Right before re-entry I noticed the co-pilot had left his wing window open (the dipshit claimed he was hot). Luckily, he got it closed right before the plasma started flowing...

He bought the beer that night...

I got out with an astromec and protocol droid...


...oh wait, that was before the SSDG tour... wait a sec...those droids were my dads back in the day... those MF's owe me ^*&(&)+)*)



oh yeah, back to the SSDG thing... not as exciting as things were a long long time ago, but there was some cool stuff... I remember these guys that had space craft that looked like pyramids... fuckin .50's cals bounce the fuck off of those in odd directons, gotta be careful when you shot them... I recomemend photon torpedoes,... if the foam off the main tank doesn't take e'm out like it did to the Columbia (no protection on the photon torpedo doors, they over heated and ka'blewie! )


oh yeah, make sure your lightsaber is off when the transporter rings come down for ya.. I made a $50 billion dollar mistake there!

When I blasted my first Tie Fighter, but my euphoria was quickly squashed by the captain with some snarky comment 'don't get cocky, kid'.

Quoted: I got out with an astromec and protocol droid... ...oh wait, that was before the SSDG tour... wait a sec...those droids were my dads back in the day... those MF's owe me ^*&(&)+)*) oh yeah, back to the SSDG thing... not as exciting as things were a long long time ago, but there was some cool stuff... I remember these guys that had space craft that looked like pyramids... fuckin .50's cals bounce the fuck off of those in odd directons, gotta be careful when you shot them... I recomemend photon torpedoes,... if the foam off the main tank doesn't take e'm out like it did to the Columbia (no protection on the photon torpedo doors, they over heated and ka'blewie! ) oh yeah, make sure your lightsaber is off when the transporter rings come down for ya.. I made a $50 billion dollar mistake there!

Oh man, I bet the Jaffa weren't happy with that.  That Gao'uld tech is NOT easy to come by.

Quoted: Quoted: Damn Colonial Marines (Space Mobile) fuckers are hard core. Apparently they also double tap.

Are they as hardcore as ice road truckers?

You youngins with your fancy gadgets.
I did 3 trips to the moon with a leather belt for a tether and my Garand on the Apollo's.
I spent Christmas of 69 behind enemy lines in the Kessel parsec with John Kerry as my CO,you guys don't know what pain is

Quoted: Quoted: How about the time I got two Medals of Honor? But I can't wear them because the mission was classified. Damn all I got was a blue heart metal and a crimson star with V device.

I got the Purple Moons, Orange Hearts, and Green Clovers.


I miss the bacon-flavored Tang.

Quoted: You youngins with your fancy gadgets. I did 3 trips to the moon with a leather belt for a tether and my Garand on the Apollo's. I spent Christmas of 69 behind enemy lines in the Kessel parsec with John Kerry as my CO,you guys don't know what pain is

was he wearing his three purple hearts?

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Damn Colonial Marines (Space Mobile) fuckers are hard core. Apparently they also double tap. Are they as hardcore as ice road truckers?

Hell the Space Navy space road truckers are the real men.  Ice road truckers are not good enough to empty a Navy Logistic truckers suit waste receptical.  

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: How about the time I got two Medals of Honor? But I can't wear them because the mission was classified. Damn all I got was a blue heart metal and a crimson star with V device. I got the Purple Moons, Orange Hearts, and Green Clovers. I miss the bacon-flavored Tang.

Damn man you said it those OMREs (Orbital Meals Ready to Eat.)  kick ass

Quoted: Quoted: How about the time I got two Medals of Honor? But I can't wear them because the mission was classified. Damn all I got was a blue heart metal and a crimson star with V device.

All of the records of my courageous exploits were destroyed in the St Louis fire.

But they were so highly classified I would have had to kill you if I told you anyway.

Screw those door gunner wusses!!

Back before the Covenant Invasion I was on a lonely outpost whacking my pud until I was approached to join the Spartan Program.  Damn I miss that armor.

Unfortuately, I never met my original self as a clone since he was killed on Reach.

