... that you most enjoyed, loved, appreciated, valued, and so on?

I'm the father of three amazing girls.  I realize that most parents have a strong bias for their own children, but my daughters really are extraordinary individuals and I want to be the best dad I can be for them.

So, what was it about your dad that stood out for you? What do you remember most about him? What did he do while raising you that helped you as you became a teenager and then an adult?

I also understand that not every woman may have had the best relationship with their dad.  And while I appreciate having the opportunity to learn from the mistakes of others, I'm mainly interested in knowing what your dad did right, if at all possible.

What about him has had a lasting, positive impact on your life?  How did he influence you in ways that were good?  What ways did he help you become strong or confident? If you could go back in time, what tips would give your dad to help him do a better job of raising you?

What words of wisdom did he give you that you've held on to?

I have a bunch of respect for the ladies here; and as a result, I can't help but think that most of you have dads who did some things right.

So, I'd be grateful if you'd share with me a little bit about your relationship with your dad so that I can grow as a father for my daughters.

Sorry, can't help you there. Mine was, and continues to be, a waste of oxygen.

Sorry to hear that, Marie. That sucks.

But I've read enough of your posts to know that you seem to be doing quite well, regardless.

My dad should never have had kids. They couldn't afford to have us, but they did anyway. Dad was emotionally stunted and hateful. He hated gays, blacks, asians... everything that wasn't caucasian male. He 'loved' animals, and yet hurt them. A dog lying in the way got a vicious kick to the ribs, a horse that didn't want a bridle ended up being forced to wear the bridle for two days. He once decided to teach me a lesson about life and death and had my brother kill several of my pet chickens... then made me sit at the table and watch him eat my former pets.

In many ways, he was a really awful human being. He beat all of us, but my older sister got the worst of it. She ran away at 12, to a cop's house, after dad beat her soundly while she was recovering from a broken tailbone, and then locked her in the camper on the truck. Social Services would have taken us away, if not for the fact there were no visible marks on the rest of us at the time. He sent my sister to live with mom's parent's, and didn't allow me to talk to her until I was 14.

All that said, there are some things I remember about him that I admired. Stealing was a HUGE no no in our family. If I stole something from my brother, dad would take something of mine and destroy it. I hated him for it then, but I am grateful for that lesson as an adult.

He worked hard. He worked SO hard. 14 - 16 hour days, more often than not, breaking his body to feed his family. I learned the value of hard work, and to have pride in the things that I do.

It's hard to really come up with much more than that. I won't let distance and time create misplaced fondness in my heart. He was what he was, and the best was made of it. I have a sister who is still a bit of a mess, a brother who killed himself, and the younger ones fared a little better.

I lost my dad when I was 15, so my memories of him have faded quite a bit.

What I do remember is that he was a loving and kind father. We did everything together and he never got impatient with me. He taught me many valuable things; how to change a tire, air up a flat, check my oil;  how to use basic tools, how to use a lawn mower and how to plant a garden.

He also taught me to not take myself too seriously. There was always some kind of joke being told or some practical joke going on at home. Smiling and laughing was a daily activity.

Oh, and he also taught me how to read a map (hence my good sense of direction ).

Wow ... some of what you described about your dad is pretty heavy, XCR.  Also, very sorry about your brother. I remember reading about that here, so I'm (a little) familiar with what happened.

Is there currently any contact between you/your siblings and your dad, or do you not want anything to do with him?

Your dad sounds like he was a good man.

And I think humor is one of the key ingredients in the making of a happy home.

I still talk to dad. As an adult he considers me his golden child. I'm the only one he listens to. I maintain a relationship because I wouldn't want to miss out on my siblings growing up, or talking to mom. I love my mother. In every way he failed, she came through. So it wasn't all bad.

Thank you.

Like XCR, I learned the value of hard work, but that's about the only positive thing I can say. Alcohol tends to turn people into <CoC violation>. I've not seen my parents in more than 10 years. My life is much less stressful, plus the fact that I live two states away.

My dad died when I was 18 months old, so I can't answer your question.

However, I can tell you about my daughter's father. He is the best father I have ever witnessed. If she needs something, he's there. No complaints, just does it without prompting. If he has to leave for awhile, he leaves shirts that still smell like him since she prefers to snuggle with Daddy when she sleeps. He sings to her, and tells her about how diesel engines work.

I will enjoy watching their relationship grow.

One big thing is I don't have to sacrifice my stress free happy life for anyone.

Wow.... I don't even know where to start with my dad.





He was an amazing father and friend.  He taught me that family is everything, and about unconditional love.  I knew that I could tell my dad anything, and he'd still love me.  Don't get me wrong... he was also a disciplinarian when needed.  I got my butt whooped more than once when I was growing up.





He knew how to show affection, and wasn't afraid to put his arm around me or hug me, even in public.  As a young kid, I loved to sit with him on the couch and watch TV and rest my head on his shoulder.  I knew that he was the strongest and smartest man in the world, and that as long as he was around, nothing and no one would hurt any of us.





He was incredibly capable.  It seemed like he could build just about anything, and repair just about anything.  His head was full of the craziest random facts too.  If we didn't know the answer to something, we knew that Dad would know.





He taught me about work ethic.  I watched him work 3 jobs at a time in order to support the family, but when he was home, it was OUR time.  He always managed to find time to help out with my brothers' Pinewood Derbies, and take my sisters and I to Daddy-Daughter Dances.  We never had much money.... I grew up wearing hand-me-downs, and we struggled to make ends meet, but he taught us that character was more important than money.





