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Posted: 12/20/2005 10:36:01 AM EDT
[#1]
This is a golden opportunity!
As the underlings begin to graze & lose focus on their surroundings, stand up and loudly say "Merry Christmas Mr. <insert higher up name>" Watch them scurry 
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Posted: 12/20/2005 10:39:27 AM EDT
[#2]
Wait until there is a BUNCH of them around the table, then throw a firecracker under the table. BANG! Watch what happens.   *Just kidding. Use a M80 instead. 
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Posted: 12/20/2005 10:42:02 AM EDT
[#3]
Where the hell is your treestand???!
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Posted: 12/20/2005 10:45:07 AM EDT
[#4]
Near the table.. But its actually a blind that looks just like a copy machine. |
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Posted: 12/20/2005 10:45:19 AM EDT
[#5]
Higher ranking bosses and CEO's travel alone because they have no friends. They get up that high in business by backstabbing, brown-nosing and generally stepping on other ppl.
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Posted: 12/20/2005 10:46:17 AM EDT
[#6]
Drozd Down!
Uh. I mean draw down!
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Posted: 12/20/2005 10:49:13 AM EDT
[#7]
I would like to also add.. What kind of sick bastard puts pineapple in salsa! OMG that's gross!
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Posted: 12/20/2005 10:53:15 AM EDT
[#8]
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Posted: 12/20/2005 10:55:02 AM EDT
[#9]
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Posted: 12/20/2005 11:04:16 AM EDT
[#10]
Spycam
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Posted: 12/20/2005 11:12:23 AM EDT
[#11]
No way, that's way too mean. I mean, how dare you say Christmas at work! 
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Posted: 12/20/2005 11:30:26 AM EDT
[#12]
Passed over, huh? All kidding aside, this is the e-mail that our social planner Nazi sent out about our Pot Luck action tomorrow... "In order to accommodate all the food that will be brought in tomorrow, we will need to clean the fridge this afternoon. Please check to make sure all your items are thrown out or marked accordingly by 3:00PM. Breakfast food will be placed in the Irvine room first thing in the morning and will be there until 9:30. At 10:00-11:30 the dips, cheese, crackers and veggies along with soda & ice will be brought into the room. Lunch will be at 11:45-2:30 Dessert will also be brought into the room at 12:00PM and remain until 3:30 Please keep your food with you until it’s time to place in the Irvine room. I will announce the times and removal of courses. We will all help with the cleanup and make it a great feast for all to enjoy. Thank you, Xxxxxxxx Xxxxxxx Business Name Here XXX-XXX-XXXX" Now, personally, I try to wait until the cows have finished their initial gorge-fest (that way I get to keep all my appendages). Then I move in like a jackal and feast on the scraps. |
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Posted: 12/20/2005 11:37:39 AM EDT
[#13]
Yes, and if you don't bring food for the fodder, then you can't partake. Way to embrace the holiday season of sharing. assmonkeys.
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Posted: 12/20/2005 11:41:34 AM EDT
[#14]
I consider myself the "hawk" of the grazing table.
First I walk buy pretending not to notice the food, yet memorizing every dish and location. Then I swoop back the other way grabbing an entire ham, chicken wing platter, or box of donuts and carry my prey into the cubical. After devouring the entire ham, chicken wing platter or box of donuts, I return the empty container giving the owner a well deserved feeling of "wow, my stuff went over well". This methods keeps me from being trampled by the herd and allows me to eat casually. |
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Posted: 12/20/2005 11:44:05 AM EDT
[#15]
Update.. I have done a bit of looking and found a salsa without the damn fruit in it.. But its not hot, Its a lot like eating tomato sauce. Doesn't anyone in Oregon know how to make a good salsa! I was told not to bring any of mine anymore since they had to take that one gal to the hospital.
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Posted: 12/20/2005 11:46:45 AM EDT
[#16]
Who wants to share assmonkeys? |
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Posted: 12/20/2005 11:48:41 AM EDT
[#17]
The Russians did at one time! |
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Posted: 12/20/2005 11:51:43 AM EDT
[#18]
Assmonkeys need to be deep tissue marinaded for at least 24 hours prior to cooking. |
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Posted: 12/20/2005 11:52:03 AM EDT
[#19]
What is even worse is to be in the head and see those assholes walk out without washing their hands. They then proceed directly to the kitchen and handle food, drink machines, and each other. The rest of use are trying to find a way to make it obvious that this is not appreciated, especially on pot luck days.
