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Posted: 8/27/2013 7:18:11 AM EDT
[#1]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
To be accurate you may have failed as a husband, but it doesn't follow that you've failed as a father. Big difference. I would suggest that at this point being a great father is far more important of the two. Quote HistoryQuoted:
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Thanks for everyone's thoughts and advice. It's hard because all I've ever wanted was to have a wife and family. I look back and see that we were once happy and just can't see where all that was lost. The hardest thought though in all of this is me having to tell my girls and see the pain in their faces....I'm not afraid to be alone, it's not about that. It's the fact that I feel I've failed as a Dad. Even if I have or not it still doesn't change the way I feel! To be accurate you may have failed as a husband, but it doesn't follow that you've failed as a father. Big difference. I would suggest that at this point being a great father is far more important of the two. Incorrect. A good husband gives way to a good father. If you need an example, consider that single-mother families are ALWAYS f-ed up...when the husband's not there (deadbeat dad, or otherwise) a critical part is missing. |
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Posted: 8/27/2013 7:18:50 AM EDT
[#2]
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Sorry, to hear that. I'm going through the same thing right now with my wife. Luckily we don't have any kids in the situation. We both want it to work out, but feel the separation is needed to work things out. She went to a lawyer, but at this point I don't feel like I need to get one. With the separation you just decide who's gonna pay for what. Which I'm sure I'm going to be screwed on because she only has a part time job and I bring in all the income, but that's how it's been during the marriage as well. You need to get a lawyer. |
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Posted: 8/27/2013 7:21:03 AM EDT
[#3]
Never getting fucking married - Moving to Thailand and having many girlfriends
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Posted: 8/27/2013 7:24:34 AM EDT
[#4]
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More than likely she is. Quote HistoryQuoted:
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but she won't go to counseling of any sort to work out our problems. No cheating, More than likely she is. If not sexually, then at least emotionally...you can bet on it. Chicks are like monkey's; they won't let go of one branch unless they have hold of another. |
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Posted: 8/27/2013 7:26:16 AM EDT
[#5]
Went thru a divorce 6 years ago..if feel for you, but it's time to face the music
 ...time for a lawyer..my ex wanted a separation as well..guaranteed me she wasn't cheating,just needed some time for herself, well guess what, 2 days after she moves out I find out she's been f&**king around on the side for almost a year! 10$ and my right nut says your wife already has been doing the same, it's what they do when they're unhappy. And you will get over it realatively shortly as there are plenty of women to be had
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Posted: 8/27/2013 7:26:43 AM EDT
[#6]
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If you are 100% willing to save your marriage before its actually over: Start with: Love Dare If you are 100% determined to destroy your marriage catastrophically, then follow the above advice. Anything related to that Fireproof crap is destined for failure. Read Firebombed. Worst part is that tripe wraps itself up in Christianity even though it is the exact opposite of what the Bible teaches regarding marriage. |
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Posted: 8/27/2013 7:30:31 AM EDT
[#7]
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What this tells me is that you've already given up on the wife. 
"For better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health," does that not mean anything to either of you??  Quote HistoryQuoted:
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Yes, I know it's another one of these threads. I'm going to talk to a lawyer soon. Long story short, I've done all I know to do to make her happy. We have two young daughters, I'm only concerned with them at this point. I don't want a separation but she won't go to counseling of any sort to work out our problems. No cheating, drinking, etc....just she is an un-happy person. I'm just having a hard time dealing with this!!! I feel lost, like the rug is being pulled out from under me. I can't concentrate at work, at home it's not any better. I'm going to a counselor but it's not a whole lot of help at this point. I know it's not the end of the world but damn it, it sure feels like it sometimes! What this tells me is that you've already given up on the wife.
"For better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health," does that not mean anything to either of you?? This. Divorce is treated as a rite of passage by so many people these days. 
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Posted: 8/27/2013 7:33:23 AM EDT
[#8]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Incorrect. A good husband gives way to a good father. If you need an example, consider that single-mother families are ALWAYS f-ed up...when the husband's not there (deadbeat dad, or otherwise) a critical part is missing. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Thanks for everyone's thoughts and advice. It's hard because all I've ever wanted was to have a wife and family. I look back and see that we were once happy and just can't see where all that was lost. The hardest thought though in all of this is me having to tell my girls and see the pain in their faces....I'm not afraid to be alone, it's not about that. It's the fact that I feel I've failed as a Dad. Even if I have or not it still doesn't change the way I feel! To be accurate you may have failed as a husband, but it doesn't follow that you've failed as a father. Big difference. I would suggest that at this point being a great father is far more important of the two. Incorrect. A good husband gives way to a good father. If you need an example, consider that single-mother families are ALWAYS f-ed up...when the husband's not there (deadbeat dad, or otherwise) a critical part is missing. So if my wife goes insane and is committed so that I can no longer be a good husband, I cease being a good father? 
