There's nothing wrong with 55's. XM193 and Q3131A are good self defense rounds. There's also nothing wrong with M855's too. But don't believe everything they tell you at the gun store. There are more appropriate rounds for home defense, but it's all part of the learning process. I'm not even sure what to suggest because I focus mostly on pistol for HD. And I don't get all wrapped around the axle about what round to use. But it's good to learn about all the different choices. Run of the mill winchester white box, federal American Eagle, PMC 55 grain fmj's are good practice rounds too. Plus more.
As far as optics go... it's always nice to have a friend that would let you try different ones out. But if you don't have one that makes it tough. But yeah, if you're still young and have good eyes, there's no reason not to start with the irons. And even if you're not young, the irons on an AR are some of the best iron sighting system there is. IMHO.
I'm reading your thread because after doing a lot of iron shooting, my eyes are starting to not work as well as they used to and I'm trying to figure out what to do. I have scopes too, and those are the best for bad eyes, but they can be big and bulky and I'm trying to mull over all the different ideas. A 1-4x scope probably would be hard to beat for what you want it to do. It just adds a lot more weight than a small red dot though. But that might not be that much of an issue. It isn't for everyone.
Vortex is good stuff, from what I understand.
Lots of good folks to help here with any questions you have. Make sure you get good mags (USGI and Magpul) and oil your AR up while shooting.