Go green: whale oil, not crude oil

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[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Go green: whale oil, not crude oil (Page 1 of 2)

Posted: 6/7/2010 6:27:49 PM EDT

My green energy solution: Factory whale farming.

We would first need to secure a large enough facility for the farm. With the recent crude oil based disaster hurting the local economy, Louisiana would be the perfect location for cheap land and labor. The New Orleans Super Dome has had a history of problems and should be closed. We should be able to purchase it for a song.

We would have to caulk the doors and ticket windows – possibly spread a layer of sealant over the entire stadium and bleacher section. There aren’t a lot of windows, so the public doesn’t have to see the slaughter house and cry about “veal production”.

Using the pre-existing pump facilities associated with the levee system, it should be easy to fill the dome with sea water. We could re-circulate the water back into the storm sewers and repeat when the smell gets bad.

The most difficult part would be catching the breeding stock of Sperm Whales. That will have to be determined later. Breeding will require large quantities of lava lamps and Berry White CDs.

Feeding will be a breeze. As Obama bows to the environmental nut-jobs and stops oil drilling in the U.S. people will need clothing. Some other ARFCOM entrepreneur will need to begin a large scale leather farm. He can supply us with dead, skinned cows to feed the sperm whales. In return, we’ll provide him ground up whale meat for fertilizer and animal feed.

According to http://iwcoffice.org/conservation/lives.htm

SPERM WHALES

The sperm whale differs in many respects from the baleen whales. In particular, like the small cetaceans, they do not have baleen plates in the mouth but have teeth (hence the scientific name of the suborder: Odontoceti). Male sperm whales grow much larger than the females, up to 18m (60ft) in length and 70 tons in weight compared to 11.5m (38ft) and 17 tons. The single young is carried for 14-15 months by the mother, the calf is then suckled for about two years and a resting period completes the normal four year breeding cycle. Sperm whales do not carry out the regular annual migrations between the warmer and colder seas characteristic of the baleen whales, although there are regular seasonal shifts of the sperm whale populations. The females, juveniles and small males swim about in nursery groups numbering 10, 20 or more animals and they remain in temperate waters all the year round. During the winter breeding season they are joined for a time by one or more large males. Medium sized males tend to swim together in groups of half a dozen in the temperate waters, but the biggest males are rather more solitary. It is only the big male sperm whales which penetrate into the polar seas.

Sperm whale diet consists mainly of squids, which are swallowed whole, and fish are also eaten in some areas of the world. A large male sperm whale will eat about one and a third tons of food a day, although a female only requires a quarter of this amount.

The teeth of the sperm whale can be used to find the age of the animal. They are composed largely of dentine, which is deposited in a series of annual layers. The teeth are sawn in half lengthways and etched with acid to help distinguish between the different layers. The layer counts show that sperm whales live for up to 60+ years.

That Tells me we need one large bull and a dozen females every 50 years or so. We can turn a huge profit every 4 years with the young ones.

According to http://www.whaleworld.org/About_Whale_World/Whaling_History/Whale_Products/we can harvest the following:

The products of a sperm whale had a wide variety of uses. Spermaceti, the waxy material that fills most of the whale's bulbous head, was used for candles; soap; polish' cosmetic creams' and medical ointments.

In the old days, Sperm oil was particularly used for fuelling domestic oil lamps as it burns cleanly and without odour, until mineral oils and coal gas took over in the last century.

This century, sperm oil became very important in industry. It was most valued as an excellent lubricant which maintains its viscosity characteristics through a greater temperature range, and under greater pressure, than any mineral oil. It was therefore ideal for automotive transmission fluids, and as an aircraft engine oil, for it resists freezing well. The nearest substitute for sperm oil is jojoba oil, produced from the seeds of a shrub originating in the Sonora Desert in Mexico; but this cannot yet be produced in competitive commercial quantities.

Sperm oil, being very fine and free of mineral impurities, is excellent as a lubricant and antioxidant (rust preventative) for jewellery, watches and clock mechanisms, It was used for tanning fine leather and in detergents and dyes for the woollen and textile industries. It was also used in some cosmetic and pharmaceutical products.

