Stupid husband/wife/people tricks... - Page 2

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Stupid husband/wife/people tricks... (Page 2 of 2)

Posted: 1/29/2006 11:28:10 AM EDT

[#1]

Quoted:

7. Yelling "POOP" as loud as you can in a mall will cause people to stare (I was witness to this one, NOT a participant.)

That sounds an awful lot like the "PENIS!" game.

Posted: 1/29/2006 11:48:17 AM EDT

[#2]

When I was 21, my friends and I had a favorite Del Taco we'd go to after concerts. We thought it was very funny to change the lighted sign with the specials on it. The employees couldn't see us doing our handywork, as the sign was off to the side.

Then, we'd watch for the reactions from the Rockwell swingshift workers as they pulled up in the drive thru. I'd usually photograph our prized work. We'd laugh until it hurt from the perplexed customers as they read the sign.

Unfortunately, it only lasted a few months before they put plexiglass and a lock over it.

Posted: 1/29/2006 12:19:34 PM EDT

[#3]

Taking all of your roommates underwear, dipping them in water and putting them in the freezer does not earn you brownie points when she gets up the next morning and finds she has no drawers to wear to school.

While roommate is having raunchy sex with one of the guys from the frat house across the street, it is not funny to blow as much smoke under the door as possible, then scream "FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!" as loud as you can. What IS funny is watching the naked frat guy run back across the street to the frat house, in the middle of a huge party, with all his friends watching.

Posted: 1/29/2006 12:57:21 PM EDT

[#4]

Quoted:
Quoted:

7. Yelling "POOP" as loud as you can in a mall will cause people to stare (I was witness to this one, NOT a participant.)

That sounds an awful lot like the "PENIS!" game.

Done that too, at an amusement park with my brother, my cousin, and my best friend; I was the only girl there so I couldn't stop laughing long enough to ever shout it out.

Posted: 1/29/2006 1:26:28 PM EDT

[#5]

Quoted:
Taking all of your roommates underwear, dipping them in water and putting them in the freezer does not earn you brownie points when she gets up the next morning and finds she has no drawers to wear to school.

While roommate is having raunchy sex with one of the guys from the frat house across the street, it is not funny to blow as much smoke under the door as possible, then scream "FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!" as loud as you can. What IS funny is watching the naked frat guy run back across the street to the frat house, in the middle of a huge party, with all his friends watching.

I've done the bra thing. I suggest guys doing the same thing if they have an annoying roommate, to freeze as many pairs of their boxers as they can. Apparently guys are strangers to the "freeze whatever undergarments you can find" thing; we used to do it at sleepovers to the first girl who fell asleep.

Posted: 1/31/2006 8:00:24 AM EDT

[#6]

Using rubber cement to paint a pentagram on your neighbor's window and then lighting it does NOT go over big at a Bible College. Neither does using duct tape to label one of the buildings on campus "The Dark Side."

Using rubber cement to cover your neighbor's window, tying the door shut, lighting the cement and then yelling "Fire" does not go over very well either.

Talking with your wife about your plans for later in the evening in front of your daughters' friends will freak them out. Especially if the plans involve handcuffs and feather dusters. Especially if you're the preacher.

Posted: 1/31/2006 8:14:44 AM EDT

[#7]

Quoted:
Using rubber cement to paint a pentagram on your neighbor's window and then lighting it does NOT go over big at a Bible College. Neither does using duct tape to label one of the buildings on campus "The Dark Side."

Using rubber cement to cover your neighbor's window, tying the door shut, lighting the cement and then yelling "Fire" does not go over very well either.

Talking with your wife about your plans for later in the evening in front of your daughters' friends will freak them out. Especially if the plans involve handcuffs and feather dusters. Especially if you're the preacher.

You win.

Posted: 1/31/2006 8:49:13 AM EDT

[#8]

Quoted:

Talking with your wife about your plans for later in the evening in front of your daughters' friends will freak them out. Especially if the plans involve handcuffs and feather dusters. Especially if you're the preacher.

No matter how you put it, God is still watching you.

You definitely win, by the way.

Posted: 1/31/2006 9:19:31 AM EDT

[#9]

Quoted:
No matter how you put it, God is still watching you.

God has an awesome porn channel.

Posted: 1/31/2006 9:26:16 AM EDT

[#10]

Quoted:
Quoted:
No matter how you put it, God is still watching you.

