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Posted: 6/17/2017 3:33:49 PM EDT
[#1]
I believe there would be a large scale server and network emergency "occurring" if I had to sit though that bullshit.
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Posted: 6/17/2017 3:35:26 PM EDT
[#2]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
The people in the audience, both the guys and girls, are clapping along forcefully and clearly cringing just at being there. 
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Posted: 6/17/2017 3:35:42 PM EDT
[#3]
This IS my happy face.
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Posted: 6/17/2017 3:36:16 PM EDT
[#4]
If I was put in that situation the only thing that would boost my morale would be when I tender my immediate resignation and then take a giant shabooya on the bosses desk on my way out.
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Posted: 6/17/2017 3:36:35 PM EDT
[#5]
What would really raise my morale is the introduction of open office seating.
I have too much space at my desk and I am too isolated. I need to have no more than 2 square feet of space, be able to look my coworkers in the eye 4 feet away, and collaborate constantly with them in a dynamic, interactive office environment. I care so much about them that I'm interested in every detail of their lives, like when they are going in for hemorrhoid surgery, what their wayward sons got arrested for, who their sisters are fucking, and what company they use to fix their A/C system at home. I also love to see and smell what they're having for lunch, and hear them enthusiastically smacking their lips together as they enjoy it. Concentration is overrated and I need constant input from my whole team to do my job. |
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Posted: 6/17/2017 3:36:50 PM EDT
[#6]
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My 7 rules for either going to work for a company Number 1: Really great leadership starts at the top and leads by example Number 2: Management sets goals, executes on them, and promotes based on success Number 3: Employee recognition (not always monetary, but, don't go handing out "participation" trophies either) Number 4: Challenging the team but not to the point where work-life balance is overwhelmed Number 5: If your going to have a team building event, don't invite the people who are there to tear it apart Number 6: Work towards your employee's strengths, supplement where they are weak, and invest in their growth [HINT: If an employee wants to take some training on one of the things they are going to be responsible for... DON'T SAY NO!!!] Number 7: Micromanaging is not a bad thing where you see a problem. But don't let micromanaging BECOME the problem I've left every job because of management or lack of training they refused to provide. Sitting around pom pom's and cheering is insulting. And doing this after finding new and creative ways to pay an employee less is just pathetic. |
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Posted: 6/17/2017 3:37:26 PM EDT
[#7]
I worked for a major corporate nightmare lawn company. They provide a survey at the end of the season them implement changes the next year. Came back year 2 to a completely broken pay structure. When salesmen couldn't make commissions anymore because of branch manipulation of the production numbers and were expected to work longer hours... mutiny was afoot. The branch manager had the audacity to have a sales meeting and actually suggest, "You all took the survey! This is what you wanted!" Yes, corporate goon, we all wanted more hours and less pay. I distinctly remember putting that down as a suggestion last year.
Just to give you a taste of how out of touch those in the ivory tower are with employees. |
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Posted: 6/17/2017 3:37:52 PM EDT
[#8]
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They must be taking pointers from arfcom.... Quote HistoryQuoted:
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The Kool Aid meetings are borderline cultist in some companies. "We are going to pay you like shit, treat you like shit, and want you to tell us why you love us so much." It is like Domestic Violence, with your employer. |
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Posted: 6/17/2017 3:38:07 PM EDT
[#9]
It's all just corporate show-me-your-war-face bullshit.
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Posted: 6/17/2017 3:39:01 PM EDT
[#10]
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Company my G/F works for hired this guy for a mandatory staff meeting last year. Company is trying to adopt the 'Disney Model' for their own service industry. An industry that pays their employees barely above minimum wage, and purposely gives low performance evals to avoid major pay increases (average is $.10 to $.15 a year). However, the CEO is roughly making $185,000. The COO is around $100k. Middle management couldn't explain to upper management why the hiring of the above guy at $15,000 wasn't taken well by the company's employees. 
That says a lot, and traces back to exactly why things happen a certain way. |
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Posted: 6/17/2017 3:39:20 PM EDT
[#11]
Fucking white people....
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Posted: 6/17/2017 3:40:32 PM EDT
[#12]
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Dude, those are not huge salaries. Are employees chained to a table and prevented from leaving? Quote HistoryQuoted:
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That would require someone at the top to either dip into the profits, or take a salary decrease themselves. [sarcasm] You should be happy you have a job, peon. [/sarcasm] An industry that pays their employees barely above minimum wage, and purposely gives low performance evals to avoid major pay increases (average is $.10 to $.15 a year). However, the CEO is roughly making $185,000. The COO is around $100k. Middle management couldn't explain to upper management why the hiring of the above guy at $15,000 wasn't taken well by the company's employees. The majority of F/T employees make about 40k. The rest are part time employees making $8-$10/hr. |
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Posted: 6/17/2017 3:41:12 PM EDT
[#13]
That company needs this:
 Despair, Inc. - The Art of Demotivation: "On Disconfirmation" |
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Posted: 6/17/2017 3:41:35 PM EDT
[#14]
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COO at $100K? Lol, must have been the result of some real talent search. He's a part-timer, right? Doing it as a second job?