The meat of the sperm whale is stronger than that of the baleen whales and not generally suitable for human consumption. Instead it was processed into whalemeal and used as a stock feed additive.

Ambergris is produced in the hindgut of the sperm whale which is a black, semi-viscous liquid which forms around the indigestible squid beaks. On exposure to sunlight and air, it quickly oxidizes and hardens to a pleasantly aromatic, marbled, grayish, waxy substance in which the squid beaks are still embedded.

When warmed it produces a very pleasant, mild, sweet, earthy aroma. From ancient times it has been used in the West as a fixative for rare perfumes since it has the effect of making other perfumes last much longer than they would. It is said that a single drop of ambergris applied to a paper and placed in a book will remain fragrant after 40 years and that once handled, the fingers will smell of it even after several days and several washings.

Usage of Ambergris has been known in many parts of the world as follows: Ambergris was known to Arabs as 'anbar' and was originally called amber in the West. It was used as medicine for the heart and brain. The Arabs believed that raw ambergris emanated from springs near the sea. Ancient Chinese referred to ambergris as lung sien hiang, 'dragon's spittle perfume,' because it was thought that it originated from the drooling of dragons sleeping on rocks at the edge of the sea. It is still known by this name and is used as an aphrodisiac and as a spice for food and wine. The Japanese have also known ambergris from ancient times and called it kunsurano fuu, 'whale droppings.' It was used to fix floral fragrances in perfumes. In addition to the common usage of making expensive perfumery, it has been used in the flavoring of dried fruit and tobacco.

Sperm Whale Teeth

The teeth of the sperm whale, known as sea ivory, were the raw material for ornamental carvings and for the traditional seafaring art of scrimshaw - tooth engraving. The clean tooth was polished and the design then etched in ink for emphasis.

Scrimshaw

Scrimshaw is thought to have originated in America, first practiced by sailors working on whaling ships out of New England. Sailors could be at sea for many months at a time, they needed a hobby to pass thier time away, the art of Scrimshaw was born. The word Scrimshaw is a slang expression used to refer to anything that was a product of a seaman's idle time.

Think of the awesome 1911 grips we'll be able to make!

Does anyone have a billion dollars that they want to pony up for the farm?

Posted: 6/7/2010 6:32:32 PM EDT

[#1]

YAAAARRRRRRGH!

Posted: 6/7/2010 6:35:49 PM EDT

[#2]

Posted: 6/7/2010 6:36:47 PM EDT

[#3]

Here is a picture of an AR15 Team harvesting the first crop:

The Honcho is responsible for catching the whale while looking cool in his tactical vest.

The Night Crew Drag Team will then have to pull the whale out of the pool.

Posted: 6/7/2010 6:36:55 PM EDT

[#4]

I want PMags made out of tortoise shell dammit!
And baleen bore brushes!

Posted: 6/7/2010 7:20:00 PM EDT

[#5]

Posted: 6/7/2010 7:21:31 PM EDT

[#6]

All the oil you get from them will have to come from the food you give them. They don't get fat out of thin air.

Posted: 6/7/2010 7:26:37 PM EDT

[#7]

Quoted:
All the oil you get from them will have to come from the food you give them. They don't get fat out of thin air.

Easy fix - We can feed 'em liberals!

Posted: 6/7/2010 7:30:18 PM EDT

[#8]

Quoted:

Quoted:

All the oil you get from them will have to come from the food you give them. They don't get fat out of thin air.

Easy fix - We can feed 'em liberals!

Liberals would leave a bitter taste in their mouths because liberals are full of shit.

Posted: 6/7/2010 7:31:03 PM EDT

[#9]

Quoted:

Quoted:

All the oil you get from them will have to come from the food you give them. They don't get fat out of thin air.

Easy fix - We can feed 'em liberals!

Liberals would leave a bitter taste in their mouths.

We're raising veal. You are what you eat.

