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Posted: 2/28/2007 2:54:43 PM EDT
Uncomfortable Questions: Was the Death Star Attack an Inside Job?
Posted in Conspiracy Theories | Wednesday, February 28th, 2007 | Trackback Websurdity Link: This article was inspired by the fine users at the James Randi Educational Foundation (JREF) Forum, to whom I am indebted for the use of much of this material. We’ve all heard the “official conspiracy theory” of the Death Star attack. We all know about Luke Skywalker and his ragtag bunch of rebels, how they mounted a foolhardy attack on the most powerful, well-defended battle station ever built. And we’ve all seen the video over, and over, and over, of the one-in-a-million shot that resulted in a massive chain reaction that not just damaged, but completely obliterated that massive technological wonder. Like many Americans, I was fed this story when I was growing up. But as I watched the video, I began to realize that all was not as it seemed. And the more I questioned the official story, the deeper into the rabbit hole I went. Presented here are some of the results of my soul-searching regarding this painful event. Like many citizens, I have many questions that I would like answered: was the mighty Imperial government really too incompetent to prevent a handful of untrained nerf-herders from destroying one of their most prized assets? Or are they hiding something from us? Who was really behind the attack? Why did they want the Death Star destroyed? No matter what the answers, we have a problem. Below is a summary of my book, Uncomfortable Questions: An Analysis of the Death Star Attack, which presents compelling evidence that we all may be the victims of a fraud of immense proportions. Uncomfortable Questions about the Death Star Attack 1) Why were a handful of rebel fighters able to penetrate the defenses of a battle station that had the capability of destroying an entire planet and the defenses to ward off several fleets of battle ships? 2) Why did Grand Moff Tarkin refuse to deploy the station’s large fleet of TIE Fighters until it was too late? Was he acting on orders from somebody to not shoot down the rebel attack force? If so, who, and why? 3) Why was the rebel pilot who supposedly destroyed the Death Star reported to be on the Death Star days, maybe hours, prior to its destruction? Why was he allowed to escape, and why were several individuals dressed in Stormtrooper uniforms seen helping him? 4) Why has there not been an investigation into allegations that Darth Vader, the second-ranking member of the Imperial Government, is in fact the father of the pilot who allegedly destroyed the Death Star? 5) Why did Lord Vader decide to break all protocols and personally pilot a lightly armored TIE Fighter? Conveniently, this placed Lord Vader outside of the Death Star when it was destroyed, where he was also conveniently able to escape from a large-sized rebel fleet that had just routed the Imperial forces. Why would Lord Vader, one of the highest ranking members of the Imperial Government, suddenly decide to fly away from the Death Star in the middle of a battle? Did he know something that the rest of the Imperial Navy didn’t? Emperor Palpatine fails to act after being informed of the attack 6) How could any pilot shoot a missile into a 2 meter-wide exhaust port, let alone a pilot with no formal training, whose only claim to fame was his ability to “bullseye womprats” on Tatooine? This shot, according to one pilot, would be “impossible, even for a computer.” Yet, according to additional evidence, the pilot who allegedly fired the missile turned off his targeting computer when he was supposedly firing the shot that destroyed the Death Star. Why have these discrepancies never been investigated, let alone explained? 7) Why has their been no investigation into evidence that the droids who provided the rebels with the Death Star plans were once owned by none other than Lord Vader himself, and were found, conveniently, by the pilot who destroyed the Death Star, and who is also believed to be Lord Vader’s son? Evidence also shows that the droids were brought to one Ben Kenobi, who, records indicate, was Darth Vader’s teacher many years earlier! Are all these personal connections between the conspirators and a key figure in the Imperial government supposed to be coincidences? 8) How could a single missile destroy a battle station the size of a moon? No records, anywhere, show that any battle station or capital ship has ever been destroyed by a single missile. Furthermore, analysis of the tape of the last moments of the Death Star show numerous small explosions along its surface, prior to it exploding completely! Why does all evidence indicate that strategically placed explosives, not a single missile, is what destroyed the Death Star? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Source: Original:www.websurdity.com/2007/02/28/uncomfortable-questions-was-the-death-star-attack-an-inside-job/) Where I found it: (www.digg.com/politics/Uncomfortable_Questions_Was_the_Death_Star_Destruction_an_Inside_Job) I love how this just sticks it to those retarded 9/11 conspiracy idiots oh so deliciously edited for formating |
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+1 That is hilarious! |
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I thought it was due to military secrets being leaked to the rebels from undocumented Jawas that were doing the work on the Deathstar that noone else wanted to do.