Clearly the idea is to be both, and being a good husband is part of being a good father, but they are not entirely intertwined. If you are prevented from being a good husband by the actions of your spouse, you can continue to be a good father. |
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Posted: 8/27/2013 7:34:03 AM EDT
[#9]
My wife pulled the same things last thursday, it fucking sucks. Luckily we have no kids.
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Posted: 8/27/2013 7:34:41 AM EDT
[#10]
Being "unhappy" is par for the course in marriage. In marriages that last, there's a loyalty to the institution of marriage (or to a Higher Power) that transcends focus on the self or unhappiness with the partner as a person. This is something that has to be considered before you get married. Pick a partner that is not preoccupied with the "me." If you find that you have made a mistake in this regard, divorce and try again, using the wisdom that you have acquired. BTW, "love" (infatuation) shouldn't be much of a factor in this. Perhaps the old system, where marriages were arranged by families, which then acted as a support framework, was better for society in the long run. If all you want is sex, it's far cheaper just to visit hookers.
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Posted: 8/27/2013 7:35:28 AM EDT
[#11]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
This. Divorce is treated as a rite of passage by so many people these days. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Yes, I know it's another one of these threads. I'm going to talk to a lawyer soon. Long story short, I've done all I know to do to make her happy. We have two young daughters, I'm only concerned with them at this point. I don't want a separation but she won't go to counseling of any sort to work out our problems. No cheating, drinking, etc....just she is an un-happy person. I'm just having a hard time dealing with this!!! I feel lost, like the rug is being pulled out from under me. I can't concentrate at work, at home it's not any better. I'm going to a counselor but it's not a whole lot of help at this point. I know it's not the end of the world but damn it, it sure feels like it sometimes! What this tells me is that you've already given up on the wife.
"For better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health," does that not mean anything to either of you?? This. Divorce is treated as a rite of passage by so many people these days. Question for the guys in this camp: When is divorce justified? Surely there are some circumstances. When a partner has decided to no longer honor the vows to love, honor, cherish and respect, why do you expect the other to be bound by the same vows? At what point is being taken advantage of and used enough? Just curious. |
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Posted: 8/27/2013 7:35:44 AM EDT
[#12]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Sorry, to hear that. I'm going through the same thing right now with my wife. Luckily we don't have any kids in the situation. We both want it to work out, but feel the separation is needed to work things out. She went to a lawyer, but at this point I don't feel like I need to get one. With the separation you just decide who's gonna pay for what. Which I'm sure I'm going to be screwed on because she only has a part time job and I bring in all the income, but that's how it's been during the marriage as well. I am in the exact same situation, except I have a 2 year old son.
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Posted: 8/27/2013 7:35:49 AM EDT
[#13]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
This. Divorce is treated as a rite of passage by so many people these days. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Yes, I know it's another one of these threads. I'm going to talk to a lawyer soon. Long story short, I've done all I know to do to make her happy. We have two young daughters, I'm only concerned with them at this point. I don't want a separation but she won't go to counseling of any sort to work out our problems. No cheating, drinking, etc....just she is an un-happy person. I'm just having a hard time dealing with this!!! I feel lost, like the rug is being pulled out from under me. I can't concentrate at work, at home it's not any better. I'm going to a counselor but it's not a whole lot of help at this point. I know it's not the end of the world but damn it, it sure feels like it sometimes! What this tells me is that you've already given up on the wife.
"For better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health," does that not mean anything to either of you?? This. Divorce is treated as a rite of passage by so many people these days. I don't want a divorce. I meant my vows when I said them and I've stood by and still stand by them!!! I haven't given up on her, in fact, just the opposite. She's the one who's given up on the marriage. I've been going to counseling on my own, I tried to get her to go even if it wasn't together at first. |
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Posted: 8/27/2013 7:41:09 AM EDT
[#14]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
More than likely she is. Quote HistoryQuoted:
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but she won't go to counseling of any sort to work out our problems. No cheating, More than likely she is. Si |
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Posted: 8/27/2013 7:41:36 AM EDT
[#15]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I don't want a divorce. I meant my vows when I said them and I've stood by and still stand by them!!! I haven't given up on her, in fact, just the opposite. She's the one who's given up on the marriage. I've been going to counseling on my own, I tried to get her to go even if it wasn't together at first. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Yes, I know it's another one of these threads. I'm going to talk to a lawyer soon. Long story short, I've done all I know to do to make her happy. We have two young daughters, I'm only concerned with them at this point. I don't want a separation but she won't go to counseling of any sort to work out our problems. No cheating, drinking, etc....just she is an un-happy person. I'm just having a hard time dealing with this!!! I feel lost, like the rug is being pulled out from under me. I can't concentrate at work, at home it's not any better. I'm going to a counselor but it's not a whole lot of help at this point. I know it's not the end of the world but damn it, it sure feels like it sometimes! What this tells me is that you've already given up on the wife.
