To lead up to me asking this, it came about because I'm a LEO involved in Veterans Treatment Court, which is a newer model of a drug court that addresses veterans in the criminal justice field who commit crimes because they have an underlying issue, like PTSD or TBI, that causes them to have a substance abuse problem thus creating them to commit crimes, like shoplifting to support habits, possession charges, alcohol induced family violence, etc.

I did two tours as an 11B, ETS'd as an E6. I'm at a training conference about veterans court, and tonight and last  night I spent the night with one of our mentors who was a recon marine in Vietnam telling war stories. It was fine and all until tonight, one civie on our team came around and we invited him to drink with us. Well, I ended up telling a story about something that causes me to have problems, revolving around an ambush in AFG in which a little girl was killed.  I think about this incident quite often. Anyway, we finished all of our beers and called it a night, and I told the Vietnam vet that I have a problem binge drinking and that I was having the urge to go to the hotel bar and continue drinking. He told me to follow him out and back to our rooms. Well I got back to my room and started remembering things. I was already depressed before I got there. After about 20 minutes to myself back in my room, I went back to the hotel bar and took a few shots of whiskey and left. And now here I sit. After all the beer an shots, I'm just slightly buzzed and I'm writing this. I drink almost every night, and again I have a problem with binge drinking. Now, its never gotten me in criminal trouble, as I kind of just do it at home by myself, and I don't get up in the morning drinking, but I feel that I have a problem. I drink to cope, or at least that is what I feel like. As I type this, I remember that my wife and daughter is what keeps me going in a positive direction. As I told that story tonight, I almost broke down, but I tried to hold back. I don't drink when I'm on duty, as I take that in high regard, as I have an expectation to my community, but off duty its a different story.

I sit here thinking that I have a problem, and eventually its going to get worse. It took me a year before I went to the VA to seek help with PTSD, and its kind of embarrassing to say that. If I wasn't buzzed I probably would even be typing this. I basically consider myself to be a functioning alcoholic when I drink, unless I'm at home and I drink myself to sleep.

When and how do you figure out that you should get help?

"When the pain outweighs the pleasure it's time to quit."

If you truly need alcohol to cope, then you'll probably have to learn something new to replace the alcohol.

Some people get religion. Some people find other means.

I'd encourage you to get creative and find something that will be more likely to help you work through the pain and the anguish, rather than simply distract yourself from it.

Or maybe you could find a couple new things:
1) Something fun that can distract you in the short term (like a hobby with some physical activity)
and
2) Something that enables you to finally make peace with the past, rather than trying to run from it.

I mean I have hobbies, and I try to stay busy. I reload, I play golf, work in the yard, and I hunt and fish a lot. I run. I work out everyday that I can for about 2 hours. My daughter takes up a good bit of time as well.

I'm really into the whole acceptance thing. I did what I had to do, and shit happened, and there isn't anything that I can do to change it, and I know that life must go on, but its hard sometimes. I'm against the whole suicide thing, as I think that is extremely selfish.  Its just when there is that small period of idleness that does it I guess. I've gone long periods without drinking, but sometimes there are just times where I get sucked back into it.

Honestly, imagine that I typed out that. What would your advice to me be?

The short answer is if <substance> is causing a problem, the <substance> is the problem.

So far, you don't have a problem, at least by that definition.

However, it does sound like you could stand to talk to someone.

Normally I'd send an IM, but in case there's people lurking with the same question...





If you're asking about it being a problem, or recognizing that it could be one long term, then it's definitely an issue to resolve, but *probably* not some huge existential crisis in itself.  Everything that is leading to the desire to self medicate?  Yea, that is going to take time and help to reconcile.



In my non-professional opinion, but experianced with the rammifications of self medicating with booze to the point of catching a DUI after months of being lucky I didn't kill people through bad life choices, if you can keep it contained in a box, and ONLY drink when you're in a position where you don't have any responsibilities at that point, or later when you need a clear head, and you're not making stupid ass decisions like I did when I got back in 03, then it's not a super huge deal.  



Getting buzzed, getting it off your chest online a little where there's access to people that know what you're going through as peers?  





That's healthy as FUCK.  





I'm about to rack out but feel free (or anyone reading who's got similar issues but wants to stay low key) to shoot me an IM if you want.  





Like I tell my buddies, and other vets I meet, we all gotta have each others backs, cause no one else will.

You already recognize that you have a problem and that's a good thing, but the truth is; it's already worse than you think.  

If you can't quit cold turkey, then you need to get help.   Nobody can do it for you.   Nobody will do it for you.  

Ultimately, you will chose to succeed, or fail, on your own.

I should summed my point up more succinctly.
If you decide that you need to not drink, then you'll have to find something else to do instead.
Could be meditation, could be anything really.
You'll have to experiment to find the thing that works for you, but the one thing that is universal is you'll have to replace one behavior with another if you want to stop doing the problem behavior.

And as far as your original question is concerned, the very first post nailed the fuck out of it.

When you get to a point where a substance is doing more harm than good, you have a problem with that substance.

I've been thinking about it for a few days. I think I can try to change, and it hasn't started affecting my job or marriage. I'm going to see if I can go the month of May without drinking and see if I can do it. I tend to binge drink, so perhaps I can avoid drinking all together.

If your job has counseling that you can arrange without it affecting your employment, seek it out.  You are carrying a big burden on your own.

I promise you, the opinions I hold, and the things that I am going to write will NOT be popular, and in direct conflict with a lot of the "norm".