Posted: 6/7/2010 7:32:24 PM EDT

[#10]

I think this idea is bold and innovative. You might have a few things you need to iron out beforehand, but overall I see very little reason why this plan would not be highly profitable.

Posted: 6/7/2010 7:35:51 PM EDT

[#11]

Quoted:
I think this idea is bold and innovative. You might have a few things you need to iron out beforehand, but overall I see very little reason why this plan would not be highly profitable.

Squid would get expensive real quick.

Posted: 6/7/2010 7:39:13 PM EDT

[#12]

Quoted:

All the oil you get from them will have to come from the food you give them. They don't get fat out of thin air.

You aren't suggesting that we hunt them in the wild, are you? That would be very un-PC of you, hunting poor little Bambi of the Sea.

Posted: 6/7/2010 7:40:46 PM EDT

[#13]

Quoted:

Quoted:

I think this idea is bold and innovative. You might have a few things you need to iron out beforehand, but overall I see very little reason why this plan would not be highly profitable.

Squid would get expensive real quick.

No, no ... when a Republican President takes over the seas will be barren of all life. We will have to feed them cows.

Posted: 6/7/2010 8:09:10 PM EDT

[#14]

I for one sir would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

Posted: 6/7/2010 8:15:40 PM EDT

[#15]

Quoted:

Quoted:
All the oil you get from them will have to come from the food you give them. They don't get fat out of thin air.

Easy fix - We can feed 'em liberals!

Liberals would leave a bitter taste in their mouths because liberals are full of shit.

OK, so we'll de-vein them beforehand!

Posted: 6/7/2010 8:20:10 PM EDT

[#16]

Quoted:

Quoted:
All the oil you get from them will have to come from the food you give them. They don't get fat out of thin air.

Easy fix - We can feed 'em liberals!

Skibane 2012.

Posted: 6/7/2010 8:36:40 PM EDT

[#17]

I feel a bit dumber for even opening this thread

Posted: 6/7/2010 8:41:12 PM EDT

[#18]

sorry this is as close as I get to going green

Posted: 6/7/2010 10:06:09 PM EDT

[#19]

I'm in for $100.

Posted: 6/7/2010 10:09:56 PM EDT

[#20]

can it be like the matrix?

Posted: 6/7/2010 10:11:00 PM EDT

[#21]

Could you build a really big ass "whale juicer" just like the ones for oranges?

Posted: 6/8/2010 1:31:41 AM EDT

[#22]

Quoted:

Could you build a really big ass "whale juicer" just like the ones for oranges?

I bet we could use the leather and bones for profit. The problem is going to be material handling. Imagine the equipment we're going to need to move a 60ft. long whale sock! You need a crane just to move the skull.

Posted: 6/8/2010 8:11:09 AM EDT

[#23]

So far I've only raised $200 and a subscription to my news letter. I may have to start by hanging drift nets in international waters and holding the whales there. It's going to be difficult taking enough cows out to feed them.

Posted: 6/8/2010 8:14:10 AM EDT

[#24]

Quoted:
Here is a picture of an AR15 Team harvesting the first crop:

http://planetviews.com/evolution/media/Michael_Spermwhale.jpg
The Honcho is responsible for catching the whale while looking cool in his tactical vest.

http://planetviews.com/evolution/media/group_pulling_Spermwhale.jpg

The Night Crew Drag Team will then have to pull the whale out of the pool.

Then we need to bring in the guys in black trench coats with swords to process the whale.

Posted: 6/8/2010 8:14:43 AM EDT

[#25]

BAM! Second Futurama reference today!

Posted: 6/8/2010 8:21:05 AM EDT

[#26]

Quoted:

Quoted:

Here is a picture of an AR15 Team harvesting the first crop:

http://planetviews.com/evolution/media/Michael_Spermwhale.jpg

The Honcho is responsible for catching the whale while looking cool in his tactical vest.

http://planetviews.com/evolution/media/group_pulling_Spermwhale.jpg

The Night Crew Drag Team will then have to pull the whale out of the pool.

