This is a subject that is eating at me more and more and I feel it is for very good reason. Compelled almost really. I have failed as a parent, husband, getting my family into church and closer to the lord. But I also feel it is not to late to get things going. I cannot undo what I knew better but failed to do in the past.  I come from a Catholic/ Baptist home. My Mom side is Catholic/ Dad Baptist. I grew up going to both churches, not consistently at all, but enough to understand why its important, and deep down I do believe in Jesus Christ as my lord and savior but have much work to do myself. My wife was born to a good home but not very religious at all. So we have been to a few churches since married but not nearly enough for the 3 kids( 17 Junior in HS, 15 freshman, and 9 yr old) and herself. I have also talked to them about Christ and church so its not completely foreign to them. My middle daughter has a want and desire and I need to get her there. I am not tied to them being Baptist, as that's how I lean more, but it must be a bible based Christian church. I guess I am asking for first, prayers to help guide me in the right direction, and two, how would you proceed if you were in my shoes?? I feel Sunday service is obviously a start but what about bible studies etc, teenage groups??? Thanks for any input.

If you push and the Kids don't want, you better go easy or you will lose them.

Part of my traumatic upbringing was the church being forced onto me and my sister.  After church on Sunday was catechism class. After a week in school, kids would like a nice weekend of no more class.  Catechism class was a free hour of babysitting for my parents.

It is time I will never get back from my childhood.  There was not a single child in those classes that wanted to be there.

After I got out of the household, I never went back to church, so if you think that you are setting up your children for their future lifetime of church, you are likely mistaken.

I am being as gentle as I can be about this, as I am very bitter for such shenanigans.

I don't need an institution to stand between God and I

This is great news! You are taking spiritual control of your family. YOU need to start going to church every Sunday. On vacation? Too bad find the closest option. Everyone wants to sit in the car while you go in? Fine but you go! However keep it reasonable.  Service is running 90+ minutes walk out. Don't overchurch your family it will only drive them away. Look how many people in this thread chime in about religion. Bitter from authoritarian religion! Make God a priority in your life. Your family will follow.

Some of these comments are pretty bad.

I applaud your effort and agree that kids should be exposed. It's certainly the way you do it, especially with girls. You probably need to spend a few hours talking with them about how you feel, what they are seeing in the world today and how to make sense of it all.

My suggestion is to expose them to Christ but also arm them for the intellectual debate. Science and Christianity can and should coexist. The bible can be a pattern for life and morality. It can be the word of God and it can be literal in some places and not literal in others. There are a million ways to discredit a book, especially when translated by men.

I was raised like church was all the time so my wife and I didn't bring it up to our kids when they were little. I figured, if one finds it on their own, instead of being influenced by their parents it would be more genuine for them. I think that was wrong. I would get yours interested with questions. Why does almost every human in history believe in a higher power. The Bible explains where we came from, why we are here, and where we are going. There are so many people that feel hopeless because they don't know that. You could also go with prophecies that came true hundreds of years after they were made, which gives the scriptures a lot of credibility imho. Btw, the best way to learn is having to look up stuff for questions you don't have the answers too.

This. And, get the kids involved in the social aspect as well. There will almost certainly be churches around you with Vacation Bible School this summer that combines fun and Biblical teaching. For middle school and high school, there will be youth activities where they can learn about Jesus and the Bible in fun ways with friends.

This is the most important thing you’ll do as a parent.

Another great supplement is Bible Study Fellowship. https://www.bsfinternational.org/. It’s a non-denominational Bible study that meets during the school year. Men meet with men. Women with women. And, kids with kids. The cool thing is that it avoids relying on denominational traditions/differences and just focuses on the Bible text. And, I was able to take the kids with me, drop them off to their class while I went to mine and then have some great discussions on the way home and during the week when we were all working on the same lessons. You and your kids will learn how to study the Bible in addition to what you learn. It’s a great foundation and the same studies are used for around 250,000 people around the world each year.

So I have no intention of forcing religion on my family. However I do want to influence them with it for good not negative. More of a nudge. I know my daughter is more willing as is my wife. I know forcing things can sour people and that is the opposite of what I want. I live in a small community that is very religious but it has a bad affect on a lot of people here especially those who don’t share the religion and it is unfortunately used to play politics in all things instead of being a positive thing. More of a club then about Christ. I will start asking them to go on Sundays and go from there.

