Battle Ground Pacific by Mace Sterling. Sterling served in K/3/5 and fought at Peleliu and Okinawa. Here is an excerpt:
"The field telephone rings, and a marine picks it up.
From the other end a thin voice comes through the receiver. "Hey, is Mace around?"
The marine who picked up the phone looks over his shoulder, sees me, and then shouts over, "Hey, Mace!"
"Yeah, what?"
"C'mere, you've got a telephone call. It's the mayor of new York. Wants to know if you've got a Purple Heart on."
"Yeah, sure. The mayor. Lemme see if he can get us the f*ck outta here."
"Hello, this is Mace," I say into the field telephone.
"Say, Mace." The voice comes through the other end. "Boy, have I got some dirt for you." I recognize the voice of PFC Verga, one of the new guys in Leyden and Bender's Platoon.
he continues, "Listen, ya might be able to do somethin' with this. It's about Leyden, right? This Okinawan dame is coming up the road - a nice-looking' honey- and somehow Bill and this broad work out a deal. Leyden gets some tail and this sugar gets... I don't know what she gets in return, but anyhow, the next thing you know, Leyden has her up against the side of the hill, bangin' away at her - an' a lot of the fellas are crowded around just watchin', trying' to sneak a peek, ya know? It was the damnedest thing!"
We laugh. This really made my day.
"So," Verga says, "since you guys go back a way, I thought you might like to know. Ya know, give him the business about it, or somethin'."
"Oh, you bet I will!" I say. "Here, get Bill on the horn, willya? Oh, and Verga?"
"Yeah?"
"Tell him that Stumpy's on the line."
[Note: Stumpy is their nickname for their company commander]
I don't have to wait long until Leyden gets on the phone. He must have run right over.
"Yes, sir!" he says.
"Lowering my voice and make it sound a little gruff, I try to make sure that the South Ozone doesn't leak out, or he'll be onto me right away.
"PFC William Leyden?"
"Yes, sir!"
"Yes, PFC Leyden, I've been getting some terrible reports about you have something to do with one of those Okinawan girls? Is that correct, Private?"
A short pause, then "Ye---"
"And do you know what can happen to you"
"Well, I don't... umm, I don't, what can--? He begins to really stammer, and it takes every bit of my willpower not to crack up right away. I can just imagine the boys from the 1st Platoon crowding around Bill, eavesdropping on the conversation between Leyden and the company CO.
"Well, first of all, " I tell him, "what we've got to do is take a test!"
"Yes, sir!"
"Now, I want you to take out your pecker. Do it now, son! Check it out, squeeze it off, and see if anything comes out!"
"Ye... yes, sir."
"And what do you see?"
"Nothing. Nothing, sir!"
"Okay, good. now do you have any iodine there, or something like that?"
I hear a muffled, shuffling noise, telling me that he's put his hand over the receiver, and in a faraway voice I hear the confused PFC say, "Iodine?"
He comes back on the line, clear again. "Yes, sir! Iodine, sir!"
"Good! Okay, squeeze that off again, and hold the end of your pecker, where that little opening is and put a drop or two of iodine in there. It might burn a little bit, but that's the best precaution."
"Yes, sir!"
"Are you doing it, Private?"
"Yes, yes, sir."
"You know, Private, I begin again - but I had better make this short, because I can't hold back the laughter much longer. "I did have thoughts of making you corporal, but I have to think hard again about whether I want to do this. I can't have my corporals traipsing all over the countryside fornicating with the locals indigenes, now can I?"
"Yes, sir! I mean, No, No, sir!"
"Okay, that's fine, Leyden. Now, you take a look at your pecker every day, and if anything comes out of there, you go down to the aid station - and if you do? Well, "I'll put that in my report, and you can forget all about that promotion. Is that understood?"
"Yes, sir!"
"That'll be all, Private." I hang up the phone, laughing so hard that I can barely catch a breath.
Soon after, Im sitting around with my fire team, telling them what I did, when I hear the most god-awful string of curse worse, followed by laughter, blasting from the direction of the 1st Platoon.
"That sonuvab*tch Mace! That dumb bastard, when I find him I'm gonna shove my foot so far up his ass! Where is he?"
I knew his platoon mates couldn't hold back the gag for long. Someone would give me up, sooner or later. It's a good thing Billy and I are such good buddies - though I'm sure he's already hatching a scheme to pay me back, in turn.
"Gentlemen." I rise and bow to my fire team. "I regret to inform you that I'll be indisposed for the evening, so you'll have to carry on without me. In other word, I'm making myself scarce before Bill catches up with me. So long, fellas. It's been good knowin' ya."
Good book. Sterling describes the horrors of combat and night combat when they discover the Japanese are behind them.