Warning

 

Close

Confirm Action

Are you sure you wish to do this?

Confirm Cancel
BCM
User Panel

Page / 2
Next Page Arrow Left
Link Posted: 7/1/2015 1:04:26 AM EDT
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
To a pessimist, a glass filled half way with water is half empty.

To an optimist, the glass is half full.

To an engineer, you have too much glass.
View Quote

Link Posted: 7/1/2015 1:06:10 AM EDT

Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:


What do you call a female peacock?
View Quote
A tranny?

 
Link Posted: 7/1/2015 1:11:11 AM EDT
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
What do you call a female peacock?
View Quote
Confused.
Link Posted: 7/1/2015 1:15:48 AM EDT
A peacunt
Link Posted: 7/1/2015 1:29:43 AM EDT


Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:



What do you call a female peacock?
View Quote






Umm, a peahen...I don't get it.





eta oh...





 
Link Posted: 7/1/2015 1:50:13 AM EDT
A farmer's son comes home from college and he decides to show him off to his neighbor.

He tells his son, "Say something smart."

So the son replies with the formula for the area of a circle and say pi-R-squared.

The neighbor squints at him for a minute and says, "You dumb shit.  Pie are round!  Cornbread are square. . . ."
Link Posted: 7/1/2015 1:54:28 AM EDT
Three statisticians go hunting.  The first one shoots at a deer, hits ten feet to the left.  The second one shoots, hits ten feet to the right.  The third one screams WE GOT HIM, WE GOT HIM!
Link Posted: 7/1/2015 2:01:13 AM EDT
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
An engineer, a geologist and a lawyer are all asked the same question.  What is 2 + 2?

The engineer says "It is 4.0000."

The geologist says "It's somewhere between 3 and 5."

The lawyer says "What do you want it to be?"
View Quote


Actually since the engineer was adding two numbers with only one sig fig, it would technically still only be four (4). 2.0000 +2.0000= 4.0000. Jus saying lol.


Link Posted: 7/1/2015 2:09:44 AM EDT
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
The glass has a safety factor of two.  
View Quote View All Quotes
View All Quotes
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Quoted:
To a pessimist, a glass filled half way with water is half empty.

To an optimist, the glass is half full.

To an engineer, you have too much glass.
The glass has a safety factor of two.  


To an aircraft engineer the glass has double redundant capacity.
Link Posted: 7/1/2015 2:11:44 AM EDT
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
<a href="http://s1228.photobucket.com/user/bigdeeeeeeee/media/M0OnKLt_zpsccc2ab9b.jpg.html" target="_blank">http://i1228.photobucket.com/albums/ee458/bigdeeeeeeee/M0OnKLt_zpsccc2ab9b.jpg</a>
View Quote View All Quotes
View All Quotes
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Quoted:
To a pessimist, a glass filled half way with water is half empty.

To an optimist, the glass is half full.

To an engineer, you have too much glass.
<a href="http://s1228.photobucket.com/user/bigdeeeeeeee/media/M0OnKLt_zpsccc2ab9b.jpg.html" target="_blank">http://i1228.photobucket.com/albums/ee458/bigdeeeeeeee/M0OnKLt_zpsccc2ab9b.jpg</a>



Right click, save.  Thanks.
Link Posted: 7/1/2015 2:18:37 AM EDT
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
A peacunt
View Quote



That was my guess.
Link Posted: 7/1/2015 8:25:41 AM EDT

Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:


Three statisticians go hunting.  The first one shoots at a deer, hits ten feet to the left.  The second one shoots, hits ten feet to the right.  The third one screams WE GOT HIM, WE GOT HIM!
View Quote


Someone didn't read the thread first.  



 
Link Posted: 7/1/2015 8:33:35 AM EDT
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
To a pessimist, a glass filled half way with water is half empty.

To an optimist, the glass is half full.

To an engineer, you have too much glass.
View Quote


And to a drunk, a short pour.
Link Posted: 7/1/2015 8:36:27 AM EDT
A Roman Centurion walks into a bar and tells the bartender "I'd like a Martinus".

The bartender looks confused and says "Don't you mean a Martini?"

