Flashlight,

Greetings from StL.  Here's my $.02 worth, please don't take it the wrong way.
Want lot's of friends?  Be a good listener and empathetic. It's more than just communicating to other people. Avoid the "I" word. Don't be negative or condescending to others.  Common problem with well educated people.
You  should start practicing this with your wife. Obviously she still loves you, she's still there!!!

Cool - I'll be passing through Jeff City tomorrow on the way to Tan-Tar-A at Lake of the Ozarks, where there is a networking reception for small/solo law practices.  Do you ever go to Fingerlakes state park shooting range just north of Columbia?

This brought a smile to my face - my master's degree is in counseling, and one of my online names on other bbs's is "Captain Empathy"

People do tend to like me because I'm usually pretty quiet and I'm a good listener, at least most of the time.  



I can safely say I'm not negative or condescending towards people who may not be as educated as me.  Frankly, despite all my higher education, I don't feel very intelligent most of the time.  It's funny that some here have jokingly referred to me as an egghead, because that's the last thing I would consider myself.  Believe me, I don't sit and read physics books or supreme court decisions for leisure.

This is very true, and I try to keep this is mind.  But as another poster pointed out, depression is insidious - it can twist anything around to create more depression.  So when I think about people who have it tougher than me, I get more depressed because I'm such a pathetic, weak person whining about problems that aren't important.

But yes, I'm still relatively young, I have good health, I'm a few pounds overweight but I'm not butt-ugly, I'm educated.  I guess I'm not without positive aspects.

This sounds very familiar.  I don't know about testosterone levels, but I have noticed that when I go out of town to visit my parents in Oklahoma, and get away from this environment for a while, my energy level increases, I'm more alert and active during the daytime, I have energy to do household tasks, etc.  And then when I return here to Columbia, it's like night and day.  The overwhelming depression returns immediately.

I was raised as a traditional Southern Baptist.  But I stopped attending church when I went to college because I just couldn't reconcile the vicious, intolerant messages preached there on a weekly basis with the larger awareness of the world I was gaining by being away from home.  I by no means turned into some pothead hippie (I'm pretty much a boy scout in most respects).  But it's hard for me to contemplate returning to church ever since.  I've tried from time to time, but it now seems like a world that I just can't relate to anymore.

Anyway, I kind of wish that I could find some confort and solace in a belief in God.  I probably do still believe in God, I'm just not sure what form that belief takes.

In the light of day, the idea that I could harm myself seems ridiculous.  And I've lived through a lot of years of depression without ever doing anything.  But things get harder to deal with at night, which is when the worst of my depression always hits.  The pill thing was stupid, I don't know what I was doing.  I'm embarrassed by it, and I wish I hadn't mentioned it.  But I won't deny that I'm severely depressed.

Throughout my life, it has always seemed to me that I put way more effort into creating, maintaining, and holding on to friendships than the other person does.  The effort I put in never seems to get reciprocated to the same degree.  I'm tired of feeling like my presence in another person's life isn't important, that they could take me or leave me, and it wouldn't really matter either way.  I'm tired of always being the one left behind and forgotten about.  I do not trust other people anymore.  I often do not find many positive things about others, which seems strange considering I used to study to be a counselor.  Time and time again in my life, I've put effort in and all it's gotten me in the end is pissed on.

That is interesting that you were raised Southern Baptist.  I have been researching various denominations and sects on and off for years, I went up and down, back and forth in my faith and never did find anything that lined up with the simplicity of what I believed in my heart i.e. "Whosoever believes in Me shall be saved", and "I am not come for the righteous, but to call sinners to repentence".  When I was at the peak of my struggle with my divorce, I got baptized and renewed my search for a church that preaches out of the Bible and is not wrapped up in unscriptural practices of man or twisted in interpretation.  A non-denominational church near me was a starting point, then I got to hanging out with someone who was raised Southern Baptist, got into many spiritual discussions.  Turns out the Southern Baptists and I agree from a doctrine standpoint.  I attended a few Baptist churches and have been welcomed as a fellow sinner and believer in all.  The music is the best, as has been the sincerity AND the messages.  Unless you just had a bad preacher, sounds like you might have had a little bit of a thin skin.  None of us are perfect, thank God for Jesus!  The Bible tells is we are to love others, and when instructing/correcting/helping our fellow Christians, it is to be done in a spirit of love, not condemnation.  Condemnation from  Christian is a bad thing.  "He is without sin, cast the first stone".  But sometimes the truth hurts too.  Sometimes, if you aren't living right or maybe you haven't been treating your neighbor right, or (insert sinful something here) you get a message that hits ya in the gut......that's just good preachin'!
Just rememeber though, none actually have it perfect, because we are fallen human beings!

I urge you to sincerely consult God in prayer over what you are going through, and perhaps look for a more loving and sincere church home, with a good sound Minister to talk to.  He is there my friend, and if you ask Him to make His presence known in your life, He will.  I guarantee it.....and that applies to everyone.

Flashlight,

You might try hooking up with a bunch going shooting at [url=www.ar15.com/forums/topic.html?b=8&f=32&t=170622]Finger Lakes[/url] July 5th.

[b]My life is a disaster. Is there a reset button?[/b]

Sure, if you're a Hindu!
[img]http://www.click-smilie.de/sammlung/mittelgrosse/medium-smiley-124.gif[/img]

Yes, I'm in Dallas this weekend, but next weekend with be at Finger Lake range...
Go to Missouri Hometown Page, and you will find that many Mid-Mo members shoot there regularly.  I fact we are having a Independance Day Shoot on July 5th. You are more than welcome to come.
See You there.

You still haven't called me. But you have my number, so if any fits of depression hit...
ring me...

See you at the shoot...
[sniper2]

Ditto...



Dude, seems to me like you are equating you worth based on other peoples responses to you.  I am much the same as you.  I make friends easily.  Some people appreciate it; some don't.
The ones who don't - hey, that is their loss as far as I'm concerned, and they probably would not make good friends anyway.
The ones who do...
Are really GOOD friends...
yeah, they are few and far between sometimes, but that's not going to change who I am.  And it  shouldn't change you either.
You sound to me like you've got a lot going for you.  Be happy with yourself.  Not to sound cliche, but "Count you blessings"...

For starters -
1) I've got a ton of good friends on AR15.com
2) [fill in the rest; it's your story]

[sniper2]

I know several others have offered but if you need to talk IM me.

Don't let this get you down.  There is no magic reset button.  If you feel like you can't do this on your own get some help.

Where is tc6969? Flashlight, there was another like you who turned to arfcom for help. For the life of me I can't remember his full name, but his name was rob something. Anyway, tc6969 (now a moderator for his deed), met with him and they talked, and he helped rob get some professional help. There are some damn fine folks on this board. We're all here to help [:)]

Wait a minute isn't this the same The_Flashlight that was giving everyone a lot of shit last and bragging about all his degrees and being very arrogant and condescending towards everyone who disagreed with him?

[size=5][red][b]I think we have a problem Houston.[/b][/red][/size=5]

i know you already have a ton of offers to talk, a lot of us have been through exactly what you are going through now. if you need to talk, just IM ANY of us, were really here to help.

... Good catch!    [LOL]

WTF??

One day this guy's steppin all over everyone with his arrogent,superior "intellect",tryin too use his "multiple degrees" as some kinda proof of all knowing wisdom.

The next he's tryin too off himself,wisely seeking help from an anonymous internet bulletin board.[rolleyes]

What a an ass!

Is this drama queen behavior a sure sign of manic depression?