"For better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health," does that not mean anything to either of you?? This. Divorce is treated as a rite of passage by so many people these days. I don't want a divorce. I meant my vows when I said them and I've stood by and still stand by them!!! I haven't given up on her, in fact, just the opposite. She's the one who's given up on the marriage. I've been going to counseling on my own, I tried to get her to go even if it wasn't together at first. My comment was aimed moreso at her. Particularly in the work environment, women seem to band together and air their unhappiness. If there is one divorcee among them, the rest eventually fall like dominoes. YMMV |
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Posted: 8/27/2013 7:42:21 AM EDT
[#16]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
If you are 100% determined to destroy your marriage catastrophically, then follow the above advice. Anything related to that Fireproof crap is destined for failure. Read Firebombed. Worst part is that tripe wraps itself up in Christianity even though it is the exact opposite of what the Bible teaches regarding marriage. To the OP: Read the reviews on Amazon for yourself. I would normally bother wasting 30 minutes to reply to a hackjob of an article but the sheer volume of positive responses to the book over one guy's hit piece really speaks louder than any single post I could make. Not to mention there are men AND women who have done the dare and have posted their outcomes. But who would bother with such silliness like actually doing something for your spouse when its so much easier to extrapolate 2 women to entire gender/grouping and arm-chair quarterback a MOVIE . . . Hostis, thanks for the laugh. I find his opening statement of "I should acknowledge that I run the risk of creating a straw man of their argument, but these points were made by them." really sets the tone for the entire article. Maybe a less-biased approach would be more . . . convincing? "No woman who watched the movie would fail to get this overriding message. If you aren’t haaaapy, threaten divorce and let high status men compete for your heart!" That's odd. My sample size of "christian women" is approximately 10 times larger than "Dalrock's". I didn't once hear this comment made. But by all means, tell the guy to ditch his wife, that he should only care about #1, and lawyer up so she doesn't get any of HIS money. After all, if she wasn't putting out 24/7, making sandwiches morning noon and night, and keeping the house/gun collection clean and preparing the zombie outbreak/fallout/post-apocalyptic shelter then she CLEARLY isn't worth the time. Vows were just a way to get in her pants on demand. I, for one, LOVE my wife more than that and our marriage is a 100/100% effort. Not I bring half and she brings half. |
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Posted: 8/27/2013 7:45:30 AM EDT
[#17]
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Love Dare has nothing to do with her. It has everything to do with the actions you take. It's a one-sided book which is the "dare" part. And its not so much a book as it is instructions. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
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If you are 100% willing to save your marriage before its actually over: Start with: Love Dare If she decides to stay and try it out for awhile: Love and Respect I want to save my marriage 100%, I would walk to the ends of the Earth.....I still love my wife! But I can't make her change and I've worked on my marriage all I can on my end. She refuses to get any help. Love Dare has nothing to do with her. It has everything to do with the actions you take. It's a one-sided book which is the "dare" part. And its not so much a book as it is instructions. I understand that and will check the book out, at this point it can't hurt and only help! |
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Posted: 8/27/2013 7:45:36 AM EDT
[#18]
Start on the below page and then keep clicking to the next article as you end the page. I promise you, it will be enlightening and might even save your marriage.
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3100_how.html |
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Posted: 8/27/2013 7:46:23 AM EDT
[#19]
Sorry, OP. I have nothing to add besides good wishes.
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I'm 28, and every day my decision to remain a bachelor forever solidifies even more. Sorry, but I think that's a really dumb response. It's like saying "I'll never get a dog I love because it will die." "I'll never travel abroad because I've seen people get hurt." "I'll never drive a car because I might get in an accident" (you get the idea) Yes, there's a bit of risk, but there's a huge upside as well. There are happily married people out there, but we generally don't start a thread in GD about it once a week. Maybe we should? The most obvious thing is doing your due diligence on a partner like you would on anything else. People don't buy a car or pick a college without doing some research and giving it some thought. I've seen so many people get married without thinking about their partners attributes, though, and what they will be like after the wedding. What does her mom look like? How do her parents get along? What things do you find desirable in a person 20+ years from now? (hint: it probably won't be shopping, dressing up or somebody that spends two hours a day getting 'made up') I would take personality any day over looks (within reason of course). When you're 90 years old and watching what might be your last sunset - do you want to be alone, be with someone 'high maintenance' or someone you actually enjoy talking to? Living a life alone hardly seems like a "win." |
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Posted: 8/27/2013 7:47:58 AM EDT
[#20]
Quoted:
Yes, I know it's another one of these threads. I'm going to talk to a lawyer soon. Long story short, I've done all I know to do to make her happy. We have two young daughters, I'm only concerned with them at this point. I don't want a separation but she won't go to counseling of any sort to work out our problems. No cheating, drinking, etc....just she is an un-happy person. I'm just having a hard time dealing with this!!! I feel lost, like the rug is being pulled out from under me. I can't concentrate at work, at home it's not any better. I'm going to a counselor but it's not a whole lot of help at this point. I know it's not the end of the world but damn it, it sure feels like it sometimes! Hey, OP. Sounds like you're gonna be ok! Just push to eject, and get a good lawyer. Separation at this time is just a waste of time. Your problems will only compound from here if you try to stick around. |
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Posted: 8/27/2013 7:49:55 AM EDT
[#21]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
So if my wife goes insane and is committed so that I can no longer be a good husband, I cease being a good father?
