Quoted:
cross posting this here...

the facts..married 13 years 2 8yo kids
house, still owe 50% on
my car is in my name
her car is in both of our names
she works full time, always has
i do as well, but lost my job in april, and im working short contrat stuff and dont know when that will change

Quoted:
I wish I had something profound and helpful to say, but I only have this:   A lot of Women seem to have an On/Off switch when it comes to love and marriage.   Guys tend to be more tenacious and nostalgic in trying to hold onto what they had.

Women can be loving and loyal and tolerant, until one day, Flip the Switch, it's Done.  They've moved on.

It's always seemed counter-intuitive to me, the opposite of how things are "supposed" to be, nevertheless, it's a re-occurring theme.

I honestly think it's a genetic adaptation.  Women all throughout human history had to shift love and loyalty instantly, to the Next provider, after the current one ended up dead, defeated or missing.  

I hope I'm wrong in your case.     Good luck Brother.

Quoted:


If you want to keep the marriage intact then it is on you to make it happen.



When I read this list:

i dont talk much.. never have, never will

i have a deep voice and im told i talk loud "so im told anytime im talking loud to the kids, "im yelling"...

i get hyper focused on things that interest me

i suck at showing emotion..

im a realest...

im laid back

i hate to argue or yell, but ill respond when she ramps it up..



It comes across as this is the way it is and I am not going to change.



If you don't want to change then she wins and gets the divorce that she wants.

Quoted:
cross posting this here...

the facts..
married 13 years 2 8yo kids
house, still owe 50% on
my car is in my name
her car is in both of our names
she works full time, always has
i do as well, but lost my job in april, and im working short contrat stuff and dont know when that will change

my thoughts..
i dont feel divorce is a option, because i think its bad for the kids
i also dont think the our actions are good for the kids either "we asked my daughter if she thinks we love each other, she said no and we argue a lot".
she thinks if we get a divorce she would live in the house and i would pay..
i told her it would have to be sold, since its 1/2 mine, and i would need the $ to get a new place, she thinks otherwise.

its been brought up a few times in the past, and i said no....we need to work on it..
normaly what happens is we would try and work on things, be nicer and more thoughtful to each other... this might go on for a month, or 2 then slowly things would stop
either from forgetfulness, or something might be going on that's interfering
example.. she goes to sleep at 9, i dont go to sleep till midnight or later
thats my only "free" time to watch TV, do things i need to work on or just "me" time..
so she complains that i dont go up to bed...

our personalities...
i dont talk much.. never have, never will
i have a deep voice and im told i talk loud "so im told anytime im talking loud to the kids, "im yelling"...
i get hyper focused on things that interest me
i suck at showing emotion..
im a realest...
im laid back
i hate to argue or yell, but ill respond when she ramps it up..
if i argue about something, im fine the next day.. she stews on the shit for years

she is a clean freak and says she has anxiety if the house isnt picked up..
because of this, i get chewed out if she cleans and i do anything to change that.. like leve my mail to build up on the counter... or a dish in the sink
yet with in 3 days our bathroom counter will go from clean to 80% covered with her shit
she likes to escalate things, she cant stop, if you tell her "im done talking about this, i have nothing more to say and dont want to argue" i get.... "who are you to decide when we are done?"/.....
if the kids are acting up, and 1 of us is getting to heated with them we were told to "hand" it off to the other parent to handle so we didnt loses out tempers..
thats fine, but most of the time when i try that, she will say in front of them "no, calm down and you handle it.." and only escalates the issue...

we have done counseling in the past, 2 different places. shes goes in thinking everything is me, the counselors tell here no, im not the root of all problems..
the problem is she cant drop the past, and will bring it up when ever she gets angry, insecure or paranoid...
say they tell us to work of 4 things, and i do 3, then she says im doing nothing..
or, she will do nothing, saying she wants to see it from me 1st.... and after so long of me seeing nothing in return from her, i give up.

