Thanksgivings gonna be wierd this year.

I found some nekkid pics of some of our female neighbors on an SD card in my sons pants.  Hes obviously been perving around the neighborhood.  Figured the best thing to do now is to get him in the system now, so I turned it/him in to the cops.

Former brother-in-law had his mother over to our house for Thanksgiving dinner one year.
This woman was abso-fuckin-lutely insane.
She was fine until about halfway thru the big feed.
She started running her mouth about how shitty the food was and she could do better. This ignited a shit-storm from the wimminz.
Then she started raging about every damn thing under the sun. How her son fucked up marrying into our family etc.
Talk about pushing the Thermonuclear button!
Bitch be crazy.
I grabbed her and "escorted" her outside and told Bro-n-law to get her the hell out of here NOW or there would be a crazed mob out here in about 15 seconds with torches and pitchforks. He tossed his Mom into his car and rolled out.
Those womanfolk were MAD.
As I got to know this woman better, this was her "thing". To start shit just to see everyone pissed off and yelling. She was just so mad at life she wanted everyone else to be too. Needless to say She was never invited again. LoL.
Nowadays we who were there on that day laugh about the Crazy Bitch We Had to Dinner.

2 years ago we had a bear break into the smoke shack and steal the turkey that was smoking. That asshole.  Funny part is I then dug a bear roast out of the deep freeze and we had bear ass for thanksgiving. Albeit it was about 6 hours later than the rest of the food was done we ate it!

Not going into details, I have had several thanksgivings ruined by the presence of booze and angry, bitter alcoholics...

Than there are the Thanksgiving dinners I attended where my sister-in-law was in charge of cooking...

These days I pretty much fly solo on Thanksgiving.  It's lonely. but the food is guaranteed to be good, and I don't need to deal with other peoples baggage...

Wife miscarried the day before thanksgiving....and scheduled for a D&C the day after. Bad timing and gay to the bone.

My mom called and told me my 99yo Great Grandmother died while I was reading this thread.  

 

Bro......were these peeping tom pics.....

Definitely post of the year...thumbs up to you....

One year we had thanksgiving dinner at Ryans Steak House - It didn't go well

 

Go on...

Broken Family Dinner 1981: After my parents' nasty divorce, I went to a local diner for Thanksgiving with my dad since it was "his holiday" (per the court ordered schedule). Every table had a divorced Dad with one to four kids. The waitresses looked depressed, the children were subdued and the whole place reeked of self-pity.

Divorce was still fairly rare in my mid-western town back then, so it was awkward. It looked like an Anti-Hallmark Special.

Every year my church puts on an annual Thanksgiving Day hike at one of the local forest preserves.  

One year my mom decided due to her bad knees she wasn't going to hike, so she sat in the car.  Turns out the battery died.

Couple years ago my mom wanted to ride her mobility scooter through the woods. I forgot her key at home.

Every year we are at my sister's; I've invited my GF over this year, since her and her mother are not doing anything for the majority of the day, and her mother, sister and niece aren't even doing Thanksgiving on that day, so she gets to have a family on Thanksgiving-mine.

Pics from SD card or it didn't happen.



What you did there...

 

It's nice to see people keeping traditions alive.


That's right bitches, we back again. Endeavor to persevere, motherfucker!

Okay, sad story but, that's some funny shit, right there.

My wife always cooks the turkey with the bags in it. Only because she forgets to take them out. Never had an exploding turkey.

No real big disasters.  My wife is a great cook.  But one year she gave birth a few weeks before thanksgiving.  I bought dinner-in-a-box from Safeway and made it.  Came out ok.  I think my FIL was visiting from out of town to the see the baby, and was sick in his hotel room.  I brought him a plate.  Kind of depressing dinner with just me and preschool kid #1.  

One time at Christmas I was on the way out of the house and dropped my mother's pie, which was inside her mom's heirloom pie dish. Not good.

Now we usually have a few friends over.  This year we're joining friends at their house.  Good deal, as we don't have to clean house, but my wife is bringing the turkey and pie, which she is terrrific at.  Then later in the weekend  we have to  have one of our dogs put down :-(

If anyone has had Thanksgiving in a .gov chow hall they have seen the mutantosuarus legs. Grateful, yes apprehensive fkna. Anyway, some folks had snake issues. So, our resident psychotic loomed up two of the leg bones and a black snake (dental floss?). It was displayed prominantly. We all knew who did it, but it freaked so many people out that it became a temp mascot. Surv.

hes on Fox News

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2014/11/25/father-turns-son-into-police-after-finding-photos-local-women/?intcmp=ob_article_footer_text&intcmp=obinsite

When my wife was young, she had been making posters for the homecoming dance and had put white glitter in a salt shaker.  Somehow that is what my mother in law added to ALL  the Thanksgiving dinner.  It all tasted like sand.