That says a lot, and traces back to exactly why things happen a certain way. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Company my G/F works for hired this guy for a mandatory staff meeting last year. Company is trying to adopt the 'Disney Model' for their own service industry. An industry that pays their employees barely above minimum wage, and purposely gives low performance evals to avoid major pay increases (average is $.10 to $.15 a year). However, the CEO is roughly making $185,000. The COO is around $100k. Middle management couldn't explain to upper management why the hiring of the above guy at $15,000 wasn't taken well by the company's employees.
That says a lot, and traces back to exactly why things happen a certain way.
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Posted: 6/17/2017 3:42:31 PM EDT
[#15]
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No, that's what happens when you leave HR chicks unsupervised at any big company. Quote HistoryQuoted:
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That is not corporate America. That is one company. A retarded one. |
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Posted: 6/17/2017 3:43:46 PM EDT
[#16]
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Posted: 6/17/2017 3:44:11 PM EDT
[#17]
Just take the time that you took to make the employees attend that pitiful event and let them go home early! Now that will help the morale!
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Posted: 6/17/2017 3:45:13 PM EDT
[#18]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
"Be happy you have a job."
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Posted: 6/17/2017 3:45:15 PM EDT
[#19]
Quote HistoryBwaaaaaa haaaaaaa haaaaaaa
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Posted: 6/17/2017 3:46:03 PM EDT
[#20]
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I've worked under that management philosophy for quite some time. Quote HistoryQuoted:
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"Be happy you have a job." |
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Posted: 6/17/2017 3:48:10 PM EDT
[#21]
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Did I mention it is a not for profit company?
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Posted: 6/17/2017 3:48:30 PM EDT
[#22]
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You know what would boost morale?? A raise.  My motto is ''if I wasn't being paid, I wouldn't be here, your dime for my time.'' I don't do free shit............. |
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Posted: 6/17/2017 3:48:56 PM EDT
[#23]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
If you don't like it, there's the door. -Trugreen sales manager Quote HistoryQuoted:
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"Be happy you have a job." If you don't like it, there's the door. -Trugreen sales manager |
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Posted: 6/17/2017 3:51:19 PM EDT
[#24]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I've worked under that management philosophy for quite some time. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
"Be happy you have a job." 
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Posted: 6/17/2017 3:51:32 PM EDT
[#25]
Bunch of socialists ITT
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Posted: 6/17/2017 3:52:01 PM EDT
[#26]
Seems like every company I've ever worked for.
Last place had an offsite "Great Place To Work" seminar for all the managers. Turns out the intent was to tell us how to go about convincing our employees that it only seemed like it sucked. It was actually a great place to work. Of the group of managers that was sitting at my table, only one is still there. All the rest were either let go our left on their own, some without other jobs to go to.
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Posted: 6/17/2017 3:53:38 PM EDT
[#27]
What did I just watch....
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Posted: 6/17/2017 3:54:09 PM EDT
[#28]
I don't want to work anywhere where the HR department is larger than a single payroll clerk. Bigger than that, HR starts to forget that they support management, and they start to think the company exists primarily to justify HR initiatives.
“I’ve never met one of you who didn’t suck. I’ve never known an HR person who had anything but a mediocre mentality.” --Steve Jobs 
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Posted: 6/17/2017 3:55:01 PM EDT
[#29]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
"Be happy you have a job." Quote HistoryQuoted:
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The Kool Aid meetings are borderline cultist in some companies. "We are going to pay you like shit, treat you like shit, and want you to tell us why you love us so much." It is like Domestic Violence, with your employer. |
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Posted: 6/17/2017 3:55:16 PM EDT
[#30]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
What did I just watch.... |
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Posted: 6/17/2017 3:57:58 PM EDT
[#31]
I have found that I only tend to recognize great places to work in hindsight.
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Posted: 6/17/2017 3:58:25 PM EDT
[#32]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
If you don't like it, there's the door. -Trugreen sales manager |
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Posted: 6/17/2017 3:58:27 PM EDT
[#33]
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I don't want to work anywhere where the HR department is larger than a single payroll clerk. Bigger than that, HR starts to forget that they support management, and they start to think the company exists primarily to justify HR initiatives. Y'know. To show that he's one of us. 
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Posted: 6/17/2017 4:00:39 PM EDT
[#34]
Actually, I will take back what I said about HR because there is ONE exception. That's when the HR boss is an experienced and successful labor/employment attorney, who used to be outside counsel for the company, and has been hired to clean up an HR department's silliness. I've seen that happen twice, and both times those HR departments were squared away.