I feel for your predicament. I have a pre-teen daughter, and there is so many distractions for her (and for me) that it is really tough to get God in edgewise (and I only have one kid).

I would suggest teen groups, or if your church or denomination does a family retreat week or weekend, perhaps go to that.  Summer is when they usually happen as the kids are out of school. A bible study will be lost on the kids, but a family doing something together with the church group might work better. If you are in AZ, I know as a Baptist kid I went up to Prescott Pines  (https://prescottpines.org/) with the church youth group. There has to be others, and the larger local churches no doubt have their own affiliations.

Praise be to God!  I will definitely be praying for you.  

Some very good comments on this thread.  My thoughts briefly:

1. You are responsible for your soul.  Focus on that primarily because you cannot give to your family what you do not have yourself.
2. Establish a good daily prayer schedule and follow it, well, religiously.  If at times it seems senseless, useless, or hopeless, do it even more.
3. You are responsible the souls under your charge.  God wants them to be citizens in His Kingdom and he has seen fit that you should guide those souls to him.  That's a huge responsibility.
4. Make prayer a family event.  Not saying you have to start by praying 15 mysteries of the Rosary daily as a family, but at a minimum, pray together before meals.  Then, pray for them daily.
5. In honor of your Catholic roots, don't neglect to ask the Blessed Virgin Mother of God to help you grow closer to her Son.

I should add that while you are correct in that a conversion is not forced, keep in mind that children are not adults.  Your drive other decisions in their lives (e.g.: their food, clothes, bed times, etc.).  Forming them in the faith is really no exception and is vastly more important than those other things.

So, in summary, pray, pray, and then pray some more.

May God bless you and yours.  You all will certainly be in my prayers.

But are you saved?

You are talking about bringing your family to church "the building", it is just a building that may be in God's presence but God's presence is also in us as believers and we are the church. So what I'm telling you is to hang in there and if you can't bring them to the church then you can bring the church into your home. You are responsible as the man of the house to lead and guide your family spiritually and if that is out of your hands then pray about it and give it to God. But if they don't want to go to church don't let it hold you back from going because you have a duty and you still need to go even if they don't want to come with you. Then you can go home and share what was preached at church with your family. Keep on praying that they will come around. Teach them about God through daily prayer and devotionals, little bit at a time even if it's only 15 minutes of time.

My daughters are 4 & 6, we've always taken them to church since they were babies and they've been growing with so much joy & love for the Lord. Our 6 year old used to hate going when she was younger until just one day all of sudden she had become so excited about going to church that she wanted to go every day even when they aren't open. They are excited to praise & worship and sing & dance and wave flags and express their joy for Jesus, which is what we experience going to Baptist church. I would not take them to Catholic church they would be bored out of their minds and not want to be there, no offense please dont take this the wrong way, we're all on the side of Christ.

The church packed with families of 6-8 kids who made it through a 3 hour Good Friday liturgy after an hour of stations of the cross at my parish would probably disagree.

I agree with part of your post though. OP, if you want worship, seek out a traditional Catholic liturgy, TLM, Byzantine, or Anglican Ordinariate. If you want dance, flags, and entertainment, an evangelical mega-church would probably meet that need better.

No offense taken, but (1) I don't think one should select a place to worship based on a entertainment-to-border spectrum and (2) I would not be so sure about them being bored anyway.

Theologically speaking, the Mass is fundamentally different from protestant services.  Mass is the Holy Sacrifice of Jesus Christ on the Cross in Calvary presented for us in an unbloody fashion.  During Mass, we are at the foot of the Holy Cross--literally, not symbolically.  Now, I know you don't believe that, but I hope you can see that for someone who does, entertainment vs. boredom would be the last thing on his mind.

Practically speaking, Catholics or Catholic adults specifically are not alone in appreciating the majesty of the Mass.  In my experience, kids actually are mesmerized by a majestic liturgy.  They may not fully understand what is happening, but they can sense that something important and extraordinary is happening.

They can see variations of song and dance in many places, but the following is reserved for God alone and they will not see it anywhere else.