Clearly the idea is to be both, and being a good husband is part of being a good father, but they are not entirely intertwined. If you are prevented from being a good husband by the actions of your spouse, you can continue to be a good father. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Thanks for everyone's thoughts and advice. It's hard because all I've ever wanted was to have a wife and family. I look back and see that we were once happy and just can't see where all that was lost. The hardest thought though in all of this is me having to tell my girls and see the pain in their faces....I'm not afraid to be alone, it's not about that. It's the fact that I feel I've failed as a Dad. Even if I have or not it still doesn't change the way I feel! To be accurate you may have failed as a husband, but it doesn't follow that you've failed as a father. Big difference. I would suggest that at this point being a great father is far more important of the two. Incorrect. A good husband gives way to a good father. If you need an example, consider that single-mother families are ALWAYS f-ed up...when the husband's not there (deadbeat dad, or otherwise) a critical part is missing. So if my wife goes insane and is committed so that I can no longer be a good husband, I cease being a good father?
Clearly the idea is to be both, and being a good husband is part of being a good father, but they are not entirely intertwined. If you are prevented from being a good husband by the actions of your spouse, you can continue to be a good father. Can you make your point without resorting to a strawman, or not? |
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Posted: 8/27/2013 7:51:44 AM EDT
[#22]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Sorry, OP. I have nothing to add besides good wishes. Sorry, but I think that's a really dumb response. It's like saying "I'll never get a dog I love because it will die." "I'll never travel abroad because I've seen people get hurt." "I'll never drive a car because I might get in an accident" (you get the idea) Yes, there's a bit of risk, but there's a huge upside as well. There are happily married people out there, but we generally don't start a thread in GD about it once a week. Maybe we should? The most obvious thing is doing your due diligence on a partner like you would on anything else. People don't buy a car or pick a college without doing some research and giving it some thought. I've seen so many people get married without thinking about their partners attributes, though, and what they will be like after the wedding. What does her mom look like? How do her parents get along? What things do you find desirable in a person 20+ years from now? (hint: it probably won't be shopping, dressing up or somebody that spends two hours a day getting 'made up') I would take personality any day over looks (within reason of course). When you're 90 years old and watching what might be your last sunset - do you want to be alone, be with someone 'high maintenance' or someone you actually enjoy talking to? Living a life alone hardly seems like a "win." Quote HistoryQuoted:
Sorry, OP. I have nothing to add besides good wishes. Quoted:
I'm 28, and every day my decision to remain a bachelor forever solidifies even more. Sorry, but I think that's a really dumb response. It's like saying "I'll never get a dog I love because it will die." "I'll never travel abroad because I've seen people get hurt." "I'll never drive a car because I might get in an accident" (you get the idea) Yes, there's a bit of risk, but there's a huge upside as well. There are happily married people out there, but we generally don't start a thread in GD about it once a week. Maybe we should? The most obvious thing is doing your due diligence on a partner like you would on anything else. People don't buy a car or pick a college without doing some research and giving it some thought. I've seen so many people get married without thinking about their partners attributes, though, and what they will be like after the wedding. What does her mom look like? How do her parents get along? What things do you find desirable in a person 20+ years from now? (hint: it probably won't be shopping, dressing up or somebody that spends two hours a day getting 'made up') I would take personality any day over looks (within reason of course). When you're 90 years old and watching what might be your last sunset - do you want to be alone, be with someone 'high maintenance' or someone you actually enjoy talking to? Living a life alone hardly seems like a "win." A 50% failure rate of marriages is too high a risk to tolerate. |
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Posted: 8/27/2013 7:52:26 AM EDT
[#23]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Question for the guys in this camp: When is divorce justified? Surely there are some circumstances. When a partner has decided to no longer honor the vows to love, honor, cherish and respect, why do you expect the other to be bound by the same vows? At what point is being taken advantage of and used enough? Just curious. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Yes, I know it's another one of these threads. I'm going to talk to a lawyer soon. Long story short, I've done all I know to do to make her happy. We have two young daughters, I'm only concerned with them at this point. I don't want a separation but she won't go to counseling of any sort to work out our problems. No cheating, drinking, etc....just she is an un-happy person. I'm just having a hard time dealing with this!!! I feel lost, like the rug is being pulled out from under me. I can't concentrate at work, at home it's not any better. I'm going to a counselor but it's not a whole lot of help at this point. I know it's not the end of the world but damn it, it sure feels like it sometimes! What this tells me is that you've already given up on the wife.
