hear a snort behind me. A glance out of the corner of my eye tells me that the tool guy, probably at the direction of his boss, is following me. This is getting interesting.
Kitty whips a U-turn and we’re back in the main aisle, still headed for lumber.
We’re now dead center in the main aisle and ahead of us is one of those dopey signs announcing some type of sale. The frame of the sign is like an upturned U with a crossbar in the center, below the sign is a two-foot square hole. Of course, Kitty makes a beeline for it. Straight through the hole. I feel the obstacle with my cane, shove my cane in my belt, and gingerly feel the rim of the hole. I get down on my belly and crawl through and get up again.
I shortened up the leash and picked up Kitty.
“Next time you pull that stunt,” I tell him. “I’m going to replace you with a German Shepherd and take you straight to a Chinese Restaurant! Chin Ho offered me two fifty a pound for your sorry ass!”
The woman beside me looks pretty shaken. She’s probably a cat owner.
I put kitty down, he heads down another aisle, cutting the corner again, and I promptly run into a display and knock out the corner of it. There is now a pile of tape measures on the floor.
“I’ll get it,” says the kid shadowing me.
Kitty gets more threats, whips another U-turn, and we’re off toward the lumber department.
By now, at least a dozen people are shadowing me. Some are amused, but most of them are looking out for my welfare. A management type seems to have figured me out, but dares not say or do anything, lest he be pounced on by an angry mob that will insist that kitty really is a Seeing Eye cat.
A kid of about twelve or thirteen asks me a question.
“Hey, Mister, were you born blind, or did you have an accident?” he asks.
“What?”
“What made you go blind?”
“Masturbation,” I reply, seriously. “I didn’t believe the Nuns at school, but it really does make you go blind.”
The kid pales and takes off. Probably a St Ignatius kid.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see a guy about 40 trying not to pee his pants. Laughing his ass off, he says, “You probably ruined him for life.”
We move on. Nearing the lumber department, I hear a voice. “Piccolo, is that you?”
I ignore him. Dammit! Ratted out by a fellow ARFCOM member! Now I wish I had brought my chain saw! I’d cut the bastard lips to hips! So I ignore him.
At the lumber department is a huge, wide open door, and kitty makes a beeline for it. Out we go and I shorten leash and we head for the pickup.