When I had my son I told my wife we're not telling him that I'm a veteran as I didn't want to plant that seed in his head, you know follow in dad's footsteps and all. If he does decide on his own so be it.

However now he's 5 and he found out somehow.
He constantly asks what I did in the Army, about war, equipment, tanks etc... Clearly he doesn't really understand any of it and won't give up until he gets answers, stubborn like his Dad.

I don't know how to play this. Am I being a selfish dbag? I did okay, thoroughly loved the job. But I been wounded twice plus the normal wear and tear so my body is tore to shit. Mentally I feel like I don't fit into "normal" society any more and that seems to be common amongst us. Thinking of him doing what we did or what I physically deal with everyday or worse yet ending up KIA doesn't sit well. When I watch him play Army I get a damn knot in my stomach.

I don't even like talking about this stuff with adults let alone my kids.

Just looking for some opinions/experience from other dad's.

I know how you feel.  My kids always ask what I did and what war was like. Never been to war.

I tell them the truth.  I say war is not a good thing and it's not like the television. I say it's not a pleasant thing.

They both have stopped asking.

When my son was six and asked, I told him war wasn't a game and there was no do-overs, everything was for keeps.

He pretty much lost interest after that.

I have said that too.  I told them there is no coming back.  The other day a funeral procession for a soldier passed us.  They said that it's sad that he won't ever see his family again.   They get it now.

Im currently serving now and I have a 10 year old daughter.  My wife is a vet too and theres a ton of vets on both sides of the family, so shes seen the military her whole life.  She's climbed all over our planes, tanks, trucks and played with an RPG-7.  She liked setting up a training Claymore and looking through thermals and NODS.  That said, she knows the score about the military.  Unlike other military brats I've known she doesn't seem to have the same resentment they had.  She knows Dad can go to war at anytime and she knows those of us in the family who have been to war have our little quirks.  She knows and understands why I can't always be there for school events or her games and alot of holidays but shes a tough kid and knows I'll make up for it.

I've had people ask me, "Do you want your daughter to join the military?"  I tell them it will be her choice and I would be very proud of her if she does, but if she doesn't thats fine.  She's asked about the benefits of joining a few times and even at her age I see the wheels turning.  I do think if she does join up, she'll just do it for the bene's and not make a career of it.  But, she has said being a traditional Guardsman looks like a good gig.  She's still a kid and 18 is still a few years away so who knows what she'll do.

As far as questions she's had about the military and deployments, my daughter asked me what would happen if I got killed.  I told her the God honest truth about what happens and I wanted her to understand that her and her mother would be taken care of and she needed to step up and be there for Mom.  We don't dwell on that stuff but I know it's on her mind.  She knows I retire in a couple of years and any worries she has about me will be gone then.

All in all I don't get all bound up about my kid and the military.  It goes all the way back to a Captain in the Virginia Militia in the Revolution and on to a relative serving in every war our nations been in.  It's in our blood and we're damn proud of it.

He's been hunting with me and understands the finality of death which is probably what really bothers me. I was hoping that witnessing the murder of an animal would have the opposite effect. He's too much like me and that's terrifying.

My grandpa was in WWII.  My dad was in Vietnam.

My grandpa wouldn't say to much about it.  He was a tanker (14th Armor Div.), they got hit and two of the four man crew got killed, him and the other survivor were burned really bad.  My dad and grandma told me about this.

My dad would only tell the funny stuff they did while I was young.  As I got older he'd tell he more if I asked.  He'd tell me the truth, that's how he is.  Funny thing is, the older he gets the more he talks about it without being asked, to the right people.  He was in the 25th ID during Tet.

Maybe just kind of ease into it with your son like my dad did with me.  Better he hears about this type of thing from you IMHO.

Good luck man, NYH1.

Not sure why you wouldn't want to take pride in what you did while serving your country? I sure as hell am going to when my kid starts talking and all that jazz. If he decides to join the military you just try to mentor him/her whichever and help them make the best decision for them. But IMHO I would think not telling them will only exacerbate (SP?) the situation but YMMV.

My dad was in the marines. He still was when I was very young. Every once in a while we'd be going through boxes and some pictures or foreign money from places he was stationed would show up. Occasionally he would talk about his time in the service. But otherwise he doesn't talk often about it. I feel like I don't know the life story of my father because of that.

When I was nearing graduation I was also an eagle scout. I had many branches trying to recruit me. I wasn't very interested but it was something I was willing to consider as a path in life. I did discuss it with my parents and both asked me not to join. I think it was a combination of my mother's worry and my father's experiences, whatever those were. In any case I ended consideration of joining the service out of respect for my parents wishes.

One day I would like to talk to my father about all of this. But for now I will let sleeping dogs lie.

might not want to put that "one day" off too long. My dad died last year suddenly at 57 with no warning from an unknown heart condition. He had even had a full physical for work 2 weeks prior. I fortunately didn't feel like I had anything left unsaid or unasked and we had a good relationship.

It sounds like you have some heavy questions and gaps you'd like to understand better. I'd suggest bringing it up sooner than later if you don't want to regret it later.

I'm the opposite.  My dad was career USAF so I grow up in it (mother was USAF too).   I did 24+ yrs in the Army so my boys grow up in it too.  Wife's father was career Army.  Oldest son enlisted as a 11X after 9/11 and is now a E8 in Special Forces now too.  Answered their questions but never pushed them into enlisting.  Youngest son is 25 now and has his own business.  Grandkids are growing up understanding too.

CD

Being totally honest, it sounds really weird not wanting  to tell your son you served.

My guess is you have issues/demons from it.

You should seek counseling.

Good luck.

My grandson at age 5 was fascinated by the AA guns mounted near our local ship museum. He climbed up in the gunners seat and asked if could shoot down an airplane (jetliner taking off across the river) so I said that wouldn't be very nice and people wouldn't like that.
His answer: "so they wouldn't want to play with me anymore?"
I think any discussion should be factual but age appropriate. Avoiding the questions just creates a mystery surrounding the military. Much simpler to just give a simple, straight answer.

Its hard talking to my kid. It’ll come with time when he’s old enough.

My dad was my hero growing up.

Couldn't join because of health reasons but being honest and informative is the way to go. Hiding things never works out and will cause resentment later.

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Answer his questions. He’ll eventually make a decision that’s for him, right or wrong. The best you can do is guide him.