The Centurion says, "Hey, if I wanted two of them, I'd of asked".
Link Posted: 7/1/2015 9:02:11 AM EDT

Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:


What do you call a female peacock?
View Quote
POOPVAGINA



 
Link Posted: 7/1/2015 9:06:01 AM EDT
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
View Quote View All Quotes
View All Quotes
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Quoted:
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?


Yeah, and so does Hector Salamanca!

http://i776.photobucket.com/albums/yy47/Gunslinger8O8/schrodingers-cat.png


I assume Jeffrey was charged with animal cruelty for killing the cat.
Link Posted: 7/1/2015 9:06:53 AM EDT
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:


Since when do EEs have "way more advanced math than the other engineers"? Try solving compressible viscous Navier-Stokes and get back to me on how you EEs have it tough.
View Quote View All Quotes
View All Quotes
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
An engineer, a geologist and a lawyer are all asked the same question.  What is 2 + 2?

The engineer says "It is 4.0000."

The geologist says "It's somewhere between 3 and 5."

The lawyer says "What do you want it to be?"


Not as funny, but similar joke. Funnier if you're a EE.

A mathematician, Physicist, and Electrical Engineer were asked to derive PI.

The Mathematician derived PI to 15 places, the Physicist, to 10. The double E said, "I dunno, 3?"

Meh... It's a play on the fact that even though EE are known for having way more advanced math than the other engineers and even more so than alot of the pure math degrees, PI isnt a part of it... ehhhh.... not a very good joke. But maybe the EEs will like it.

Sorry for the terrible joke.


Since when do EEs have "way more advanced math than the other engineers"? Try solving compressible viscous Navier-Stokes and get back to me on how you EEs have it tough.



In.
Link Posted: 7/1/2015 9:13:19 AM EDT


Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:



"Excuse me, are you Ren&eacute; Descartes."





"I think."





View Quote





 
Rene Descartes, a well-known wine connoisseur, walked into a bar.  The bartender said, "Hello sir.  Would you like a beer?"







Descartes indignantly said "I think, not!" and disappeared.












 
Link Posted: 7/1/2015 9:20:30 AM EDT
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
A programmer, an inspector and a machinist are selected by HR to participate in a program to help improve productivity.

Each subject is taken into a plain white room with a single table in the center. On the table are three identical metal spheres. The subjects are then left in the room alone with no instructions for half an hour.

Upon entering the room with the programmer the subject is asked what he has accomplished. He replies that he has come up with an idea for some fixturing to try to hold it but the components are on back order.

When asked what he has accomplished, the inspector has sorted the three spheres according to due date but claims to be too busy with other work to do anything else with them for now.

When the final door is opened the researcher is stunned to see the machinist leaning against the table drinking a cup of coffee. There is half of a sphere laying in the middle of the table and no sign of the other two.

"What the hell happened in here!" exclaimed the researcher.

The machinist, looking over the top of his coffee cup explains that one of the spheres is in his toolbox, someone from the office took another and "that one" he says gesturing toward the half sphere "just broke".
View Quote



Sorta like the Fire Department joke.

Roll 3 stainless steel ball bearings into a Fire Station and wait a day. One will be missing, one will be broken and one will be pregnant.
Link Posted: 7/1/2015 9:22:10 AM EDT

Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Since when do EEs have "way more advanced math than the other engineers"? Try solving compressible viscous Navier-Stokes and get back to me on how you EEs have it tough.
View Quote View All Quotes
View All Quotes
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:



Quoted:


Quoted:

An engineer, a geologist and a lawyer are all asked the same question.  What is 2 + 2?



The engineer says "It is 4.0000."



The geologist says "It's somewhere between 3 and 5."



The lawyer says "What do you want it to be?"




Not as funny, but similar joke. Funnier if you're a EE.



A mathematician, Physicist, and Electrical Engineer were asked to derive PI.



The Mathematician derived PI to 15 places, the Physicist, to 10. The double E said, "I dunno, 3?"



Meh... It's a play on the fact that even though EE are known for having way more advanced math than the other engineers and even more so than alot of the pure math degrees, PI isnt a part of it... ehhhh.... not a very good joke. But maybe the EEs will like it.