Unfortunately, I did not chose to marry into a family of good cooks.  As if to underscore my point, my wife just burnt the pecans and coconut to be used in the icing for a German Chocolate cake.  

Eating at my in-laws is more akin to taking a spin on the food-poison wheel of fortune, which is even more fun since we have an hour-and-half road trip to and from their homes.  At least the sister who poisoned her own wedding dinner by leaving deviled eggs out all day long is in ND.  I have long since gotten in a habit of eating only from certain in-laws and then watching them prepare the dishes.  One of the more memorable meals was a Thanksgiving Ham  Now, how can one screw up a ham?  It takes effort, and my M-I-L put a lot of effort into this one  Take one ham and over-cook it in the oven.  Upon realizing your mistake, take a knife and carve out the worst of the burnt areas.  Now since you have run out of eyes to cook on, place a can of cream-style corn in with the ham.  But, you have forgotten to add slices of pineapple to the ham?  No problem, open a can of cherry pie filling and pour it on top of the ham and corn.  The M-I-L was less than happy when my wife described the ham as looking as if, “someone had killed it by setting it on fire, then hacked it with an ax so it would bleed again, and then set it back on fire.”  Last Thanksgiving Meal consisted of dressing made with croutons and pickles as well as with a cheese-cake with prunes.  

On a more somber note, other Thanksgivings in the past were ruined by the deaths of a grandfather (on my dad's father) and later one of my grandmothers (on my mother's side).  It's difficult to really enjoy a family gathering when one is a funeral home.

James

Both my wife and I were ROFLing. This is fantastic.


I'll just add my wife's story. Thanksgiving was perfect. My wife had to fix the mashed potatoes. Well she fixed about 30 pounds worth. Took over 3 trays of potatoes and they were good. They kept them in the warming drawer of the oven with the rolls.

Fast forward to Christmas. Yup the potatoes were still in the warming drawer. The door was opened and about a million insects flew out. Thus prompting a dinner out and a new stove.

They made a movie about your experience:







 

Uncle's wife cooked the turkey.  Everyone got sick.  Turns out she thawed by setting on the counter for three days.

I've never had a bad Thanksgiving.  Never.

Mom's never been what I would call a world class cook.  But, there's one meal she can put together and that's Thanksgiving dinner.

She's 78 and putting it on tomorrow.  In fourteen hours, I'll be elbows deep in turkey, mashed potatoes and stuffing.





ETA:  Here's Mom's stuffing recipe.  It's the best.

4 Cups Bread crumbs
1/2 Cup Chopped onion
1 TSP Salt
1 TSP Poultry Seasoning
1/3 Cup Butter
1/2 Cup Chopped celery
1/4 TSP Pepper
1/2 LB Browned sausage

1. Brown sausage; set aside
2. Melt butter in large skillet
3. Add celery, onion, salt, pepper and poultry seasoning. Stir.
4. Add in sausage and bread crumbs and stir.
5. Add enough water to moisten - approximately 1/2 cup.
6. Stuff bird and put excess stuffing in baking dish and bake until hot.

Happened to us in 1994.  Since then we've gone our separate ways on holidays.  Doesn't bother me; it's actually less hassle and risk to stay at home.

This.  I have nothing but happy memories of Thanksgiving.



Other than in 1986, when I got a horrible case of strep throat and couldn't eat dinner.  But I got to watch the Packers slaughter the Lions.  



 

You know, I think the worst Thanksgiving that I can remember is eating Thanksgiving dinner in various chow halls in some remote part of the world and even then, they did a pretty good job at it considering what they had to work with and how many they had to serve.

About 20 years ago my then mother in law was going to bring the ham.

The stupid woman shows up with nothing.
She says
Oh ... I was thinking we’d just go to the store when I got here.

Needles to say I had to phone around and find an open store .... Asian one like 20 miles away.... just to get a fuckin POS canned ham.
It was an awesome day

if only.

My Grandmother would leave the room cussing if anyone turned on the Cowboys game because Jerry Jones fired Tom Landry.

When Gecko45 was 12, he slipped on the tile floor we just mopped, and landed on the back of his head - 8 stitches and no thanksgiving dinner
Another year the MIL, her car and the turkey in her trunk, went on the bi-polar parkway and it took us 3 hours to locate her and another 2 to get her, the car and the Turkey back to safety.

