I was recently feted by my industry with an award for "Most Indispensable Human".
Some of the reasons cited were:
I know Sanskirt, Lakhota, Lap, Swahili and Black English (Ebonics).
People who don't know me instinctively treat me with deference and respect.
I am always impeccably dressed, even when casually attired.
In an emergency, all eyes turn to me for guidance and strength.
I can kill with my bare hands. Actually, one bare hand.
I am ruggedly handsome.
I can whip up a gourmet meal with little apparent effort.
Young children and animals are comforted by my presence.
Finally, and most importantly, I can successfully adjust European-style cabinet hinges.
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