"kids in another room when this happens"

so... this got brought up tonight because this happened...
i come home from work, she says the stuff in the freezer in soft... find out our fridge took a shit "i have no $$ to buy a new"
so i start to move shit to a freezer in the garage..
her moms little shit dog who we watch when shes at work likes to attack my dog if it gets anywhere near her and knocks my dog down.. my dog is 18+, 1/2 blind and has trouble walking.. this pisses me the fuck off

so... as im heading to the freezer her shit dog attacks my dog again.. im not sticking my hand near the little fuck to get bit, so i put my foot between the 2 and give her a good shove and say " get the F away"..

the wife says why did i kick her.. i say i didnt, if i hand kicked here she would have yelped and bounced off the wall "its a shih tzu"i get called a liar and then she says "im going to tell my mom you did that"

so i respond in kind with some "choice" words.... when i walk back in from the garage, she tosses shit from the freezer at me as i open the door... so i respond with a whole bunch of colorful words

i would like for things to be batter and stay that way.... not keep slipping back to old habits...

ideas? suggestions? resources?

Quoted:
G
eTt a good attorney.

Quoted:
Get the divorce.  Sounds like irreconcilable differences.

Quoted:
I wish I had something profound and helpful to say, but I only have this:   A lot of Women seem to have an On/Off switch when it comes to love and marriage.   Guys tend to be more tenacious and nostalgic in trying to hold onto what they had.

Women can be loving and loyal and tolerant, until one day, Flip the Switch, it's Done.  They've moved on.

It's always seemed counter-intuitive to me, the opposite of how things are "supposed" to be, nevertheless, it's a re-occurring theme.

I honestly think it's a genetic adaptation.  Women all throughout human history had to shift love and loyalty instantly, to the Next provider, after the current one ended up dead, defeated or missing.  

I hope I'm wrong in your case.     Good luck Brother.

Quoted:
Get a good attorney.

Quoted:
Sounds like you could make it work to me. No one has cheated on the other and the fights sound minor. I'd start by giving up your free time and going to bed with her. I'd also stop fighting over cleaning the house. I fight with my wife over the same thing it never leads to anything good. Easier just to cleanup than go around angry thinking the other person didn't do enough. If you try to keep score about who does more work it's always going to lead to fights. At least it does for me.

Quoted:
Eject !

Quoted:
Sorry to say, but it takes two to tango.  If she wants a divorce, she will get a divorce one way or another.

The first thing is to get a lawyer.  Second thing is to get all your guns in the custody of a friend or family member.

What happens to property and custody depends very much on the state.  In my state, it really doesn't matter whose name is on items.  The court cannot change title, but it can make monetary awards to the other spouse.  My state is also favors joint physical custody, and that is what you get unless there are extraordinary circumstances warranting sole physical.

Do not move out unless you have spoken with an attorney, and he approves of your plan.  You may be in for combat.  I refused to move out of "our" house, and the ex filed a half dozen or more DV and criminal charges against me.  I was living in the house, and I had to be aware of where she was.  I was hunted in my own house.  She was looking for a chance to stage a fall, or some incident, where she could call the cops.  When that didn't happen, she called the cops anyway.  It was 10s of thousands to fight just those, and the cost of the divorce was change less than 200k. The case went to the Court of Special Appeals.  The decision, including the dissent, was 125 pages long.  But, I got use and possession of the family home and vehicles, kept most of my assets and got sole legal and physical custody of my two sons.  She even paid me child support, and very regularly I might add.  At the end of three years, I purchased her half of the house.

We had everything in the case, murder of an expert witness, disbarment, rape allegations and bankruptcy.  It was quite a ride.
These are discussions you should be having with your lawyer.

Quoted:
OP,

if you want the marriage to work, then work for it.


there are worse things than getting to bed early and picking up after yourself.

Quoted:
She already has a lawyer or has atleast consulted with one.

Quoted:


I'll tell you what I avoid -- and that's "trial" in front of the former domestic equity masters, now called magistrates.  What a convocation of clowns.  We made sure that case was tried before a real circuit court judge, and a woman no less.  She saw right through the ex in a way that a male would not have.  I knew of the judge before my trial, but I had only one minor matter in front of her before the trial, and nothing since.

My decision was unreported, and I have misplaced the decision.  I would actually like to find a copy for my own reasons.  If I do, I will send you a copy.  You will not believe it.  It's like a novel.