Quoted: Is she a real redhead? We need our own support forum for those of us married to redheads.

Yep.  She is a little on the feisty side, but I have to admit I enjoy taming her  I own a red thoroughbred, and I see a lot of parallels in their temperaments and how they are best handled ...

Quoted: Quoted: Is she a real redhead? We need our own support forum for those of us married to redheads. Yep.  She is a little on the feisty side, but I have to admit I enjoy taming her  I own a red thoroughbred, and I see a lot of parallels in their temperaments and how they are best handled ...

Got one of my own. Being married to a redhead is an expierence.

Quoted: I there's one thing I have learned the last few years about single moms, it's that it is a package deal. If you feel like the child is extra baggage you have to deal with (and would rather not have to) then this relationship is doomed. I have been through this a couple of times myself, and seen a good friend go through it. If you aren't interested in raising that child, then the relationship will not work out.  You're better off moving on, and finding someone who doesn't have a kid. Furthermore, I would have you ask her about her ex.  Why they divorced. What kind of guy he is.  Was it amical. If she says he is a big asshole.  And it was a nasty divoce, it does not bode well for who she is. It takes two to tango. At least it says a lot about her character to pop out a kid with some jerk. And what you should be looking at right now, is her  CHARACTER.  Not her sex appeal or charm.  Sex appeal and charm are supperficial, but bad character goes clear to the bone. Zen "This is my rifle, there are many like it, but this one is mine"

Man Zen you need to be a poet

Quoted: Quoted: If's she's as good as you say? Why are you on here asking for advice? I swore off giving others advice on their womenz a long time ago. It's your call. She looks great for 38 BTW. --RR I titled the thread "Finally, the Ultimate Girlfriend".  I'm bragging, not asking advice.  I just mentioned my one reservation.  Hey Speccop, want to host another pic so I can brag some more?

Yeah, I knew you were braggin..... and I would be too!

--RR

Quoted: Being married to a redhead is an expierence.

Like with my red thoroughbred, at least it's not a boring ride :)

Quoted: If you feel like the child is extra baggage you have to deal with (and would rather not have to) then this relationship is doomed. I have been through this a couple of times myself, and seen a good friend go through it. If you aren't interested in raising that child, then the relationship will not work out.  You're better off moving on, and finding someone who doesn't have a kid. Furthermore, I would have you ask her about her ex.  Why they divorced. What kind of guy he is.  Was it amical. If she says he is a big asshole.  And it was a nasty divoce, it does not bode well for who she is. It takes two to tango. At least it says a lot about her character to pop out a kid with some jerk. And what you should be looking at right now, is her  CHARACTER.  Not her sex appeal or charm.  Sex appeal and charm are supperficial, but bad character goes clear to the bone. Zen

Her character appeals to me enormously, as I said earlier.  Her having a kid is not what I would have put on my wish list if there were such a thing.  I accept him as part of the package and think/hope the idea will grow on me.  

She never married the father, although it was planned, not an accident.  She's kind of bohemian in that respect.  She lived with the guy, but had reservations about spending her whole life with him and was getting to the "now or never" age for childbearing.  Mixed feelings about that - I'm kind of old-fashioned, but I also have to respect her self confidence in going for what she wanted.  

Her "divorce" was beyond amicable.  She bends over backwards to keep the father involved and make things easy for him.  She never asked him for any support.

I disagree about sex appeal and charm being unimportant.  Wonderful character or not, it would be a slow death to live with someone who didn't appeal to me physically.

Mis-labeled thread, the real ultimate GF is a good looker only around for sex, laundry, and to clean. That way you dont have to put up with the rest of the shit that inevetably follows. Why some NEED a woman around to validate themselves I'll never know. So your 47 and looking to start ->another<- "family" situation, good luck to you!

She's nice looking. Me personally, I'd just bag it every chance I had, wait for it all to go to shit, and then move on without any ties. However, if you do get married, DON'T adopt the kid, cause then when she leaves you, you are liable for child support, or so I've heard.

Quoted: She's nice looking. Me personally, I'd just bag it every chance I had, wait for it all to go to shit, and then move on without any ties. However, if you do get married, DON'T adopt the kid, cause then when she leaves you, you are liable for child support, or so I've heard.