God has an awesome porn channel.

oooh...you are gonna fry <moves on the opposite side of the planet from VooDoo>

Posted: 1/31/2006 9:40:25 AM EDT

[#11]

Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
No matter how you put it, God is still watching you.

God has an awesome porn channel.

oooh...you are gonna fry <moves on the opposite side of the planet from VooDoo>

Oh no kidding. <looks above for lightning>

Posted: 1/31/2006 9:56:10 AM EDT

[#12]

i have never, nor will i ever, entertain myself at the expense of others

Posted: 1/31/2006 10:09:04 AM EDT

[#13]

Quoted:
i have never, nor will i ever, entertain myself at the expense of others

Why do I find that hard to believe.

Posted: 1/31/2006 10:47:30 AM EDT

[#14]

Quoted:
i have never, nor will i ever, entertain myself at the expense of others

Posted: 1/31/2006 1:28:45 PM EDT

[#15]

Quoted:

The managers of Toys 'R Us do not think it's funny if you test the Sit N Spin for a half hour. Nor do they like it when you bounce up and down the aisles on the rubber bouncy toys. Come on, what were they, extras from Brokeback Mountain....I think people would pay good money to watch you bounce around on bouncy toys I'm not allowed in Toys 'R Us any more. Lesson: Take somebody's kids with you as cover if you want to go to the toy store and play.

Do not leave your computer on at all times. I don't know how many times I have sat down to the computer and the desktop background has been changed from the pleasant picture of the ocean to some photoshopped picture of myself with some sordid saying attached. Lesson: Password protect your computer I think we'll need to see said desktop backgrounds in order to form an opinion on this one....

Your non-gun-owning friends don't like it when you fire blanks in the house. I've done this one before...after kicking in my housemates door....it was an ugly night....

More to come. That's all I could think of off the top of my head...

The game camera was still probably the funniest thing I ever heard....

Throwing a 10lb brick of cheese at a housemates head is generally frowned upon, although invariably some bystanders will laugh hysterically seeing said housemate go down like a ton of bricks after getting hit in the head with a 10lb brick of cheese....

Taking pledges, blindfolding them, taking them into the woods and tying them to chairs while I proceed to scream at them like Gunnery Sergeant Hartmann for 20 minutes can make a pledge piss their pants....

Spending all summer PT'ing, coming back to school very large, very cut, and very intimidating is good...wearing a tight fraternity T-shirt with "PLEDGEMASTER" in cammo letters on the back is a good way to scare off potential pledges.

Making pledges find and carry at least one round of ammo (and making comments about their manhood based on what they picked) was all good in the 90's...probably verboten today....

Running out at 2:00am in the morning to pick up 4 fraternity brothers trapped in a bar in a bad part of town by a street gang, and defusing the situation by telling the guy in the front seat to lean back while you thrust your milled receiver Poly-Tech Legend AK out the window as you drive away is pretty effective tactics.....

I am sure i could come up with more...I was a bit crazy during my college years...my nickname was Bunny, from the character in "Platoon" Many guys in my fraternity didn't know my real name for a while, it stuck well....

Posted: 2/1/2006 9:48:13 AM EDT

[#16]

A bunch of rookies.

TRG

Posted: 2/1/2006 9:50:53 AM EDT

[#17]

The best thing at Taco Bell is the grab bag, available only after 2am Fri-Sat near campus. Get in the drive-thru line, short stop a bit before the speaker, then move a bit past, then go to the window. You pretty much know what is coming anyway, even before you see the price in big numbers to make it easy. Pay and go, knowing that the late crew and drunks behind you are deep in chaos.

When watching the kids, have them take turns on each other with Crayola washable markers, and enjoy the parent's faces when they see what happens when you were sitting. (She later had the kids buy $5 each worth of candy before I took them camping last fall...)

At bedtime, rub a cut habanero around the toilet seat, flush it and the thin latex cleaning glove. When it dries, it's still there, but the first foggy am sensation is 'cold seat' so they stay and shift on it long enough to really set in fully.

Playing a sound effect of a train coming thru an interesection on the car stereo, while her eyes were closed on the way home from the party, but not slowing down for the crossing.

Posted: 2/1/2006 6:27:44 PM EDT

[#18]

Quoted:
A bunch of rookies.

TRG

I can't even begin to imagine what you have in your repertoire. Go ahead and enlighten us...

Posted: 2/1/2006 6:30:30 PM EDT

[#19]

Quoted:
Quoted:
A bunch of rookies.

TRG

I can't even begin to imagine what you have in your repertoire. Go ahead and enlighten us...