Now I aimlessly wander the streets as a homeless bum since no one can handle my awesomeness and my fits of rage when I'm approached suddenly and w/o warning causing my lightning fast reflexes to rip the throat of of someone.

ALL 71 missions over Shit River Bridge into Olongapo!       hock.gif

Quoted: Screw those door gunner wusses!! Back before the Covenant Invasion I was on a lonely outpost whacking my pud until I was approached to join the Spartan Program.  Damn I miss that armor. Unfortuately, I never met my original self as a clone since he was killed on Reach. Now I aimlessly wander the streets as a homeless bum since no one can handle my awesomeness and my fits of rage when I'm approached suddenly and w/o warning causing my lightning fast reflexes to rip the throat of of someone.

You SPARTAN II are too spoiled by Brass.

Us 1693E are the real men of the final frontier.

The mission on the ROGER YOUNG where we put the Mobile Infantry down for that raid on the Skinnies was pretty gnarly

I remember it like yesterday. We were setting our boosters up to land on the surface of Pluto for the first time and this Sasquatch looking mother fucker popped out of a cave.

He got ahold to one of our legs on the craft and we started to shake violently. I then took out my Glock 7 that's made out of ceramic and can't be detected in airports and shot Sasquatch in his damn face. He let out a scream then some kind of ooze covered all of our faces.

The other time was in 2025, Obama was still president... well dictator/savior and he ordered us to start drilling on Mars for oil. So I got a ragtag group of mercenaries together to clean the place up before the workers landed.

Little did we know our presence wasn't so welcome. We were trying to find a smooth surface to land on when all of a sudden a piece of pizza landed on our windshield. WTF?!

There's this weird looking guy that looks like Sloth from the Goonies throwing trash at our spaceship! So I got into my pod armed with a M60 and leveled his ass! We then inhabited Mars with no further problems and stole all of their oil.

I have many medals on my chest from past campaigns... but I'd rather not talk about them.

one time, in space, i gave my snake some beer. it was squigling this way and that. it was all fucked up.

When we headed the invasion of Baghdad blaring this from the shuttles sound system.

Quoted: ALL 71 missions over Shit River Bridge into Olongapo!

Dude, you didn't earn the patch, and only a few more trips too.




Mag Beer Muna Tayo

ETA:  We had a kid on RODGER YOUNG from the PI, Johnie Rico.  Hell of a trooper, seemed squared away with lots of promise.  Wonder what ever happened to him?

Greatest memory?

I've seen things you people wouldn't believe.

Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion.

I watched C-beams glitter in the darkness at Tan Hauser Gate.

All those moments will be lost in time like Goatboy pulling the plug.

Sounds like a lot of wanna-bes here.  

I'll never forget the Mars Campaign.  Those of us that did the work, we don't like to talk about it.  You terrestrials, you never heard most of the stories.  The real stories, about the loss of the Martian probes.  "Entry errors", shit like that, that's what you heard.  Hell, most of us Gunners never heard about the Martians until the first manned mission was making orbital entry maneuvers back in the early 80s.  Those poor bastards.

They knew it was probably a one-way mission.  We all know that, every time we go up.  It's part of the job.  Still ... to enter Mars orbit without dimensional shielding?  Two-thirds of them were torn to shreds before their stasis chambers even came online.  Mars 1 was doomed from the start.  The Captain himself only had time to initiate the auto-relay of the ships logs.  If he hadn't done that, we might have never known about the Martians.  We'd probably still be sending Gunners to their deaths, unaware that life on Mars had evolved far beyond life on Earth.

The planteologists say life on Mars became so advanced that by the time the planet's core cooled and it started loosing its magnetic fields and atmosphere along with it, the Martians were able to attune their bodies to the point where their physical form was no longer necessary.  They ceased to exist in our space and time, but were still there, somehow.  Like ghosts.  The Mars 1 logs showed blinding lights appearing in the life hold where the armored stasis chambers were stored.  The lights changed - they shifted - they formed translucent beings.  Almost angelic at first.  They seemed to shift their form, seemed to be curious about the stasis chambers.  Then the killing started.  Limbs protruded from the angelic forms, sharp limbs, more like thorny spikes.  They tore through the stasis chambers and the Gunners inside with equal ease.   No one bothered to edit the logs - they wanted us to know what we were facing.  Piece by piece, they shredded the chambers, the Gunners, the entire ship.  The video logs stopped early, but telemetry showed the ship's reactor went critical exactly 5 minutes and 38 seconds after the beings appeared.  

