Standing by.....

Oh, IBTL
+1

Quoted: it's a fucking pez dispenser U sick fucks!!!!!!

Sure it is.   What's it called?  "The Wookie of Nookie"  or some other swank name like that.

Quoted: Quoted: img.photobucket.com/albums/v133/macandy/holla.jpg  Andy.  You'll go the Hell for this.  Oh, Legs too.

Jesus is my friend, he will understand…

… but just to be sure I'll put another donation in the Charity Box tomorrow.

Andy

did jesus ever have pie?

Quoted: There is no such thing as "buddy christ" There is only the Risen Savior and King of Glory. One day all that treat Him with such contempt will have to face Him. That will not be a pleasant experience.

I don't care if it rains or freezes
As long as I got my plastic Jesus
Ridin' on the dashboard of my car................

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: There is no such thing as "buddy christ" There is only the Risen Savior and King of Glory. One day all that treat Him with such contempt will have to face Him. That will not be a pleasant experience. store2.yimg.com/I/jsbstash_1785_5241059 I don't care if it rains or freezes As long as I got my plastic Jesus Ridin' on the dashboard of my car................ Flaming Lips.  Love their versions (bluegrass and original) I don't care if it rains or freezes Long as I got my plastic Jesus Sittin' on the dashboard of my car Comes in colors, pink and pleasant Glows in the dark, it's iridescent Take it with you when you travel far Get yourself a sweet madonna Dressed in rhinestone, settin' on a Pedestal of Abalone Shells Goin' 90, I ain't scared Cause I got the Virgin Mary Assuring me that I won't go to hell I need to order one for the brassmobile, been riskin it for about 100,000 miles now...

Perhaps this will hold you over 'til you get your car icon:

ARTIST: Ernie Marrs
TITLE: Plastic Jesus



I don't care if it rains of freezes
'Long as I got my Plastic Jesus

Riding on the dashboard of my car.

Through my trials and tribulations

And my travels through the nations

With my Plastic Jesus I'll go far.



 Plastic Jesus! Plastic Jesus,

  Riding on the dashboard of my ca
r
 I'm afraid He'll have to go.

 His magnets ruin my radio

 And if I have a wreck He'll leave a scar.



Riding down a thoroughfare

With His nose up in the air,

A wreck may be ahead, but He don't mind.

Trouble coming He don't see,

He just keeps His eye on me

And any other thing that lies behind.



 Plastic Jesus! Plastic Jesus,

  Riding on the dashboard of my car ...

 Though the sunshine on His back

 Make Him peel, chip and crack,

 A little patching keeps Him up to par.



When I'm in a traffic jam

He don't care if I say "damn"

I can let all my curses roll

Plastic Jesus doesn't hear

'Cause he has a plastic ear

The man who invented plastic saved my soul.



 Plastic Jesus! Plastic Jesus,

 Riding on the dashboard of my car ...

 Once His robe was snowy white,

 Now it isn't quite so bright -

 Stained by the smoke of my cigar.



If I weave around at night,

And policemen think I'm tight,

They never find my bottle - though they ask.

Plastic Jesus shelters me,

For His head comes off, you see

He's hollow, and I use Him for a flask.



 Plastic Jesus! Plastic Jesus,

 Riding on the dashboard of my car ...

 Ride with me and have a dram

 Of the blood of the Lamb -

 Plastic Jesus is a holy bar.




[Plastic Jesus has become quite entrenched in the folk tradition, so there

are considerably more folk verses than there were original ones.  Following
are folk additions and emendations, as well as additions from recording

artists who have covered this song.]



Well, I don't care if it rains or freezes,

Long as I have my plastic Jesus

Riding on the dashboard of my car

I could go a hundred miles an hour

Long as I got the Almighty Power

Glued up there with my pair of fuzzy dice



{Refrain - repeat between every verse
}
Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus

Riding on the dashboard of my car

Through all trials and tribulations,

We will travel every nation,

With my plastic Jesus I'll go far.