Something involving TexRdNec's truck and a giant puddle of water....

Posted: 2/2/2006 6:35:14 AM EDT

[#20]

Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
A bunch of rookies.

TRG

I can't even begin to imagine what you have in your repertoire. Go ahead and enlighten us...

Something involving TexRdNec's truck and a giant puddle of water....

That truck was NOT stuck when I handed him the keys.

As for my own abilities, if you ever have a national event institute an annual ritual based upon your stunt, then you have hit the majors.

TRG

PS. BTW, you know you are a professional when your stunt immediately results in a phone call to Iraq to entertain the folks overseas. Before the owner of the range (Tiger Valley, TJ) even got to the location he was calling his co-owner in Iraq telling him "you ain't gonna BELIEVE what TRG has done this time!"

Posted: 2/2/2006 6:39:06 AM EDT

[#21]

Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
A bunch of rookies.

TRG

I can't even begin to imagine what you have in your repertoire. Go ahead and enlighten us...

Something involving TexRdNec's truck and a giant puddle of water....

That truck was NOT stuck when I handed him the keys.

As for my own abilities, if you ever have a national event institute an annual ritual based upon your stunt, then you have hit the majors.

TRG

PS. BTW, you know you are a professional when your stunt immediately results in a phone call to Iraq to entertain the folks overseas. Before the owner of the range (Tiger Valley, TJ) even got to the location he was calling his co-owner in Iraq telling him "you ain't gonna BELIEVE what TRG has done this time!"

TRG ladies and gentlement...not just an ARFCOM legend, but a legend in his own mind as well.

p.s. yes, I know, you still hate me.

Posted: 2/2/2006 6:40:44 AM EDT

[#22]

Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
A bunch of rookies.

TRG

I can't even begin to imagine what you have in your repertoire. Go ahead and enlighten us...

Something involving TexRdNec's truck and a giant puddle of water....

That truck was NOT stuck when I handed him the keys.

As for my own abilities, if you ever have a national event institute an annual ritual based upon your stunt, then you have hit the majors.

TRG

PS. BTW, you know you are a professional when your stunt immediately results in a phone call to Iraq to entertain the folks overseas. Before the owner of the range (Tiger Valley, TJ) even got to the location he was calling his co-owner in Iraq telling him "you ain't gonna BELIEVE what TRG has done this time!"

TRG ladies and gentlement...not just an ARFCOM legend, but a legend in his own mind as well.

Posted: 2/2/2006 9:08:35 AM EDT

[#23]

Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
A bunch of rookies.

TRG

I can't even begin to imagine what you have in your repertoire. Go ahead and enlighten us...

Something involving TexRdNec's truck and a giant puddle of water....

That truck was NOT stuck when I handed him the keys.

As for my own abilities, if you ever have a national event institute an annual ritual based upon your stunt, then you have hit the majors.

TRG

PS. BTW, you know you are a professional when your stunt immediately results in a phone call to Iraq to entertain the folks overseas. Before the owner of the range (Tiger Valley, TJ) even got to the location he was calling his co-owner in Iraq telling him "you ain't gonna BELIEVE what TRG has done this time!"

TRG ladies and gentlement...not just an ARFCOM legend, but a legend in his own mind as well.

p.s. yes, I know, you still hate me.

+1

TRG

Posted: 2/2/2006 1:24:20 PM EDT

[#24]

Quoted:
Quoted:
Something involving TexRdNec's truck and a giant puddle of water....

That truck was NOT stuck when I handed him the keys.

Well I've seen the pictures, but I'm not sure what really happened since I could barely make out the story through all the "goddamn sunofabitch"s. I think there's a tiny bit of bitterness there.

Posted: 2/2/2006 1:40:40 PM EDT

[#25]

"The dutch oven" throw the covers over both of you hold her tight and rip a nasty fart under the covers. A classic.

Posted: 2/2/2006 2:18:31 PM EDT

[#26]

Quoted:
"The dutch oven" throw the covers over both of you hold her tight and rip a nasty fart under the covers. A classic.

Or the unexpected, loud and extra-nasty sounding shower fart from hubby while I'm trying to do my mascara...

Posted: 2/3/2006 11:29:39 PM EDT

[#27]

I was walking into the kitchen few nights ago, and my wife was walking out of it. The next thing I know, she's managed to pour a full cup of vegetable oil down my crack.

