Maybe she has no accomplishments, to hang her self-worth on.

Maybe she has a bad case of ennui.

Maybe she's bored.

Maybe she's an endorphine junkie.

Maybe she's trying to convince herself that she's worthless, so she has an excuse... giving herself permission to fail.

Maybe she's looking for drama, so she can give herself a redemption (or another drama opportunity) with The Right Guy.

One way or the other, she's nuts.

Quoted: Quoted: it makes them feel.  there so empty inside and hate themselves so much that the cutting is a release and its something they can feel its real in there minds. probably she is in pain. and hurts most of the time.  does she Smoke? if so i bet there is brun marks also. Ronald I hurt myself today, to see if I still feel. I focus on the pain, the only thing that's real. "Hurt" - Trent Reznor, Nine Inch Nails

I always liked the Johhny Cash version myself.

Quoted: her parents treat her like dirt, tell her shes fat ect... makes me sick, how could someone say that to thier child This type of behavior is 99.9% attributed to horrible parents or lack of.  You cant undo years of abuse. She has the lowest self confidence and self worth of anyone ive ever met Symptom or cause, you decide. ETA Unfortunately she wont talk to the doctor about the cutting because she is afraid her parents are going to find out Your good influence can usually help, but there's nothing....let me repeat that....THERE'S NOTHING you can do for this girl except be a friend, ie:  someone to talk to, vent to, etc...   DO NOT get involved beyond that.  Other wise you'll be dragged in emotionally and you'll get hurt/dissipointed/let down.  Because the only help she can receive is after SHE decides she's worth it, and no one her can convince her of that but herself.  No matter what you do, only she can convince herself she's worth it.

Quoted: Quoted: her parents treat her like dirt, tell her shes fat ect... makes me sick, how could someone say that to thier child This type of behavior is 99.9% attributed to horrible parents or lack of.  You cant undo years of abuse. She has the lowest self confidence and self worth of anyone ive ever met Symptom or cause, you decide. ETA Unfortunately she wont talk to the doctor about the cutting because she is afraid her parents are going to find out Your good influence can usually help, but there's nothing....let me repeat that....THERE'S NOTHING you can do for this girl except be a friend, ie:  someone to talk to, vent to, etc...   DO NOT get involved beyond that.  Other wise you'll be dragged in emotionally and you'll get hurt/dissipointed/let down.  Because the only help she can receive is after SHE decides she's worth it, and no one her can convince her of that but herself.  No matter what you do, only she can convince herself she's worth it.

Thats good advice, thanks

Basically thats what ive been doing, being someone she can feel comfortable to talk to. I encourage her to do the right thing, but im not going to force her. I try my best to refute the things she thinks about herself. She really is a beutiful girl with a great personality, she just doesnt believe it.

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: her parents treat her like dirt, tell her shes fat ect... makes me sick, how could someone say that to thier child This type of behavior is 99.9% attributed to horrible parents or lack of.  You cant undo years of abuse. She has the lowest self confidence and self worth of anyone ive ever met Symptom or cause, you decide. ETA Unfortunately she wont talk to the doctor about the cutting because she is afraid her parents are going to find out Your good influence can usually help, but there's nothing....let me repeat that....THERE'S NOTHING you can do for this girl except be a friend, ie:  someone to talk to, vent to, etc...   DO NOT get involved beyond that.  Other wise you'll be dragged in emotionally and you'll get hurt/dissipointed/let down.  Because the only help she can receive is after SHE decides she's worth it, and no one her can convince her of that but herself.  No matter what you do, only she can convince herself she's worth it. Thats good advice, thanks Basically thats what ive been doing, being someone she can feel comfortable to talk to. I encourage her to do the right thing, but im not going to force her. I try my best to refute the things she thinks about herself. She really is a beutiful girl with a great personality, she just doesnt believe it.

Be very careful. Unless you have dealt with these people on an objective basis they will try to drag you down into their pathology. And they are damn good at it.

My younger sister used to do this, she's only been doing good for a few years now.  She cut herself with razors, suffered from both anorexia and bulemia, began doing methanphetamine (hooray San Diego ), has an irregular and harsh period and to top it all off was diagnosed chemically imballanced.

Great girl, rather emotional unstable, but a real sweety pie.  It took commitment for a bit over a year, balancing pharamcuticals (such as wellbutrin) and probably a couple years off my parent's lives.  Horrible thing for a teenage girl (who was an awesome looker and rather popular to begin with) of 17 to have to go through (she started showing signs around 14 y/o).  Fucking chick cliche's.  

She's doing pretty well these days (turns 21 next month), but her life will never be as easy as mine is.  She will be on birth control and some sort of chemically stabalizing drug for the rest of her life (right now she's down to just one precription + birth control) and she'll probably still be in counseling for years to come.

I don't envy her eventual husband when she goes through post partum depression.



EDIT: Why?  It's probably a combination of her chemical imbalance and growing up as part of the cool and pretty girl cliche.  Pressure to conform to some ideal or other.