Sorry for the terrible joke.





Since when do EEs have "way more advanced math than the other engineers"? Try solving compressible viscous Navier-Stokes and get back to me on how you EEs have it tough.




 
Pocket protector fight!!!






Link Posted: 7/1/2015 9:30:24 AM EDT
Quoted:
A plane takes off from Warsaw, heading to New York. When approaching JFK Airport, the pilot announces over the intercom, "over on the right you can see Liberty Island, home of the Statue of Liberty." The passengers crowd over to see the American Monument. The plane nosedives into the bay. The moral of the story? Too many poles in the right half of the plane cause instability.
View Quote


There aren't any approaches to JFK that you could see Liberty Island.  It is over by EWR.
Link Posted: 7/1/2015 9:40:29 AM EDT

Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:


A programmer, an inspector and a machinist are selected by HR to participate in a program to help improve productivity.



Each subject is taken into a plain white room with a single table in the center. On the table are three identical metal spheres. The subjects are then left in the room alone with no instructions for half an hour.



Upon entering the room with the programmer the subject is asked what he has accomplished. He replies that he has come up with an idea for some fixturing to try to hold it but the components are on back order.



When asked what he has accomplished, the inspector has sorted the three spheres according to due date but claims to be too busy with other work to do anything else with them for now.



When the final door is opened the researcher is stunned to see the machinist leaning against the table drinking a cup of coffee. There is half of a sphere laying in the middle of the table and no sign of the other two.



"What the hell happened in here!" exclaimed the researcher.



The machinist, looking over the top of his coffee cup explains that one of the spheres is in his toolbox, someone from the office took another and "that one" he says gesturing toward the half sphere "just broke".
View Quote
Damn...that is so accurate I laughed...then I got angry.....damned machinists

 
Link Posted: 7/1/2015 9:44:15 AM EDT
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
And if they get married do they have to get a liquor license?
 
View Quote View All Quotes
View All Quotes
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Quoted:
What do you call two lesbos in a canoe?
Fur traders
I can explain it if some of you don't understand.
And if they get married do they have to get a liquor license?
 

Link Posted: 7/1/2015 10:05:12 AM EDT
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:

View Quote View All Quotes
View All Quotes
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
What do you call two lesbos in a canoe?
Fur traders
I can explain it if some of you don't understand.
And if they get married do they have to get a liquor license?
 



You do know how a woman holds her liquor, right?






By the ears
Link Posted: 7/1/2015 10:17:01 AM EDT
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
And if they get married do they have to get a liquor license?
 
View Quote View All Quotes
View All Quotes
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Quoted:
What do you call two lesbos in a canoe?
Fur traders
I can explain it if some of you don't understand.
And if they get married do they have to get a liquor license?
 


Yes - and when they build their first house, it will be all tongue and  groove construction.
Link Posted: 7/1/2015 10:26:26 AM EDT
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
View Quote View All Quotes
View All Quotes
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Quoted:
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?


Yeah, and so does Hector Salamanca!

http://i776.photobucket.com/albums/yy47/Gunslinger8O8/schrodingers-cat.png



Verschränkung!
Link Posted: 7/1/2015 10:29:26 AM EDT
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
An engineer, a statistician, and a physicist are out hunting. They spot a buck, and each take turn to try and bag it.
The physicist goes first. He pulls out his lab book and quickly calculates the trajectory of the bullet, assuming it is a perfect sphere in a vacuum. The bullet falls 20m short of the deer.
The engineer goes second. He pulls out his engineers pad and book of projectile assumptions. After a few minutes he's ready, he takes aim, and he fires. The bullet lands 20m passed the deer.
The statistician leaps in the air shouting, "We got it!"
View Quote


past
Link Posted: 7/1/2015 10:33:03 AM EDT
Guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender,"I'll have a martinus"

Bartender says,"Don't you mean martini?"

Guy say, "No, I just want the one."
Link Posted: 7/1/2015 10:34:45 AM EDT

Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:


Werner Heisenberg got pulled over for speeding.  The cop asked "Do you have any idea how fast you were going"?



