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Quoted: Quoted: I miss McUzi. Anybody remember McUzi.com? The best was after McUzi.com; when McUzi got torn up, eaten and digested by the Beer Jager crew on the original F-A.com. That was brutal, and after the Americorps shit came out, McUzi was done. I wish I still had photos of him doing his Americorps thing. I think I remember photos of his fat ass giving black kids Popsicles as an Americorp commando. Which is weird because he was such a huge racist.
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Quoted: I tried to join his club one time then he dissapeared Wait, there was a club wasn't there? I think you just jogged my memory about it. |
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Quoted:
So like usual, I've had a few drinks sitting in front of a microphone. This is never a winning combination (or always, I can never figure it out), but I don't care. Plus when I'm drinking I don't care about sidechain de-essing or professionalism I recorded the infamous McUzi rant. I did it in one take (sans deleting a cough), and I've been drinking, so deal with it. Please right click -> save as to save bandwith. http://bit.ly/9HbXl6 (*.mp3 format) Kap_x, could we get another couple of takes, one in a William Shattner vein and one in, oh I don't know, a Stewie Griffin kind of take? Good practice you know. P.S. Tag in hopes of new versions. |
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Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: I miss McUzi. Anybody remember McUzi.com? The best was after McUzi.com; when McUzi got torn up, eaten and digested by the Beer Jager crew on the original F-A.com. That was brutal, and after the Americorps shit came out, McUzi was done. I wish I still had photos of him doing his Americorps thing. I think I remember photos of his fat ass giving black kids Popsicles as an Americorp commando. Which is weird because he was such a huge racist. When he took down mcuzi.com and the forums he replaced the main page with Lemon Party. The guy was a douche supernova but quite entertaining. Sort of like watching the neighbor's kid set his own house on fire. You feel you should step in and do something but it's just SO fun to watch. |
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The reverb is a nice touch.
Ever thought of doing a pirate shortwave radio broadcast? |
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kap_x: ...quite the cunning linguist.... (wait for it) Ha |
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do i remember mcuzis rant? You should have it tattooed somewhere. |
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Quoted: The reverb is a nice touch. Ever thought of doing a pirate shortwave radio broadcast? Kap has plenty of content that I think could be rebroadcast over a number of venues... (HINT) |
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What was McUzi's time period here? I don't know if I remember seeing him him. IIRC he was gone by the middle of 03' Wow, I can't believe it has been that long. I'm getting old. |
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Quoted: He knows how to get a hold of me. I'll do it. Quoted: The reverb is a nice touch. Ever thought of doing a pirate shortwave radio broadcast? Kap has plenty of content that I think could be rebroadcast over a number of venues... (HINT) |
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The guy that really cracked me up was CampyBob. He was a true master. His "translations" of the idiot who used to run that "other" website used to just destroy me. I don't know if he's still around or not, he used to be mostly on the AK side and I haven't been over there for a long time.
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Link to original thread?
ETA: It reminds me of a much longer version of something I wrote to a Jimmy Spencer fan years ago on a Yahoo! NASCAR board. |
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From what I remember, McUzi was not the original author of that rant. It can be found all over the net in bits and pieces.
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I think CampyBob posts over on assault web, or he did at one time................he did relish skewering those guys on the "other" site, and I used to crack up at his Tent 57 monologues
Quoted:
The guy that really cracked me up was CampyBob. He was a true master. His "translations" of the idiot who used to run that "other" website used to just destroy me. I don't know if he's still around or not, he used to be mostly on the AK side and I haven't been over there for a long time. |
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Quoted: Quoted: The reverb is a nice touch. Ever thought of doing a pirate shortwave radio broadcast? Kap has plenty of content that I think could be rebroadcast over a number of venues... (HINT) If I ever try to make money in broad-/podcasting, I'm making you my production manager |
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Quoted:
I think CampyBob posts over on assault web, or he did at one time................he did relish skewering those guys on the "other" site, and I used to crack up at his Tent 57 monologues Quoted:
The guy that really cracked me up was CampyBob. He was a true master. His "translations" of the idiot who used to run that "other" website used to just destroy me. I don't know if he's still around or not, he used to be mostly on the AK side and I haven't been over there for a long time. I don't know if CampyBob still posts anywhere, but I am on his list of email updates, he had a barn fire that destroyed a bunch of equipment, he has been email updating quite a few guys with the progress of the rebuild and equipment replacement with pics of mown hay etc. It's kinda cool. |
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I remember that. Has he really been gone since 2003? Damn I'm getting old.
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Quoted:
Quoted:
So like usual, I've had a few drinks sitting in front of a microphone. This is never a winning combination (or always, I can never figure it out), but I don't care. Plus when I'm drinking I don't care about sidechain de-essing or professionalism I recorded the infamous McUzi rant. I did it in one take (sans deleting a cough), and I've been drinking, so deal with it. Please right click -> save as to save bandwith. http://bit.ly/9HbXl6 (*.mp3 format) Kap_x, could we get another couple of takes, one in a William Shattner vein and one in, oh I don't know, a Stewie Griffin kind of take? Good practice you know. P.S. Tag in hopes of new versions. I'm thinking a James Earl Jones take would rock but would be long as hell. Good Job Kap_x |
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Mcuzi could be very entertaining, but there is a reason he is gone, a good reason. Same with the guy that played with dolls, and a dozen other guys that were amusing part time, but full time douche's.