You may appreciate this explanation on entertainment vs. boredom:

I fully understand that different denominations worship differently. I also understand that we aren't there solely for entertainment, first & foremost we are there to worship and praise Christ and to hear the word of God. What some might consider as just entertainment, others actually consider as worship and praise unto the Lord. He gave us gifts & talents such as music and dancing so that we may use those gifts to bring him glory. It is said in scripture to make a joyful sound unto the Lord, also to shout praises of his glory and dance in victory, and to sing new songs, so there is basis in the word of God.

Anyways I said all of that because of my own experiences. When I was a kid my parents and grandparents always took me to Catholic church and I just didn't really like any of it. I never even knew there was any other kind of church. Now that I'm grown up I do appreciate a good mass. I don't really agree with churches who put all of the "entertainment" out in front and put Christ on the backseat. Christ should always be the main focus and anything else that's used during the service should only be used to glorify Him. That doesn't mean that church can't be joyful & fun, but it should not get out of order and become distraction. I left a church for that reason.

When I first began attending Baptist church I didn't even really appreciate the worship music at first. I was like I don't understand it, I don't even listen to or even like any of the songs. I would tell my wife can we just show up after the worship service when the message starts. Then one day I started to understand it and I started to get into it and then before you know it I was clapping my hands and dancing in circles and singing praises unto the Lord. Now I'm excited to go and participate in it. I play the guitar in the worship team now but I actually miss it when I was down there clapping and singing praises.

Good grief at some some of these comments.

My parents did “force” me to church and I’m beyond blessed to have had them do so.

It’s going to be hard to recommend a church not knowing your beliefs and wants, etc.

I would recommend a conservative Presbyterian church (PCA) or Reformed Baptist church for solid teaching, a southern Baptist church might also fit the bill but teachings can vary due to the autonomy of the local churches, the former two will have some sacraments you might have been exposed to as a Catholic as well. These churches will or should promote  biblical literacy. They won’t be over the top near-rock concerts or be involved in unbiblical near charismatic teachings.

I would start with just taking them on Sundays. Maybe try out a few together and see what everyone likes. Pray about it at length. I’ll pray for you all too

Thank you everyone for the prayers and for the encouragement.  Its now time to put things into action. I think my oldest will go along but once he realizes how important it is, he will hopefully come around and take to it himself.

Saved this meme to my phone today. Thought it fit here. I'm also catholic so would say to go that way but starting somewhere is better than nothing.


Praying for you and your family.

Attached File

Several sociology studies out there that show that the father has the most influence over the future religious practices of children. Father regular attendance at religious services is the most strongly correlated factor with adult child regular attendance.

Your kids will imitate the behavior they see in you. If you commit to and make a priority of regular attendance, your kids will be much more likely to carry that forward.

You are the church.

I grew up with a Catholic dad and a protestant mom.  It was confusing to say the least.  I was told to choose when I was 6, and went with my dad.  That being said, I didn't get it at the time and I don't think I really figured things out until about 30 years later after years of sincere searching.  All that is to say I feel your pain.  

I try to ensure my kids aren't as confused, and they are a bit younger than yours.  I think consistently setting an example with both parents clearly being on the same page will go a long way, and honest conversation about why you're doing what you're doing now (but didn't always) helps too.

I wasnt “forced” to go as a kid… my family just went.  In college I went to the Baptist Student Union.  I wasnt Baptist but it was a good place.  My kids have grown up going each Sunday and Wed to youth groups. I can’t stand hand clapping and guitar solos in church.  The worship service is supposed to be a Worship service.  If we are looking at a soloist etc, the focus is on them, not Christ.  I understand that most people don’t agree with me.  Go to a solid Church that focuses on Christ.  You may or may not agree with the music etc.  but the main thing is what they preach.  If they have a solid youth group , your kids will enjoy it and want to go.  You are doing the right thing.

Become active members of a church family and surround yourself and your family with people who are believers.

Your children need the positive influence having of Christian friends.

Peer pressure can be a positive thing.

Christians who don’t have regular fellowship are vulnerable to isolation, depression, sin, and unbelief. Ask me how I know.

Op good for you and yours. Most adults these days are so wrapped in their own self loathing they loose sight of the big picture.This post will stir a few dislikes and that's good. Alot of people need to hear the message like it or not . Enough of this feels BS.

Truth.