I don't care if it rains or freezes

As long as I've got my Plastic Jesus

Glued to the dashboard of my car,

You can buy Him phosphorescent

Glows in the dark, He's Pink and Pleasant,

Take Him with you when you're travelling far



I don't care if it's dark or scary

Long as I have magnetic Mary

Ridin' on the dashboard of my car

I feel I'm protected amply

I've got the whole damn Holy Family

Riding on the dashboard of my car



You can buy a Sweet Madonna

Dressed in rhinestones sitting on a

Pedestal of abalone shell

Goin' ninety, I'm not wary

'Cause I've got my Virgin Mary

Guaranteeing I won't go to Hell



I don't care what they say,  I'm gonna

Keep on prayin' to that pink madonna

Melted to the dashboard of my car.

Goin' ninety, I'm not wary

'Cause I've got my Virgin Mary

Guaranteeing I won't go to Hell



I don't care if it bumps or jostles

Long as I got the Twelve Apostles

Bolted to the dashboard of my ca
r
Don't I have a pious mess

Such a crowd of holiness

Strung across the dashboard of my car



No, I don't care if it rains or freezes

Long as I have my plastic Jesu
s
Riding on the dashboard of my car

But I think he'll have to go

His magnet ruins my radio

And if we have a wreck he'll leave a scar



Riding through the thoroughfare

With his nose up in the air

A wreck may be ahead, but he don't mind

Trouble coming, he don't see

He just keeps his eyes on me

And any other thing that lies behind



{as refrain}


Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus

Riding on the dashboard of my car

Though the sun shines on his back

Makes him peel, chip, and crack

A little patching keeps him up to par



When pedestrians try to cross

I let them know who's boss

I never blow my horn or give them warning

I ride all over town
Trying to run them down

And it's seldom that they live to see the morning


{as refrain}


Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus

Riding on the dashboard of my car

His halo fits just right

And I use it as a sight

And they'll scatter or they'll splatter near and far



When I'm in a traffic jam

He don't care if I say Damn

I can let all sorts of curses roll

Plastic Jesus doesn't hear

For he has a plastic ear

The man who invented plastic saved my soul



{as refrain}


Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus

Riding on the dashboard of my car

Once his robe was snowy white

Now it isn't quite so bright

Stained by the smoke of my cigar



God made Christ a Holy Jew

God made Him a Christian too

Paradoxes populate my car

Joseph beams with a feigned elan

From the shaggy dash of my furlined van

Famous cuckold in the master plan



Naughty Mary, smug and smiling

Jesus dainty and beguiling

Knee-deep in the piling of my van

His message clear by night or day

My phosphorescent plastic Gay

Simpering from the dashboard of my van



When I'm goin' fornicatin

I got my ceramic Satan

Sinnin' on the dashboard of my Winnebago Motor Home

The women know I'm on the level

Thanks to the wild-eyed stoneware devil

Ridin' on the dashboard of my Winnebago Motor Home

     Sneerin' from the dashboard of my Winnebago Motor Home

     Leering from the dashboard of my van



If I weave around at night

And the police think I'm tight

They'll never find my bottle, though they ask

Plastic Jesus shelters me

For His head comes off, you see

He's hollow, and I use Him for a flask



{as refrain}

Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus

Riding on the dashboard of my car

Ride with me and have a dram

Of the blood of the Lamb

Plastic Jesus is a holy bar



I don't care if I'm broke or starvin'

As long as I've got a fish named Darwin

Glued to the trunklid of my car

God, I'm feeling so evolved

Drivin' with my problems solved

Proclaiming what I think of what we are



Riding home one foggy night,

With my honey cuddled tight,

I missed a curve and off the road we veered.

My windshield got smashed-up good,

And my darling graced the hood.

Plastic Jesus, He had disappeared.



{As refrain}

Plastic Jesus! Plastic Jesus,

No longer chides me with His holy grin.

Doctors in the X-ray room

Found Him in my darling's womb.

Someday, He'll be born again!



I don't care if it rains or freezes

Long as I got my plastic Jesus

Riding on the dashboard of my car

He's the dude with the rusty nails,

Walks on water, don't need no sails

Riding on the dashboard of me car



I don't care if the night is scary

As long as I got the Virgin Mary

Sittin' on the dashboard of my car.