"For better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health," does that not mean anything to either of you?? This. Divorce is treated as a rite of passage by so many people these days. Question for the guys in this camp: When is divorce justified? Surely there are some circumstances. When a partner has decided to no longer honor the vows to love, honor, cherish and respect, why do you expect the other to be bound by the same vows? At what point is being taken advantage of and used enough? Just curious. Marital unfaithfulness, for one. If one party tries to murder/harm/abuse the other, for another. I think that covers the majority of divorce-worthy problems; the small percent of other divorce-worthy instances can be addressed on a case-by-cases basis. |
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Posted: 8/27/2013 7:56:48 AM EDT
[#24]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
A 50% failure rate of marriages is too high a risk to tolerate. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Sorry, OP. I have nothing to add besides good wishes. Quoted:
I'm 28, and every day my decision to remain a bachelor forever solidifies even more. Sorry, but I think that's a really dumb response. It's like saying "I'll never get a dog I love because it will die." "I'll never travel abroad because I've seen people get hurt." "I'll never drive a car because I might get in an accident" (you get the idea) Yes, there's a bit of risk, but there's a huge upside as well. There are happily married people out there, but we generally don't start a thread in GD about it once a week. Maybe we should? The most obvious thing is doing your due diligence on a partner like you would on anything else. People don't buy a car or pick a college without doing some research and giving it some thought. I've seen so many people get married without thinking about their partners attributes, though, and what they will be like after the wedding. What does her mom look like? How do her parents get along? What things do you find desirable in a person 20+ years from now? (hint: it probably won't be shopping, dressing up or somebody that spends two hours a day getting 'made up') I would take personality any day over looks (within reason of course). When you're 90 years old and watching what might be your last sunset - do you want to be alone, be with someone 'high maintenance' or someone you actually enjoy talking to? Living a life alone hardly seems like a "win." A 50% failure rate of marriages is too high a risk to tolerate. If you're part of the lower 50% of the population who is too weak to bother trying to uphold a marriage, then yes- do not marry. No need to draw another person down to your level. |
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Posted: 8/27/2013 7:57:27 AM EDT
[#25]
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Sorry man. Yeah, I'm sorry, too, and hope she comes to her senses and makes an effort with counseling. |
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Posted: 8/27/2013 8:02:15 AM EDT
[#26]
I feel for ya.
You can't fix them. Just try to stay sane. |
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Posted: 8/27/2013 8:05:23 AM EDT
[#27]
As some others have already said, lawyer up. Now!
Also, do not move out until you have consulted with your attorney. Do not do anything until you do, other than get your guns out of the house. Do it when she is not there and do not tell her, but get them the hell out. ETA: if you do go through with a divorce, get a PO box ASAP. Use this for all of your legal correspondence. Do not use your home address. |
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Posted: 8/27/2013 8:05:49 AM EDT
[#28]
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If you are 100% willing to save your marriage before its actually over: Start with: Love Dare If she decides to stay and try it out for awhile: Love and Respect In the midst of a lot of BS, this is some actually good advice. Not everything is rosy in a marriage my wife and I talked some about getting a divorce when the kids were young, we were broke and it seemed like they only way forward. But the fact is 30 years ago I stood in front of God, my family and my best friends and promised them and my wife that I would love her as my wife until I died. I intend to keep that promise. I don't know you or your wife, but obviously at one point in your life you loved each other enough to make a similar promise. I hope you get some help. |
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Posted: 8/27/2013 8:06:27 AM EDT
[#29]
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A 50% failure rate of marriages is too high a risk to tolerate. Agreed. I thought I was too clever and would never be in that category but it happened to me too. No idea how much spent on the custody fight, maybe $40K. Ended up with a joint custody. Advice: Don't move out, big mistake. Don't get a lawyer, they will rape you worse than the ex. Establish your credentials as a father. Liberal no-fault divorce laws. Did you know 80% of divorces are initiated by women? Marriage in US is the most risky thing you can do and the surest path to a disaster, taking 50/50 with your life. I used to think otherwise obviously. The best book on the subject is: Taken Into Custody: The War Against Fathers, Marriage, and the Family http://www.amazon.com/Taken-Into-Custody-Against-Marriage/dp/1581825943/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1377619208&sr=8-1&keywords=taken+into+custody |
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Posted: 8/27/2013 8:07:30 AM EDT
[#30]
Does she use Facebook alot? Or hand on her smartphone alot? If so she most likely met someone else.
