Quote History Quoted:
I haven't read all the replies, this point may have been covered.
I believe it is cumulative. That may be the one that you are dwelling on, but it's because they all add up.
View Quote
NOT A COP.
I do believe this is true.
FWIW in my late 20s and early 30s I lived in Kodiak Island and between fishing, flying, drug wars, murder, suicide, just plain bad luck and general life I attended over 50 funerals and memorial services and about 3 or 4 weddings.
I wrote a post the other night and deleted it for some reason.
Oddly enough, the recurring dream I used to have was a replay that I finally went away a couple years back.
A friend blew his brains out with a shotgun. The place was considered a crime scene and I heard his father was coming to town to take his son away. I cleaned the mess up and damned near got jailed for it. I simply said it was the only decent thing to do because no father should see his son's brains splattered.
Thank God for a compassionate cop. He made it go away.
It is the craziest thing, but when the cop that tried to have me jailed for destroying a crime scene retired the dreams stopped. I got word he retired on GD and the dreams stopped.
I think the dreams were not so much the deaths I saw routinely as a younger man but the callousness of others toward it.
Shortly after the suicide, cleanup and dealing with that insensitive bastard I woke up a basket case and started blubbering. I was a real mess and it was an old harbor cop that found me and broke every bit of police work to help me.
He gave me a shoulder to cry on and went on board my boat (which I was living on at the time) and found my smokes and bottle and gave me a couple of pulls off the cognac jug and lit me a smoke. He neither drank nor smoked but simply instinctively knew what to do. It settled me down enough to get back on my feet.
The next day we both met outside the memorial service and both of us chickened out and just coulden't go in and sat there and held our own service for him. We laughed and cried.
Bottom line is this. Don't let it build up. Mourn each passing as it comes. Every single one.
Some will be a minute or two, some will take more time but DON'T LET IT BUILD UP!
If it gets to you then GET HELP.