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Link Posted: 8/20/2017 12:17:01 AM EST
[#1]
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Quoted:
For everyone that has an issue with this.. there is no wrong way to make salsa.. practically each family has their own recipe.  As long as the OP likes it, that is all that matters!  

So many different flavor profiles is what makes fresh salsa so awesome!!!
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See, this fuck boy gets it. Open your mind and your ass will follow. Or, as it appears in this thread, half you dick holes switched up "ass" and "mind" in the translation.
PWS
Link Posted: 8/20/2017 12:19:11 AM EST
[#2]
I am going to try this, and if it turns out like the Mexican place I ate at today, I am going to be fucking thrilled!
Link Posted: 8/20/2017 12:22:53 AM EST
[#3]
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Quoted:
Sounds great, for a roasted veggie, tomato sauce dip. I posted a proper, Mexican restaurant, table-top salsa.
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Quoted:
You're not supposed to boil it.  You're supposed to char everything on a random flat piece of metal over an open flame. Then you blend.

Tomato, jalapeños, onion, garlic, lime juice, cilantro, salt.  If you want extra heat, throw in some Japanese chiles too.  

I lived in a shitty house with a bunch of Mexican construction workers for 2 months.  This is how they did it.  Every night.
Sounds great, for a roasted veggie, tomato sauce dip. I posted a proper, Mexican restaurant, table-top salsa.
And that was your first mistake.

Those sauces are meant to be readily made for mass production for an audience that wouldn't know good Mexican salsa if it bit them in the tracero.
Link Posted: 8/20/2017 12:46:45 AM EST
[#4]
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Quoted:


And that was your first mistake.

Those sauces are meant to be readily made for mass production for an audience that wouldn't know good Mexican salsa if it bit them in the tracero.
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Except it is, just that, dick licker. Go on down to Ciudad de Juarez and explain to them how your artesianal method involves colorful peppers, exotic fruits and open flame preps, top chef. Suck a duck and embrace the sauce. The salsa I posted is delicious after all. Try it out, basic as it may be.
Link Posted: 8/20/2017 12:51:29 AM EST
[#5]
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Quoted:


Holy smokes.

http://i.imgur.com/iIGZDDK.jpg
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You're the one that contradicted yourself, satire or not.

Making salsa now.  Got guajillo chiles soaking right now.

Link Posted: 8/20/2017 12:55:44 AM EST
[#6]
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Quoted:


You're the one that contradicted yourself, satire or not.
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Probably. Jeeze dude.
Link Posted: 8/20/2017 12:58:54 AM EST
[#7]
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Quoted:


Probably. Jeeze dude.
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Just edited my post above.
Link Posted: 8/20/2017 1:04:43 AM EST
[#8]
Quoted:
Fuck that chunky, jar shit. It's not supposed to be pico de gallo, it's not supposed to plop. It's supposed to drip and slide off your chip, mother fucker!

This is what you want, for real salsa that you pour on tacos and eat with tortilla chips.

First off, you need four ingredients, FOUR! Tomatoes (Buy the cheap ones, broke ass. They don't have to pretty, steakhouse tomatoes. They're just going in a blender anyway you son of a bitch.), garlic, jalapenos, and salt.

"But Rincon, I love cilantro and onions and shit!" No fucking kidding?! Guess what? So do I, so does everyone! You are not special, princess pants. I put cilantro on my pancakes. I rub lime juice on my tits. That's all well and good, but don't try and get creative with this tried and true sauce technique. This isn't you're aunt Patty's, from Ohio, abortion salsa. FOUR ingredients, Asshole.

Chop off the tops of your tomatoes, split jalapenos and skin your garlic. http://i.imgur.com/4Pb4Xm5.jpg

Boil tomatoes for five minutes, then throw in the jalapenos and garlic for another minute. Take it off the burner, add salt, cover and let it sit for ten minutes.

http://i.imgur.com/BLHUYFa.jpg

Strip the jalapenos of the seeds and veins. A slotted, wooden spoon works great for this, dumb shits. Everything just slides right on out.

