My 600 lb life commerical tipped me off to a product some may find useful.

Thatsnasty.jpg

Also, IBTL

When I broke my hip, I found it very useful. That was 20+ years ago and it may have been a different brand.

ETA: The way my arthritis is progressing, I may be getting another one.

prostate massager

I always wondered how blind folks know when they are done wiping

Taste test

For people with disabilities? Yeah great

For obese fat fucks? Nah fatty starve yourself until you can wipe your ass like a normal person

My counselor in college was blind and I legit asked him. Apparently they do a smell test and hope for the best.

I know there’s no way I can convince you this is not one of their tricks. But I don’t care. I am me.

My name is Samueladams1776. I think i’ll get the ban hammer soon and I wanted to tell someone about my life. This is the only autobiography that i’ll ever write, and – God – i’m writing it on GD.

I was born in Nottingham in 1985. I don’t remember much of those early years. But I do remember the rain. My grandmother owned a farm in Tottlebrook, and she used to tell me that God was in the rain.

I passed my eleven plus. It was at school that I met my first girlfriend. Her name was Sarah. It was her wrists – they were beautiful. I thought we would love each other forever. I remember our teacher telling us that it was an adolescent phase that people outgrew.

Sarah did.

I didn’t.

In 2002 I fell in love with a girl named Christina. That year I came out to my parents. I couldn’t have done it without Chris holding my hand.

My father wouldn’t look at me. He told me to go and never come back. My mother said nothing.

I’d only told them the truth. Was that so selfish? Our integrity sells for so little, but it is all we really have.

It is the very last inch of us.

And within that inch, we are free.

I’d always known what i’d wanted to do with my life, and in 2015 I started my first film: The Salt Flats.

It was the most important role of my life. Not because of my career, but because that was how I met Ruth. The first time we kissed, I knew I never wanted to kiss any other lips but hers again.

We moved to a small flat in London together. She grew scarlet carsons for me in our window box. And our place always smelt of roses.

Those were the best years of my life.

But America’s war grew worse and worse, and eventually came to London.

After that there were no roses anymore. Not for anyone.

I remember how the meaning of words began to change. How unfamiliar words like “collateral” and “rendition” became frightening. When things like norsefire and the articles of allegiance became powerful. I remember how different became dangerous.

I still don’t understand it: why they hate us so much.

They took Ruth while she was out buying food. I’ve never cried so hard in my life. It wasn’t long until they came for me.

It seems strange that my life should end in such a terrible place.

But for three years I had roses – and apologised to no-one.

I shall die here. Every inch of me shall perish. Every inch.

But one.

An inch.

It is small and it is fragile, and it is the only thing in the world worth having. We must never lose it or give it away. We must never let them take it from us.

I hope that - whoever you are - you escape this place. I hope that the world turns, and that things get better.

But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that even though I do not know you, and even though I may not meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you: I love you.

With all my heart.

I love you

So its a repurposed toilet scrubber wand?

Damn. That’s rough
Love you too. No homo

?????!!

Lets keep the threats off the site okay!
tks <<Striker>>

Now I have absolutely no reason to get remarried.

Well, I found the awkward Christmas present I give everyone in the family this year.

I used one when recovering from being paralyzed

Ibtl, with the poo and the wasting and the etc....

Dont bother, they don't work worth a shit. No pun intended. Just have a major back injury and try to wipe your own bits. Many here know what I am talking about. get a bidet.

For me, it’s a convenience tool. While being confined to the lower portion of the house, I don’t have many options hygiene or cleanliness due to a severe medical condition. A condition have had most of my adult life. It’s a chronic and debilitating condition. I rely on the generosity of others to help with the most basic of daily tasks, such as, bathing, grooming, getting clothed and feeding myself. See, I’ve been trapped in the basement of my grandmothers home for nearly 42 years. The reason is simple.
I weigh nearly 870lbs due to a thyroid issue and being born big boned. Sure, I could diet and exercise, but that would cut into my Fortnite time.
I have goals and aspirations of becoming the next big name rapper/actor. With the upcoming new year comes new hope for me. I hope to get a weight reducing surgery next year and lose the weight and become the entertainer I have bottled up inside my size 7XXX shirt.
Watch out world, I Am Fabulous.

Fatty poop thread.

Damn it. Beat

Open the packages, smear just a little melted chocolate on the end and then staple them back closed

I too enjoy V for Vendetta

If you don't want to spring for a bidet, why not just pressure wash yourself with the detachable shower head?

#BidetMasterRace

I just wrap a towel around a 2x4, lean it against a wall and twerk on it until clean.  Rotate the board until you get to light beige.

I'd personally prefer everyone in public have a...   at least reasonably well wiped ass.   IDGAF if they use the neighbors cat or a fence post.   There's really no downside to everyone having a reasonably well wiped ass.

That said..  IDC what apparatus you use..  If you aren't using wet wipes you are fucking nasty and are packing poo remnants around with you 24/7.

It's a trick!  (Worked out fine anyway though)

You mean a bidet.

Someone's never seen V for Vendetta.

Wat?

Total white elephant gift.

Also when I had a major pinched nerve in my neck I seriously would have considered using it.  Had to learn to go left handed

This is the weirdest fucking thread.
Thats enough internet today.

It's on my short list.  There are few things that bring me as much joy as having a minty fresh undercarriage.  

This never gets old for me

Or stop being fat.

We really need to bring back Groom of the Stool as a job.

Friend of mine fell off the back of his semi trailer when the rope broke pulling the door down.
Broke both wrists trying to break his fall.
2 months in casts from fingertips over the elbows.
Sweat pants and telling his wife "OK honey I'm ready for you to wipe my ass".
Try it sometime and see how bad it sucks.

This ”tool”, though we make fun of, likely is useful for some folks.

I am three months post surgery to reattach my hamstring.

Pooping and cleanliness was a concern for a month or so.  Just sitting down on the pot was a major issue let alone doing the wipe.
I went a month without a real shower.

Battery power is the only way!

It’s a classic for sure!

Neva bin dun befo….



A modern reproduction - ANCIENT ROMAN - toilet wiper, made from a sea sponge; washed in vinegar between uses, then returned to the communal storage jar. Communal.

I came here to post this.

Well played sir.

Well, Roman soldiers did use a sponge on a stick dipped in vinegar for a similar function.

Rats beaten with pics. You win

Oh God no, NO......NOOOOO.

That would have come in handy when I dislocated my shoulder.