Couldn't he just beat off to Spankwire, or RedTube, or NewbieNudes, or Fuq, or Pornhub, or any other site like a normal teen??

C'mon man, 5 second rule!

Me too. I get to hear the story every year.

Welcome to my Holidays.  Up until recently, the in-law's houses were too small (one or two great grandparents - more on that later, two parents; four children and their SO's; five grandchildren; and numerous other ex's, future ex's, and other assorted, random family members); a lot of deaths, divorces, and relocations thinned the ranks of attendees.  Rain or shine, 30-degrees or 70-degrees, I took to eating on the front porch just to have a place to sit/stand/rest my food.  If you found a seat inside and got up to get something, then chances were that seat wouldn't be there when you returned.  The cold wasn't so bad; at least the can drinks left on the front porch would also be cold.  And, there was fresh air outside as enough people were smoking inside (for a while my wife was the only one in her family that did NOT smoke) that you could cut the smoke in the air with a knife.  Finally since my wife and I had the only college degrees in the family, there would be some comment tossed about how we were above our raising, too uppity for the rest of the family, were the rich family members, etc.

Back to the grandparents.  The grandmother was the one you had really had to watch as while she couldn't cook, she would sample EVERYTHING while it was cooking or after it had finished cooking.  The problem was that she sampled with fingers and she NEVER washed her hands.  You had to be on the lookout for foods such as cakes that had pinch marks on them and avoid them at all costs.

Yep, fun times are ahead.  I can't believe another Holiday Season has rolled around.

James

Thanksgiving Day 1997.  We were having dinner at my Aunt's house.  My Dad went in the other room to take a phone call.  Shortly after that he told my Mom my brother and I that we were leaving.  When we got home my Dad told us he had lung cancer.  Three months later he was gone.  I was 17.  Pretty much ruined the Holidays for me ever since.

We went to shoot clay birds and my cousins Mossburg bolt shotgun jammed up and he could not shoot anymore.

MIL (who used to be a good cook), has, shall we say "Slipped off her game" a little in the last few years.....Making for an epic fun time about 5 years ago, at Thanksgiving diner.

I had been telling the wife (pleading, actually) that "Mom's" cooking wasn't quite right on recent samplings, but was "Assured" that I was just being "fussy" or "Unkind" about it.

Well we had been having the holiday meals at our house, or some of the other relative's houses, and it came time for the MIL to have Thanksgiving at her place. I protested, and suggested that we should have it at our house instead...seeing as "Mom" had moved into a senior living apartment complex, and that there wouldn't be enough room at her place......All to no avail. The wife assured me that "Mom's cooking is fine, and it's just us & our daughters going over there anyway!" So off we drove, "Over the hills and far away!" (1 hour drive through the snow covered roads) to Grandma's house (Apartment).

After we got there & said our hello's, "Mom" said "Everythings just about ready, We just need to finish things up!"  I look up to see my daughters frantically waving at me from the kitchen pass through. "Sounds good Mom, I'll just go check up on things! You sit here and talk to the wife."

What awaited me (Us) in that kitchen was nothing short of a crime scene.

The turkey....The fully stuffed turkey, was sitting...no >Floating< it what we (The daughters and I)  have come to refer as the "Turkey Hot Tub"  
Picture a fully stuffed turkey in an electric roaster....filled to the rim with water....NOT BROTH, NOT JUICES, FUCKING WATER!
I was speechless! But the horror had just begun!
The "Rest" of the stuffing was still "Cooking" in the oven...and had been for the past 3 hours!
There was a large pot of "Mashed" potatoes cooking on the stovetop. If you have ever cooked potatoes for too long and they turn into soup...Well that x 100 and you know what I was looking at.
Lifting the lid to the next pot, I was just shaking my head when "Mom" said "I cooked some corn too!"  It had been on about as long as the stuffing or potatoes had.

My daughters just started asking "What are we going to do Dad?"  My oldest staring in dis-belief, my youngest starting to giggle uncontrollably.

Now I'm no chef...But I'd like to think (and I've been told) that I'm a darn good cook.
But I'm no miracle worker!

I (we) did what we could, and ate what we could, but that was the LAST dinner of her's I'll ever eat willingly.

The wife got a severe "Talking to" on the way home, and I remind her of this "little adventure" anytime she even thinks about letting "Mom" cook anything for anything.