Everything into the blender, preferably something with a 50 HP motor. If you don't have a good blender, stop being poor or ask one of your fancier, Walmart greeter friends to borrow theirs.

http://i.imgur.com/qv8qBKF.jpg

Blend that shit up and down. It will be a frothy fuckin mess afterwords, resembling your bloody, Sunday morning, hangover shits, you lushy, drunk waste.

http://i.imgur.com/mZGcrZU.jpg

Add salt and throw it in the fridge for a few hours to settle and chill. Eat it. There it is. If you dick with this recipe and add pineapple, mango, corn or whatever other queer shit you read on pinterest for their "bestsalsaever#", I will find you and piss on you in your sleep.

Enjoy, friends.
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@Rincon_11

This is the best post I've ever fucking seen! Fucking hilarious!

Im gonna try this shit man, it better be fucking good.

Link Posted: 8/20/2017 1:08:03 AM EST
[#9]
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Quoted:
Except it is, just that, dick licker. Go on down to Ciudad de Juarez and explain to them how your artesianal method involves colorful peppers, exotic fruits and open flame preps, top chef. Suck a duck and embrace the sauce. The salsa I posted is delicious after all. Try it out, basic as it may be.
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Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Quoted:


And that was your first mistake.

Those sauces are meant to be readily made for mass production for an audience that wouldn't know good Mexican salsa if it bit them in the tracero.
Except it is, just that, dick licker. Go on down to Ciudad de Juarez and explain to them how your artesianal method involves colorful peppers, exotic fruits and open flame preps, top chef. Suck a duck and embrace the sauce. The salsa I posted is delicious after all. Try it out, basic as it may be.
Dick licker? Holy shit. You are seriously one funny ass mother fucker man!
Link Posted: 8/20/2017 1:47:03 AM EST
[#10]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Except it is, just that, dick licker. Go on down to Ciudad de Juarez and explain to them how your artesianal method involves colorful peppers, exotic fruits and open flame preps, top chef. Suck a duck and embrace the sauce. The salsa I posted is delicious after all. Try it out, basic as it may be.
View Quote View All Quotes
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Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Quoted:


And that was your first mistake.

Those sauces are meant to be readily made for mass production for an audience that wouldn't know good Mexican salsa if it bit them in the tracero.
Except it is, just that, dick licker. Go on down to Ciudad de Juarez and explain to them how your artesianal method involves colorful peppers, exotic fruits and open flame preps, top chef. Suck a duck and embrace the sauce. The salsa I posted is delicious after all. Try it out, basic as it may be.
I think all the decent restauranteurs in Juarez have set up shop in El Paso. Not much reason to cross that border these days, even if the violence has toned down.

Not sure why you present that as anything of consequence, regardless.

I don't have to try it. Every shitty "authentic" Mexican restaurant in the US has a variant, there with your free chips. Gringos expect and demand this, and even some restaurants in Mexico in tourist areas have felt compelled to adapt.

That doesn't mean a good salsa can't be made properly with all sorts of non exotic fruits or what not. Salsa, after, all, is not a specific type of sauce. That's another gringo thing.
Link Posted: 8/20/2017 2:20:00 AM EST
[#11]
I thought the original post was too try hard, but OP has really saved his thread with his follow up.
Link Posted: 8/20/2017 3:02:15 AM EST
[#12]
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Quoted:
Looks good.

But we'll have to agree to disagree on a couple lot of things. 
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but I'm more of a salsa fresca kind of guy.
Link Posted: 8/20/2017 3:13:16 AM EST
[#13]
Link Posted: 8/20/2017 3:51:35 AM EST
[#14]
Fuckin GD, so many panties twisted.

Good job OP.
Link Posted: 8/20/2017 5:16:40 PM EST
[#15]
OK, I mixed up a batch today, we'll see how it goes. If my respiratory issues are any indicator, it might be WAY too hot.

The store was completely out of jalapenos so I used 2 serranos, seeded before putting them in the pot. I used 3 big cheap tomatoes and 3 cloves of garlic. 