He taught me that I could be a strong, independent, and intelligent woman.  He demanded that I know how to change a tire before I'd be allowed to get my drivers license.  He taught me to expect respect from men, and to treat others with respect too.  He expected me to get good grades in school, and to go to college (even though he was never able to finish his own degree).  He wanted to make sure that I'd have all of the opportunities I wanted, but also made sure I knew that I'd have to work my ass off to earn them and pay for them myself.





I know he was proud of me and what I was doing.  I remember showing up on the ambulance one day to run a cardiac arrest at his place of work.  He stood there and did crowd control while we worked on the patient, and I could hear him bragging- saying, "That's my daughter there."





I lost my dad 15 years ago, the day after my birthday.  I'm one of the lucky ones, because my husband is the only man I've ever known who could meet up to the expectations that I had for my future spouse.... and I had such high expectations because my dad was such a great example of love and strength.  I still miss my daddy though.  He would have been such a great grandpa to our kids, and it breaks my heart that my kids never got to meet him, and will probably never understand what an awesome grandpa they had.  He wasn't perfect by any means.  I didn't mention any of his faults, but now that he's gone, it's funny that I hardly remember him.  The good so far outweighed any bad.  Yep, I miss him.

 

BH;

 Don't ask me about my mom though.... she and I are as different as day and night and while I love her, we're not close at all.  I was always a daddy's girl.

My dad has a tireless work ethic. Shit needs to be done, he does it. He doesn't half ass it either - though it may not be the best - it is his best (he even irritates me from time to time, to the best of his abilities). When his #1(that's me - the first girl) came crying about some boy - he had a shoulder to lean on and was willing to help anyway he could with lots of hugs (and we sooo don't hug).  From providing a roof to sleep under until things smoothed out or a shovel to bury a body.  Why? Well, because he is my dad.

My dad is an amazing man, role model, provider and leader. He was a teacher and eventually became a Principal and when I was younger I hated being in that spotlight however I was never treated any differently than any other child in the school.

The thing I remember most is my dads work ethic. He worked a full time job and had side projects however he always took the time to teach me and my brother and sister his skills. I learned to frame a house, lay carpet, put down tile, hang sheet rock and many other valuable things that have come in handy in my adult life. I will always be thankful for my dad taking the time to teach.

Also because of the type of husband and father  he was I learned very early not to settle when it came to picking boyfriends and eventually a husband. I knew that I wanted the man I married to be like the type of man was dad is. I choose well my husband and my dad are very much alike and get along great. I never settled for a guy who didn't treat me as well as my dad taught me I should be treated. That to me is probably one of the most important lessons a dad can teach a daughter.

This is why I am having a hard time contributing to this thread...BH and I seem to have had the same dad.

 

Thanks for all the input, everyone.  It's interesting to read about y'alls different experiences; and there seems to be some "common denominators" that are starting to emerge from the posts.

Anyone else who would care to share, please feel free to continue ...

The most memorable thing my dad ever said to me was "You're old enough to make your own mistakes". I couldn't tell you what it was pertaining to, but it's stuck with me. He's taught me that while it's important to be self sufficient and independent: it's ok to ask for help, it's even better to be inquisitive, and it's paramount to be resilient.

My dad being a preacher was pretty hard on my brother and I. Although he was very strict I did learn a lot from him.
I feel like I am a stronger person because of him. No matter what I did or do to this day, he loves me no matter what.

Mine is a lot like BH describes hers too.  I am lucky to still have mine.  

I am the only daughter, with three brothers.  Dad never minded me hanging out in the shop and showing me how to use power tools just like the boys.  He also didn't mind making me mow the grass if I asked for $5 for something.  Most of all what I value as priceless from my father is that he's always been there for me and has unconditionally accepted me no matter what.  Even when I started getting tattoos.

The thing I learned from my daddy that has stuck with me is the ability to clearly and intelligently discuss an issue. He never treated any of us like we didn't understand and disliked physical violence. He felt that if you couldn't win an argument with words, then perhaps you needed to re-evaluate your stance on the subject. He was even handed and fair, though strict.

Another thing he did was to never praise my appearance first. He was quick to praise my mind and my achievements, but treated appearance as sort of an afterthought. He encouraged me to try things out and find out what I was good at. He never told me I couldn't do something because I was tiny or female or any of that nonsense. And I was never "Daddy's Princess".

I adored my father, he was kind, funny and tried very hard to teach me something every chance he had.  He let me have my first .22 rifle, a bolt action single shot, and then a Jr. .410 single shot when I turned 12 (if I remember correctly) and a little later that year he died at 46.  That's it for my story.

Mine as well.

Got my first a month after dad passed...I figure it gives us something to argue about in the afterlife...

 

I know this thread is a little old, but it's the reason I finally joined.

My father started my love of guns at an early age.  They were always loaded in the house but we knew not to touch them.  Really they were nothing special to me because they were there, much like a glass of water.  He would take me shooting on his friends land and that was my best memories of him, our father daughter time.   About the time I hit my teenage years it went downhill, maybe because I finally understood how he treated my mom.  They may not understand at the moment, but kids see everything.  IMO, married or divorced, the best thing you can show your kids is love and respect for their mother.  As well as her love and respect for their father.  

That's fantastic, Goss.  So glad that you decided to join the discussion.

Thanks a bunch for your contribution to this thread, and welcome to the site.