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The satire is awesome. Thanks for posting it. |
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Laugh and laugh some more until the North American Union destroys the sovereignty of the US. Before you mock conspiracy theories...you might want to investigate a few....like why building 7 at the world trade center collapsed at 5:00PM the day of 911. Or why Jesie Trenadeau has just filed a major federal lawsuit alleging the FBI handled McVey through the Oklahoma City bombing.......the case was immediately sealed by the Feds......just might want to really find out whether we are being continually lied to by the Feds.
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I thought that the Jawas were persecuted by the Emperor and that's why when they discovered the Death Star plans during their deprogramming of R2D2, they left them intact, to be inevitably passed on to Luke Skywalker. This was part of their Jawaism plan to rule the world? |
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We are being continually lied to by the feds. But if you think the WTC was destroyed by anything other than some islamic nutjobs crashing hijacked planes into them, then you're an idiot. |
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Holy shit - that's even funnier than the Death Star thing. Good one. Excellent satire. |
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GWB was a pilot.
I am guessing HE was actully flying the x-wing that fired the fatal. thus... IT WAS BUSH'S FAULT!! |
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Haha. Nice. The OP flushed out one more. |
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Seriously now Yukon...
Why was an UNTRAINED pilot, seen only days before on the death star able to hit a 2 meter wide exhaust port... when we have a pilot quoted as saying that it's impossible? -Why is it the droids who supposedly "stole" the Death Star plans just happened to be once owned by the second in command? -Is it coincidence that the rookie pilot is the SON of said second command? I think not -Why is some eyewitnesses claim that Greedo actually shot at Han first? IT'S ALL A BIG FUCKING CONSPIRACY!!! And once again, some slacker college drop outs and mentally unstable idiots have unveiled the evil shadow government before our very eyes!!!! |
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Anyone who has been paying attention KNOWS it had to be an inside job.
The way I see it, Vader had it all planned out from early in the game. Luke was nothing compared to his dad.....less compared to lord sidious. Think about it....does anyone really beleive that Luke had a strong alliance with the force? Compared to Vader he was nothing....less than nothing. He didnt use the force, didnt get lucky, and didnt have help...he was simply in the right place at the right time. Inside job....a blind man could see it a mile away. Look at the resume Vader had put together by his teen years....compare that with his slacker hippie son. Typical really.....dad works his ass off, pays his dues, is battle tested and has passed his trials in life....kid takes everything for granted and has his head in the clouds well into his 20's. No sense of mission, no real motivation to succeed...just a wandering spirit. Anyone that thinks the rebels pulled off the money shot is kidding themself. If anything, Vader guided the entire act through the force and then got out of dodge...he could see the future as well as create it....Luke just happened to be around at the time. |
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Hmm... So thats where he was during his absence from the Texas Air National Guard... |
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That's a very good point. Vader was not just conveniently outside the station when it blew, but he was RIGHT BEHIND dimwitted Luke (who was distracted by thoughts of boning his own sister to start with ), when Luke suddenly heard the voice of Obi-Wan in his head. Really? The voice of Obi-Wan? Sure. What's more likely - that a dead guy was talking to Luke, or that his evil father, with awesome powers of the force (that we know can be used to manipulate minds of the weak-willed) was in fact the one influencing Luke, and using the image/sound of Obi Wan to manipulate the poor gullible kid? Then, after he's manipulated Luke into turning off the computer (which wasn't good enough to hit the port), Vader uses his telekinetic power (which we saw demonstrated when he chokes people from a distance) to guide the torpedo into the port. |
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Darth vader might not be the brightest person in the galaxy, but he's been a loyal servant to the empire since it's very inception! How dare you question his allegiance the empire and accuse him of blowing up the death star!!! He's been protecting you from those stinking rebel scum, and this is how you thank him?! |
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I'll answer a few of those questions quickly
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why does everything have to be a conspiracy?