The telemetry also showed the blast from the ship's core was several orders of magnitude higher than was thought possible.  The planteologists teamed up with the engineers and decided that the rupture of the plasma core had somehow breached whatever dimensional rift the Martians had used to enter out spacetime.  That's how we got our first plasma weapons.  

What a beautiful day that was when we returned to Mars on Mars 2, out of stasis and with plasmatic dimensional shielding and plasma guns, on full alert.  They came, just like before.  But unlike before, we were ready.  There has never been a prouder day among the Gunners.  Martians were extinguished in giant explosions.  We lost a lot of good men, a lot of good Gunners.  But that day made the entire Space Shuttle Door Gunner program a success, a necessity.  

I'm proud to have served with those men.  Like most of us though, I was placed on standy-by when the Shuttle program started facing setbacks, and I had to take a job Earth-side.  I try not to talk to others about my days in the Program.  Most people don't believe me anyway.  But I'll keep those memories forever.  

Memento Audere Semper, Celeste Miles

Sticking my hand out the door during reentry to light my cigars with the plasma...

Quoted: Sticking my hand out the door during reentry to light my cigars with the plasma... i146.photobucket.com/albums/r253/Torqued713/smilies/animated/purple.gif

i didn't see you mention that in the humidor.  was it too secret squirrel?

Submitting to James T Kirk's advances.
I feel so used.

My favorite memory was when we shot a bird at the russians during an inverted blade at a 45 degree angle while shouting "You will not touch my Space Shuttle!"  

We were posted to Moon Unit Zappa. It was OK. We had a Super-Slide and were promised a Log Flume but we never got one. They kept saying it was inbound but it never showed up Too many painful memories like that. I wish I could forget. Where is MY monument

BTW Rocksarge, thanks for pulling me out of that firefight on Omicron Persei Six. Don't anybody tell me robots don't have feelings.

This one time...at space camp.  

Just the solitude, man, the quietness, so different then the rest of my life.  I never realized how the rest of my life was spent at war until I was looking at the stars ... at the void.


Baty

I'll never forget the time, back when I was just a young Galactic Airman 2nd class, when I was called into the office of our division's General.  I stood at attention as he rose from his chair and began to speak.  I was nervous - damned nervous.  Not only was he the highest-ranking person I had ever met face to face, but he was known for demanding absolute discipline and for severely punishing those who failed to live up to his standards.  I felt my knees begin to shake as I looked into eyes that seemed to pierce through my own.  My muscles tensed up, and I felt a stabbing pain coursing through my heart, which, I suppose, could have been caused by the 14-gauge hypodermic needle that he mercilessly jammed into my chest

He continued to speak, but he was not a good speaker - his voice was garbled and echoed terribly.  The ant in the corner was also making a terrible racket that further negated the possibility of comprehension.  However, I didn't much care what he had to say.  I was fascinated by a tiny bundle of various organic fibers that was rolling slowly around in various directions, caught by tiny whisps of moving air from the air vents.  The last thing I remember was seeing a paper in front of me, and a pen being shoved into my hand.  I found a new fascination that that was even greater than that odd fiberous orb floating across the floor - writing my name.  But someone rudely began turning off the lights before I was finished writing.

Well, the next thing I knew, I was in a spacecraft along with a few other guys, landing on Rigel 4.  I knew it was Rigel-4 because of the huge blue sun blazing down from overhead, but another dead givaway was the horde of giant Rigelian Crab-Bugs savagely clawing their way through the outer hull of our small spacecraft.  I don't know what I was doing there - I never signed up for this mission, and certainly no one in their right mind would sign up for a suicide mission like one to Rigel-4!  But I and my fellow soldiers were here, so there was nothing to do but man the guns.