Been there, done that, repeatedly. I'm an introvert by nature and a 52 yr old bachelor so feeling out of place (and lonely) with the focus being on the families at church plus the devil convincing me that no one will miss me anyhow (including Jesus) and besides the internet of distractions is waaayyy more interesting than a boring sermon and perpetual sacrifice....it sometimes necessitates a conscious effort to force myself out of bed on Sunday morning to go to Mass (or get my shit together on Sat. night). I don't always win the battle.

Our secularized culture is soooo toxic right now that just "going with the flow" without discernment will lead most to hell. You parents out there trying to navigate your family towards Christ while this bombardment of mainstream immorality is fighting you every inch of the way have my prayers.

Amen. You are not alone. Hugs.

Similar scenario. After watching a couple marriages that I thought were sound blow up in the last few years, I decided we all have our own crosses to bear and if solitude was mine. so be it.

Attending TLM helped me get past the resentment and to the point where I am because the liturgy really emphasizes Christ's sacrifice, especially in the offertory and the posture of the priest.  The reinforcement is so strong that it engenders belief in a way that the NO Mass never really did for me.

Your loneliness is not unique.  One of my friends from those marriages mentioned feeling more alone in marriage than any time before marriage. God calls all of us to some kind of sacrifice.  It can definitely suck, but it sucks worse if you let yourself get angry or sullen with God over it.

Christ established an institution when He was on the earth.

The institution gave people a place to support each other, serve each other, and worship together.

This is the primary function of the church. Everyone needs their own relationship with God outside of it, in addition to fellowship with other believers.

I’m a little late to this but I thought I’d give you my two pennies.

First, I read tons of post here but this is the only one that’s caught my real interest to chime in on, so thanks for reading. You mentioned you need some work and the current state of your wife and kids, but the best thing you can do is be the real deal. If you want your kids to KNOW Jesus, and not just - know-about-Jesus - then they’ll have to see Him at work in your life.

Kids/people will listen to 10 things you say and watch the next 100 things you do. Will they begin to see Jesus through dad, or a hypocrite? Now that doesn’t mean perfection, it just means you want to follow what God says to the best of your ability, and if you fail, they see dad get back up and follow Jesus again.

Secondly I’d like to mention, make your relationship with God a priority in your life. Attend a Bible believing Church, (because what you believe matters, and not everyone who says they’re a Christian really is one) go to every service you can. Sunday mornings, Sunday nights and midweek services if possible. Saturate yourself with God’s word, Romans 10:17 “so faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ” … when you do this, you’ll allow God’s word to change your mind, and by changing your mind, you’ll be able to more easily stand for the things of God.

Third, you’ll read many stories about how people were forced as children and teens to attend church and how they hated it, or they hated some Sunday school teacher. In my experience, many of these people never knew Christ, they knew religion, they knew uptight people, and they knew of religious gatherings, but they never knew Christ. Now, that doesn’t mean all, just means it’s common. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take them to church, in fact I’d recommend it. So you messed up by not doing this earlier, dust yourself off and get in the fight now, share God’s goodness with them now, share God’s holiness with them now, share God’s coming judgement with them. It’s been God’s plan for us to teach our children how to obey the LORD from the beginning.

Lastly I’ll leave you with this. Be about it.
You know how people say “everybody wants to be a gangster until it’s time to do gangster stuff” well the same goes for being a Christian, everybody wants to be a Christian until it’s time to do Christian stuff, like putting away the old man and living for Christ as a new creation.

Jesus said to “love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength.” Pray, ask Him for guidance. But put His word into practice.

Joshua 24:15 “As for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.”

It's easy to overlook this truth. Rote outward form serves the useful purpose of leading to inner life.

I grew up in church.

And now my life is church.

I see you have been given tons of advice on the question.  The best advice is you do you model your life going to church and working in your service there.  If your family sees what you are doing and wants to get involved fine.   You can’t force them to go to church  and change their hearts.  You learn what the Bible says and use the example of Jesus to live your life.  Many were saved and many were not.  You can’t do it only God can.

A lot of amazing takes on this. Went to a non denominational bible based Christian church on Sunday with the family. It started as a lot of churches do with songs and such. I’ve never been one in any, traditional or modern, to sing or dance. With all the initial production, I wasn’t sure if this was going to be the place.  I like a church to get down to a good old fashioned straight out of the Bible sermon on the word of God. Well I got it after the singing and such! I really liked what and how the pastor delivered his message. Not scripted but genuine. I plan on going back. The family seemed ok with it, time will tell. A good start at least.