when something is manufactured there can be weaknesses unknown to the manufacture. then it can be exploited, i.e.; the Abrams tank. It cant be destroyed by small arms fire? well not unless you know it weakness. The Abrams can be disable by one lucky shot, from lets say a 7.62x51. Is this a conspiracy? no just a flaw. i wont say exactly where on the tank but ask any Abrams mechanic about the exposed electrical connection when damaged the whole electrical system is disabled. |
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OHHH, THAT Death Star. I thought that this thread was going to be about American Idol, as NBC defines it.
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well everyone has their own opinions i suppose...and i guess there are all different sorts of people in this world, and in arfcom. as for this lawsuit, OJ simpson said he didnt do it, but who honestly believes him? |
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+1. We should be thankful the front was brought to Hoth. All those thankful Tauntauns will repay us one day. My main gripe is he did NOTHING about protecting the Endor sector from invasion. |
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this is hilarious
I find it amazing that only 1 tin-foil tot has been offended so far. |
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I'll go as far as to say maybe Luke didn't even do the shooting. I think it was Vader. During the subsequent investigation Vader's Tie Fighter's dashcam mysteriously quit recording after entering the channel behind Skywalker. He said it ran out of tape. Yeah right.
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It was an Accident.
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You guys are overlooking the REAL story. A highly secritive, very well financed individual known as Jaster Mereel.
This nefarious ex-Journeyman Protector has been cavorting around the galaxy in a fearsome, military-style set of Mandalorian battle armor equipped with some of the most terrifying personal weapons known, killing and capturing beings for money. He's been known to work for such wholly evil outfits as the Bounty Hunter Guild, Kud'ar Mub'at and the Emperor himself. So infamous is this vigilante, his employers often have to remind him not to completely disintigrate his quarry. We now have new reports of Jaster Mereel bring a clone of some unknown nobody, "Jango Fett." But we know the truth. We know the TRUTH about Jaster Mereel! We will not be silenced, buried under conflicting canon. Jaster Mereel is Boba Fett! He is a real person, and he did NOT die on Tattooine! Spread the truth! |
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And he was only doing it for the money, if he was a true patriot he would have remained a stormtrooper, of if retired, fade away to grow patunias |
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It was the liberals hippies from within that brought down the Empire...I mean after all they only wanted to bring order.
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....... that's no moon ........ |
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the "living in Mom's basement" index is dangerously high in this thread.