Then we need to bring in the guys in black trench coats with swords to process the whale.

Unless the juicing machine works.

Hey, I wonder if we could juice a whale a little. You know, pump some oil ... give them a few days rest ... tap 'em again.

Posted: 6/8/2010 8:27:39 AM EDT

[#27]

Quoted:
All the oil you get from them will have to come from the food you give them. They don't get fat out of thin air.

Dont bring facts into this... Facts do not make us money whale oil.

Put me in charge of something.
I just want to smoke cigars and randomly fire a machine gun into the main tank.

Posted: 6/8/2010 8:30:11 AM EDT

[#28]

Posted: 6/8/2010 8:49:11 AM EDT

[#29]

Quoted:

Quoted:
Here is a picture of an AR15 Team harvesting the first crop:

http://planetviews.com/evolution/media/Michael_Spermwhale.jpg
The Honcho is responsible for catching the whale while looking cool in his tactical vest.

http://planetviews.com/evolution/media/group_pulling_Spermwhale.jpg

The Night Crew Drag Team will then have to pull the whale out of the pool.

Then we need to bring in the guys in black trench coats with swords to process the whale.

Unless the juicing machine works.

Hey, I wonder if we could juice a whale a little. You know, pump some oil ... give them a few days rest ... tap 'em again.

Seaborn lipo clinic ?

Posted: 6/8/2010 8:58:43 AM EDT

[#30]

Posted: 6/8/2010 9:00:32 AM EDT

[#31]

Quoted:
http://i47.tinypic.com/205y4n5.jpg

HAHAHA WTF is that?

Posted: 6/8/2010 9:12:45 AM EDT

[#32]

Quoted:

Quoted:
http://i47.tinypic.com/205y4n5.jpg

HAHAHA WTF is that?

That is a sperm whale who died after eating a crowd of liberal protesters that was then loaded on a truck at the scene.

Posted: 6/8/2010 9:23:48 AM EDT

[#33]

Quoted:

Quoted:
http://i47.tinypic.com/205y4n5.jpg

HAHAHA WTF is that?

A dead Sperm Whale that partially exploded because of decomposing organs.

Posted: 6/8/2010 9:36:16 AM EDT

[#34]

Quoted:

Quoted:
Could you build a really big ass "whale juicer" just like the ones for oranges?

I bet we could use the leather and bones for profit. The problem is going to be material handling. Imagine the equipment we're going to need to move a 60ft. long whale sock! You need a crane just to move the skull.

Posted: 6/8/2010 9:37:29 AM EDT

[#35]

in on one

Posted: 6/8/2010 10:18:15 AM EDT

[#36]

Quoted:

All the oil you get from them will have to come from the food you give them. They don't get fat out of thin air.

I don't believe this is true. I know women that claim to never eat anything yet still weigh 300 lbs.

Posted: 6/8/2010 10:43:20 AM EDT

[#37]

I like the idea with the stadium , I would just use it to grow algae instead .

Algae can double it's mass in 72 hours .

So if you started with 70 tons of algae that would be the equivilent of about 120 bull sperm whales a year.

Just feed it carbon dioxide and effluent from some methane digesters that are in turn fed by the solid waste from the algae after centrifuging.

All the oil is processed for biodiesel.

Posted: 6/8/2010 6:39:29 PM EDT

[#38]

Quoted:

I like the idea with the stadium , I would just use it to grow algae instead .

Algae can double it's mass in 72 hours .

So if you started with 70 tons of algae that would be the equivilent of about 120 bull sperm whales a year.

Just feed it carbon dioxide and effluent from some methane digesters that are in turn fed by the solid waste from the algae after centrifuging.

All the oil is processed for biodiesel.

Get your own stadium you pirate. This is a whaling stadium.

Posted: 6/8/2010 6:46:48 PM EDT

[#39]

Quoted:

Quoted:
I like the idea with the stadium , I would just use it to grow algae instead .

Algae can double it's mass in 72 hours .

So if you started with 70 tons of algae that would be the equivilent of about 120 bull sperm whales a year.