She don't slip and she don't slide

Cuz her ass is magnetized

Sittin' on the dashboard of my car.

I hate when people post lyrics.

Quoted: I hate when people post lyrics.

Normally I don't, but this was just too good an opportunity.   made me do it, really..........

Quoted:  Somehow, I feel that Hell is starting to get crowded lately.

"Hey, where are we going?  And how'd we get in this handbasket anyway???"

OOOH OOOH I CALL SHOTGUN!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't mind me.

Jesus only holds your next heartbeat in His hands, and your next breath in His power, and ultimately your immortal soul as well, so by all means, joke away.

Yuk it up.

Surely the idea of Jesus as some good natured dolt who neither wants nor expects the slightest bit of respect is the correct one. He will merely smile benignly on any little thing anyone wishes to do.

The crown on His head is merely made of paper, so we owe Him no reverence.

Dear heavens....

That's not right.

IBTL....so much for an interesting discussion.

IBTL on a COC violation... Woohoo!!!!

Quoted: Quoted: www.geocities.com/Eureka/Gold/2784/MysticChewbacca02.jpg Nice.  Get some nookie, Wookie! TRG

I agree - he doesn't look very "pedophilic" to me in that picture.

Enough already.

Quoted: Don't mind me. Jesus only holds your next heartbeat in His hands, and your next breath in His power, and ultimately your immortal soul as well, so by all means, joke away. Yuk it up. Surely the idea of Jesus as some good natured dolt who neither wants nor expects the slightest bit of respect is the correct one. He will merely smile benignly on any little thing anyone wishes to do. The crown on His head is merely made of paper, so we owe Him no reverence.

Jesus doesn't like self righteous pricks either.

"And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?...You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly enough to take the speck out of your brother's eye."

Quoted: Don't mind me. Jesus only holds your next heartbeat in His hands, and your next breath in His power, and ultimately your immortal soul as well, so by all means, joke away. Yuk it up. Surely the idea of Jesus as some good natured dolt who neither wants nor expects the slightest bit of respect is the correct one. He will merely smile benignly on any little thing anyone wishes to do. The crown on His head is merely made of paper, so we owe Him no reverence.

Don't bludgeon people with your take on a religion.  You'll catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, and all of that.

I'm glad I posted on this thread.

Quoted: Chewbacca was a pedophile!! He had 'short eyes', so to speak. Whew! I did it, now OJ must be guilty! TRG

..Did it for the Wookie, the Wookie, the nookie...

www.spschat.com/RareMedia/sounds/DVDA%20-%20Chewbacca.mp3

Chewbacca!

I'm sitting in my cubicle
And I'm typing words on screen
And I'll get a raise next Tuesday
If I could keep my office CLEAN!!
The women here ignore me
They call me "Scrawny Dan"
But that's because they don't know me
They DONT'T KNOW WHO I REALLY AM!!!

I AM CHEWBACCA!!! I AM A WOOKIE!!!
I FIGHT THE EMPIRE!!! I FIX THE ROBOTS!!!
DON'T FUCKING CROSS ME!!! I AM CHEWBACCA!!!
IN NEED OF NO ONE!!! IN WANT OF NOTHING!!!

I AM CHEWBACCA!!! I GOT NO HOME!!!
MY HOME IS WHERE!!! MY SPIRIT GOES!!!
DON'T FUCKING CROSS ME!!! 'CAUSE I'M CHEWBACCA!!!
I'LL TEAR YOUR ARMS OFF!!! I'LL KILL YOUR FRIEND!!!

I think about my home planet
When I'm in the conference room
I wear a coat and tie
But my HEART IS FILLED WITH GLOOM!
'Cause that… faggot on the Death Star!
Would like to see me dead!
Someday I'll tear off his black helmet
And TAKE A DUMP ON HIS FUCKIN' HEAD!!!