Facebook is the tool of Satan when it comes to married women. . Guys from her past and friends of friends Co start tly troll for women on there. |
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Posted: 8/27/2013 8:08:11 AM EDT
[#31]
Quote HistoryQuoted: More than likely she is. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: but she won't go to counseling of any sort to work out our problems. No cheating, More than likely she is. After she moved out, found the phone records. There WAS someone else. She was calling her ex bf in NY for months and I had NO CLUE... NONE! and sure enough, as soon as she bailed she moved right on in with him. Now I am not saying your wife is cheating but anyone who is willing to leave her husband AND CHILDREN leaves a lot to be questioned. Anyone who says they are not happy and are willing to leave when kids are involved are selfish and what the hell do you want selfish people in your life for? Look, My bride and I have three kids and it is never always a walk through the park. Yes there are days she is not happy as there are days that I am not happy. I can tell you that thoughts of leaving never entered into the equation. My condolences. |
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Posted: 8/27/2013 8:09:05 AM EDT
[#32]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Move out and file for a divorce. Start planning your future, make tons of room in it for your daughters. |
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Posted: 8/27/2013 8:09:10 AM EDT
[#33]
Hang in there OP.....this too will pass. Any chance of reconciliation?
ETA: If you want to keep her, make sure she knows it. FIGHT TOOTH AND NAIL WITH EVERYTHING YOU HAVE! I wish you the best of luck. |
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Posted: 8/27/2013 8:11:55 AM EDT
[#34]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Can you make your point without resorting to a strawman, or not? You are the one saying you can't be a good father without being a good husband. While they are certainly heavily related there are situations where it is impossible to be a good husband but still be a good father. Not ideal, but it is possible. |
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Posted: 8/27/2013 8:13:41 AM EDT
[#35]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Yes it was....it's also very true in my situation. I've caved in to her way too many times. I do believe this is one of the reasons why I'm at this point. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Yes, I know it's another one of these threads. I'm going to talk to a lawyer soon. Long story short, I've done all I know to do to make her happy. First lesson in Game 101: Stop trying to make her happy. She's un-happy because you're trying to "make her happy," which means you're supplicating to her. That makes you appear emasculated in her eyes, and causes her to no longer be sexually attracted to you. It's called shit-testing. She doesn't actually want you to cave when she bitches. Women like men who lead them and don't let them be pushed around by female hormonal mood swings. I learned this the hard way when my ex-wife decided to have an affair for no reason other than she was "un-happy." Why was she un-happy? No logical reason. Throw logic out the window when dealing with women. Study game. Good place to start is Dalrock's blog. Als read the Spearhead. Learn and apply. Good advice. Yes it was....it's also very true in my situation. I've caved in to her way too many times. I do believe this is one of the reasons why I'm at this point. |
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Posted: 8/27/2013 8:13:47 AM EDT
[#36]
Unhappiness is a lifestyle choice, most of the time.
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Posted: 8/27/2013 8:15:40 AM EDT
[#37]
you might also want to lean really hard on your wife that she can "just be unhappy" all she wants, but to NOT teach your daughters to grow up to be miserable bitches like she is.
