves you.

Bouts of being depressed are never about what you have, which is what most people will notice about you, it's what you are lacking or needing. It's almost like having a vitamin deficiency but people see your fridge is full so don't understand you aren't feeling good, they just aren't aware the shelves are stocked with things that have zero vitamin C. We all lack something at some point in time. Maybe it's something it's been so long we've had, or something we are still seeking.

The worst part is the slow buildup of letting it weigh on you until you start beating yourself up in a vicious mind loop. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say most of us are middle aged guys. When we start feeling we are missing something or even just a vague "things aren't trending right" we just about never announce it or ask for help. If things keep getting worse usually by the time we are reaching out it's a pretty severe state. I'm guilty of it. I also think that whenever I was feeling really bad my days were such a pattern like groundhog day. Same day over and over. That's when you cannibalize yourself. Day drinking...same thing on TV at the same time...killing time just to go to bed then reset. That never lends itself to getting us in a good spot.

Sounds cliche but changing up little things works. Remember we didn't get in a bad spot over night, we aren't going to fix it over night. It's a snowball effect both ways.