For revenge, I'm planning on getting some clown makeup, drawing a HUGE clown face on her butt while she's asleep on her side, stick a cigar in there, light it, and take pictures -- I'm a photographer, so I'll have all my best strobes in the bedroom for full effect :)

Posted: 2/4/2006 4:28:49 AM EDT

[#28]

Quoted:
I was walking into the kitchen few nights ago, and my wife was walking out of it. The next thing I know, she's managed to pour a full cup of vegetable oil down my crack.

Now that's funny.

Posted: 2/4/2006 6:29:45 AM EDT

[#29]

so tagged!

H1

Posted: 2/4/2006 7:07:10 AM EDT

[#30]

Its not a good idea to hide a big 4-5 inch fake plastic spider under the driver's side sun visor in your gf's car, knowing she is deathly afraid of spiders. She will go to reach for her sunglasses causing it to fall into her lap, lock the brakes down on the car, pull off the interstate, and jump out of the car screaming, and then make you drive the car home b/c she is too worked up/nervous to drive.

Its not a good idea to hide in a closet with a camera in your gf's house, jump out right as she walks by screaming "kill kill kill" and then snap a picture of her reaction, this will result in a very close call as her foot just barely misses your crotch.

When said gf breaks up with you (not due to practical jokes) and proceeds to take all the stuff that is yours and throw it in her pool, it is not a good idea to go over to her house and strip her car down as far as you and three of your friends can in one night while she is on vacation with her family, then when she returns take a picture a day later, take a picture from across the street of her reaction. mwhahahaha.

Posted: 2/7/2006 5:32:33 PM EDT

[#31]

I have a co-worker who is easily frightened. When the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake came out, a couple other co-workers took her to see it. I brought a hockey mask and plastic machete to work the next day. I got a running start into my cubicle, jumped from my desk over the cubicle into her cubicle and let out the most wicked, blood-curdling yell ever. She screamed, peed her pants, and ran straight into a wall trying to get away.

I'm no longer allowed to do that.

Posted: 2/7/2006 6:57:00 PM EDT

[#32]

Quoted:
I have a co-worker who is easily frightened. When the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake came out, a couple other co-workers took her to see it. I brought a hockey mask and plastic machete to work the next day. I got a running start into my cubicle, jumped from my desk over the cubicle into her cubicle and let out the most wicked, blood-curdling yell ever. She screamed, peed her pants, and ran straight into a wall trying to get away.

I'm no longer allowed to do that.

Oh my God, I'd have killed you. Literally.

Posted: 2/7/2006 7:04:08 PM EDT

[#33]

Quoted:
I have a co-worker who is easily frightened. When the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake came out, a couple other co-workers took her to see it. I brought a hockey mask and plastic machete to work the next day. I got a running start into my cubicle, jumped from my desk over the cubicle into her cubicle and let out the most wicked, blood-curdling yell ever. She screamed, peed her pants, and ran straight into a wall trying to get away.

I'm no longer allowed to do that.

AAHHHH!

Posted: 2/7/2006 7:04:40 PM EDT

[#34]

Use them well.

http://stores.ebay.com/JOKES-GAGS-AND-PRANKS

Posted: 2/7/2006 8:09:53 PM EDT

[#35]

If you decide to pull a fast one on the local lout/idiot/loudmouth at a local bar by getting a draft beer of the same type he is drinking, go to the bathroom, drink or pour half of it out and top it off with your urine, and then quietly swap it with the idiot when his back is turned, be damned sure nobody sees you do it unless they're on YOUR side.

It's particularly funny if the idiot is so drunk (piss drunk) that he actually finishes it off before noticing that the beer has a little whang to it.

If some woman at a bar turns you down, but is a bitch about it, go to the bathroom, harvest a nice curly pubic hair, and arrange to dump it in her beer at some point during the night when her back is turned. Stealth Pubes are always good for a very BIG laugh.

One hair is enough. No need for two. She will either see the hair or feel it in her mouth, be quite sure of that.

The best ever: I heard a story about a guy in this area that got turned down very rudely by a very arrogant, but yet very hot, woman. He got MORE than even with her. Being a master of stealth
techniques, he pissed in her purse, hanging off the back of her chair, right there in the middle of the noisy, dark, crowded bar, without being noticed!

Being a purse made of a synthetic material, it HELD EVERY DROP.

Nobody ever proved a thing but those who were in on it were sore from laughing for days to come.