Heisenberg replied "No, but I know exactly where I am."
View Quote




 
The cop says, 'You were going 87 miles per hour.'




Heisenberg replies, 'Damnit, now I'm lost!'.
Link Posted: 7/1/2015 10:39:58 AM EDT
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
An engineer, a statistician, and a physicist are out hunting. They spot a buck, and each take turn to try and bag it.
The physicist goes first. He pulls out his lab book and quickly calculates the trajectory of the bullet, assuming it is a perfect sphere in a vacuum. The bullet falls 20m short of the deer.
The engineer goes second. He pulls out his engineers pad and book of projectile assumptions. After a few minutes he's ready, he takes aim, and he fires. The bullet lands 20m passed the deer.
The statistician leaps in the air shouting, "We got it!"
View Quote






That one is my favorite, but everyone I tell it to doesn't get it
Link Posted: 7/1/2015 10:40:40 AM EDT
Link Posted: 7/1/2015 10:43:34 AM EDT
You bring deBeers and we'll have apartied.
Link Posted: 7/1/2015 10:50:51 AM EDT
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
The glass has a safety factor of two.  
View Quote View All Quotes
View All Quotes
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Quoted:
To a pessimist, a glass filled half way with water is half empty.

To an optimist, the glass is half full.

To an engineer, you have too much glass.
The glass has a safety factor of two.  


Link Posted: 7/1/2015 10:56:50 AM EDT











 
Link Posted: 7/1/2015 12:04:17 PM EDT
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:


 
View Quote


False!  It equals s*h*t*(-sqrt(-1)) which is still imaginary!
Link Posted: 7/1/2015 12:07:14 PM EDT
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Damn...that is so accurate I laughed...then I got angry.....damned machinists  
View Quote View All Quotes
View All Quotes
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Quoted:
A programmer, an inspector and a machinist are selected by HR to participate in a program to help improve productivity.

Each subject is taken into a plain white room with a single table in the center. On the table are three identical metal spheres. The subjects are then left in the room alone with no instructions for half an hour.

Upon entering the room with the programmer the subject is asked what he has accomplished. He replies that he has come up with an idea for some fixturing to try to hold it but the components are on back order.

When asked what he has accomplished, the inspector has sorted the three spheres according to due date but claims to be too busy with other work to do anything else with them for now.

When the final door is opened the researcher is stunned to see the machinist leaning against the table drinking a cup of coffee. There is half of a sphere laying in the middle of the table and no sign of the other two.

"What the hell happened in here!" exclaimed the researcher.

The machinist, looking over the top of his coffee cup explains that one of the spheres is in his toolbox, someone from the office took another and "that one" he says gesturing toward the half sphere "just broke".
Damn...that is so accurate I laughed...then I got angry.....damned machinists  


Thanks, we try for that effect
Link Posted: 7/1/2015 12:23:18 PM EDT
Link Posted: 7/1/2015 12:53:51 PM EDT
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:


Since when do EEs have "way more advanced math than the other engineers"? Try solving compressible viscous Navier-Stokes and get back to me on how you EEs have it tough.
View Quote View All Quotes
View All Quotes
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
An engineer, a geologist and a lawyer are all asked the same question.  What is 2 + 2?

The engineer says "It is 4.0000."

The geologist says "It's somewhere between 3 and 5."

The lawyer says "What do you want it to be?"


Not as funny, but similar joke. Funnier if you're a EE.

A mathematician, Physicist, and Electrical Engineer were asked to derive PI.

The Mathematician derived PI to 15 places, the Physicist, to 10. The double E said, "I dunno, 3?"

Meh... It's a play on the fact that even though EE are known for having way more advanced math than the other engineers and even more so than alot of the pure math degrees, PI isnt a part of it... ehhhh.... not a very good joke. But maybe the EEs will like it.

Sorry for the terrible joke.


Since when do EEs have "way more advanced math than the other engineers"? Try solving compressible viscous Navier-Stokes and get back to me on how you EEs have it tough.


You know...V=I x R.  Shit, where's my calculator?
Page / 2
Next Page Arrow Left
An error occurred on the server when processing the URL. Please contact the system administrator.

If you are the system administrator please click here to find out more about this error.