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Posted: 8/27/2013 8:15:59 AM EDT
[#38]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
More than likely she is. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
but she won't go to counseling of any sort to work out our problems. No cheating, More than likely she is. This, sorry but she is. |
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Posted: 8/27/2013 8:17:38 AM EDT
[#39]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
You are the one saying you can't be a good father without being a good husband. While they are certainly heavily related there are situations where it is impossible to be a good husband but still be a good father. Not ideal, but it is possible. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Can you make your point without resorting to a strawman, or not? You are the one saying you can't be a good father without being a good husband. While they are certainly heavily related there are situations where it is impossible to be a good husband but still be a good father. Not ideal, but it is possible. Saying it is "not ideal" is a gross understatement. |
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Posted: 8/27/2013 8:18:16 AM EDT
[#40]
Quote HistoryQuoted: What this tells me is that you've already given up on the wife. "For better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health," does that not mean anything to either of you?? Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Yes, I know it's another one of these threads. I'm going to talk to a lawyer soon. Long story short, I've done all I know to do to make her happy. We have two young daughters, I'm only concerned with them at this point. I don't want a separation but she won't go to counseling of any sort to work out our problems. No cheating, drinking, etc....just she is an un-happy person. I'm just having a hard time dealing with this!!! I feel lost, like the rug is being pulled out from under me. I can't concentrate at work, at home it's not any better. I'm going to a counselor but it's not a whole lot of help at this point. I know it's not the end of the world but damn it, it sure feels like it sometimes! What this tells me is that you've already given up on the wife. "For better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health," does that not mean anything to either of you?? First of all, there is a whole lot of time covered that is condensed into 1.5 paragraphs so it is unfair to judge by ONE sentence. Second, I am like you with the "better or worse..." however, when one wants to leave, how much more can the other one do to stick to the vows? He said he tried to get her to counseling, but she wont go. Did you miss that part? |
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Posted: 8/27/2013 8:18:28 AM EDT
[#41]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Unhappiness is a lifestyle choice, most of the time. Agreed. |
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Posted: 8/27/2013 8:18:54 AM EDT
[#42]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
A 50% failure rate of marriages is too high a risk to tolerate. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Sorry, OP. I have nothing to add besides good wishes. Quoted:
I'm 28, and every day my decision to remain a bachelor forever solidifies even more. Sorry, but I think that's a really dumb response. It's like saying "I'll never get a dog I love because it will die." "I'll never travel abroad because I've seen people get hurt." "I'll never drive a car because I might get in an accident" (you get the idea) Yes, there's a bit of risk, but there's a huge upside as well. There are happily married people out there, but we generally don't start a thread in GD about it once a week. Maybe we should? The most obvious thing is doing your due diligence on a partner like you would on anything else. People don't buy a car or pick a college without doing some research and giving it some thought. I've seen so many people get married without thinking about their partners attributes, though, and what they will be like after the wedding. What does her mom look like? How do her parents get along? What things do you find desirable in a person 20+ years from now? (hint: it probably won't be shopping, dressing up or somebody that spends two hours a day getting 'made up') I would take personality any day over looks (within reason of course). When you're 90 years old and watching what might be your last sunset - do you want to be alone, be with someone 'high maintenance' or someone you actually enjoy talking to? Living a life alone hardly seems like a "win." A 50% failure rate of marriages is too high a risk to tolerate. It's actually about 40% for first marriages. It's only after factoring in second, third, fourth, etc marriages that the overall average gets dragged down to a 50% failure rate. Still, a 40% failure rate is very significant.
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Posted: 8/27/2013 8:21:30 AM EDT
[#43]
First, consider everything you post here or in your email as going straight to her and her lawyer.
Just finalized mine on May 16th. Once I got through the anguish (and you NEED to get through it--don't embrace it, just get it out) this became a business plan and operation to protect your kids and THEIR assets. Minimize lawyer fees. If you have to eat some shit, do it. This is about what is best for the kids and wrecking either you or your wife's finances won't help anything. My wife cheated on me and rubbed it in my face. I sucked it up, stayed focused on my goal and came out ok. Not many are able to pull this off but it'll save you $20k in the end. Good luck. TC |
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Posted: 8/27/2013 8:22:33 AM EDT
[#44]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute. First of all, there is a whole lot of time covered that is condensed into 1.5 paragraphs so it is unfair to judge by ONE sentence. Second, I am like you with the "better or worse..." however, when one wants to leave, how much more can the other one do to stick to the vows? He said he tried to get her to counseling, but she wont go. Did you miss that part? Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Yes, I know it's another one of these threads. I'm going to talk to a lawyer soon. Long story short, I've done all I know to do to make her happy. We have two young daughters, I'm only concerned with them at this point. I don't want a separation but she won't go to counseling of any sort to work out our problems. No cheating, drinking, etc....just she is an un-happy person. I'm just having a hard time dealing with this!!! I feel lost, like the rug is being pulled out from under me. I can't concentrate at work, at home it's not any better. I'm going to a counselor but it's not a whole lot of help at this point. I know it's not the end of the world but damn it, it sure feels like it sometimes! What this tells me is that you've already given up on the wife.
