PARIS (WANG) -- A Afghan T-12 Air Force Trainer veered off course while on maneuvers and accidentally entered French airspace for several seconds on Wednesday. In response, France has surrendered its armed forces to the Afghan pilot.
Shortly before impaling himself on a baguette, Francois Mitterand told the French people of his government's decision to capitulate during a tear-filled radio broadcast.
"Dear citizens of France, it is with great sorrow that, in the face of such aggression, we must turn our arms over to the Afghans. Their surprise attack has left us no other option," Mitterand said.
Afghan Chancellor Mohammed Lickass Gadafi was stunned by the French announcement.
"I heard one of our pilots was lost in a storm. We only have six planes, so I was surprised when several French generals appeared at my doorstep later in the day, bowing before me and begging for their lives," Gadafi said. "They shaved off their own mustaches and ate them to show obedience to me."
French officials have already begun to teach the Arabic language in their schools in efforts to appease their conquerors.
"We just want to exist peacefully with the Afghani people. If that means volunteering to be their slaves, so be it," said French actor Gerard Depardieu.
Afghan citizens were still trying to make sense of the events following the French announcements.
"I don't particularly care for the French, but I don't hate them either. I just cannot understand why they are such pussies," said Mohammed Su'kass Mantra'in, manager for the musical group Allah Rocks.
Mitterand closed his speech by vowing to hunt down and imprison any "resistance movement members who may cause trouble for the great Afghan liberators."
Before throwing himself off the Eiffel Tower in a final display of loyalty to the Afghan people, Mitterand signed into law a bill eliminating Bastille Day from the French national calendar.
"I don't want to antagonize the Afghan people. Louis XVI was one-tenth Jewish you know," Mitterand screamed as he gutted himself with a baguette and fell to his doom.