CJ

Posted: 2/7/2006 10:37:51 PM EDT

[#36]

Quoted:
Use them well.

http://stores.ebay.com/JOKES-GAGS-AND-PRANKS

ohhhh boy, found these in that ebay store:
cgi.ebay.com/bang-cigarette-loads-MANY-FOR-SALE-GREAT-JOKE-GAG_W0QQitemZ5664085592QQcategoryZ1468QQtcZphotoQQcmdZViewItem

all my friends smoke, this should be a fun one.

Posted: 2/8/2006 12:18:30 AM EDT

[#37]

My daughter went to see the Blair Witch Project after I told her what a great movie it was.
I had her sister follow her, find her car and put a small pile of stones on the hood

Daughter #1 FREAKED OUT!!! when she got back to the car. She was seriously distrurbed for the next two days.

She's such a weeny.

Posted: 2/8/2006 3:28:02 AM EDT

[#38]

Quoted:
My daughter went to see the Blair Witch Project after I told her what a great movie it was.
I had her sister follow her, find her car and put a small pile of stones on the hood

Daughter #1 FREAKED OUT!!! when she got back to the car. She was seriously distrurbed for the next two days.

She's such a weeny.

so you lied (that movie was crap) and you scared her (your own flesh and blood....). GOOD JOB! lol.

Posted: 2/8/2006 5:47:00 AM EDT

[#39]

Quoted:
My daughter went to see the Blair Witch Project after I told her what a great movie it was.
I had her sister follow her, find her car and put a small pile of stones on the hood

Daughter #1 FREAKED OUT!!! when she got back to the car. She was seriously distrurbed for the next two days.

She's such a weeny.

Man, that's just mean.

Funny, but mean.

Posted: 2/8/2006 6:07:41 AM EDT

[#40]

I would just like to add: I got in trouble yesterday morning because my wife had a dream that I was having an affair with SP1Grrl...

Posted: 2/8/2006 6:10:54 AM EDT

[#41]

Quoted:
Quoted:
I was walking into the kitchen few nights ago, and my wife was walking out of it. The next thing I know, she's managed to pour a full cup of vegetable oil down my crack.

Now that's funny.

Foreplay?

TRG

Posted: 2/8/2006 6:20:04 AM EDT

[#42]

Quoted:
I would just like to add: I got in trouble yesterday morning because my wife had a dream that I was having an affair with SP1Grrl...

Shhhhh, Sp1Grrl's husband might see that and she could get in trouble too!

Posted: 2/8/2006 6:30:17 AM EDT

[#43]

man yall are killling me here.......

Posted: 2/8/2006 6:43:31 AM EDT

[#44]

Quoted:
By the way, whenever you write a check for something, apparently people don't like it when you write "FOR HOOKERS AND BLOW" in big letters in the comments section. Been doing that for years. Mom finally got used to it.

ETA: And here I thought I was the only one that said that...I get to ARF and it's widespread. Sweet.

I put "erotic massage" on a few-my chiropractor, podiatrist, physical therapist....

My doctor I put "treatment for the voices in my head".

Posted: 2/8/2006 8:03:23 AM EDT

[#45]

Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
I was walking into the kitchen few nights ago, and my wife was walking out of it. The next thing I know, she's managed to pour a full cup of vegetable oil down my crack.

Now that's funny.

Foreplay?

TRG

could just be a unique way to apply some needed lube......

txl

Posted: 2/8/2006 12:33:43 PM EDT

[#46]

My best one happened at a diner. There with another couple. I ordered a small OJ for starters. Drank the juice, wiped out the inside of the tiny plastic cup with a napkin, lit a match and tossed it inside and let it burn for a moment. When the flame went out I immediately stuck the top of the cup to my forhead and held it there for a minute. When I let go, I had a nice suction action from the cooling and contracting air in the cup and the cup stuck out from my forhead like a unicorn's horn.

The waitress came back to take our order and stared at me in disbelief as I calmly ordered a child's plate special. The other three adults laughingly agreed that that was all I was getting to eat.

Posted: 2/8/2006 6:16:46 PM EDT

[#47]

Quoted:
Its not a good idea to hide a big 4-5 inch fake plastic spider under the driver's side sun visor in your ~~gf's~~ Father's car, knowing she is deathly afraid of spiders. SHe will go to reach for ~~her~~ his sunglasses causing it to fall into ~~her~~ his lap, lock the brakes down on the car, pull off the interstate, and jump out of the car screaming, and then make you drive the car home b/c she is too worked up/nervous to drive.

Has DFD tried that yet?