Tall Shadow

my whole family is pretty much a train wreck, but my mom's sisters, well they were some especially ignorant, obnoxious loud mouthed bitches... the last family gathering at our house ended abruptly when one of them intentionally broke a brand new kitchen chair while the other one laughed about it...

my dad had reached his breaking point and told sister #1 to leave... she looked at him, dumbfounded, and asked him "are you telling me to leave?"...  my dad responded "yes, you fat cunt. get out.".  when he said that, the other sister asked "did you call her a fat cunt?"  to which the old man replied "yes, you fatter cunt. you get the fuck out too."  

hilarity ensued

Only bad thanksgiving I can think of is drinking too much the night before and going over my moms house. She took care of severely mentally disabled people and had brought one of them home with her. He couldn't chew so everything had to be pureed and he could barely feed himself so it kind of got all of the place. I felt bad for the guy and feel bad for mentally disabled people but not really the thing I wanted to watch while hungover as all hell and trying to eat.

Not my family but such a gem

Got served with divorce papers on Thanksgiving.

Seriously, who the fuck does that?

I've got two!!!!





About eight years ago the then girlfriend/mother of my daughter and I had moved into our first "house" (it was a rental with a small galley kitchen). This was going to be our first Thanksgiving at our house, so we wanted it to be awesome (she's an amazing cook). We decided to brine our turkey, and she made all the sides from scratch (when we would go to my Mothers house she would pull out the frozen green beans, etc. you get the idea). Put the turkey in and everything was great, when it was time to pull the turkey I get the call "turkey's ready can you take it out of the oven?". Now when I say this is a galley kitchen I mean it, when the door to the oven is open you had maybe a foot and a half of clearance to the cabinet opposite of the oven (tight!!!!!!!).



So, I pop open the oven door, reach in and realize "holy shit there's alot of drippings in this shitty aluminum pan", figured "I'd be careful" pulling it out. Well, as I'm standing to the side of the oven (remember there's no room in this kitchen), I start to carefully pull this 25+lb turkey in a shitty aluminum pan, filled with drippings out of the oven, as you can guess the pan crumpled up around the turkey which created a giant funnel that sent all the drippings into the oven and all over the floor.



A giant fireball erupted out of the oven the moment the drippings hit the oven, which sent me reeling backwards and in escape mode, but due to the fact I was in my stocking feet and the floor was now covered in hot turkey grease, my back pedaling was simply comedy for the onlookers. At that point the only thing running through my mind was "save the turkey, save the cheerleader, I mean yourself!!!!!!!!".



Luckily, I was able to avoid the huge fireball ball that threatened to burn me alive, we had an awesome turkey that didn't end up on the floor, and we have a hilarious story we can look back on and laugh about forever  Oh, and I had the bright idea to "self clean the oven that night and it was like a uganda necklasing in our house.
Second:



Last year-



It's Thanksgiving, and we invite my Mother, my Grandmother and my wife's daughter to the meal. I have to pick up the "step-monster", I mean daughter because even at twenty she still doesn't drive. An hour and a half later (round trip), everything's going great, the kids are hanging out and eating horse doovers and we're just waiting on my Mom and Grandmother to show up when all of a sudden......................................





Step-monster starts screaming in pain, holding her side and is crumpled up like a potato bug!!!!!!!!! Now, mind you my wife is a nurse, so she automatically "asses" the situation and decides to take the monster to the E.R. Well, now it's just "ME". I don't know shit from shinola about what the fuk is going on with this meal (I cut up the bird, that's my job). So, once the step-monster is admitted the wife unit calls and I relieve her.



I spend the next six hours in the E.D. while they test her for pretty much everything, to finally conclude she had a cyst on her ovary explode. When I finally made it home I grabbed a handful of turkey and made myself a stiff ass drink (thank you vodka), and decided that................Ah fuck it, it's just another crazy tale that we will remember forever!!!!!!!!!!!
Happy Thanksgiving, and God bless!!!!!!!!!!!

Your first story killed me. Literally tears in my eyes, waking up my wife laughing. As to your second portion, my condolences. I can't imagine having the holidays ripped apart by tragedy like that.

We had thanksgiving tonight. 90 year old uncle ended up in ER. He is getting CT scan now. At least it is quite in this ER. The drama queens are not out tonight.

So much for a quite night. A crack whore looking lady just came into the ER and barfed all over the registration clerk; and Juan Valdez came in wanting to see a doctor and he can't speak a word of English.

Now the urban camper reeking of alcohol and urine came in wanting to know if the cafeteria is open.

Being a registration clerk in the ER must suck.