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Uncomfortable Questions about the Death Star Attack
1) Why were a handful of rebel fighters able to penetrate the defenses of a battle station that had the capability of destroying an entire planet and the defenses to ward off several fleets of battle ships? Small fighters, when its defenses are geared toward large capital attacks 2) Why did Grand Moff Tarkin refuse to deploy the station’s large fleet of TIE Fighters until it was too late? Was he acting on orders from somebody to not shoot down the rebel attack force? If so, who, and why? Ego about his technological terran 3) Why was the rebel pilot who supposedly destroyed the Death Star reported to be on the Death Star days, maybe hours, prior to its destruction? Why was he allowed to escape, and why were several individuals dressed in Stormtrooper uniforms seen helping him? To rescue Leigha and he was allowed to escape so he would lead the empire to the rebels base 4) Why has there not been an investigation into allegations that Darth Vader, the second-ranking member of the Imperial Government, is in fact the father of the pilot who allegedly destroyed the Death Star? He didnt know, he was told his child died 5) Why did Lord Vader decide to break all protocols and personally pilot a lightly armored TIE Fighter? Conveniently, this placed Lord Vader outside of the Death Star when it was destroyed, where he was also conveniently able to escape from a large-sized rebel fleet that had just routed the Imperial forces. Why would Lord Vader, one of the highest ranking members of the Imperial Government, suddenly decide to fly away from the Death Star in the middle of a battle? Did he know something that the rest of the Imperial Navy didn’t? Showing off and the incompetance of other pilots Emperor Palpatine fails to act after being informed of the attack 6) How could any pilot shoot a missile into a 2 meter-wide exhaust port, let alone a pilot with no formal training, whose only claim to fame was his ability to “bullseye womprats” on Tatooine? This shot, according to one pilot, would be “impossible, even for a computer.” Yet, according to additional evidence, the pilot who allegedly fired the missile turned off his targeting computer when he was supposedly firing the shot that destroyed the Death Star. Why have these discrepancies never been investigated, let alone explained? Wamp rates are about 2 meters or so, and he shot them on the go all the time as a child 7) Why has their been no investigation into evidence that the droids who provided the rebels with the Death Star plans were once owned by none other than Lord Vader himself, and were found, conveniently, by the pilot who destroyed the Death Star, and who is also believed to be Lord Vader’s son? Evidence also shows that the droids were brought to one Ben Kenobi, who, records indicate, was Darth Vader’s teacher many years earlier! Are all these personal connections between the conspirators and a key figure in the Imperial government supposed to be coincidences? 8) How could a single missile destroy a battle station the size of a moon? No records, anywhere, show that any battle station or capital ship has ever been destroyed by a single missile. Furthermore, analysis of the tape of the last moments of the Death Star show numerous small explosions along its surface, prior to it exploding completely! Why does all evidence indicate that strategically placed explosives, not a single missile, is what destroyed the Death Star? Take out an unstable power supply and the rest is chain reactions Yeah im a nerd |
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I already posted that on page 1.
1) Mandalorian armor isn't military-style, it IS military issue, from back when the Mandalorians were an actual military. 2) Jaster Mareel trained Jango Fett. When Jaster died, Jango took his armor and locked it away as a keepsake. When Jango died, Boba (his clone/son) took his armor and had it resized to fit him. Once he became an adult, he began wearing Jaster's armor and Jango's helmet. Jaster Mareel and Boba Fett are not the same person. So your conspiracy fails. Hard. |
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You are just part of the system!!! You didn't address the source of the uncomfortable questions at all! HOW MUCH DID THEY PAY YOU SPREAD YOUR LIES?! |
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More importantly, what was Vader listening to on the 8-track player strapped to his gut?
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Lol, great stuff.
Anyone got a sacrificial DU troll account they want to get banned? Should post this in the 9/11 conspiracy forum...something like "The similarities are eerie" or something vauge like that. I hate the fact that there is enough interest in it that such a forum even exists, a bunch of moonbat retards with little or no knowledge of physics or common sense, sitting around scouring videos looking for "proof" of "who really did 9/11" or making chickenwire "models" dousing them with lighter fluid and saying "this didn't collapse so the trade centers couldn't either". If i ever need to get my blood boiling, I go to that forum for about 5 minutes |
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No kidding - these poor suckers either swallowed the official Empire cover-up, hook, line and sinker, OR they really are Empire agents, sent here to spread disinformation, so we don't realize that it may really have been an inside job!! |
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Ahem. A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away. |
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God bless anyone affected by the Okc bombing or 911 attacks.
Never forget |
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I'll bet that big, fat slug thing that kept the chickie snack on a chain had something to do with it.
What was his name? Michael the Hut. Jabba the Moore? Something like that. |
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