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Squallid: pronounce Squaw-lid, not Squay-lid.
Other than that, not bad. |
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Quoted: lol, could you send me a text copy of this? Its different than the one I right-click saved. Here's the version I used: You swine. You vulgar little maggot. You worthless bag of filth. You are a canker. A sore that won't go away. I would rather kiss a slug than be seen with you. You're a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon. You are a bleating foal, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. An insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beast who sired you and then killed himself in recognition of what he had done. Your daddy was a bastard, your mamma was a whore, and you wouldn't be here if the rubber hadn't tore. I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf at the very thought of you. You have all the appeal of a booger. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell? You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood. May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs. You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You're a fool, an ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you. Sheep won't have sex with you––only trash such as yourself. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot. And what meaning do you expect your delusionally self-important statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us? What fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake? You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease, you puerile, one-handed, slack-jawed, drooling, meatslapper. On a good day you're a half-wit. You remind me of drool. You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of a used condom. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go. You smarmy lagerlout git. You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off, pillock. You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish foot-licking twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You gormless crook-pated tosser. You churlish boil-brained clotpole ponce. You cockered bum-bailey poofter. You craven dewberry pisshead cockup pratting naff. You gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You dread-bolted fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill. You are a fiend and a coward, and you have toe jam. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go away forever. I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid, so stupid it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Your writing has to be a troll. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. I'm sorry. I can't go on. This is an epiphany of stupid for me. After this, you may not hear from me again for a while. I don't have enough strength left to deride your ignorant questions and half baked comments about unimportant trivia, or any of the rest of this drivel. Duh. The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. I have snipped away most of what you wrote, because, well... it didn't really say anything...Your attempt at constructing a creative flame was pitiful. I mean, really, stringing together a bunch of insults among a load of babbling was hardly effective... Maybe later in life, after you have learned to read, write, spell, and count, you will have more success. True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we sometimes forget that there are "challenged" persons in this world who find these things more difficult. If I had known, that this was your case then I would have never read your post. It just wouldn't have been "right". Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you. P.S.: You are hypocritical, greedy, violent, malevolent, vengeful, cowardly, deadly, mendacious, meretricious, loathsome, despicable, belligerent, opportunistic, barratrous, contemptible, criminal, fascistic, bigoted, racist, sexist, avaricious, tasteless, idiotic, brain-damaged, imbecilic, insane, arrogant, deceitful, demented, lame, self-righteous, Byzantine, conspiratorial, satanic, fraudulent, libelous, bilious, splenetic, spastic, ignorant, clueless, illegitimate, harmful, destructive, dumb, evasive, double-talking, devious, revisionist, narrow, manipulative, paternalistic, fundamentalist, dogmatic, idolatrous, unethical, cultic, diseased, suppressive, controlling, restrictive, malignant, deceptive, dim, crazy, weird, dystopic, stifling, uncaring, plantigrade, grim, unsympathetic, jargon-spouting, censorious, secretive, aggressive, mind-numbing, abrasive, poisonous, flagrant, self-destructive, abusive, socially-retarded, puerile, clueless, and generally Not Good. |
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New rant added to OP And a damn good one, at that. I cross linked it into a Pit thread. |
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New rant added to OP "I'm guessing that early in life, Hitler met the Jewish version of you, thus explaining his future actions." |
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Quoted:
lol, could you send me a text copy of this? Its different than the one I right-click saved. Here's the version I used: You swine. You vulgar little maggot. You worthless bag of filth.