She still has a God shaped hole in her heart.

EDIT2: Before any body asks...she was far from abused at home.  She has been and remains the princess of the family (though she has a mouth like a sailor when away from our parents).  If anything she was coddled growing up.  All three of us kids couldn't have asked to be raised in a better home.  A better state, mayhap, but a better family...I think not.

Quoted: Borderline Personality Disorder Hopefully the therapist she's seeing will help her through her issues.  She has a long road ahead of her.  Be her friend...I wish her the best.

Ding Ding Ding....we have a winner.

self mutilation is a hallmark of the disorder.  I hope she gets help..

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: her parents treat her like dirt, tell her shes fat ect... makes me sick, how could someone say that to thier child This type of behavior is 99.9% attributed to horrible parents or lack of.  You cant undo years of abuse. She has the lowest self confidence and self worth of anyone ive ever met Symptom or cause, you decide. ETA Unfortunately she wont talk to the doctor about the cutting because she is afraid her parents are going to find out Your good influence can usually help, but there's nothing....let me repeat that....THERE'S NOTHING you can do for this girl except be a friend, ie:  someone to talk to, vent to, etc...   DO NOT get involved beyond that.  Other wise you'll be dragged in emotionally and you'll get hurt/dissipointed/let down.  Because the only help she can receive is after SHE decides she's worth it, and no one her can convince her of that but herself.  No matter what you do, only she can convince herself she's worth it. Thats good advice, thanks Basically thats what ive been doing, being someone she can feel comfortable to talk to. I encourage her to do the right thing, but im not going to force her. I try my best to refute the things she thinks about herself. She really is a beutiful girl with a great personality, she just doesnt believe it.

Excellent.  Remember though, as you befriend her you'll have to keep watch and maintain the boundaries.  Shes probably not had normal healthy relationships, and she could mistake your friendship for something more.  Keep it impersonal by never going to her place alone [with her] or anything like that.  I'm not saying you would cross that line intentionally, but SHE may try to put you there.  Most of those girls dont know the difference between a sexual relationship and genuine love.  A healthy friendship is a great influence and that will always echo in her head as her life goes on.

Good luck, I hope by your influence she discovers something good and worthwhile about herself.

hit it and quit it

Quoted: hit it and quit it

real mature..

gee leave another emotional  scar?

yeah thats the right thing to do...

Rent the movie "Secretary".

Quoted: hit it and quit it

I pray you never have daughters.

I am in love with a woman who had been a cutter.  The level of abuse she had gone through would make most of you throw up starting with a negligent father and far worse to follow.  She has struggled to get past alot and has made a great deal of progress through wanting to and professional help.  Most women who exibit this behavior had a male she should have been able to trust be a monster.  It has taken both of us a long time to let her see that a man can love her and be worthy of trust.  Too many men mistake strength for power.

They are all the same. Most of them do it for attention. She will probably OD on pills in the next year if she hasn't already. Don't worry, it won't kill her, she will call someone and have them take her to the hospital. Yet another way to get someone to pay attention to them. Must be bad, most of those people cut themselves, try to kill themselves, and don't get it done. Talk about a TOTAL fuck up.

There was a girl from here that did that and her b/f found out and said "Do you like cutting yourself? How about this..." and cut himself to the bone. He told me about it and without thinking I said "Congratulations, you are even more fucking stupid than she is." and walked off.

If you're that stressed out, and need a hobby, do some reloading for me.

Quoted: Quoted: My best female friend was both anorexic and a cutter/burner.  At one point she weighed 80lbs (5'4").  She has cuts down both arms, burns on her hand, words carved into her breasts and other perceived "fat" parts, ect.  It is very frustrating as a friend!  She's been clean of both these things for just over a year now.  I can tell it is a constant fight.  In the end, the decision had to be hers.  No one could change it for her; and actually, the more you would push as a friend, the farther she would go.  It is about control, something she can control no matter what the outside world has to say about it.  Don't try to play the hero role and fix her, you can't do that in this case.  IM if you want to chat more about it. So she just woke up one day and decided not to hurt herself anymore? Or was there more to it than that?

Well she started counseling with my folks (both pastors) and has really found saving grace in Christ.  It was really that experience that turned her around; she is now a leader of youth groups, church fundraisers, and outreach ministry.
Her background is a non-existant father and a very psychotic mother.  She grew up living in garages where her mom would take her & her younger sister (2 years younger) while she was shacking up with different guys, drug houses, ect.  No sexual abuse (thank God) but she did have to completely take care of her mother and sister from the time she was old enough to sell art work door to door (age 10).  Plenty of emotional abuse and for her the cutting began at age 6.  From age 12-17 she would swing violently between anorexia and bulemia, along with the cutting.  She'd scare herself with deep cuts and call someone, be put into the hospital, and then continue it.  At first I figured it was all for attention, and that was partially it.  But most was control.
Luckily she's turned out to be a wonderful girl, Salutorian of her graduating class, and is studying to be a psycotherapist specializing in eating disorders for teen girls.