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Posted: 6/17/2017 4:02:03 PM EDT
[#35]
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I love that one. The portable and qualified folks take it to heart and remove their contributions with them, excepting a few who need therapy, and the dregs remain to show the accidental new-hire of some capability that he needs to update his resume' tout de suite (it's French, like voila...not "walla"). Quote HistoryQuoted:
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If you don't like it, there's the door. -Trugreen sales manager 
The real salesmen would call mid season "Survivor:Trugreen" where the branch trims the fat once out of peak dandelion season and sales slow. A call into the office and it was "I'm sorry. Your tiki has been extinguished." One man shouted, "I would rather be digging mass graves in Lebanon again than work here!" |
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Posted: 6/17/2017 4:02:18 PM EDT
[#36]
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The VP of our HR department recently changed his title to "Vice President of People." Y'know. To show that he's one of us. Quote HistoryQuoted:
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I don't want to work anywhere where the HR department is larger than a single payroll clerk. Bigger than that, HR starts to forget that they support management, and they start to think the company exists primarily to justify HR initiatives. Y'know. To show that he's one of us. 
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Posted: 6/17/2017 4:04:31 PM EDT
[#37]
Quote HistoryAnd yeah how about a raise that isn't less than the rate of inflation? |
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Posted: 6/17/2017 4:04:40 PM EDT
[#38]
Thanks for doing a good job works also. Little things you know.
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Posted: 6/17/2017 4:05:37 PM EDT
[#39]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
It's what happens when women get too high up in a company. First comes their poor decision making which kills morale then they come up with this shit to fix it, Next comes either removal from that position by the CEO/board of directors or destruction of a once viable business. |
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Posted: 6/17/2017 4:06:44 PM EDT
[#40]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
This Quote HistoryQuoted:
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It's what happens when women get too high up in a company. First comes their poor decision making which kills morale then they come up with this shit to fix it, Next comes either removal from that position by the CEO/board of directors or destruction of a once viable business. |
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Posted: 6/17/2017 4:07:07 PM EDT
[#41]
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It's hardly a level of stupidity that is unique or rare. Quote HistoryQuoted:
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That is not corporate America. That is one company. A retarded one. 
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Posted: 6/17/2017 4:08:09 PM EDT
[#42]
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Reminds me of those sorority videos where they all clap hands and shit This shit:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ax0b2e9fjbA |
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Posted: 6/17/2017 4:08:39 PM EDT
[#43]
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Thanks for doing a good job works also. Little things you know. |
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Posted: 6/17/2017 4:11:21 PM EDT
[#44]
I would suck the happiness out of that room after the first minute.
I would be visted by my boss later that day. He would ask me if I would be happier not attending any more singing parties. No more singing parties for me. |
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Posted: 6/17/2017 4:11:53 PM EDT
[#45]
Ayup. Big corporations pander to millenials feels more than actual talented workers.
I know of a LARGE corporation that has gone bonkers with lgbtabbq- flags all over, shit all over the internal company site, special ID badges (I chuckle..), and even LARGE raises for select people of the lgbtabbq group.. It's out of fucking control |
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Posted: 6/17/2017 4:12:50 PM EDT
[#46]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Ayup. Big corporations pander to millenials feels more than actual talented workers. I know of a LARGE corporation that has gone bonkers with lgbtabbq- flags all over, shit all over the internal company site, special ID badges (I chuckle..), and even LARGE raises for select people of the lgbtabbq group.. It's out of fucking control 
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Posted: 6/17/2017 4:14:53 PM EDT
[#47]
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Posted: 6/17/2017 4:15:48 PM EDT
[#48]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Hrm, G/f's former employer had all women in the HR department. Quote HistoryQuoted:
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It's what happens when women get too high up in a company. First comes their poor decision making which kills morale then they come up with this shit to fix it, Next comes either removal from that position by the CEO/board of directors or destruction of a once viable business. I like women, but generally they are wired more for security and feelz than for competition and results like guys are. As a result, their "let's make sure everyone feels like they were treated fairly during the game" mentality can overtake the "let's make sure we win the game" mentality, and if that feelz-based mentality runs the company then the company is doomed. |
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Posted: 6/17/2017 4:16:33 PM EDT
[#49]
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It is funny how close Dilbert is to real life. http://www.hrrambling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/Blog_Dilbert_9.gif Quote HistoryQuoted:
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I don't want to work anywhere where the HR department is larger than a single payroll clerk. Bigger than that, HR starts to forget that they support management, and they start to think the company exists primarily to justify HR initiatives. Y'know. To show that he's one of us. http://www.hrrambling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/Blog_Dilbert_9.gif It seemed like every time our company did something stupid, Dilbert's company did something very similar a few weeks later. No comment. |
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Posted: 6/17/2017 4:18:02 PM EDT
[#50]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Hrm, G/f's former employer had all women in the HR department. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
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It's what happens when women get too high up in a company. First comes their poor decision making which kills morale then they come up with this shit to fix it, Next comes either removal from that position by the CEO/board of directors or destruction of a once viable business. |
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