I am almost to the point of saying something on the PA. I think something along the lines of Hey, _________ you forgot to wash your hands after using the bathroom. Jerk. |
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Posted: 12/20/2005 11:52:04 AM EDT
[#20]
Probably the same kind of sick bastard that puts beans in chili. Ick. |
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Posted: 12/20/2005 11:52:58 AM EDT
[#21]
Asshole! I just spat weak salsa and chips all over my keyboard! |
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Posted: 12/20/2005 11:54:07 AM EDT
[#22]
1. There's nothing more satisfying than hearing your name being cursed as the person you afflicted with either chili or salsa is wheeled away. 2. Move to FL dude, we've got more than enough Guatamalans, Mexicans, and Cubans, I'm sure you'll be able to find a spicy concoction somewhere. Fruit in salsa, frickin typical. |
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Posted: 12/20/2005 11:54:54 AM EDT
[#23]
good post!
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Posted: 12/20/2005 1:15:38 PM EDT
[#24]
As a potluck buffet molester, I must tag this thread.
And I dont go with a group when grabbing the food, I only scout with other lowly coworkers (maybe grabbing one or two small cookies), then return for the alpha strike solo. That way they cant rat me out as eating all the good food at a staff meeting.  Kharn |
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Posted: 12/20/2005 1:19:52 PM EDT
[#25]
It's not good salsa unless it burns going down and burns coming out. |
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Posted: 12/20/2005 1:22:14 PM EDT
[#26]
Now papaya is outstanding...but yes, pineapple is worthy of two to the chest, one to the head. |
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Posted: 12/20/2005 8:44:16 PM EDT
[#27]
So instead of RealTree camo, you've got Xerox? 
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Posted: 12/20/2005 9:17:39 PM EDT
[#28]
absolute worst. I see this all the time. Seems to be prevalent in every office. And the ***holes who won't wash their hands are the ones double dipping and noodling around in the freaking food. I refuse to eat any food at an office I didn't see prepared myself. We "solved" the whole outing of the non-handwashers at my old company in a nice way. A few of us were bitching about non-washers and there were a few repeat offenders. I got the great idea to start an email spoof from the bathroom genie about who wasn't doing it. After our first couple of spoofed emails from the bathroom genie to the entire company urging employees to wash their damn hands and naming a few names explicitly, people got to studiously washing their hands whenever they went in there. Like they should. I should start doing this at my current job..... |
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Posted: 12/20/2005 9:30:17 PM EDT
[#29]
 that's horrible!
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Posted: 12/20/2005 9:49:02 PM EDT
[#30]
Ok that's just sigline material right there. |
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Posted: 12/20/2005 10:55:54 PM EDT
[#31]
Hey, if your salsa is that hot....How can I get some?? Seriously. No Expert |
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Posted: 12/20/2005 11:14:54 PM EDT
[#32]
Luckily I was not in the process of eating or drinking when I read that.
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Posted: 12/21/2005 5:44:21 AM EDT
[#33]
Well it will have to be a FFL to FFL transfer with a 4473. I don't want any children injured or maimed. |
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Posted: 12/21/2005 7:35:44 AM EDT
[#34]
Get to work!
no wonder the chinese will be taking us over. |
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Posted: 12/21/2005 7:43:37 AM EDT
[#35]
Work I am working.. Just multi-tasking! |
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Posted: 12/21/2005 7:53:32 AM EDT
[#36]
It sounds like your talking about my office building. Put a dish of candy out in the breakroom around here and it disappears almost immediately. It's like the air in there has some sort of degrading quality to it that dissolves candy.