It's a release.

The vast majority of "cutters" have been either sexually or physically abused. Fastest way to understand it: a switch gets flipped as a coping mechanism...pain=pain become pain=pleasure or, at least, not as unpleasurable. Then, later, when the person is under stress and they cut themselves, it lowers their stress level. The only way to fix this= work with a good therapist who specializes in physical and sexual abuse issues.

+1

Years of abused really messes up people. For some reason this causes there brain to become wired wrong or backwards.  They do not reason the same manner as a normal person.  If a normal person was having a painful experience they would move away from it. Abused people tend to seek out pain as a way to run from pain.  This puts them into a living hell. They tend to seek out chaos in any way, shape, or form. If they where abused by there fathers they will seek out men that will abused them in the same way. If dads in to booze they go for boozers, if he's a doper, they want dopers, or they take this path themselves. They are seeking the love and respect of the abusing parent , only to find more abuse...  A truely sad story, this will take years of therapy to over come.  It happens to males and females. The physical signs are different in men than woman. People that do this to kids should be executed!

Quoted: Thank you Daisy.................all you other Morons, need to buy a clue.....I have recently taken custody of my 15 yr old niece who was doing this...............She isn't crazy, she doesn't "want attention", she doesn't smoke or do drugs..............she was getting emotionally and physically abused at home....I now have her in therapy and counseling....you fucking armchair psychiatrists need to do some research before you talk down about someone's problems............godamn.......

I-i-is she hawt?

I worked the floor in acute child, adolescent and adult psych while in college, a couple years, many moons ago.  

Also, preceding this, dated a 'cutter' in high school.

I'd second the dx of Borderline Personality Disorder.  

Leave this to the professionals (a) and (b) don't date 'em; very difficult (am being diplomatic).

Agree with contention about cutting as a method of control - they are permitting themselves to feel pain that they can control because they do not permit themselves to feel the pain they cannot control.

"If they show up at the ER with their teddy bear, it's BPD."  

Of course, some guys like BBB - "blonde, buxom, borderline."

She's a damaged animal that should be left to her own devices...stay away.

Quoted: You can get them to a doctor.  Doctors can help in most cases.

Very true.

However, the doctor will only help if the patient is willing to *get* help. All the doctors, medicines, counseling, support, etc. ONLY work if the patient is willing to admit that they need the help and willing to accept the help. This goes for just about all kinds of illnesses, especially the mental ones.

Been there, done that.

There comes a time and point when you can do all you can do and the rest is up to that person.

Hell sounds like my type, hook me up

Cutters need to realize that once they're over 18, doctors cannot discuss their care with anyone else without her consent.

Kharn

Why?  Because she's nucking futs!!!  Run away man, run far away...

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: I dated an anorexic girl for a few years. Believe me, there's nothing you can do to help. All your earnest, selfless intentions and actions won't get through the filter she has in her mind. She can either help herself or hurt herself, and the only thing you say that she'll believe is that which reinforces what she already believes. Sorry, man. You can get them to a doctor.  Doctors can help in most cases. Would you kidnap her and carry her into the doctor's office over your shoulder while she kicks and screams? Not all those who are desperately in need of help are amenable to getting it when it isn't their idea.

Baker Act (or local equilvalent) them, if needed.

Kharn

Quoted: Quoted: Baker Act (or local equilvalent) them, if needed. Kharn I assume that's some sort of involuntary commitment?

Yes, but, as I recall they can only be held for a certain amount of time. It is not indefinate, again, as I recall. In TN I believe it is only for at least 72 hours.

one of my clients does a lot of self-inflicted violence

if she is willing to try to work on it, i recommend this book


most people in this thread have the right idea and your best choice is to do what you said and just be someone she can trust and vent to--help her think of more appropriate coping skills for when she is stressed or upset and encourage her to use them

it is a difficult thing to let go of--professional help, if she will get it, and short term mood stabilizing medications can help

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Baker Act (or local equilvalent) them, if needed. Kharn I assume that's some sort of involuntary commitment? Yes, but, as I recall they can only be held for a certain amount of time. It is not indefinate, again, as I recall. In TN I believe it is only for at least 72 hours.

Correct, its never more than 3 days unless the doc decides you're bonkers.

Kharn

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: I dated an anorexic girl for a few years. Believe me, there's nothing you can do to help. All your earnest, selfless intentions and actions won't get through the filter she has in her mind. She can either help herself or hurt herself, and the only thing you say that she'll believe is that which reinforces what she already believes. Sorry, man. You can get them to a doctor.  Doctors can help in most cases. Would you kidnap her and carry her into the doctor's office over your shoulder while she kicks and screams? Not all those who are desperately in need of help are amenable to getting it when it isn't their idea.

Good Lord, where did you get kidnapping out of that?  I mean persuade her to go to the doctor, of course, and use friends and relatives to pressure her if necessary.  If she absolutely refuses, then yes what you can do is very limited.