All that is, is "deal-making"...one of the "classic" traits of a drunk, errrr, alcoholic, so "they" say.....
Brother- You stated it's not affect your job and marriage. If it truly doesn't, and you're being honest with yourself, what's the "problem"?


Here's another part to this, and it lies with what you've been told. Did you know the CDC recently published some study results, and they consider you to be an alcoholic binge drinker if you consume 5 drinks in a single occasion?  

Fucking really? That's 2 mixed drinks or 3 beers and 2 shots.

Tell a doctor you have more than a six-pack on a weekend, and you're a stumbling falling fucking down Drunk as far as they are concerned. Some government funded agency setting benchmark numbers doesn't impress me, not in the least, in fact


Fuck that noise.

I proudly self-medicate, and do so free of fucking guilt. My 201 is similar to yours, and I embrace the anger of PTSD. It's the fallout of being 11B, and there's nothing that's going to change that. I'm not going to waste time fighting it. If protein gets out protein in my laundry, why can't I take the unusual position of allowing a depressant to nullify depression.

I've gone to group counseling, and found it full of space shuttle door gunners that heard a boom once, pogues that never left Kuwait. IMHO, one on one counseling only works if you can find someone you're comfortable with, so good luck finding a former Combat Arms Vet turned shrink.

I instead choose the appropriate times and places to consume, and usually with a former Battle Buddy or two, but sometimes alone. I'm retired now, so work and a daily schedule to maintain isn't a problem. My wife and kids know to leave me be on those nights. That's it, let me be the fuck alone, I have some shit to work out of my system, and it'll be all good in the morning, but for me, I just need my space and the time to remember, and forget. Some time in the next 3 to 9 weeks, I'll do it again.

Here's the break point- I can have a glass of wine with dinner, and let it be. I can drink a couple of beers after doing some yardwork and not think twice about a third. I can also kill a 750ml of Gentleman Jack and an 18 pack of Coors Light, without touching a drop for another month.

To me, the handwringing and general pissing and moaning by medical "professionals" is just another ploy to suck in more dollars and the product of a society that's gone soft.

The men of my family all worked hard physical jobs, most went to war, and they certainly took the counsel of their peers over many beers, cigars, and few shots. These are the hairy-assed motherfuckers that fought and defended our freedoms. They never sipped an appletini, counted calories and wouldn't be caught dead "Tweeting" or "manscaping". They shot a deer every fall with the rifle they captured from some Nazi fuck, and bounced Grandchildren on their knee after building them a sandbox. In short, they had more than sufficient Intestinal Fortitude and knew how to solve a problem. PTSD was handled every 3rd Wednesday at the VFW, since cheap beer and other Vets is cathartic as it gets.

Now, I know there's going to be some, "But Matt...you don't understand! Y-Y-You're HEALTH! Those around you!" Yeah, pfft, OK, my health. I cozied up tight to dead twice in my military career, and have a bonus pile of near hits from Baghdad in '04/'05-08', not to mention the close calls through the last 20+ years. Any time I have left on this Earth, is gravy, a bonus. I'm not leaving this corpse unused, it's getting cooked, and the ashes are getting shot out of my Coehorn Mortar following a proper wake, No Shit. If I punch out at 44, or 94 I'm not going to miss out on a fine Maduro wrapped & filled greasy stick with a 4-finger neat glass of Johnny Walker Gold, nor will I pass on the therapeutic rewards I derive from being smashed to the gills lakeside, pouring Coors Light down my gullet while blasting 110 decibels of Saliva/Your Disease.

I can boil all of this down to a statement made by one of my Brothers, CPT. P. Holt, US Army-

"They ask, Why? I'll tell ya why...Because we're NOT CUNTS."


YMMV, IMHO ect...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DTuFNy8NtuA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r4GW_G1gIts

I decided to quit drinking altogether, forever when I finally accepted that I couldn't have one drink and be 100% sure that it would stop with one drink. To me, that was the definition of "not in control". I weighed all the stuff I get from drinking/what I would lose from not drinking against what I would gain/what I would not lose from being dry. No DUIs, no husband beating charges, no "rock bottom" whatever the hell that is. Just the acceptance that I couldn't reliably "drink like a lady" and that I was losing more than I was gaining.

From that point, I swallowed my pride and did whatever the hell I had to do to stick with being dry. I did stuff I didn't think would work, silly stuff only weaklings should have to do, embarrassing things, and I paid money for help to do it.

Being on the other side of it now, I can look at what I thought I was getting out of it and what it was actually costing me and it boggles my mind why I thought drinking was a good idea in the first place. And I'm eternally grateful to the people who helped me get back in control. I have so much more now, that I wouldn't have if I'd kept up that silliness.

Here, OP. Take a look at this. I found it useful. I bet anybody would find it useful even if they don't drink. It's just a rational way of looking at why we do what we do and what we're actually trying to do by doing it, and how we can get that thing we want in a healthier way.


http://www.smartrecovery.org/resources/index.htm

As a physician, you fit some definitions of an alcoholic.  Binge drinking is considered one form of it.

That being said, you seem to have a good grasp of the problem, but you also seem to be trying to rationalize it.  I would suggest getting help now, before it worsens.  I don't care if it's the VA, AA, or some pastor.  Eventually it will have consequences.

As you can see by my little tank, I understand why you do it... And see this type of behavior not infrequently.  Feel free to IM if you want to discuss more, on my phone currently.