Oh, I forgot to mention:  She doesn't want to get married  

Good point, though, and you're right about adoption.  I'm very familiar with child support, unfortunately.  At one point I was paying my ex $5,400 a month, tax free, plus benefits.  There were months when I actually had to write a check to my company on payday because of the deductions, and borrow money from my sister or dad to pay my mortgage.  Let me repeat that:  I sometimes worked a full schedule and still had more pay attached than I made.   I am forever jaded on both our family law system and what the institution of marriage has become:  a profit industry for lawyers and feminists.

From experience as I faced the same decision 27 years ago. Married her and we still love each other. A few things to watch for and make sure of  because they can cause hiccups. What is realtionship with child's dad and his family? Good guys or will they interfer with your rearing of her? If he does not pay child support, are you willing to make the committment to pay all her expenses?

Can you love her child as your own? What would wife think about your discipling her? A lot revolves around the child.

Then you got it made- Redheads are sweet, BTW. Had one of my own once....

I'll say one thing, and one thing only.  After a couple of failed marriages and a few relationships there is one most important factor in ANY relationship.  I wish I had learned this years ago.

"It is not about finding the right person, it is about being the right person."

Without that, NOTHING else matters.

Good luck.

Quoted: I'll say one thing, and one thing only.  After a couple of failed marriages and a few relationships there is one most important factor in ANY relationship.  I wish I had learned this years ago. "It is not about finding the right person, it is about being the right person." Without that, NOTHING else matters. Good luck.

Words to live by. I've been preaching that philosophy for the past 25 years. Fortunately for me, I did learn them back then. It's one of the main reasons I've been happily married for over 21 years.

There were months when I actually had to write a check to my company on payday because of the deductions, and borrow money from my sister or dad to pay my mortgage. Let me repeat that: I sometimes worked a full schedule and still had more pay attached than I made.

You might want to check into the laws of your state.  Here in PA, you cannot attach more than 50% of the person's take-home wage.

Quoted: There were months when I actually had to write a check to my company on payday because of the deductions, and borrow money from my sister or dad to pay my mortgage. Let me repeat that: I sometimes worked a full schedule and still had more pay attached than I made. You might want to check into the laws of your state.  Here in PA, you cannot attach more than 50% of the person's take-home wage.

They were taking 40% of my net pay, but then after 9/11 I took a large pay cut (I work for an airline).  My ex wouldn't agree to a reduction, so we went back to court to modify my child support.  My ex claimed that I was "pauperizing" myself (i.e., deliberately making less than I was capable of), and the judge RAISED my child support, to more than I was making.  I filed a motion to reconsider and she denied it.  I appealed and it went to the state supreme court.  I won (after a year and $30,000 in legal bills).  But during that year, I was existing at a remarkably low level.  I still am.  I burned through my life savings, remortgaged my house, and borrowed from my family.  My child support was eventually reduced to 40% of my current pay, but I didn't get back any retroactive money from when it was more than 100%.  The case created two NH laws.  The history is on the internet now, and it's in the curriculum of two law schools that I know of so far.  (I still get occasional phone calls from law students studying it.) If someone had told me ten years ago that this sort of thing could happen, I wouldn't have believed it.  You can probably imagine my feelings about lawyers and the marriage/divorce profit industry.

Quoted: I'd hit it.  You done good son!!

+1

There is no such thing as I'll tame her or I'll change her to what I want.

She is definitely a beautiful woman and the kid isn't a problem so you would be a fool for not giving her a chance.

BigDozer66

AM I MISSING SOMETHING? ARE YOU ON CRACK? SHE'S A KEEPER, DUDE!

Quoted: AM I MISSING SOMETHING? ARE YOU ON CRACK? SHE'S A KEEPER, DUDE!

+1 agreed

Quoted: There is no such thing as I'll tame her BigDozer66

Oh yes there is.  Can you say "Screaming Monkey Sex"?  Eat your heart out  

Quoted: Hosting pic for poster... The image has been cropped for file size, FYI for the original poster when he goes "Wheres the damned trees man?!"

Quoted: AM I MISSING SOMETHING? ARE YOU ON CRACK? SHE'S A KEEPER, DUDE!

Am I missing something?  Did I say somewhere in this thread that I wasn't keeping her?  I could have sworn I titled it "Finally, the Ultimate Girlfriend".