 ar154all
Bikini State
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Joined: Nov 2004  USA
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Posted: 7/21/2012 5:44:34 PM
THE IMAGE ABOVE IS A PAID ADVERTISEMENT Anyway; she tells me that she still has a soft spot in her heart for her 'first love'. Me: WTH???
I am thinking that I am doing something wrong in out relationship; because 'if I was fulfilling her, she would have no reason to think of any other guys; particularly her first love'. She tells me that this is 'normal' for girls to do. I say: BS. She tells me that I should talk to other women about it when their spouses are not around. I say: Thats creepy, but ARF has a Ladies Section and I can blast it out to a few hundred girls over the weekend... So, here it is.
Given the info above, am I being 'hyper sensitive' to a normal female condition? Should she just 'forget about him'? Am I being a butthole for even asking?
Bottom line: Do you have a soft spot for your first love?? Yes or No??
FWIW: We are both in our early 40s and have had several serious relationships before we got together. The Wife proofed this prior to posting. |
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strawberry_snaps
Let's do some gratuitous violence...
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Joined: Nov 2005 TX, USA
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Posted: 7/21/2012 5:49:09 PM
Originally Posted By ar154all:
So... The Wife and I have been talking a bunch about old relationships lately, kinda trying to sort out some wrinkles in our relationship. Nothing tragic, just talking, no life altering decisions will come of any of this. Anyway; she tells me that she still has a soft spot in her heart for her 'first love'. Me: WTH??? I am thinking that I am doing something wrong in out relationship; because 'if I was fulfilling her, she would have no reason to think of any other guys; particularly her first love'. She tells me that this is 'normal' for girls to do. I say: BS. She tells me that I should talk to other women about it when their spouses are not around. I say: Thats creepy, but ARF has a Ladies Section and I can blast it out to a few hundred girls over the weekend... So, here it is. Given the info above, am I being 'hyper sensitive' to a normal female condition? Should she just 'forget about him'? Am I being a butthole for even asking? Bottom line: Do you have a soft spot for your first love?? Yes or No?? FWIW: We are both in our early 40s and have had several serious relationships before we got together. The Wife proofed this prior to posting. I can only talk for myself, but I have a soft spot in my heart for the a few men that I've dated. There is a part of me that will always love my exhusband. Do I love him now? No. Don't read too much into it and be thankful that she was able to share her heart with you. Don't forget SHE CHOSE YOU!!! |
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Posted: 7/21/2012 9:39:19 PM
I've got a soft spot for a couple of people. It doesn't mean I want to be with them, or I would be.
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BeautifulStranger
The Legend
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Joined: Jul 2005 AR, USA
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Posted: 7/21/2012 9:44:56 PM
Originally Posted By Barbara:
I've got a soft spot for a couple of people. It doesn't mean I want to be with them, or I would be. This. A soft spot doesnt mean she wants to be with him. Your over thinking it. |
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Posted: 7/21/2012 10:01:31 PM
Actually, you should be more worried if she's hateful about every person she's ever had a relationship with. It either means she consistantly chose poorly, or she's the problem.
Relationships don't always work out, and a lot of times its not because you don't like, or even love each other..in time, the love fades, but the good memories don't, if that makes sense. Be glad she felt like she could explain that to you. |
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TechGal26
Plays with fiver.
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Joined: May 2006 USA
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Posted: 7/22/2012 1:15:55 AM
Originally Posted By BeautifulStranger:
Originally Posted By Barbara:
I've got a soft spot for a couple of people. It doesn't mean I want to be with them, or I would be. This. A soft spot doesnt mean she wants to be with him. Your over thinking it. Agreed. People we are involved with add to our lives in many ways. We can be thankful for the lessons we learned and those who allotted those lessons or we can be bitter about them for the rest of our lives. I doubt you would want someone who holds life in bitterness. |
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Mrs-rob944s2
Sammich Maker
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Posted: 7/22/2012 1:33:56 AM
I still have a soft spot for the first guy I really fell hard for at 18. I remember it because it was special and made an impression, but the good Lord had the foresight for him to break my heart so I'd be ready to meet my husband a few years later. Best thing that ever happened me. You never stop forgetting the people who impacted your life. Those experiences define who you are and, in your case, ultimately those experiences led your wife to YOU.
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SpeechPathJunkie
Just a girly girl
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Joined: Jan 2010 MS, USA
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Posted: 7/23/2012 8:28:37 AM
Yes, it is normal for us. First loves make a big impression on us. They show us what we want in a relationship as well as what we don't.
While, we may have a soft spot in our hearts, we move on. That is why its called a first love. It is no longer current. She is showing you a piece of her heart. A piece that taught her things. But you are who she picked to give her whole heart to. |
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SplintNicket
We are all gonna die....
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Posted: 7/23/2012 9:22:40 AM
Hmm. No, I don't.
But I'm definitely a "Live in the Now" kinda person. |
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ar154all
Bikini State
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Joined: Nov 2004 USA
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Posted: 7/23/2012 9:47:35 AM
[Last Edit: 7/23/2012 9:57:10 AM by ar154all]
For me, there has been a lot of perspective brought to me in this thread. I personally found that my past relationships eventually lead to me 'to grow' to a point where I was able to be acceptable to the woman that eventually became my Wife and bore my children. I thank God daily for the old relationships that I had; as certain lessons were learned from each of them, but I do not consider any of the people as 'lost or first loves' in so much that I think of them as specific teachers or molders of my personality. As much as I dont want to see any Human in pain or discomfort in their emotional lives, I also couldn't care less about my ex's current relationships or their happiness within said relationships. Their path-their road. I would treat them no different as a total stranger who arrived upon my doorstep needing help. I recon that if I was still emotionally invested in them; I'd still be with them. I gave my entire person (heart, body, and mind) to my Wife the day I decided to ask her to marry me (I did not ask her that day, it took some planning; of course). As far as the 'old me' goes, all other women that I knew or will know will not and cannot breach this covenant that I have with my Wife... This is why I seemed to get alarmed when she is talking about the 'soft spot' for old relationships.
Maybe its just a 'guy thing' or maybe I am a jackass.
Either way, the Wife has been doing a victory dance since last night after reading these responses.
Thanks for the replies; they have helped me. And "YES"; she did pick me; and she darn sure had many, many solid choices (some of whom are emotionally ruined because she did not choose them (seriously)). She is an amazingly beautiful woman inside and out... Now I am going to do my victory dance...
 Thank you, Ladies!!!
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XCRmonger
Wife of Compass
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Joined: Oct 2007 UT, USA
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Posted: 7/23/2012 2:00:56 PM
I think you're over-analyzing it. First love is supposed to be important. It's supposed to be a mushy memory that makes you happy. You tell your kids about it as they grow older and fall in love themselves.
First love doesn't mean great love. Everyone has their one 'great love'. That's you, ya big dummy. Now go hug your wife and quit stressing over stuff.  |
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Posted: 7/24/2012 7:17:48 PM
Originally Posted By Barbara:
<snip> the love fades, but the good memories don't, if that makes sense. This exactly.  |
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ar154all
Bikini State
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Joined: Nov 2004 USA
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Posted: 7/25/2012 1:54:15 AM
Originally Posted By MissSnW: I get it (now).Originally Posted By Barbara: <snip> the love fades, but the good memories don't, if that makes sense. This exactly.  |
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