I AM CHEWBACCA!!! I AM A WOOKIE!!!
I FIGHT THE EMPiRE!!! I'VE GOT NO CONSCIENCE!!!
YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME??? YOU WANT A PIECE OF CHEWBACCA???
I'M EIGHT FEET TALL!!! I'LL KICK YOUR ASS!!!

I AM CHEWBACCA!!! I GOT NO HOME!!!
MY HOME IS WHERE!!! MY SPIRIT GOES!!!
YOU CAN ALL FUCK OFF!!! I AM CHEWBACCA!!!
KISS MY ASS!!! EAT SHIT, MOTHERFUCKERRR!!!

FUCK YOU-AHHHHHHHHH!!!

MOTHERFUCKERRRR!!!

MOTHERFUCKERRRR!!!

Quoted: Quoted: Dear heavens.... That's not right. IBTL....so much for an interesting discussion. Well, glad to see you got a sense of humor about it all. It's all good John. TRG

Look. Making fun of Chewbaca is all good in the hood.

I would just like to see Jesus given the respect He is due. Jesus has done a great deal for me, and when people assault Him it is worse than them assaulting my mother....

Quoted: Jesus doesn't like self righteous pricks either.

No, Jesus is not fond of the self righteous.

But do you even understand what that means? It means people who think that in themselves they are good enough and don't need a savior. I freely admit that no man who has ever lived has needed the Savior more than me.

And when I consider all of His goodness and mercy and love, and that He could have skipped all of it, I think Him deserving of much higher honor than some show Him.

If that makes me "self-righteous" in your opinion, so be it.

The fact remains that He IS a Great King and is deserving of Honor. Your tired plattitudes don't change that.

Quoted: Don't bludgeon people with your take on a religion.  You'll catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, and all of that.

I don't want to catch flies.

The truth is that an improper understanding of our relationship to God Almighty is poison to the lives of men. The central question of man's existence is his relationship to God. Demeaning Christ in any way changes His image in the minds of men from a Holy and Just God who is to be revered and obeyed will ALWAYS prove fatal to men's souls.

This is why there are so many churches today that do so many things contrary to the Bible. Because Jesus has literally become "Buddy Christ" who winks knowingly at whatever man wishes to do. This is NOT the message preached by Jesus. As a result, there are a lot of people on church pews and walking the streets who think they are just fine, but in reality they are not.

The Bible says that without Holiness, no man shall see God. It also says that by the Fear of the Lord (fear meaning extreme reverence of Him and dedication to obeying Him) we depart from evil.

When Christ is demeaned, it cuts at the very foundation of a person's relationship with Him. This destroys their ability to walk with the real Jesus, and not some watered down version of Christ that is the product of human imagination.

No man has needed Christ more than I. His mercy and grace have worked miracles in my life, and I can truly say that I have tasted of His goodness. In learning more of Him and striving to be more like Him, I have discovered a great many truths, and have come to see some very unpleasant things.

Sometimes the truth is painful. I am adamant about this because I am guilty of not rendering Christ due honor in my life in rather extreme ways. If you only knew how I had to struggle to just get my concept of Jesus right, then you would understand why I am passionate about this.

The truth hurts, and I know this because I have been on the sharp end of it myself.

Make fun of Chewbacca all day long. But please don't bring Jesus into it. That is all I am saying.

Quoted: Quoted:  Somehow, I feel that Hell is starting to get crowded lately. When I die, send me to hell....all my friends will be there, TRG

Teachin the residents how to bump-fire!!!

TXL

Jesus had a sense of humor.  In fact because He is God He has the greatest sense of humor of all.

Example

When the disciples ask Jesus why He taught in parables.  Jesus responded so that nobody would understand what he was talking about.

Sarcasm at it's finest.





P.S.  Jesus was a booster, a buddy.

Quoted: Jesus had a sense of humor.  In fact because He is God He has the greatest sense of humor of all. Example When the disciples ask Jesus why He taught in parables.  Jesus responded so that nobody would understand what he was talking about. Sarcasm at it's finest.

He did speak in parables, but so the scripture would be fulfilled that seeing, they would not see, and hearing, they would not hear.