Just feed it carbon dioxide and effluent from some methane digesters that are in turn fed by the solid waste from the algae after centrifuging.

All the oil is processed for biodiesel.

Get your own stadium you pirate. This is a whaling stadium.

The Mariners stadium is perfect for this.

Posted: 6/8/2010 7:05:37 PM EDT

[#40]

Quoted:

Quoted:
I like the idea with the stadium , I would just use it to grow algae instead .

Algae can double it's mass in 72 hours .

So if you started with 70 tons of algae that would be the equivilent of about 120 bull sperm whales a year.

Just feed it carbon dioxide and effluent from some methane digesters that are in turn fed by the solid waste from the algae after centrifuging.

All the oil is processed for biodiesel.

Get your own stadium you pirate. This is a whaling stadium.

There will be much whaling and nashing of teef.

Posted: 6/9/2010 3:15:30 AM EDT

[#41]

SBOTD

Scrimshaw Babe of the Day

Posted: 6/9/2010 3:19:30 AM EDT

[#42]

Quoted:

Quoted:

All the oil you get from them will have to come from the food you give them. They don't get fat out of thin air.

Easy fix - We can feed 'em liberals!

Why not cut out the middle man and just render the left into oil.

Posted: 6/9/2010 5:58:16 AM EDT

[#43]

That sound you hear is the heads of exploding environmentalists.

Save the oceans from the oil companies, kill whales!

Brilliant!

Posted: 6/9/2010 6:05:15 AM EDT

[#44]

They are not the hell your whales.

Posted: 6/9/2010 5:01:44 PM EDT

[#45]

Quoted:

They are not the hell your whales.

Maybe not the first generation. But all subsequent generations are. If I can work out a deal with DrSalee for a West Coast franchise we could even get some genetic diversity. It'll be much better for business if we can breed the fatest, biggest, and slowest Sperm Whales. I think a diet rich in hormone injected beef and Keebler fed Liberals we render our veal calfs about 80% oil. There's a lot less processing necessary to produce usable oil from whales. I'd even be willing to bet that the electrical and fuel charges will be less than a similar size Crude Oil refinery. Maybe Keith J can work out some data on our expected yield.

Posted: 6/9/2010 5:07:30 PM EDT

[#46]

Quoted:

Quoted:

All the oil you get from them will have to come from the food you give them. They don't get fat out of thin air.

Easy fix - We can feed 'em liberals!

Why not cut out the middle man and just render the left into oil.

There is some real merit to this, but they are currently in charge of the U.S. Government, so I'm going to hold that card close to my chest for now. I bet we could generate popular support for rendering death row prisoners, peodophiles, serial killers, laboratory beagle farmers, and clowns.

Posted: 6/9/2010 5:13:02 PM EDT

[#47]

I'll start a sea lion farm and sell you whale chow for 5% over cost because you are an ARFCOMMER. Its for the children and energy independence dammit!

Posted: 6/9/2010 5:15:14 PM EDT

[#48]

Quoted:
All the oil you get from them will have to come from the food you give them. They don't get fat out of thin air.

Duh. Blow the levees and raise giant squid in the flooded sections of the city. Think outside the tank, man.

Posted: 6/9/2010 5:17:45 PM EDT

[#49]

Quoted:

Quoted:
Could you build a really big ass "whale juicer" just like the ones for oranges?

I bet we could use the leather and bones for profit. The problem is going to be material handling. Imagine the equipment we're going to need to move a 60ft. long whale sock! You need a crane just to move the skull.

http://i679.photobucket.com/albums/vv152/nakedprophet/mobyskull.jpg

Posted: 6/9/2010 5:24:16 PM EDT

[#50]

Quoted:

I'll start a sea lion farm and sell you whale chow for 5% over cost because you are an ARFCOMMER. Its for the children and energy independence dammit!

I'll send you the papers. I'm glad to see the idea is beginning to catch on. I think we can all profit.

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Go green: whale oil, not crude oil (Page 1 of 2)

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