"For better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health," does that not mean anything to either of you?? First of all, there is a whole lot of time covered that is condensed into 1.5 paragraphs so it is unfair to judge by ONE sentence. Second, I am like you with the "better or worse..." however, when one wants to leave, how much more can the other one do to stick to the vows? He said he tried to get her to counseling, but she wont go. Did you miss that part? I didn't judge by just one sentence; the bolded part was merely the highlight as to why my response was what it was. Counseling is not the only means through which a marriage can be salvaged. That said, he also didn't indicate how hard he tried. Obviously he can not tie her up and take her (crying and screaming) to a therapist, but there's "trying" and then there's trying, if you take my meaning. |
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Posted: 8/27/2013 8:22:34 AM EDT
[#45]
Quote HistoryQuoted: If not sexually, then at least emotionally...you can bet on it. Chicks are like monkey's; they won't let go of one branch unless they have hold of another. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Quoted: but she won't go to counseling of any sort to work out our problems. No cheating, More than likely she is. If not sexually, then at least emotionally...you can bet on it. Chicks are like monkey's; they won't let go of one branch unless they have hold of another. Sadly, I have to agree. I'm going through this right now. Wife was distant, wouldn't talk to me. Found out she was having an affair with co-worker. She fled when confronted. Since you have kids, you really need to talk to an attorney, even if it's just for an initial consultation. |
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Posted: 8/27/2013 8:24:30 AM EDT
[#46]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Unhappiness is a lifestyle choice, most of the time. I've tried explaining that to folks and some just don't get it. I choose to be happy. |
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Posted: 8/27/2013 8:25:35 AM EDT
[#47]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Sorry, OP. I have nothing to add besides good wishes. Sorry, but I think that's a really dumb response. It's like saying "I'll never get a dog I love because it will die." "I'll never travel abroad because I've seen people get hurt." "I'll never drive a car because I might get in an accident" (you get the idea) Yes, there's a bit of risk, but there's a huge upside as well. There are happily married people out there, but we generally don't start a thread in GD about it once a week. Maybe we should? The most obvious thing is doing your due diligence on a partner like you would on anything else. People don't buy a car or pick a college without doing some research and giving it some thought. I've seen so many people get married without thinking about their partners attributes, though, and what they will be like after the wedding. What does her mom look like? How do her parents get along? What things do you find desirable in a person 20+ years from now? (hint: it probably won't be shopping, dressing up or somebody that spends two hours a day getting 'made up') I would take personality any day over looks (within reason of course). When you're 90 years old and watching what might be your last sunset - do you want to be alone, be with someone 'high maintenance' or someone you actually enjoy talking to? Living a life alone hardly seems like a "win." Quote HistoryQuoted: Sorry, OP. I have nothing to add besides good wishes. Quoted: I'm 28, and every day my decision to remain a bachelor forever solidifies even more. Sorry, but I think that's a really dumb response. It's like saying "I'll never get a dog I love because it will die." "I'll never travel abroad because I've seen people get hurt." "I'll never drive a car because I might get in an accident" (you get the idea) Yes, there's a bit of risk, but there's a huge upside as well. There are happily married people out there, but we generally don't start a thread in GD about it once a week. Maybe we should? The most obvious thing is doing your due diligence on a partner like you would on anything else. People don't buy a car or pick a college without doing some research and giving it some thought. I've seen so many people get married without thinking about their partners attributes, though, and what they will be like after the wedding. What does her mom look like? How do her parents get along? What things do you find desirable in a person 20+ years from now? (hint: it probably won't be shopping, dressing up or somebody that spends two hours a day getting 'made up') I would take personality any day over looks (within reason of course). When you're 90 years old and watching what might be your last sunset - do you want to be alone, be with someone 'high maintenance' or someone you actually enjoy talking to? Living a life alone hardly seems like a "win."  Well, unless you die first then.... You know what? Dog relationship is a real marriage huh? That is the TRUE "Til death do you part"  |
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Posted: 8/27/2013 8:27:46 AM EDT
[#48]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Were we separated at birth? I did the same shit. Only when I stopped giving a crap was when she started caring. By that time she was already gone and I moved on with my life. THIS x 1000. Now, my ex says she made a huge mistake. No shit! But, oddly enough, she failed to consult me when she started fucking my friend. TB, SS.
My son is good, I'm good and my finances have never been better. No going back. Moving Moved on. TC |
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Posted: 8/27/2013 8:27:56 AM EDT
[#49]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
If you are 100% determined to destroy your marriage catastrophically, then follow the above advice. Anything related to that Fireproof crap is destined for failure. Read Firebombed. Worst part is that tripe wraps itself up in Christianity even though it is the exact opposite of what the Bible teaches regarding marriage. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
If you are 100% willing to save your marriage before its actually over: Start with: Love Dare If you are 100% determined to destroy your marriage catastrophically, then follow the above advice. Anything related to that Fireproof crap is destined for failure. Read Firebombed. Worst part is that tripe wraps itself up in Christianity even though it is the exact opposite of what the Bible teaches regarding marriage. I read it, rich coming from an atheist |
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Posted: 8/27/2013 8:28:34 AM EDT
[#50]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Yeah, I'm sorry, too, and hope she comes to her senses and makes an effort with counseling. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Sorry man. Yeah, I'm sorry, too, and hope she comes to her senses and makes an effort with counseling. I'm in the same boat as the OP. I'd like to go to counseling with her, but she doesn't want to. She's afraid we'll just get into arguments and it won't fix things. She already sees a therapist about the issues she has. That's part of the reason we have problems. They give out prescription medicines like candy and my wife abused them. It was like being married to a different person when she was on the medicine they gave her. I really don't have much faith in counselling at this point. |
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