I haven't attended a Christmas (err, excuse me, Holiday) dinner here since I came to work here five years ago. Out of all the people that are employed here less than ten will actually speak to you. And who the hell puts fruit in salsa??? That is worthy of a complete ass-kicking. I belive I'd draw down on someone if I found fruit in my salsa. |
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Posted: 12/21/2005 8:37:36 AM EDT
[#37]
It's hard to imagine morale that high around here. We had a crappy holiday potluck organized by the office admistrator for 100 people that virtually no one participated in and consisted entirely of store-bought cookies. It was held downstairs. My boss handed out modest gifts to his reports. Other than that there have been no holiday decorations or treats. There are several sign up sheets to pay $100 for some carmel covered popcorn or other such treat.
Certainly, after Christmas, there will be plates full of bad, stale leftovers dumped on the counters. I sometimes toss these in the garbage to prevent myself and others from being tempted to eat crisco covered with powdered sugar. One of these days, I'm going to bring in the scraps from my dinner and put them on the counter next to someone's leftover, brown guacamole from yesterday's meeting. |
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Posted: 12/21/2005 8:44:12 AM EDT
[#38]
Update!!!
Well they brought out the cakes and cookies today. This has lured in a whole new group of animals! I'm seeing hippos and elephants nonchalanty grazing, they do not seem threatened or as jumpy as the ones I saw yesterday. The planes game on teh other hand does to seem to impressed with the sugary treats. Ill keep looking today I hope to bag an assmoney for Stealth! He keeps wanting to try out this new deep tissue marinade he has... Ooo this just in!! The CEO stopped by my blind and thought he would wish me a merry x-mas, and handed me a $50 gift card to Fred Meyer! WOW! Now I can get that liver transplant that I do so needed! Or a couple boxes of fine wine.. |
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Posted: 12/21/2005 10:45:42 AM EDT
[#39]
Yo! Save me some cake. Okay?
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Posted: 12/21/2005 10:53:14 AM EDT
[#40]
Better yet I have captured you a assmonkey! I hope I can keep it fresh for ya! See ya on Sat! |
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Posted: 12/21/2005 11:02:55 AM EDT
[#41]
Update!!!
Well they brought out the cakes and cookies today. This has lured in a whole new group of animals! I'm seeing hippos and elephants nonchalanty grazing, they do not seem threatened or as jumpy as the ones I saw yesterday. The planes game on teh other hand does to seem to impressed with the sugary treats. Ill keep looking today I hope to bag an assmoney for Stealth! He keeps wanting to try out this new deep tissue marinade he has... Ooo this just in!! The CEO stopped by my blind and thought he would wish me a merry x-mas, and handed me a $50 gift card to Fred Meyer! WOW! Now I can get that liver transplant that I do so needed! Or a couple boxes of fine wine.. Fifty more than I got! |
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Posted: 12/21/2005 11:07:38 AM EDT
[#42]
So your assmonkey trap worked as planned. Good to hear.
It better not get overcooked like last year. There's nothing worse than a crispy flaming assmonkey for Christmas dinner. |
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Posted: 12/21/2005 11:17:42 AM EDT
[#43]
Alright McNasty...you asked for it.
  ...hope you're happy. I almost paid for these with my life. |
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Posted: 12/21/2005 11:18:14 AM EDT
[#44]
Fred Meyer=IIRC a grocery store right? Your boss has fine taste 
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Posted: 12/21/2005 11:22:03 AM EDT
[#45]
I'm beginning to wonder if the 416 RemMag is underpowered. |
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Posted: 12/21/2005 11:25:32 AM EDT
[#46]
Dude those hot blonde ones. Don't catch and release them. Bag em and stuff em. 
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Posted: 12/21/2005 11:27:33 AM EDT
[#47]
You definately live up to your screen name.
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Posted: 12/21/2005 11:27:40 AM EDT
[#48]
See! See I told you to go with the .460 Wby Mag! And Yes Fred Meyer is a higher class version of a super walmart. Thank you posterchild, for the great nature shots! I hope you were not seen from behind your blind! |
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Posted: 12/21/2005 11:29:30 AM EDT
[#49]
That's pretty funny ..
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Posted: 12/21/2005 11:30:09 AM EDT
[#50]
A family friend works for a large insurance company and marvels at how her coworkers act in these situations.
Many of them keep large, styrofoam carry out containers at their desk and will take as much as they can get home with them, or will make two plates and conver one with foil, or try the old "I'm getting a plate for so and so" routine, then "so and so" will be in line getting their own food a minute later. ' |
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