The purpose of Jesus' parables was to illustrate the difference between His thinking and the thinking of fallen men.

The Pharisees couldn't understand the parables because they DIDN'T WANT TO. Had they really had a desire for God, they would have understood Jesus, as many people believed on Him and were saved.

P.S.  Jesus was a booster, a buddy.

Jesus "was" nothing. He IS a friend that sticks closer than a brother. He IS a shield and buckler, a refuge in the time of trouble.

But He is also a great King, worthy of respect.

.

Quoted: Quoted: Jesus had a sense of humor.  In fact because He is God He has the greatest sense of humor of all. Example When the disciples ask Jesus why He taught in parables.  Jesus responded so that nobody would understand what he was talking about. Sarcasm at it's finest. He did speak in parables, but so the scripture would be fulfilled that seeing, they would not see, and hearing, they would not hear. The purpose of Jesus' parables was to illustrate the difference between His thinking and the thinking of fallen men. The Pharisees couldn't understand the parables because they DIDN'T WANT TO. Had they really had a desire for God, they would have understood Jesus, as many people believed on Him and were saved. P.S.  Jesus was a booster, a buddy. Jesus "was" nothing. He IS a friend that sticks closer than a brother. He IS a shield and buckler, a refuge in the time of trouble. But He is also a great King, worthy of respect.

He said that to the disciples not the Pharisees.  Jesus had to have a sense of humor just to put up with His own disciples, who (in some of the Gospels) asked some of the dumbest questions anyone could ever ask.  The disciples asked why do you teach in parables.  Jesus said so you will not understand what I am talking about.... Duh.

Sarcasm, my favorite form of humor.  Face it God is a good guy who can laugh it up with the best of them.

I respect God and Jesus more than you will ever know, and I have never doubted that He is my Lord.  I just think that He is also my buddy and He is a funny guy sometimes.

I am not arguing that God doesn't have a sense of humor. Anyone who could think up the platypus certainly has a sense of humor....

But there are some jokes that He doesn't find funny.

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Quoted:  Somehow, I feel that Hell is starting to get crowded lately. When I die, send me to hell....all my friends will be there, TRG Teachin the residents how to bump-fire!!! TXL  No need.  I'll bring my M16 with me if I happen to head that way.  When you guys down there, please give rid of all the bad people so the place can be livable.

We'll try to have the A/C up and running by then!

TXL

I'm kind of like Han Solo always stroking my own wookie,
I'm the root of all that's evil yeah but you can call me cookie

"the roof, the roof, the roof is on fire"

Quoted: I'm kind of like Han Solo always stroking my own wookie, I'm the root of all that's evil yeah but you can call me cookie "the roof, the roof, the roof is on fire"

Bloodhound Gang.

Quoted: Quoted: I'm kind of like Han Solo always stroking my own wookie, I'm the root of all that's evil yeah but you can call me cookie "the roof, the roof, the roof is on fire" Bloodhound Gang.

yes, but what is the correct response when someone says "the roof, the roof, the roof is on fire"?

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: I'm kind of like Han Solo always stroking my own wookie, I'm the root of all that's evil yeah but you can call me cookie "the roof, the roof, the roof is on fire" Bloodhound Gang. yes, but what is the correct response when someone says "the roof, the roof, the roof is on fire"?

WE DON'T NEED NO WATER LET THE MOTHER FUCKER BURN.  BURN MOTHER FUCKER BURN.

wow, the bloodhound gang...this thread has gone to new hehights.....

you guys forgot the best part of the buddy christ

check the packaging out

"He's happy, He's scrappy, He's the son of God"

Quoted: I am not arguing that God doesn't have a sense of humor. Anyone who could think up the platypus certainly has a sense of humor.... But there are some jokes that He doesn't find funny.

And YOU were sent here by God to be the arbiter of what humor is appropriate or not, and to tell us what jokes we're allowed to laugh at and which ones will send us to hell?

I guess I didn't get that memo, but I'm glad I know now - because I'll be sure to run all jokes past you so I don't accidentally go to hell for finding something funny.


Can I still laugh when I watch "Life of Brian"?