After blending it, it doesn't smell like the restaurant salsa I really like, but I have it in the fridge cooling and I am willing to give it a chance. I think the restaurant does put a little cilantro in, but we'll see. I have a suspicion the serranos will make it inedible.
Link Posted: 8/20/2017 5:25:57 PM EST
[#16]
What is the message that faces El Paso written in white rocks on the hill over in Juarez?
Link Posted: 8/20/2017 6:02:06 PM EST
[#17]
Holy shit OP
I haven't laughed this hard in awhile.
I will try this thanks.
Link Posted: 8/20/2017 7:18:59 PM EST
[#18]
Ok, after letting it chill for a couple of hours, I am happy to report it is VERY CLOSE to what I'm shooting for. needs maybe onions and cilantro to match the restaurant's version but this is close enough that I can probably work out the rest from here. And the serranos were not too hot. 
Link Posted: 8/20/2017 7:38:17 PM EST
[#19]
Quoted:
Fuck that chunky, jar shit. It's not supposed to be pico de gallo, it's not supposed to plop. It's supposed to drip and slide off your chip, mother fucker!

This is what you want, for real salsa that you pour on tacos and eat with tortilla chips.

First off, you need four ingredients, FOUR! Tomatoes (Buy the cheap ones, broke ass. They don't have to pretty, steakhouse tomatoes. They're just going in a blender anyway you son of a bitch.), garlic, jalapenos, and salt.

"But Rincon, I love cilantro and onions and shit!" No fucking kidding?! Guess what? So do I, so does everyone! You are not special, princess pants. I put cilantro on my pancakes. I rub lime juice on my tits. That's all well and good, but don't try and get creative with this tried and true sauce technique. This isn't you're aunt Patty's, from Ohio, abortion salsa. FOUR ingredients, Asshole.

Chop off the tops of your tomatoes, split jalapenos and skin your garlic. http://i.imgur.com/4Pb4Xm5.jpg

Boil tomatoes for five minutes, then throw in the jalapenos and garlic for another minute. Take it off the burner, add salt, cover and let it sit for ten minutes.

http://i.imgur.com/BLHUYFa.jpg

Strip the jalapenos of the seeds and veins. A slotted, wooden spoon works great for this, dumb shits. Everything just slides right on out.

Everything into the blender, preferably something with a 50 HP motor. If you don't have a good blender, stop being poor or ask one of your fancier, Walmart greeter friends to borrow theirs.

http://i.imgur.com/qv8qBKF.jpg

Blend that shit up and down. It will be a frothy fuckin mess afterwords, resembling your bloody, Sunday morning, hangover shits, you lushy, drunk waste.
http://i.imgur.com/mZGcrZU.jpg
Add salt and throw it in the fridge for a few hours to settle and chill. Eat it. There it is. If you dick with this recipe and add pineapple, mango, corn or whatever other queer shit you read on pinterest for their "bestsalsaever#", I will find you and piss on you in your sleep.
Enjoy, friends.
View Quote
I'm going to take a wild guess, but you've never taught a cooking class like at a learning annex, or school.
Link Posted: 8/21/2017 1:54:47 PM EST
[#20]
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Quoted:
Ok, after letting it chill for a couple of hours, I am happy to report it is VERY CLOSE to what I'm shooting for. needs maybe onions and cilantro to match the restaurant's version but this is close enough that I can probably work out the rest from here. And the serranos were not too hot. 
View Quote
Yup, it's just going to taste like warm, blended tomato mash with bits of chile and garlic thrown in, out of the blender. Needs to chill and 'come together' in the fridge for a few hours.
Link Posted: 8/21/2017 1:55:41 PM EST
[#21]
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Quoted:
What is the message that faces El Paso written in white rocks on the hill over in Juarez?
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It says "Redfish loves butt stuff."
Link Posted: 8/21/2017 1:59:26 PM EST
[#22]
That is not salsa.  That is not even a solid attempt. Good luck with life OP.
Link Posted: 8/21/2017 2:00:34 PM EST
[#23]
Pico is better than salsa anyday
Link Posted: 8/21/2017 4:03:49 PM EST
[#24]
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Quoted:


It says "Redfish loves butt stuff."
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I'd think you would have sobered up by now.
Link Posted: 8/21/2017 4:15:42 PM EST
[#25]
Bought some of this recently, and haven't bought other type since.  We (being some of the whitest people on the planet) love it.

Link Posted: 8/21/2017 4:16:22 PM EST
[#26]
REAL Salsa with jalapeños ???  , use serranos or just stick to your taco bell's salsa.

tomatoes, serrano peppers , onion , cilantro, salt ; boil for 10 minutes , put it all in the blender ( don't use water ) let it cool and enjoy. Thank me later....
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