You are a canker. A sore that won't go away. I would rather kiss a slug than be seen with you. You're a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon. You are a bleating foal, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. An insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beast who sired you and then killed himself in recognition of what he had done. Your daddy was a bastard, your mamma was a whore, and you wouldn't be here if the rubber hadn't tore. I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf at the very thought of you. You have all the appeal of a booger. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell? You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood. May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs. You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You're a fool, an ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you. Sheep won't have sex with you––only trash such as yourself. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot. And what meaning do you expect your delusionally self-important statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us? What fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake? You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease, you puerile, one-handed, slack-jawed, drooling, meatslapper. On a good day you're a half-wit. You remind me of drool. You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of a used condom. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go. You smarmy lagerlout git. You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off, pillock. You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish foot-licking twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You gormless crook-pated tosser. You churlish boil-brained clotpole ponce. You cockered bum-bailey poofter. You craven dewberry pisshead cockup pratting naff. You gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You dread-bolted fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill. You are a fiend and a coward, and you have toe jam. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go away forever. I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid, so stupid it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Your writing has to be a troll. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. I'm sorry. I can't go on. This is an epiphany of stupid for me. After this, you may not hear from me again for a while. I don't have enough strength left to deride your ignorant questions and half baked comments about unimportant trivia, or any of the rest of this drivel. Duh. The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. I have snipped away most of what you wrote, because, well... it didn't really say anything...Your attempt at constructing a creative flame was pitiful. I mean, really, stringing together a bunch of insults among a load of babbling was hardly effective... Maybe later in life, after you have learned to read, write, spell, and count, you will have more success. True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we sometimes forget that there are "challenged" persons in this world who find these things more difficult. If I had known, that this was your case then I would have never read your post. It just wouldn't have been "right". Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you. P.S.: You are hypocritical, greedy, violent, malevolent, vengeful, cowardly, deadly, mendacious, meretricious, loathsome, despicable, belligerent, opportunistic, barratrous, contemptible, criminal, fascistic, bigoted, racist, sexist, avaricious, tasteless, idiotic, brain-damaged, imbecilic, insane, arrogant, deceitful, demented, lame, self-righteous, Byzantine, conspiratorial, satanic, fraudulent, libelous, bilious, splenetic, spastic, ignorant, clueless, illegitimate, harmful, destructive, dumb, evasive, double-talking, devious, revisionist, narrow, manipulative, paternalistic, fundamentalist, dogmatic, idolatrous, unethical, cultic, diseased, suppressive, controlling, restrictive, malignant, deceptive, dim, crazy, weird, dystopic, stifling, uncaring, plantigrade, grim, unsympathetic, jargon-spouting, censorious, secretive, aggressive, mind-numbing, abrasive, poisonous, flagrant, self-destructive, abusive, socially-retarded, puerile, clueless, and generally Not Good. Am I the only one who reads this in a Jean Luc Picard voice in my head? |
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Here's the text I went off of for the second rant:
Your incessant posting of sanctimonious bullshit and self righteous nonsense proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that indeed sometimes the slowest sperm does fertilize the egg... While you may fancy yourself some sort of a "Christian”, I am sure Christ would gleefully leap off the nearest bridge in order to disassociate himself with your holier-than-thou crap. All I can think of when my eyes are burned with the continual lack of quality content of your posts, bible thumping horseshit, and moderator ass-kissing is that another 4 minutes of my life could be potentially wasted should I make the mistake to read whatever you have written. You have dirty clothes, BO, bad breath, and I am quite confident that should one open your top dresser drawer, it would contain skid marked underwear. Your children will grow to be nothing more than felons or beggars due to their genetic lineage. Likely, even your car is a smog machine, and pollutes the earth like you pollute this site. You are a festering infected boil on the ass of gun ownership, and Christianity; with the apparent intelligence of an autistic gnat with downs syndrome. You are the type of weenie that causes people of mutilate themselves, trying to escape the emotional pain that people as worthless as you even exist. Knowing that you are a gun owner, I am strongly leaning towards supporting testing for firearms. The fact that a man who can’t even grasp the insane hypocrisy that exists in your constant barrage of self-sainthood is allowed to own a habiliment of destruction is a fucking social calamity, and needs to be stopped. You cry like a woman, and you have a night-light to fend off boogie men. You dress in drag, and you listen to ABBA. I am guessing that early in life, Hitler encountered the Jewish version of you, thus explaining his future actions. I wish you nothing less then painful pancreatic cancer. Stones in your shoes on long walks, and blisters on your ass as you sit down to shit. Sleepless nights, broken hearts, hurricane damage to your home, sadness, pain, misery, "Out of the Closet” outspoken homosexual children, traffic tickets, loss of loved ones, felony convictions for crimes you didn’t commit, weight gain, stubbed toes, sprained limbs, damage to the transmission of your car on the ONE DAY you really needed it, always having "something in your eye”, having to smell other peoples farts in elevators, long waits at traffic lights, getting laid off from your job, medical bills, having a squib load, then firing a round after it, holes in your socks, underwear that’s too tight, sexual impotence, limb amputation, or any other possible iniquitous event that could harm you as bad as your mere presence harms humanity as a whole. I believe elimination of inutile cocksuckers such as you could bring everyone on this plane of differing views together, for the sole purpose of your eradication. You are living proof that humans can impregnate rodents. I fucking hate you. |
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Anyone have any others? Its not a rant, but try a reading of Ryan's Steakhouse. |
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Quoted: Quoted: Anyone have any others? Its not a rant, but try a reading of Ryan's Steakhouse. Good idea "Arfcom audiobooks" I think that was Piccolo, wasn't it? |
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Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Anyone have any others? Its not a rant, but try a reading of Ryan's Steakhouse. Good idea "Arfcom audiobooks" How about this thread for idears? http://www.ar15.com/forums/topic.html?b=1&f=5&t=842828 |
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HAHAHA, yeah, we had some fun with that website |
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Quoted: Anyone have any others? Please add your flair to my filth... ETA: It was well-liked by HoustonHusker (God rest his soul) so you should do it for him! |
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You doing everyones rants?
Feel free to do a few of mine. My wife would wash my mouth out with soap if I talked like that. |
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1st rant: Brilliant!
2nd rant: Even though shorter, had me laughing my ass off! |
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Emailed rant; from this
If it was actually directed at anyone it has some CoC violations in it; but it was my first try |
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