Now, I'm a pretty modest person and not one to brag, but I can shoot Ikiy'maegits nymphs off of the back of a raging Folakrap with a 22-watt ion hand cannon from two miles while running and not even singe a single hair.  So I began blasting away at the Crab-bugs with my rapid-fire gamma cannon.  In a few moments I had killed at least ten thousand of them, but at that moment the gun ran out of power.  Those high-energy photons are real power sappers.

The Rigelians were nervous now, seeing so many of their dead, but they were still adament about killing us and eating our flesh.  There were still thousands more, and they were beginning to advancing again, from all directions.  With nothing else to do, and my teammates sitting in puddles in the rear of the spacecraft, I grabbed my knife and dashed out of the craft towards the onslaught of the terrifying creatures.

I won't tell you how I escaped, but suffice it to say that the war was over the next day, and the Crab-Bug king surrendered unconditionally.  We strip-mined their planet, but didn't find anything valuable, so we gave it back to them.

Quoted: Submitting to James T Kirk's advances. I feel so used.

I didn't know he was into humans.

Quoted: We were posted to Moon Unit Zappa. It was OK. We had a Super-Slide and were promised a Log Flume but we never got one. They kept saying it was inbound but it never showed up Too many painful memories like that. I wish I could forget. Where is MY monument BTW Rocksarge, thanks for pulling me out of that firefight on Omicron Persei Six. Don't anybody tell me robots don't have feelings.

you aren't supposed to tell them i am a robot.  the fat guy suit and hot wife are merely part of my cover

Quoted: Quoted: Submitting to James T Kirk's advances. I feel so used. I didn't know he was into humans.

maybe you assume too much!

those quiet moments over coffee with Xenu

Quoted: those quiet moments over coffee with Xenu home.snafu.de/tilman/clearwater1998/xenu981205072.gif

is that how they do the shocker on his home planet?

Quoted: Quoted: Submitting to James T Kirk's advances. I feel so used. I didn't know he was into humans.

I heard he likes buttsex

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Submitting to James T Kirk's advances. I feel so used. I didn't know he was into humans. I heard he likes buttsex

George, is that you?

Quoted: My job was training new gunners, hell, I bet I trained some of you guys.

I remember that; you sent me to Supply to pick up a bucket of torque.

Torque, as it turns out, doesn't come in buckets.

It comes in tubes.  But they were all out.

My forvorite memory was watching the tracers from the .308 rounds that zip through space at 9463 fps.

One day I figured out how to rig the wiring of an AT-AT so that they would only run in reverse. The rebels bases were still crushed. Literally. When the empire dropped the AT-ATs off on Hoth they started moving the wrong direction Lord Vader wigged out.
"The only way for victory is to march backwards and walk over the shield genarators, destorying the AT-ATs in process. The Emporer is going to be pissed off and I am going to invisibly choke one of you sons a bitches when he finds out."

I always told the empire's engineers that those things need side, front, rear, top and bottom mounted turrets.

iT definatly had to be watching Luke Skywalker fight dARTH vADER

probably the time i kicked the crap out of a level 10 martian arts instructor.

Quoted: probably the time i kicked the crap out of a level 10 martian arts instructor.

bullshit


what color is the starshiphouse on pluto?

Quoted: Quoted: probably the time i kicked the crap out of a level 10 martian arts instructor. bullshit what color is the starshiphouse on pluto?

never went to pluto.  i was fast-tracked to extra-galaxy dark matter ops.  nice try though.

That mission to Drambuie rocked!

Quoted: That mission to Drambuie rocked!

it still wasn't the same without cola

Quoted: How about the time I got two Medals of Honor? But I can't wear them because the mission was classified.

Just two?...


I have six... but my records were burned up on re-entry..

Quoted: Quoted: How about the time I got two Medals of Honor? But I can't wear them because the mission was classified. Just two?... I have six... but my records were burned up on re-entry..

I saw it with me own eyes too!!!

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Submitting to James T Kirk's advances. I feel so used. I didn't know he was into humans. I heard he likes buttsex

I'm an empath...saw "it" coming and clocked him in the jaw.